suibrom: I expect the most expensive prime rib and the most delicious cake in the world
me: haha
are you coming? I never came to yours :/
I didn't even send a wedding gift :/
I think I was like, "You are married?" afterwards.
suibrom: haha

suibrom: yay!
I'll try not to get drunk and ruin the whole thing ;D
me: haha you'll have to bring your own. I think we'll have a little champagne but that's about it for booze
suibrom: Yeah I'm not that worried about booze
hehe
me: I just meant if you need the booze in order to make your inappropriate outbursts, you have to bring your own
suibrom: Come on
you know me better than that
I can be inappropriate stone cold sober

me: ah the old days
I swear I'm not one of those chicks who needs a man
it's just really depressing when you get to be like 24 and no one's ever been interested. You begin to wonder what's wrong with you, and why crazy Giovanni Ribisi-like dockworkers don't want you without intervention from a guy in payroll.
suibrom: Haha
just need some extra cash to lubricate the whole process
me: haha
and tears
nature's lubricant
Sent at 3:39 PM on Tuesday
suibrom: that's right
with blood being a close second
me: word
I like vomit alright
it stings the genitals
makes me feel alive
suibrom: it tingles!
also, it's chunky for her pleasure
me: you know it
"Oooh you had hot dogs"
suibrom: haha
I love the feel of processed junk on my junk
me: hahaha
Sent at 3:44 PM on Tuesday
me: Also I find I don't need as much lube when I do a dead person. I don't know if I'm just wetter cause I'm so excited or if it's the moistness of the decaying flesh, but it's true
suibrom: Too true
there's all kinds of fluids flowing when you hit up a dead person
me: you know it

suibrom: haha no way, you're never too classy for dead hooker jokes
me: cool
suibrom: in fact I think that's a mark of high society
suibrom: poor people don't make fun of hookers and their flammability
me: haha I know
suibrom: That's purely upper-crust conversation
me: I saw a bag lady, she said NOTHING about burning hookers
suibrom: Haha see?
me: I saw a hooker and she said nothing about burning hookers
but you make like twice as much moneys as I do and it's burning hooker this, burning hooker that.
suibrom: You talk about burning hookers with poor, unclassy people and they're like "FUCK YOU HO, THAT MAH SISTAH!"
me: Also you have a bidet!
either that or I used your sink wrong
haha
suibrom: Haha
So that's why my sink was full of beef stew when you left
That ain't beef stew, honey
suibrom: Still tasted good with some bread


Re: having sex in his bathroom:

me: also it was hilarious because I had been to your house before and there was cat poop on that same floor back then
suibrom: Haha
"man a cat totally shit here once, that really gets me going"
me: Haha I just remembered it while we were doing it, and almost laughed
suibrom: haha
me: "Hey Jeremy, do you know what also happens on this floor? Cat poop"
I still don't think I've ever told him that we did it where a cat pooped
though I think technically we did it in one other place a cat pooped before, his old bed. Not his current cat but his ex's cat that he took to a no kill shelter shortly after it pooped on his bed
suibrom: haha yeah I remember you telling me that story
Don't feel bad, pick a surface in my house and there's probably been cat poop on it
so you had pretty good odds, even if you didn't know about it
me: well I don't think I had added the sex part before. I don't think I've ever ended the story with, "And then two years later we did it on that bed."
haha awesome. So I've slept, eaten, bathed, played video games where cats have pooped
that's good because if you've only done it where a cat pooped, it's like a fetish
but if you do everyday things too, its just that you have a friend with poopy cats
suibrom: Haha
Me: I've actually done it where I've peed before, now that I think about it
suibrom: Yeah amy, that's where most people do it, but you don't really pee from there
me: Up until a couple years ago I had the bed from when I was little. There is a pee stain on that mattress from when I was three, and I think Josh and I had relations right on top of it.
hahaha
Now I can feel more experianced then Jeremy at something sexual. Whereas he's done it outside and in cars and stuff I never have.
but I've done it on top of a 20 year old urine stain
suibrom: Haha
and in a bathroom where a cat pooped
me: well he did too
suibrom: true
but it's another one for the list
me: haha
suibrom: And he probably didn't know it at the time
so I think you get bonus points for that
me: oh here's something creepy: Jeremy and his ex shared a hotel room with another couple once, and they totally did it right when Jeremy and his ex were in the other bed. I guess they were polite and didn't say anything, whereas I probably would've shouted, "Having fun over there?"
true. but he knew a cat had pooped on his bed when we did it on his bed
Sent at 4:32 PM on Tuesday
suibrom: Haha
So the other couple was doing it?
but they were awake?
I had a similar situation when I was dating Tori. Mike was sleeping on my floor but tori wanted to do it
me: yup
suibrom: we were quiet though and he didn't find out about it until later
me: haha
I guess if I could sleep through it I wouldn't be mad
but if I was awake and heard someone doing it I'd probably be kind of grossed out
and/or yelling some commentary
Sent at 4:35 PM on Tuesday
me: "Get it in there, Ryan! I can tell from the noises that you are working the wrong angle."
suibrom: Hahah
me: "She likes it harder!"
"Can I join in?"
suibrom: "Need me to come over there and finish your job?"
me: hahaha
"Do I have to do everything myself?"
Sent at 4:37 PM on Tuesday
suibrom: haha
or just make loud fart noises
me: hahahahahaha
well it's basically what you deserve to hear if you're doing it with Amy in the same room anyhow
some of those "noises" are going to be real farts no matter what
suibrom: haha true
that smell is like instant anti-viagra

suibrom: man my brain must not be working.. there's a water bottle in front of the tv, and I just used the mouse to try and move it

I mean, like.. moved the mouse on the screen

to try and get the bottle out of the way

if that makes any sense

me: HAHAHAHUAHAHA

what the fuck?

suibrom: haha I don't even know

my brain is tired from sickness

me: and from dumbness

and craziness

suibrom: apparently

me: I think they emphasize that with ladies (how bad the calcium thing is) because ladies have bad bones because they occaisionally host aliens in their body who also leech the calcium right out of their bones

suibrom: haha

me: but since I don't plan on doing that ever I am not as worried, though I do want to get supplements

dude seriously, pregnancy is awful. I'm glad I don't want a kid.

suibrom: you'd just end up eating it anyway

me: True, but probably not the skeleton. I need to keep something as a trophy. I'd never get my calcium back.

suibrom: you could boil the skeleton and drink the broth

me: you are smart

do you think that would get the calcium for me?

or would it be more of a marrow/meat remnants soup deal?

suibrom: hmm dunno either way it would be delicious

me: true

I will invite you over

suibrom: haha sweet!

i'll bring my baby skull bowl

me: I'm glad!
I still have to plan exactly what we're doing
maybe when I'm not so busy pooing
that rhymed, bitch!
suibrom: haha
you are a lyrical master
you'd think with all the sitting down you'd have plenty of time to
think and write ideas
me: haha
I don't think so much
as grunt
and cry a little
suibrom: so kind of like your sex life?
BOOM
me: haha
awesome burn
I'm going to have to tell Jeremy

suibrom: haha

I will tron all over

me: haha wow I've never heard tron as a euphemism for come before

suibrom: haha I figured that was the next logical step

me: do you have to yell tron as you come?

suibrom: Yes, or that I am "tronning"

me: man I have deja vu... I think I told people you have to yell tron when you come when I said I was from tron when I met your friends at the cabin

suibrom: haha you did tell that to people at the cabin

me: Should I be happy or sad that apparently sayingn tron when you come is something I must think of a lot rather than something that can only come up once a lifetime as random chance?

suibrom: it is awesome, so you should be happy

it means you're tronning a lot

me: I have to work soon :/
damn this need I have to keep myself in the style to which I have become accustomed
suibrom: what style is that?
me: cristale every night, a high class call girl on each arm and a 1994 Toyota Camry
to be seen in about town
duuuuuh
suibrom: haha
you are a classy lady
me: I know, right?
me: did I even spell cristale right?
suibrom: close enough

me: I think I used to use Shovelfist as my work password
suibrom: haha awesome
that's a good password, especially if you throw some numbers in there
and maybe an exclamation point on the end
Me: but I undo all their work by telling people my passwords
my current one is , if you'd like to hack into there later
suibrom: haha
i'm all over it
me: it can't be too hard to take down a fortune 50 company
with just the password for the lowest possible access
I can see what our HR policy is oooooooh
suibrom: it's already done, man.. you don't have a job abymore
me: aaaaaah
haha dick
that's what you'd use it for?
I repeat: dick
suibrom: If I take down the company, you probably couldn't work for them
me: oh I thought you meant you'd hack in just to send an email to the
CEO that's like, "Hi, my name is Ryan. My friend, Amy,
who works here, should be fired. She gave me her password and told me
to "take down the company." Respectfully yours, Ryan. P.S.
Got any good jobs in Vermont or wherever the hell it is my wife is
from?"
uibrom: haha
me: and yes I know it's NH
but I thought it'd be funnier if I put Vermont. Those two states
spoon each other anyway, it's almost the same
suibrom: 69'in states!
me: oh yeah it is more of a 69 than a spoon
my bad
it's hard to read state body languages sometimes, esp. if they are
frigid new england states

me: bleeeh
tell her math isn't applicable in the real world, sweep the study book off the table, and then have sex on it
suibrom: haha
i like the way you think
me: you're welcome!
or else you can say, "you don't need math to please me, baby" and then do the whole table sex thing
suibrom: "I know some math we can do TOGETHER"
me: haha "one plus one equals you and me, baby"
suibrom: word
me: now all I can think of is cheesy math related come ons
suibrom: hahah
me: let me show you MY square root
suibrom: that's all you really need isn't it?
me: true just teach her these
it'll fluster the test giver so much she can cheat and get away with it
suibrom: "Convert into complex fractions" "I'll show YOU a complex fraction"
haha by cheat you mean on the exam, not on her husband right?
me: haha the exam is what I meant
but if you were my husband I'd cheat on you too
suibrom: i know
probably with brooke



suibrom: haha probably not
maybe you can txt eachother the answers
me: haha I'm not allowed to utilize or bring any electronic communicating device, including but not limited to cell phones, mp3 players, and pagers
those bastards
Rush helps me add
Queen helps me spell
suibrom: hahah
word
me: with out Tom Sawyer I think two plus two is fifteen
without fat bottom girls I think tree is spelled Taskdjfa
suibrom: oh crap! It's not?
me: I know, right
classic rock, I need you now!
suibrom: rock out!
Sent at 10:35 AM on Friday
me: bohemian rhapsody is how I know how to spell bohemian.
and rhapsody
suibrom: haha
okay that may be valid
me:
me: modern music just isn't as educational
suibrom: how am I supposed to know how to spell when poker face is on?
I can't think about anything except stabbing lady gaga
me: hahaha