convers

2011-03-08T14:56:00.000-08:00

suibrom: I expect the most expensive prime rib and the most delicious cake in the world
me: haha
are you coming? I never came to yours :/
I didn't even send a wedding gift :/
I think I was like, "You are married?" afterwards.
suibrom: haha

suibrom: yay!
I'll try not to get drunk and ruin the whole thing ;D
me: haha you'll have to bring your own. I think we'll have a little champagne but that's about it for booze
suibrom: Yeah I'm not that worried about booze
hehe
me: I just meant if you need the booze in order to make your inappropriate outbursts, you have to bring your own
suibrom: Come on
you know me better than that
I can be inappropriate stone cold sober

me: ah the old days
I swear I'm not one of those chicks who needs a man
it's just really depressing when you get to be like 24 and no one's ever been interested. You begin to wonder what's wrong with you, and why crazy Giovanni Ribisi-like dockworkers don't want you without intervention from a guy in payroll.
suibrom: Haha
just need some extra cash to lubricate the whole process
me: haha
and tears
nature's lubricant
Sent at 3:39 PM on Tuesday
suibrom: that's right
with blood being a close second
me: word
I like vomit alright
it stings the genitals
makes me feel alive
suibrom: it tingles!
also, it's chunky for her pleasure
me: you know it
"Oooh you had hot dogs"
suibrom: haha
I love the feel of processed junk on my junk
me: hahaha
Sent at 3:44 PM on Tuesday
me: Also I find I don't need as much lube when I do a dead person. I don't know if I'm just wetter cause I'm so excited or if it's the moistness of the decaying flesh, but it's true
suibrom: Too true
there's all kinds of fluids flowing when you hit up a dead person
me: you know it

suibrom: haha no way, you're never too classy for dead hooker jokes
me: cool
suibrom: in fact I think that's a mark of high society
suibrom: poor people don't make fun of hookers and their flammability
me: haha I know
suibrom: That's purely upper-crust conversation
me: I saw a bag lady, she said NOTHING about burning hookers
suibrom: Haha see?
me: I saw a hooker and she said nothing about burning hookers
but you make like twice as much moneys as I do and it's burning hooker this, burning hooker that.
suibrom: You talk about burning hookers with poor, unclassy people and they're like "FUCK YOU HO, THAT MAH SISTAH!"
me: Also you have a bidet!
either that or I used your sink wrong
haha
suibrom: Haha
So that's why my sink was full of beef stew when you left
That ain't beef stew, honey
suibrom: Still tasted good with some bread

Re: having sex in his bathroom:

me: also it was hilarious because I had been to your house before and there was cat poop on that same floor back then
suibrom: Haha
"man a cat totally shit here once, that really gets me going"
me: Haha I just remembered it while we were doing it, and almost laughed
suibrom: haha
me: "Hey Jeremy, do you know what also happens on this floor? Cat poop"
I still don't think I've ever told him that we did it where a cat pooped
though I think technically we did it in one other place a cat pooped before, his old bed. Not his current cat but his ex's cat that he took to a no kill shelter shortly after it pooped on his bed
suibrom: haha yeah I remember you telling me that story
Don't feel bad, pick a surface in my house and there's probably been cat poop on it
so you had pretty good odds, even if you didn't know about it
me: well I don't think I had added the sex part before. I don't think I've ever ended the story with, "And then two years later we did it on that bed."
haha awesome. So I've slept, eaten, bathed, played video games where cats have pooped
that's good because if you've only done it where a cat pooped, it's like a fetish
but if you do everyday things too, its just that you have a friend with poopy cats
suibrom: Haha
Me: I've actually done it where I've peed before, now that I think about it
suibrom: Yeah amy, that's where most people do it, but you don't really pee from there
me: Up until a couple years ago I had the bed from when I was little. There is a pee stain on that mattress from when I was three, and I think Josh and I had relations right on top of it.
hahaha
Now I can feel more experianced then Jeremy at something sexual. Whereas he's done it outside and in cars and stuff I never have.
but I've done it on top of a 20 year old urine stain
suibrom: Haha
and in a bathroom where a cat pooped
me: well he did too
suibrom: true
but it's another one for the list
me: haha
suibrom: And he probably didn't know it at the time
so I think you get bonus points for that
me: oh here's something creepy: Jeremy and his ex shared a hotel room with another couple once, and they totally did it right when Jeremy and his ex were in the other bed. I guess they were polite and didn't say anything, whereas I probably would've shouted, "Having fun over there?"
true. but he knew a cat had pooped on his bed when we did it on his bed
Sent at 4:32 PM on Tuesday
suibrom: Haha
So the other couple was doing it?
but they were awake?
I had a similar situation when I was dating Tori. Mike was sleeping on my floor but tori wanted to do it
me: yup
suibrom: we were quiet though and he didn't find out about it until later
me: haha
I guess if I could sleep through it I wouldn't be mad
but if I was awake and heard someone doing it I'd probably be kind of grossed out
and/or yelling some commentary
Sent at 4:35 PM on Tuesday
me: "Get it in there, Ryan! I can tell from the noises that you are working the wrong angle."
suibrom: Hahah
me: "She likes it harder!"
"Can I join in?"
suibrom: "Need me to come over there and finish your job?"
me: hahaha
"Do I have to do everything myself?"
Sent at 4:37 PM on Tuesday
suibrom: haha
or just make loud fart noises
me: hahahahahaha
well it's basically what you deserve to hear if you're doing it with Amy in the same room anyhow
some of those "noises" are going to be real farts no matter what
suibrom: haha true
that smell is like instant anti-viagra

2011-01-15T10:50:00.001-08:00

suibrom: man my brain must not be working.. there's a water bottle in front of the tv, and I just used the mouse to try and move it

I mean, like.. moved the mouse on the screen

to try and get the bottle out of the way

if that makes any sense

me: HAHAHAHUAHAHA

what the fuck?

suibrom: haha I don't even know

my brain is tired from sickness

me: and from dumbness

and craziness

suibrom: apparently

2010-05-07T09:22:00.001-07:00

me: I think they emphasize that with ladies (how bad the calcium thing is) because ladies have bad bones because they occaisionally host aliens in their body who also leech the calcium right out of their bones

suibrom: haha

me: but since I don't plan on doing that ever I am not as worried, though I do want to get supplements

dude seriously, pregnancy is awful. I'm glad I don't want a kid.

suibrom: you'd just end up eating it anyway

me: True, but probably not the skeleton. I need to keep something as a trophy. I'd never get my calcium back.

suibrom: you could boil the skeleton and drink the broth

me: you are smart

do you think that would get the calcium for me?

or would it be more of a marrow/meat remnants soup deal?

suibrom: hmm dunno either way it would be delicious

me: true

I will invite you over

suibrom: haha sweet!

i'll bring my baby skull bowl

2010-05-05T09:28:00.000-07:00

me: I'm glad!
I still have to plan exactly what we're doing
maybe when I'm not so busy pooing
that rhymed, bitch!
suibrom: haha
you are a lyrical master
you'd think with all the sitting down you'd have plenty of time to
think and write ideas
me: haha
I don't think so much
as grunt
and cry a little
suibrom: so kind of like your sex life?
BOOM
me: haha
awesome burn
I'm going to have to tell Jeremy

2010-03-15T21:39:00.001-07:00

suibrom: haha

I will tron all over

me: haha wow I've never heard tron as a euphemism for come before

suibrom: haha I figured that was the next logical step

me: do you have to yell tron as you come?

suibrom: Yes, or that I am "tronning"

me: man I have deja vu... I think I told people you have to yell tron when you come when I said I was from tron when I met your friends at the cabin

suibrom: haha you did tell that to people at the cabin

me: Should I be happy or sad that apparently sayingn tron when you come is something I must think of a lot rather than something that can only come up once a lifetime as random chance?

suibrom: it is awesome, so you should be happy

it means you're tronning a lot

2010-03-09T12:51:00.000-08:00

me: I have to work soon :/
damn this need I have to keep myself in the style to which I have become accustomed
suibrom: what style is that?
me: cristale every night, a high class call girl on each arm and a 1994 Toyota Camry
to be seen in about town
duuuuuh
suibrom: haha
you are a classy lady
me: I know, right?
me: did I even spell cristale right?
suibrom: close enough

me: I think I used to use Shovelfist as my work password
suibrom: haha awesome
that's a good password, especially if you throw some numbers in there
and maybe an exclamation point on the end
Me: but I undo all their work by telling people my passwords
my current one is , if you'd like to hack into there later
suibrom: haha
i'm all over it
me: it can't be too hard to take down a fortune 50 company
with just the password for the lowest possible access
I can see what our HR policy is oooooooh
suibrom: it's already done, man.. you don't have a job abymore
me: aaaaaah
haha dick
that's what you'd use it for?
I repeat: dick
suibrom: If I take down the company, you probably couldn't work for them
me: oh I thought you meant you'd hack in just to send an email to the
CEO that's like, "Hi, my name is Ryan. My friend, Amy,
who works here, should be fired. She gave me her password and told me
to "take down the company." Respectfully yours, Ryan. P.S.
Got any good jobs in Vermont or wherever the hell it is my wife is
from?"
uibrom: haha
me: and yes I know it's NH
but I thought it'd be funnier if I put Vermont. Those two states
spoon each other anyway, it's almost the same
suibrom: 69'in states!
me: oh yeah it is more of a 69 than a spoon
my bad
it's hard to read state body languages sometimes, esp. if they are
frigid new england states

2010-01-29T08:42:00.000-08:00

me: bleeeh
tell her math isn't applicable in the real world, sweep the study book off the table, and then have sex on it
suibrom: haha
i like the way you think
me: you're welcome!
or else you can say, "you don't need math to please me, baby" and then do the whole table sex thing
suibrom: "I know some math we can do TOGETHER"
me: haha "one plus one equals you and me, baby"
suibrom: word
me: now all I can think of is cheesy math related come ons
suibrom: hahah
me: let me show you MY square root
suibrom: that's all you really need isn't it?
me: true just teach her these
it'll fluster the test giver so much she can cheat and get away with it
suibrom: "Convert into complex fractions" "I'll show YOU a complex fraction"
haha by cheat you mean on the exam, not on her husband right?
me: haha the exam is what I meant
but if you were my husband I'd cheat on you too
suibrom: i know
probably with brooke

suibrom: haha probably not
maybe you can txt eachother the answers
me: haha I'm not allowed to utilize or bring any electronic communicating device, including but not limited to cell phones, mp3 players, and pagers
those bastards
Rush helps me add
Queen helps me spell
suibrom: hahah
word
me: with out Tom Sawyer I think two plus two is fifteen
without fat bottom girls I think tree is spelled Taskdjfa
suibrom: oh crap! It's not?
me: I know, right
classic rock, I need you now!
suibrom: rock out!
Sent at 10:35 AM on Friday
me: bohemian rhapsody is how I know how to spell bohemian.
and rhapsody
suibrom: haha
okay that may be valid
me:
me: modern music just isn't as educational
suibrom: how am I supposed to know how to spell when poker face is on?
I can't think about anything except stabbing lady gaga
me: hahaha

2009-09-21T21:16:00.000-07:00

Jeremy: I finally finished my book today
need to decide on a new one now
me: hmmm
What about Nights in Rodanthe?
True... I like your HP fandom in that it makes me trust you
Jeremy: I think I should just burn Nights in Rodanthe
no one should be subjected to that crap
me: yay I like fire
Jeremy: yeah sadly Ben said he wants it as he sells books on-line
me: haha aww
Jeremy: so some other poor sap will get the tripe
me: you'll be sad when it turns out to be the next oprah book club book
sad that you gave it away, I mean
it's obviously a masterpiece
Jeremy: if Oprah likes it of course
I'll just have to buy another copy or 10
I love everything by the big O after all and follow her religiously
me: but of course
Jeremy: "must do what Oprah tell me"
"must eat brainzzzzz"
me: (she could be monitoring this discussion; we don't want her to think we are insolent)
I LOVE GOD EMPEROR OPRAH!
Jeremy: ALL HAIL EMPEROR OPRAH, RULER OF MULTIVERSE
me: HOORAY!
Jeremy: that is until I get close enough to kill her and become new ruler
me: shhhh
ixnay on the illingkay
Jeremy: oh right....
wait there's someone at my door
me: SHIT
RUN, JEREMY
RUN
Jeremy: too late
We have taken Jeremy
me: THE OPRAH IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE
noooo...
I'm really going to miss making out with that guy
Jeremy: He will be sent to Oprah re-education camp and will come back better then ever
in fact you'll be there with him so don't worry
knock, knock
me: OH GOD
Mission complete, fellow Oprah drone 774
Jeremy: Hello Oprah drone 774, I am #666
me: Have a pleasant day, Oprah drone 666. I trust the weather is clement?
Jeremy: very clement indeed
though I think some more fire would be nice
me: Yes. Yes. Cleansing fire.
Jeremy: indeed, must burn the unbelievers
me: You are correct, Oprah drone 666
Jeremy: yes sweet, sweet fire
me: Delicious.
Jeremy: my precciousss......
me: hahaha
Oprah drone 666, you are quoting Lord of the Rings. That is not an appropriate Oprah club book title.
Jeremy: now it is my little one
me: But that book has imagination. And no black women. How on earth does it qualify?
Jeremy: a little devil told me so
said Oprah bows to him
me: hunh
I will take your word
Jeremy: hmmmm, I appear to be malfunctioning, oh well

2009-09-14T13:13:00.000-07:00

GOWALLSGO (1:51:31 PM): going good, got our Scion back
phoemeister (1:51:36 PM): that's good
GOWALLSGO (1:51:55 PM): indeed, they cleaned the interior which it needed BADLY
phoemeister (1:52:03 PM): haha that's good
GOWALLSGO (1:52:37 PM): yeah, A's good at not mentioning the filth that builds up in the box
phoemeister (1:53:20 PM): ...but enough about your sex life

phoemeister (2:49:21 PM): I have a sneaking suspicion I'm going to get to make out on Saturday though
Suibrom (2:49:33 PM): awesome
Suibrom (2:49:36 PM): let me know how it goes
phoemeister (2:49:51 PM): haha "he did this thing, with his tongue, it's amazing, let me describe it for you"
Suibrom (2:49:58 PM): haha
Suibrom (2:50:09 PM): "Now pictue that in your vagina"
phoemeister (2:50:12 PM): HAHA
phoemeister (2:50:30 PM): but I'm going to his house and he's cooking for me. That has make out written all over it.
phoemeister (2:50:58 PM): I plan to throw all the food he worked so hard to make for me onto the floor, and then have my way with him on the kitchen table
Suibrom (2:51:11 PM): haha
Suibrom (2:51:13 PM): awesome
phoemeister (2:51:29 PM): haha just kidding I like good food more than making out
phoemeister (2:51:36 PM): haha just kidding again
Suibrom (2:51:43 PM): haha
Suibrom (2:51:46 PM): you can combine the two
Suibrom (2:51:58 PM): get naked, cover eachother in marinara, make out
phoemeister (2:53:48 PM): You know.... like, I have the jerkiest ideas of things to do, even though I don't do them. For example, he seems to resent his brother and I was like, "Man if we ever have sex I want to scream out his brother's name during." So now I just am thinking of like, going to his house with marinara, pouring it on him, and then attacking him (sexually). Just because it'd be hilarious.
Suibrom (2:54:08 PM): haha
phoemeister (2:54:17 PM): "What? Get out of my house"
phoemeister (2:54:35 PM): Hopefully I would be able to overpower him
Suibrom (2:54:59 PM): hit him in the head with the jar of sauce first
Suibrom (2:55:00 PM): then you win
phoemeister (2:55:51 PM): now I'm half tempted to send him this conversation, but I don't want to sound too confident about the make out possibilites if he wasn't wanting to

2009-08-25T21:24:00.000-07:00

Me: My uterus hurts
Me: I should've never had that sex change
Ryan: For the third time: You just need to make up your mind. Or stick to both parts.
Ryan: Then I can tell you to go f yourself and it can be a funny inside joke.
Me: Or I could tell YOU to F yourself and it would be a cool insult.
Ryan: True, because my wang is so long it reaches to my butt.
Me: Maybe you just have a freakishly short taint
Ryan: Haha how would that even work?
Me: You tell me, Tiny Taint
Ryan: God bless us, everyone.
Ryan: That was the real reason for the crutch. Hard to walk with a tiny taint.
Me: hahah you do not even want to know why scrooge has to wear the big hat
Ryan: haha no, I do not.
Me: Neither did I :(
Ryan: Show me on the doll where the scary old man touched you. Also, I may be the doll.
Me: Where is your vag?
Ryan: It's in my butt.
Me: The old man punched me in the ovaries, too
Ryan: Haha crap. This is going to suck for me. How's aunt flo doing these days?
Me: She's actually visiting today :(
Ryan: I figured as much.

2009-08-25T21:23:00.000-07:00

So.... on OKCupid, under "What I do on a Friday Night" I have:

Counting the pile of dead babies in my garage. It's actually quite time consuming, because I'll stop to masturbate and lose count. Plus I don't count very well anyway, so its this whole big frustrating thing.

And this guy instant messaged me:

so is everything in ur profile true....even the what i do on friday nights? :P

hahah man I feel like I'll disappoint you
but no, the state took away my dead babies
now I just use dolls with the eyes goughed out
gouged, even

i was concentrating more on the masturbating thing lol
no dead babies is good

nah, I can't get hard anymore now that they're not real babies

......and then he stopped replying. I wonder why.

2009-07-26T12:17:00.000-07:00

me: ooh that pasta roni is not sitting well at all

suibrom: uh oh

me: bathroom time!

suibrom: that's what you get for putting the san fancisco treat inside you

me: I've never had gay dude sex

OH you mean the rice a roni

suibrom: haha
also possibly the buttsex
With a guy named Roni

me: haha well I used to call my boyfriend Joshyroni but we never had buttsex
he and I were all about the eyeball hole

suibrom: it is the best, second only to the ear

me: true that

he wouldn't do it in the ear though
said it was "dirty"
said he didn't want to "damage my hearing"
whatever

suibrom: laaaame
ear wax is the best lube

me: yeah
that's why I'm with 007 now
rabbits are all about ears

suibrom: he'll put it in your ear?
haa
as long as you return the favor and put it in his

me: of course

several convers in one post

2009-07-25T13:09:00.000-07:00

me: I've always really enjoyed fabric softner smell. Like that was the only thing I liked about college, my dorm floor always smelled like fabric softner.
it was not worth the 40 grand
I do not like fabric softener that much

suibrom: haha
that's some expensive fabric softener

me: haha for real

suibrom: it better like.. go down on you while it does your laundry

me: haha who says it doesn't?
I mean it's really my hand, but the fabric softner oil on the sheet is great lube
and it makes me smell awesome down there

suibrom: haha

me: and softer, actually

me: There's an agent who works for us named Bill Pancake

suibrom: haha awesomest name ever

me: Yeah I've known about it a long time and think it's awesome
but the other day I found out we have an agent named Butterworth, and I want to like, get a petition going saying they have to go into business together

suibrom: how does your family make that change though? "Honey, I'm tired of being the Nexttowatersons. You know what I love? Fucking PANCAKES. That's our new last name. You're now Brunhilda Pancake.

me: what exactly does "doughty" mean? I think I have an idea, but I want to make sure that it's right to never want to read a book where the heroine is described on the back cover as "doughty"

suibrom: haha it means the bitch talks back and gotsta be slapped

me: okay that's what I thought

suibrom: like.. brave or

me: and it does make me want to slap them

suibrom: fearless?

me: oh well thtat's okay

suibrom: I guess is a good word fo it

me: I thought it meant like "spunky"

suibrom: I think it kind of does in that it's like "I'm gonna be brave and stand up no matter what"

which could definitely be "spunk"

me: anyone who you have to be told is spunky isn't really spunky

suibrom: and the only spunk I want in my romance novels, should be coming out of the male characters

me: haha it wasn't a romance novel, it was a fantasy novel

suibrom: same thing!

me: but yeah I was like, "doughty"? fuck that bitch

suibrom: haha

maybe it said "doughy" as in she's fat but they wanted to be nice about it

me: haha no there was a T. If it WAS doughy, I'd want to read it more, not less. I like a character I can identify with
that's why I have so many pillsbury cookbooks

suibrom: hah
I'd read a pillsbury fantasy book
put THAT in your belly button and "hee hee" about it

me: haha
that is a good phrase
maybe there's a novelization of the ghostbuster movie
that might technically be a pillsbury fantasy book
oh wait that's not the dough boy
that's stay puft marshmallow man

suibrom: I bet there are stay-puffed marshmallow man erotic fan fictions

me: same dif
haha I bet that you are their main demographic

suibrom: "OH GOD I GOT YOUR MARSHMALLOW CREAM ALL OVER ME"

me: "get me all sticky, marshmallow man!"
oh god, I'm going to come on your face!
then you see Staypuft's angry face

suibrom: hahah
http://www.delaneynetwork.com/archives/stay-puft-angry.jpg

me: hahah exactly
that's what I saw in my head when I said that
wow the conversation pretty much comes to a halt after something like that

suibrom: yeah, really.. where do you go from there?

me: no where
it can't really get funnier from there

suibrom: except maybe that that's the same face when getting it in the butt

me: but yet nothing else seems to be worth discussing after that
HAHA

2009-07-12T11:59:00.000-07:00

me: and I can't make fortune cookies worth a shit anyway
suibrom: make them fortune balls
me: you're a fortune ball
suibrom: I know. rub them,I will tell your fortune. YOUR HANDS WILL SMELL OF BALL SWEAT IN THE NEAR FUTURE
me: no thank you, my fortune will be "you just rubbed some guy's balls"
suibrom: hahah
me: hahah you should become a fortune teller "let me gaze into my crystal balls" then you look down your pants "your fortune is I think I have chlaymidia"
suibrom: haha "and now so do you"
me: you'd be a great fortune teller
suibrom: I'd wear a big shiny turban and everything
me: oooh shiney. that way you'd be labeled gay instead of a terrorist
suibrom: Madam Chlamydia what, terrorists can't be gay?
me: they can but the gen. public doesn't know that. they think you're after your 45 virgin GIRLS or whatever. not your 45 slutty gay guys
suibrom: haha can they all be firemen?
me: if what you blow up is important enough
suibrom: awesome. That's like the ultimate terrorist. no one suspects the flamboyantly gay hair dresser
me: haha I didn't see it, but wasn't that adam sandler movie Zohar about that/
suibrom: haha yeah probably. it was adam sandler. there was probably a gay terrorist involved somewhere
me: ah, adam sandler. how I used to enjoy your movies. what happened?
suibrom: he stopped being a funny, immature 20-something, and just grew up into a sad, pathetic 40-something
me: wow. you know everthing

2009-04-23T12:22:00.000-07:00

phoemeister (2:19:37 PM): I enjoy made up racist words or curses
Suibrom (2:19:43 PM): haha I know you do
phoemeister (2:20:19 PM): Zwan it all! My Harry Mullen Jr. is going to Adam Clayton those bovely japs!
phoemeister (2:20:29 PM): only you know what that means
phoemeister (2:20:31 PM): does it frighten you?
phoemeister (2:20:41 PM): if I die you'll be the only one
phoemeister (2:20:54 PM): to hold up the torch of our made up curse words and racial slurs
Suibrom (2:21:22 PM): hahah
Suibrom (2:21:35 PM): that is the best sentence ever created in the history of written and spoken language
phoemeister (2:21:40 PM): hahah thanks
Suibrom (2:22:24 PM): I have one of those that I have with brooke, and I think mike was there so he's a part of it
Suibrom (2:22:31 PM): I mis-heard her say something to me
Suibrom (2:22:52 PM): and I thought she said "You can get the pirates"
Suibrom (2:23:12 PM): and I thought it was some kind of new england figure of speech for "go fuck yourself"
phoemeister (2:23:21 PM): hahahaha
Suibrom (2:23:25 PM): she had actually said "you can get the parts" or something like that
Suibrom (2:23:27 PM): but it's stuck
phoemeister (2:23:42 PM): I might have to start using it too just because pirates are awesome

2009-03-07T09:26:00.001-08:00

phoemeister (11:21:41 AM): we should be buddy cops
phoemeister (11:21:47 AM): and every week Mike is the perp
Suibrom (11:21:48 AM): that would be awesome
Suibrom (11:21:56 AM): you're the wild card
Suibrom (11:22:10 AM): and i'm the old about-to-retire guy?
phoemeister (11:22:23 AM): yeah unless you want two wild cards, bitches!
Suibrom (11:22:28 AM): haha
Suibrom (11:22:35 AM): I'm too old for that shit
phoemeister (11:22:52 AM): hahah YES
phoemeister (11:24:02 AM): we could both be widcards who are about to retire
Suibrom (11:24:08 AM): haha
Suibrom (11:24:22 AM): I'm too old for this MOTHER COCK GIRAFFE DONKEY

2009-02-13T19:26:00.000-08:00

me: I'll probably let you go th3en
my butt is killing me
softly
with it's song
suibrom: With his song
me: my butt's a lady
suibrom: Haha
You sure?
me: yes
suibrom: She's a laaaady
me: whoa whoa whoa
suibrom: Whoa oh oh
me: every good conversation ends with a Tom Jones Song

OH YEAH

2008-09-30T10:32:00.000-07:00

Suibrom (12:30:35 PM): so I have a.. moral dilemma
phoemeister (12:30:49 PM): do NOT cheat on Brooke with the Kool Aid man
Suibrom (12:30:51 PM): haha
phoemeister (12:31:03 PM): OH YEAH
Suibrom (12:31:03 PM): but he promised me all the kool aid I could drink
phoemeister (12:31:13 PM): he lies
Suibrom (12:31:15 PM): and that we could bust through any brick wall I wanted
phoemeister (12:31:23 PM): well that part is true
Suibrom (12:31:35 PM): I could ride around inside him
Suibrom (12:31:41 PM): and just drink all the koolaid I wanted
phoemeister (12:31:42 PM): haha you're so creepy
Suibrom (12:31:49 PM): haha come on
Suibrom (12:31:51 PM): that would be awesome
Suibrom (12:31:59 PM): swimmin around inside the kool aid man
Suibrom (12:32:02 PM): bustin through walls
Suibrom (12:32:08 PM): all that ice would be great in the summer
phoemeister (12:32:14 PM): haha

phoemeister (12:07:04 PM): I ought to make you do the rest of the song
Suibrom (12:08:27 PM): i'll make you do the rest of the DONG
phoemeister (12:08:42 PM): why, I could never
phoemeister (12:08:44 PM): it's ;so big
Suibrom (12:08:49 PM): haha
Suibrom (12:09:11 PM): well, I can't argue with that
phoemeister (12:10:38 PM): Mr. T is very well endowed
phoemeister (12:15:58 PM): mango tea is delicious!
Suibrom (12:18:18 PM): are those two related?
phoemeister (12:21:27 PM): no
phoemeister (12:21:31 PM): unless you want them to beeee
Suibrom (12:21:35 PM): maybe I do
Suibrom (12:21:52 PM): maybe I want to think that mr. t's well endowed member dispenses mango tea
phoemeister (12:22:18 PM): mmm delicious
phoemeister (12:22:26 PM): note to self: give Mr. T a blow job
Suibrom (12:22:52 PM): haha
Suibrom (12:23:00 PM): Aye, there's the rub
Suibrom (12:23:02 PM): it would rip your head off
Suibrom (12:23:17 PM): you're just gonna have to let him dispense it himself
phoemeister (12:23:39 PM): ah
phoemeister (12:23:43 PM): I can watch
phoemeister (12:23:45 PM): I bet he talks to it
phoemeister (12:23:49 PM): pities it
phoemeister (12:23:57 PM): and tells it to stop with the jibba jabba
Suibrom (12:24:28 PM): haha he does
Suibrom (12:24:41 PM): he also stammers "jibba jabba" right before he finishes
phoemeister (12:25:34 PM): hahaha
phoemeister (12:26:08 PM): mr t is the perfect man
phoemeister (12:26:13 PM): but what woman could tame him?
Suibrom (12:26:30 PM): he only listens to his gold jewelry and his mohawk
phoemeister (12:26:39 PM): exactly
phoemeister (12:26:44 PM): they tell him to do terriblee thingw
phoemeister (12:26:59 PM): like that musical after school special he did in the 80's
phoemeister (12:27:06 PM): including the hit song, "respect your mother"

Wolf parade

2008-07-20T22:36:00.001-07:00

phoemeister (12:29:14 AM): at least I didn't send you what I bought yesterday
Ryan (12:29:35 AM): haha what's that?
phoemeister (12:30:02 AM): the new Wolf Parade
Ryan (12:30:11 AM): how is it?
phoemeister (12:30:30 AM): Eh... not as good as the other one. I don't know if you'd think that is good or bad considering how you felt about the other.
phoemeister (12:30:46 AM): A lot more slower tempo less catchy songs. So I may like it in time, but not that much now.
phoemeister (12:31:08 AM): I don't even know if it's wolf parade's fault, though. I haven't really liked anything or listened to much music-wise for awhile now
Ryan (12:33:07 AM): I'll just go ahead and blame wolf parade

Racism

2008-07-10T21:09:00.001-07:00

phoemeister (11:00:31 PM): can you dress up as a woman
phoemeister (11:00:33 PM): fly over here
phoemeister (11:00:38 PM): and do my interviews for me?
Suibrom (11:01:03 PM): haha
Suibrom (11:01:07 PM): I don't think it would work out too well
Suibrom (11:01:24 PM): "well you seem to be great for the job, except we don't hire transvestites"
phoemeister (11:02:07 PM): haha lies!
phoemeister (11:02:11 PM): they already hired me, the interview's for a promotion!
phoemeister (11:02:23 PM): and if they don't promote a cross dresser they're racist
phoemeister (11:02:31 PM): cause I'm going to make you wear blackface too
Suibrom (11:07:50 PM): haha
Suibrom (11:07:53 PM): i'll do it

Home Alone

2008-07-10T21:01:00.000-07:00

phoemeister (10:33:19 PM): you should like boobytrap the office
phoemeister (10:33:21 PM): home alone style
phoemeister (10:33:24 PM): to keep them out
Suibrom (10:33:28 PM): haha
phoemeister (10:35:34 PM): you have to promise to do the "aaaaah" too
phoemeister (10:35:46 PM): and make Joe Pesci be there too
Suibrom (10:39:36 PM): haha of course
phoemeister (10:40:01 PM): and daniel stern
phoemeister (10:40:12 PM): THATS RIGHT I KNOW THE LESS FAMOUS BAD GUY FROM HOME ALONE'S NAME
Suibrom (10:40:14 PM): did you have to look up his name?
Suibrom (10:40:16 PM): haha
phoemeister (10:40:18 PM): no, sadly

gaaay

2008-04-25T22:52:00.000-07:00

(12:41:59 AM) me: god I know I'm a nerd but
(12:42:06 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: nerd butt!
(12:42:09 AM) me: the pictures of the guys that show up for me on okcupid are so nerdy it hurts
(12:44:14 AM) me: why am I on this fucking site?
(12:44:18 AM) me: I don't want to date anyone
(12:44:28 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:44:32 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: good question?
(12:44:38 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: there's no one datable on that site anyway
(12:44:39 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: except us
(12:45:16 AM) me: for real
(12:45:23 AM) me: and I have my doubts about me
(12:45:35 AM) me: I should find all straight women
(12:45:41 AM) me: and try to turn them
(12:46:23 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:46:26 AM) me: I found a contortionist chick
(12:47:06 AM) me: "I'm 22 years old. I like Cinderella and contortion. If I could do anything I would want to be a contortionist for a living but alas that isn't in my cards therefore psychology it is! I am very relaxed and read a lot."
(12:47:34 AM) me: maybe she could give me free therapy
(12:47:38 AM) me: "I am a first year clinical counseling psych student. I want to work with the chronically mentally ill (read crazy people) because I think they're fun. I graduate next May and hope to get a job soon after that eep!"
(12:47:39 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: You should reply "You'd have to be relaxed to be a contortionist! Also, do you read while you contort?"
(12:47:46 AM) me: haha
(12:48:17 AM) me: we could watch old musicals together
(12:48:20 AM) me: this woman is perfect for me
(12:48:29 AM) me: and we could read medical naratives together
(12:48:38 AM) me: plus she's just asking to be turned
(12:48:41 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:48:55 AM) me: number 4 on her 6 things she could never do without are birkinstocks
(12:49:11 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: "dear [insert name], have you ever considered lesbianism? Neither had I until recently. Maybe we can enjoy trying it out for the first time together!"
(12:49:18 AM) me: haha
(12:49:39 AM) me: she watches cheerleeding on ESPN
(12:49:40 AM) me: totally gay
(12:49:43 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:49:53 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: unless she wants to BE a cheerleader
(12:50:08 AM) me: nah it'd be up there with "i want to be a contortionist" if she wanted to be one
(12:50:10 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: the only other reason is to jerk it to mini-skirt wearing gymnist high school girls
(12:50:17 AM) me: exactly
(12:50:22 AM) me: she's a pedophile like me too
(12:50:24 AM) me: it all works
(12:50:29 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:50:35 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: totally made for eachother
(12:51:25 AM) me: for real
(12:51:35 AM) me: now all I gotta do is start being a lesbian
(12:51:44 AM) me: maybe your lesbian friends could give me tips
(12:52:01 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha Step 1> you have to like vagina
(12:52:43 AM) me: do they have any sub steps
(12:52:47 AM) me: on how to like vagina?

Ryan is right

2008-04-09T09:04:00.000-07:00

(10:58:03 AM) me: even more annoyed with my dad, but whatever
(10:59:51 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: doh why?
(10:59:57 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: what's going on now?
(11:00:17 AM) me: well I decided to stay to accept the delivery
(11:00:24 AM) me: but then he decided he's all going to come over
(11:00:40 AM) me: which I don't want because I'm working on Josh's 6 month anniversary card
(11:01:22 AM) me: I mean I don
(11:01:39 AM) me: 't want the delivery dudes to see stuff lying around about hamsters eating their children and goat penises
(11:01:43 AM) me: but I sure don't want my dad to
(11:03:09 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(11:03:31 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: maybe it'll give your dad a wake up call that he should stay away when you tell him to
(11:03:38 AM) me: hahaha
(11:04:59 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: to really hammer that home you should be masturbating to pictures of hamsters eating their children
(11:05:21 AM) me: hahah
(11:05:30 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: speaking of
(11:05:36 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: my friend stacy had a hamster years ago
(11:05:39 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and she named it Ryan
(11:05:43 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: but it turned out to be a girl
(11:05:51 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and it would always eat all of its babies
(11:05:58 AM) me: it's just like you!
(11:06:24 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha it so is
(11:06:38 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I remember talking to her and she's like "Ryan you ate all your babies again!"
(11:06:46 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and I kept saying "free renewable food source!"

gay shoes

2008-03-24T21:45:00.000-07:00

(11:40:19 PM) me: those are just gay enough
(11:40:58 PM) me: they're not like flaming gay or anything
(11:41:07 PM) me: just enough to keep girls away, so brooke should be happy
(11:41:14 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(11:41:17 PM) me: but not gay enough to attract guys to cheat on her with
(11:41:19 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: that's the plan!
(11:41:28 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I'm maintaining gender ambiguity
(11:41:37 PM) me: haha you should be all, "I did it for you! I got these gay shoes so I could stay faithful!"
(11:41:57 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: "No straight woman would be caught dead sleeping with a man in these shoes"
(11:42:12 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: "except you, but you get a free pass since we're already engaged"
(11:43:18 PM) me: haha exactly
(11:43:26 PM) me: she's grandfathered in
(11:43:30 PM) me: from before you were gay

oi

2008-02-14T11:04:00.000-08:00

This one isn't funny but I found it interesting anyway

(12:43:46 PM) me: I don't like thinking about war or religion
(12:45:11 PM) me: if it's not in a John Lennon song telling me to imagine it doesn't exist, I'm not really interested
(12:46:01 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha man that's kind of scary
(12:46:17 PM) me: what?
(12:47:40 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: just the idea that a lot of people are that way.. "I don't want to know about any of this stuff, and if it's not someone telling me to pretend it doesn't exist, I don't want to hear it"
(12:48:38 PM) me: I'd want to know about it if I could change it
(12:48:58 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: isn't knowing about a problem the first step toward fixing it?
(12:49:44 PM) me: look, my vote really doesn't count
(12:49:59 PM) me: the only thing I could really do is get out there and protest things, and I don't have the money, time, or energy
(12:50:03 PM) me: you don't protest anything either
(12:50:43 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I don't know that standing in front of a building with a make-shift sign that says "I DON"T LIKE THIS" really changes anything
(12:50:59 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and I'm not sure that voting in an election that's probably rigged changes anything either
(12:51:08 PM) me: so what the hell could I change?
(12:51:12 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: but that doesn't stop me from being pissed off about it, wanting to change it, and wanting to knw what's going on
(12:51:16 PM) me: and if I can't change anything, why should I worry about it?
(12:51:18 PM) me: it's out of my hands
(12:51:49 PM) me: look if this was the german occupation and there were jews around I could help
(12:52:02 PM) me: or if I could be part of the underground railroad or something
(12:52:10 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: just because I can't think of a way to fix it doesn't mean it helps to just turn your back on it
(12:52:17 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: are you sure?
(12:52:20 PM) me: but I can't just be like, "This war is so silly, stop it."
(12:52:36 PM) me: I didn't say it helps, it just doesn't hurt either.
(12:52:42 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: What if there was something like that and you were just like "I don't have the money, time or energy"
(12:52:53 PM) me: yeah but that I'd see my results
(12:53:03 PM) me: "look there's a jewish person alive because of me"
(12:53:14 PM) me: like you say, standing in front of a building, going "I don't like this" does nothing
(12:53:26 PM) me: and like I said, you can't preach to me unless you're doing something about it either, which you aren't
(12:53:39 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I'd say informing myself is something
(12:53:53 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: It's hard to do anything unless you know the information
(12:54:04 PM) me: yeah but I did used to know stuff
(12:54:06 PM) me: and it didn't help
(12:54:08 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and nothing hurts a cause more than looking uninformed or stupid
(12:54:15 PM) me: so; I made an educated decision to stop knowing stuff
(12:54:23 PM) me: I'm not part of a cause though
(12:54:30 PM) me: and neither are you
(12:55:34 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: Not yet
(12:56:33 PM) me: or ever
(12:56:44 PM) me: you've been talking about this shit for years, Ryan
(12:56:52 PM) me: not once have I seen you get off your ass and do anything about it
(12:57:13 PM) me: I'm exactly the same only I don't pay attention in the first place
(12:57:19 PM) me: the net result is exactly the same
(12:58:05 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I guess outwardly it is, but there's a difference inwardly
(12:58:13 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and I think it's the potential for change
(12:58:20 PM) me: yeah, I'm happier than I would be if I did pay attention
(12:58:23 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I'd rather be informed and powerless than ignorant
(12:58:41 PM) me: well then that's personal preference
(12:58:57 PM) me: anyway, inform me and all that if you ever see a way for change
(12:59:18 PM) me: but until then, when it's like, "look this is so horrible, dwell on it even though there's nothing you can change" leave me out
(12:59:59 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I'm not saying to dwell on it
(1:01:25 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: But fair enough
(1:01:28 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: anyway enough of that

Tiiiiiina

2007-12-05T12:34:00.000-08:00

phoemeister: hahah man the hilarious bit is the other day we went to mcdonalds and on the cups they randomly have a child actually named Roni whose hobby is "water."
GOWALLSGO: I'm hoping it's just his parents being yuppie about spelling Ronnie or Ronny
phoemeister: haha I think it's some foriegn name
phoemeister: The kid is from Buenos Aires
phoemeister: The cup tells you everything about him except why the fuck he is on a cup from McDonalds
GOWALLSGO: probably because he's Ronald McDonald's bastard... I mean, Roni? Ronald...
phoemeister: hahahaha
phoemeister: now I'm imagining Ronald McDonald getting all up on some poor Brazillian hooker
phoemeister: slapping her in the face with his mcnuggets
GOWALLSGO: strange timing... http://dlisted.com/node/19327
GOWALLSGO: that must be Ronald when he goes on vacation to latin america
phoemeister: hahahah
phoemeister: you should submit this conver under the caption contest
GOWALLSGO: what, and have my weirdass conversations out there? naw
phoemeister: hahah too late

pac man

2007-10-27T20:57:00.000-07:00

(10:14:58 PM) RJ : I need a good insult for Pac-Man.... suggestions please
(10:15:20 PM) RJ: my dad just recommended mocking the size of pac mans balls
(10:15:26 PM) RJ: it was awesome.
(10:18:13 PM) Me: HAHA that's good
(10:18:19 PM) Me: esp. since they are like raisins
(10:18:35 PM) RJ: someone else suggested "Your wife is ugly."
(10:19:16 PM) Me: that's a lie
(10:19:22 PM) Me: ms. pacman is a damn fine piece of ass
(10:19:58 PM) RJ: she's a mouth and that's it
(10:20:26 PM) Me: come on. You know guys that would still date that if it put out
(10:20:35 PM) RJ: lol
(10:20:37 PM) RJ: Yeah true
(10:20:47 PM) RJ: how sad
(10:21:43 PM) Me: indeed
(10:21:55 PM) Me: it still gives me hope if I ever become a parapalegic tho
(10:22:33 PM) RJ: just have to work on repeatedly opening and closing your mouth.
(10:22:41 PM) RJ: Works for her
(10:22:45 PM) RJ: What species do you think they are?
(10:22:51 PM) Me: cheese
(10:22:52 PM) RJ: highly evolved marbles?
(10:23:04 PM) RJ: Whoa
(10:23:09 PM) RJ: Cheese that eats ghosts.
(10:23:25 PM) Me: that's some FUCKING GREAT CHEESE

Maybe Ryan's Just Too Demanding

2007-10-14T20:55:00.000-07:00

(10:52:04 PM) Me: this is what it's like when doves cry
(10:52:09 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(10:52:10 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: fuck
(10:52:17 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: this is more like when doves rape eachother
(10:52:18 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: in the ass
(10:52:24 PM) Me: hahah
(10:52:49 PM) Me: doves asses are actually the same hole as their vag
(10:52:55 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: it's true
(10:53:02 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and their pee hole
(10:53:06 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: it's all one hole baby
(10:53:08 PM) Me: wow
(10:53:15 PM) Me: I didn't know about the pee hole business
(10:53:42 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: yeah their fecal matter and urine all come out the same hole as a big wet glop
(10:53:56 PM) Me: I guess you would know about birds
(10:53:58 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: that's that white and brown stuff that comes out when birds crap
(10:54:04 PM) Me: does it burn when it's on your penis?
(10:54:09 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(10:54:13 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: the bird or the urine?
(10:54:22 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: because sometimes I like to put the bird on my wang, and set it on fire
(10:54:27 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and in that case, it does burn

respect your mother

2007-10-13T15:46:00.000-07:00

Me: http://youtube.com/watch?v=7_rBidCkJxo (video of Mr. T telling you to respect your mother)
Ryan: don't bring anyone motha into this!
Me: Mr. T would not like me at all
Ryan: it's true
Ryan: does that make you sad?
Me: kind of
Me: my two great loves, Mr. T and mom jokes
Me: irreconcilable
Ryan: it is forbidden!

soy un perdedor

2007-10-13T15:42:00.000-07:00

Rebecca: so Ryan's as big a loser as we are... that's comforting
Me: haha you didn't know that already?
Me: dude is studying to become a falconer

Ryan: hahah
Ryan: fuck
Ryan: that does solidify it doesn't it
Me: hahaha
Me: yeah you were on the edge
Me: and then that and the chess team story (Ryan got beat up by the chess team when he was in high school)
Me: just nudge you right into loser territory
Ryan: haha yeah shit
Me: it's okay
Me: you're a loser in a cool way
Ryan: haha thanks
Me: well I'm just saying anyone can be comic book guy
Me: it takes a special nerd to become a falconer
Ryan: I guess If I'm going to be at the lowerst rungs of loserdome, I might as well be doing it in the coolest way
Me: haha trust me
Me: you are
Me: you're stylin
Me: in your tricorn hat
Ryan: hahah
Ryan: fuck you just make it worse every time

answers itself

2007-10-12T22:08:00.000-07:00

Suibrom (10:40:55 PM): So any big plans for the weeeeekend?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Auto Response from phoemeister (10:40:59 PM): watching tv
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Suibrom (10:41:04 PM): this thing practically answers itself!

good times

2007-09-27T22:35:00.000-07:00

Me: I need to find this so I can jerk it hard
Me: "Small posed for a pictorial that appeared in the (cover-dated) April 2006 issue of Playgirl magazine, as part of a humor-themed issue. AdultSwim.com, the official website of the television programming block for which it's named, reported on March 7, 2006, that Small posed wearing "nothing but a Viking helmet". The Playgirl official website further described a "'strategically-placed' Viking helmet", indicating that Small's genitals were not exposed in the pictorial."
Suibrom: haha uh ohs :X
SpankingGnome: I kid
SpankingGnome: if it doesn't even show his genitals what good is it to me?
Suibrom: you can stare at his viking helmet
SpankingGnome: I'm not good enough at photo shop to put someone else's genitals on there
Suibrom: use your mind!
SpankingGnome: my masturbation demands verisimiltude, Ryan
Suibrom: get a hotdog
Suibrom: man I need to rig a way
Suibrom: for every time I ride my motorcycle
Suibrom: thunderhorse is BLASTING from it
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: man
Suibrom: this is like a combination of everything I love
Suibrom: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mVMz5D509I
SpankingGnome: haha holy crap
SpankingGnome: it really is
SpankingGnome: you're going to dump brooke for this video
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: I thought about it for a second
Suibrom: but it's missing boobs and vagina
SpankingGnome: haha don't tell her that
SpankingGnome: haha I guess she's safe then
Suibrom: if I could find some way.. for brooke to always be playing thunderhorse.. and for me to see 300 playing in her eyes
Suibrom: it would be perfect
SpankingGnome: hahahah
SpankingGnome: you are a horrible, horrible man
Suibrom: what I'll do
Suibrom: is ride around on my motorcycle that's blasting thunderhorse
Suibrom: with a spear, and a red cape
Suibrom: and brooke on the back
SpankingGnome: haha
SpankingGnome: and a hawk on your shoulder
SpankingGnome: or else you drive with one hand and have your hawk fist just out there
Suibrom: word
Suibrom: haha I could have the hawk on the handlebars
Suibrom: with his own goggles
SpankingGnome: haha
SpankingGnome: the hawk gets it's own sidecar
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: that works too
SpankingGnome: haha you should get the metalocalypse motorcycle
SpankingGnome: with all 5 spots
Suibrom: I WOULD
SpankingGnome: and brooke rides behind you
Suibrom: if I could find it
SpankingGnome: and then like the hawk and I get our own sidecars
Suibrom: I would put you and brooke and mike and chris in it
Suibrom: the hawk would ride on top of my helmet
SpankingGnome: I think the hawk deserves a better place than mike
SpankingGnome: we could just drag mike along behind
Suibrom: well I'm not freakin' putting mike on my helmet
SpankingGnome: hahahahah
SpankingGnome: yeah, this dream would turn into a nightmare right about then
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: do not fuck this up for me
SpankingGnome: haha
Suibrom: that's my happy place right there
Suibrom: riding around in the dethcycle blasting thunderhorse
SpankingGnome: in the 300 outfit
Suibrom: word
Suibrom: I would also jump out at the end like nathan does in the intro
SpankingGnome: and spear the persian king as you do it?
Suibrom: damn straight
SpankingGnome: you would have to take him everywhere with us
SpankingGnome: just so you could stab him when you get there
Suibrom: I'll just go to Iran
Suibrom: and start stabbing persians
SpankingGnome: that's one way to go
SpankingGnome: racist
Suibrom: I wonder if the Iranians are complaining about 300 like the jews complained about The Passion of the Christ
Suibrom: it makes people hate us!
SpankingGnome: haha they don't even care
SpankingGnome: they already hate us
SpankingGnome: so they like it when we hate them
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: on that note
Suibrom: it's time to sleep
SpankingGnome: "good! I'm glad we piss them off!"

dead

2007-09-26T19:15:00.000-07:00

(9:06:25 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: are you still jerking it to gay manlove?
(9:06:35 PM) Me: well obviously but I can multitask
(9:08:36 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I can type with one hand!
(9:09:08 PM) Me: yeah but since you're jerking it to the man love
(9:09:11 PM) Me: AND playing a game
(9:09:14 PM) Me: you have no time for me
(9:09:32 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(9:09:42 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: "you jerk it all the time, and neever have time for my needs"
(9:11:35 PM) Me: basically
(9:11:39 PM) Me: I mean sure gay porn is awesome
(9:11:47 PM) Me: but I am too
(9:12:25 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: true
(9:12:28 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: but I can't jerk it to you
(9:12:48 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I mean I can, but it's kind of mixed feelings.. because it makes me sad to picture you dead

slutty wolverine

2007-09-26T16:20:00.000-07:00

(6:00:24 PM) Me: I went around looking for a halloween costume
(6:00:27 PM) Me: and didn't find what I wanted
(6:01:15 PM) JeffTMBG: as long as you leave the apartment it counts as productive in my book. what kind of costume are you looking for.
(6:02:59 PM) Me: I want to be Wolverine
(6:03:04 PM) Me: but I can't find it anywhere
(6:04:36 PM) JeffTMBG: Wolverine is not a very popular character. Everyone is all about Beast these days.
(6:05:19 PM) Me: haha there's no beast either
(6:05:22 PM) Me: no x men at all
(6:05:29 PM) Me: just spider man
(6:05:48 PM) Me: not even any decent batman
(6:06:13 PM) JeffTMBG: If it hasn't had a movie in the past year, it doesn't exist.
(6:06:32 PM) Me: apparently
(6:06:43 PM) Me: it's all freakin pirates of the carribean stuff
(6:06:48 PM) Me: poop
(6:06:51 PM) Me: fake women
(6:06:59 PM) Me: and slutty outfits
(6:11:00 PM) JeffTMBG: You could probably augment the slutty outfits into a decent slutty Wolverine costume.
(6:11:48 PM) Me: haha.... how do you go from slutty barmaid, slutty pirate wench, or slutty geisha to slutty wolverine?
(6:13:20 PM) JeffTMBG: There's gotta be a way.
(6:14:03 PM) JeffTMBG: Once you have the claws and the arm hair, you can just say Wolverine got a job as a barmaid to work his way through college.
(6:14:10 PM) Me: hahaha
(6:14:34 PM) Me: then pirates attacked and he was forced to be their wench
(6:14:42 PM) Me: and then they sailed to japan and left him there
(6:15:36 PM) JeffTMBG: You laugh,but that is exactly the plot to the upcoming Wolverine movie.
(6:17:16 PM) JeffTMBG: In fact, the year the movie is released, you'll be able to buy a pre-made slutty Wolverine barmaid costume.

ass poisoning

2007-09-26T15:26:00.000-07:00

(5:12:31 PM) Me: and actually this time I was being sarcastic :P
(5:13:13 PM) Optimus Prime: yes, but I defeated your sarcasm by taking it seriously
(5:13:40 PM) Me: it felt like being a little girl whose parents told her she will never be pretty
(5:14:09 PM) Optimus Prime: oh... btw....
(5:14:12 PM) Me: ?
(5:14:25 PM) Optimus Prime: c'mon, now
(5:14:29 PM) Optimus Prime: think
(5:14:30 PM) Me: you're not my mom!
(5:14:35 PM) Optimus Prime: no...
(5:14:40 PM) Optimus Prime: I was going to say...
(5:14:49 PM) Optimus Prime: you'll never be pretty
(5:14:56 PM) Me: yeah and I was saying you're not my mom
(5:15:03 PM) Me: so it's not my parents telling me I'll never be pretty
(5:15:14 PM) Me: someone who just bangs my mom doesn't count
(5:15:44 PM) Optimus Prime: well, I'm like your dad in that respect
(5:16:12 PM) Me: yeah but you still aren't my real daddy
(5:16:46 PM) Me: your opinion is nothing!
(5:16:58 PM) Optimus Prime: I can still take you over my knee, girl!
(5:17:20 PM) Me: and then I'll have you arrested as a sex offender, creepy step dad
(5:17:31 PM) Me: "she touched my butt"
(5:17:42 PM) Optimus Prime: right
(5:17:46 PM) Optimus Prime: except you're not a minor
(5:18:37 PM) Optimus Prime: I'll tell them you wanted me to spank you
(5:18:41 PM) Me: well then maybe I'll join the army and fight for my country
(5:18:45 PM) Optimus Prime: after all, I do have a nice collection of floggers
(5:19:25 PM) Me: I'm going to coat my ass in poison so whoever touches it dies horribly
(5:19:35 PM) Me: but like in a way so that it doesn't touch me
(5:19:42 PM) Optimus Prime: that's what the floggers are for. someone will pay me extra for that
(5:19:58 PM) Me: I don't want "Phoexx0r died of ass poisoning today" as part of my obit
(5:20:16 PM) Optimus Prime: well, your obit will most likely be ass related
(5:20:42 PM) Me: haha "her colon finally EXPLODED! We knew it would happen sooner or later. Steve won the pool, he picked Oct 13"
(5:20:55 PM) Optimus Prime: exactly
(5:21:57 PM) Me: what day did you bet on? I can make you rich
(5:22:26 PM) Optimus Prime: nah, I don't like dirty money
(5:22:29 PM) Optimus Prime: that would be cheating
(5:23:28 PM) Me: haha you're already betting on the date of an ass death of a close friend
(5:23:37 PM) Me: and now you have scruples?
(5:24:00 PM) Optimus Prime: don't split hairs
(5:24:09 PM) Optimus Prime: you're going to die anyway
(5:24:10 PM) Me: haha
(5:25:05 PM) Me: you're a ray of sunshine
(5:25:30 PM) Optimus Prime: well ... c'mon
(5:25:36 PM) Optimus Prime: we all gotta go sometime
(5:25:43 PM) Optimus Prime: your colon just makes it more interesting
(5:25:45 PM) Optimus Prime: and messy
(5:25:52 PM) Me: haha
(5:26:14 PM) Me: "crap everywhere! this is awesome!"
(5:26:25 PM) Me: Eh, I probably would rather crapstorm than alzheimers
(5:26:27 PM) Me: so I got that going for me
(5:26:41 PM) Optimus Prime: you'll prolly both
(5:26:51 PM) Me: haha
(5:26:57 PM) Me: "how did all this get here?"
(5:27:07 PM) Me: "oh wait now I'm dead"
(5:29:21 PM) Optimus Prime: that's how it happens a lot
(5:29:38 PM) Optimus Prime: mostly alzheimer's patients forget to go to the toilet when they have to crap
(5:29:39 PM) Me: well I guess technically most people have a minor crap storm
(5:29:45 PM) Me: since your bowels escape
(5:29:45 PM) Optimus Prime: you'd prolly die from the smell
(5:29:54 PM) Optimus Prime: evacuate
(5:30:11 PM) Me: quiet, you
(5:30:17 PM) Optimus Prime: they don't actually break free of their own volition

soul

2007-09-25T22:41:00.001-07:00

(11:37:02 PM) Me: jesus saves
(11:37:36 PM) Andi: and earns interest on your soul at 5.5%
(11:37:44 PM) Me: haha
(11:37:46 PM) Me: nice
(11:37:56 PM) Me: by the time I die I'm going to be james brown I'll have so much soul
(11:38:28 PM) Andi: you're not "superbad"
(11:41:26 PM) Me: eh?
(11:45:20 PM) Andi: james brown's huge hit was "i got soul....i'm superbad"
(11:45:48 PM) Me: oh
(11:45:49 PM) Me: sorry
(11:46:02 PM) Me: I'm so soulless I can't even reference james brown properly
(11:46:21 PM) Andi: yr killing me smalls

nickelback

2007-09-25T11:22:00.000-07:00

Nickelback doesn't promote Satanism. Satan actually promotes them. They're his tool to destroy the record industry. A whiney, successful tool.

(1:14:24 PM) Tina: yeah, it's probably why about 3 songs start playing at once when I go to your page :-p
(1:16:19 PM) Me: uh
(1:16:24 PM) Me: there should only be the 1
(1:16:38 PM) Me: if there's anything else it's an ad or something
(1:16:49 PM) Me: it used to be a Wolf Parade song, now it's an Oppenheimer
(1:16:59 PM) Tina: several start so I have to try to get the page to scroll down so I can click comment quick
(1:17:09 PM) Tina: and I'm torturing people by using Nickelback on my page
(1:17:18 PM) Me: Oh Tina, why would you do t;hat
(1:17:26 PM) Me: you are promoting satanism
(1:17:52 PM) Tina: I actually like them :-p
(1:18:01 PM) Me: well then you actually like satan
(1:18:40 PM) Me: I gave my heart to Vishnu

well....

2007-09-25T11:13:00.000-07:00

It's just a cover, I really was laughing at him thinking I want to watch his jujitsu group.

(1:07:29 PM) Mike: i know this might not super interest you, but my jujitsu group just got a website online
(1:07:30 PM) Mike: http://asujujitsu.org/
(1:07:51 PM) Mike: there is also a youtube link at the bottom with some videos
(1:08:48 PM) Me: hahaha
(1:09:11 PM) Mike: ?
(1:10:43 PM) Me: I wonder if I could register the domain www.fuckamidgetintheasswhileheorshedoeslinesofcocaineoffyourmotherstitswhileshegivesoraltoalargeblacktransvestitenunsingingselectionsfromthesoundofmusic.com
(1:11:21 PM) Mike: maybe!
(1:11:28 PM) Mike: also: you have wierd thoughts!

weed

2007-09-25T10:06:00.000-07:00

(11:52:45 AM) Me: I think I have seen that stuff before
(11:52:59 AM) Me: I had just labeled it "random weed" in my head
(11:53:19 AM) Andi: now it can be "random weed that makes andi miserable"
(11:53:37 AM) Me: awww
(11:53:47 AM) Me: if I see any golden rod around I will slit its throat!
(11:53:52 AM) Me: I will fuck that bitch up!
(11:54:01 AM) Andi: columbian necktie for old goldenrod
(11:54:06 AM) Me: oh yes
(11:54:15 AM) Me: then I'll take a shit on it for laughs
(11:54:18 AM) Me: I mean it's already dead
(11:54:24 AM) Me: but pooping on it is still fun for me
(11:54:39 AM) Andi: by all means, go for it
(11:54:56 AM) Me: maybe poo is an antihistimine no one's tried before
(11:55:13 AM) Andi: i'll stick to the pinks if you don't mind
(11:55:21 AM) Me: haha I don't mind at all
(11:55:44 AM) Me: I'm glad you're not my boss anymore, I just realized it is probably pretty horrible that I basically just offered you my poo
(11:55:55 AM) Andi: lol
(11:55:57 AM) Andi: no worries

post secret

2007-09-07T21:39:00.000-07:00

Opt: eh
Opt: postsecret's played itself out with me
Opt: after shelving all those books
Me: I get tired of all the suicide ones
Me: and the ones about sexual abuse
Me: I feel bad for the people
Me: but it's like the 900th one of the same
Opt: damn people who got raped and want to die
Me: hahaha
Opt: I know :)
Me: I rape people because it makes me want to liiiiiiiive!
Opt: LOL

retardation stairs

2007-09-07T11:30:00.002-07:00

(12:17:25 AM) Opt: I'm just wound up from seeing The Poster Children
(12:17:31 AM) Me: what's that?
(12:17:35 AM) Opt: band
(12:17:51 AM) Opt: and it was awesome
(12:17:55 AM) Me: yay awesome
(12:18:06 AM) Opt: I'm having the rythym guitarist have my babies
(12:18:20 AM) Me: haha
(12:18:23 AM) Me: can I be godmother?
(12:18:27 AM) Opt: absolutely
(12:18:38 AM) Opt: and you can eat it if it's retarded
(12:18:48 AM) Me: YES!
(12:19:10 AM) Me: *makes plans to throw the rhythm guitarist down some stairs during the pregnancy*
(12:20:31 AM) Opt: well, make sure he doesn't die... because then we'll both be disappointed
(12:20:56 AM) Me: well of course not
(12:21:04 AM) Me: I'm not going to knock him down MY scary stairs
(12:21:09 AM) Me: more like the stairs at your house
(12:21:15 AM) Opt: oh, ok
(12:21:23 AM) Opt: yeah, that will do the trick
(12:21:51 AM) Me: those stairs have "retardation but not death" written all over them

the falconer

2007-09-07T11:30:00.001-07:00

(11:43:13 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: I'm going to go up there this weekend, and go to a falconry meeting saturday
(11:43:17 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: so hopefully that goes well
(11:43:34 PM) Me: heee heee
(11:43:39 PM) Me: I'm proud of you
(11:43:45 PM) Me: but I still find the falconry amusing
(11:44:07 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha you're proud?
(11:44:13 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: or you think I'm a huge dork
(11:44:26 PM) Me: I think it's nice that you stuck with it
(11:44:30 PM) Me: and weren't just BSing about it
(11:44:31 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: yeah
(11:44:49 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: it's going to be a lot of work, so I think it will be cool to meet up with some people that already do it
(11:44:52 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: and get some advice and stuff
(11:44:56 PM) Me: I don't know how "proud of you" slipped out. That was kind of creepily mothery
(11:45:05 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha
(11:45:06 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: it's okay
(11:45:16 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: they're having like a bbq type thing this weekend
(11:45:18 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and invited me
(11:46:19 PM) Me: awww :)
(11:46:22 PM) Me: make sure you're not eating bird
(11:46:25 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha
(11:46:26 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: okay
(11:46:33 PM) Me: oh, maybe they'll serve you rabbits or something
(11:46:36 PM) Me: caught by their birds
(9/7/2007 12:08:36 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha
(12:08:40 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: that would be.. interesting
(12:08:46 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: they did say they'd take care of food
(12:08:52 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: and I'd just need to bring drinks or dessert or something

vegemite is frail

2007-09-07T11:29:00.000-07:00

(11:03:08 PM) RJ: there are a ton of japanese people in my apartment
(11:05:14 PM) Me: holy crap
(11:05:18 PM) Me: get out of there now
(11:05:25 PM) RJ: it's too late they've blocked the door
(11:05:30 PM) RJ: literally, there's 10 shoes
(11:05:31 PM) Me: I hear japanese people like to eat your face
(11:05:36 PM) Me: nooooooo
(11:05:39 PM) Me: I'll miss you, RJ
(11:05:50 PM) Me: I'll sing "Sucks to be You" at your funeral
(11:05:56 PM) RJ: Tell vegemite i'll miss it
(11:06:01 PM) Me: okay
(11:06:04 PM) RJ: Yeah it does suck to be me
(11:06:05 PM) Me: I'll marry it
(11:06:09 PM) Me: so there's someone to take care of it
(11:06:13 PM) RJ: No, i am wishing well upon vegemite
(11:06:15 PM) RJ: don't marry it
(11:06:18 PM) Me: ouch
(11:06:27 PM) Me: are you saying I won't be good to vegemite?
(11:06:36 PM) Me: how dare you insinuate such a thing
(11:06:38 PM) RJ: i just hate to think what you'd do to it
(11:07:45 PM) RJ: Vegemite is frail, you're an ox in bed
(11:07:49 PM) Me: hahaha
(11:08:01 PM) Me: at least I don't come on its tits like you do
(11:08:06 PM) RJ: lol
(11:08:07 PM) Me: vegemite tells me it hates when you do that
(11:08:17 PM) RJ: yeah i have to sculpt them first

existance

2007-09-04T23:54:00.001-07:00

This is regarding a blanket Ryan has that, at one point, had holes in it that made it strongly resemble a demonic face that he swears happened on accident.

phoemeister (12:28:00 AM): whatever, as long as it doesn't have a pink blanket with satan's face on it
Suibrom (12:27:56 AM): I'll let you sleep with the demon blanket
Suibrom (12:27:59 AM): you saw it in vegas
Suibrom (12:28:03 AM): it still wants your soul
phoemeister (12:28:18 AM): haha
phoemeister (12:28:23 AM): I think I messed it up though
Suibrom (12:28:15 AM): haha yeah
Suibrom (12:28:19 AM): I think it's mostly just a big hole now
phoemeister (12:28:33 AM): like didn't it not have a face anymore by the time I was done with it?
Suibrom (12:28:23 AM): a HOLE TO HELL

phoemeister (12:28:39 AM): haha
phoemeister (12:28:43 AM): I didn't fall in
phoemeister (12:28:49 AM): I didn't wreck the face on purpose though
Suibrom (12:28:38 AM): you got lucky
phoemeister (12:28:51 AM): I swear
Suibrom (12:28:39 AM): this time
Suibrom (12:28:44 AM): haha
Suibrom (12:28:49 AM): you totally fucked the face off my demon blanket
phoemeister (12:29:02 AM): when you showed it to me I was like "he's gotta be fucking kidding me"
phoemeister (12:29:05 AM): HAHAHAH
phoemeister (12:29:13 AM): but then I grew to love it
phoemeister (12:29:17 AM): but then it was gone
Suibrom (12:29:13 AM): like with everything else you love
Suibrom (12:29:22 AM): you skullfuck it into non-existence
phoemeister (12:29:41 AM):"you totally fucked the face off my demon blanket" is awesome out of context
Suibrom (12:29:32 AM): haha
phoemeister (12:29:50 AM): psh. You are something I love, and you totally love it
Suibrom (12:29:39 AM): even in context that's awesome
Suibrom (12:29:45 AM): yeah and look at me!
phoemeister (12:30:00 AM): haha yeah
Suibrom (12:29:48 AM): I practically don't exist

nurture vs nature

2007-09-03T19:21:00.000-07:00

9:15:31 PM) RJ: so how are you anyway
(9:15:45 PM) Me: I hate my life
(9:15:47 PM) Me: you?
(9:15:59 PM) RJ: I don't hate your life
(9:16:02 PM) RJ: I want to nurture it

left eye

2007-09-01T20:38:00.000-07:00

Me: wow the people at myheritage.com are mean
Suibrom: how so?
Me: they have this thing where they will scan a photo and tell you which celebrity you most look like
Me: my number one is like liz taylor
Me: and then there are a whole bunch of other women
Me: but I swear to GOD that Placido Domingo is in there
Suibrom: who the heck is placido domingo
Me: he's one of the three tenors
Me: like Pavarotti
Me: so he's this old fat italian MAN
Suibrom: haha
Me: I also have Steve McQueen
Me: I'm like what the fuck?
Me: I love how not only do none of these people look like me, but they don't look like each other either
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: you totally look like steve mcqueen
Me: I have Liz Taylor, Paula Deen, Keira Knightly, Nicole Richie, Placido Domingo, Steve McQueen, and Lisa Left Eye Lopes
Me: thanks
Suibrom: you're welcome!
Me: hm I should try this with another picture
Me: to see if I look like any other opera singers
Me: or 70's action stars
Suibrom: haha
Me: I already did post it on myspace
Me: and you can pick which of your people to include
Me: and I purposefully left Placido and Steve in
Me: and for some reason Left Eye cracks me up too
Me: whoa my second picture got people I totally don't know
Me: and they're like, all asian
Me: including even more men
Me: chinese men
Me: haha
Me: I think I'm going to keep the other one up on myspace though
Me: random chinese men aren't quite as awesome as steve mcqueen and placido domingo
Me: haha third picture:
Me: hillary duff
Me: jena malone
Me: Sharon Osbourne
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: you are meant to be asian
Me: melanie griffith
Me: and the guy from the OC
Me: well what I find hilrious is I have gotten TOTALLY different people all three times
Me: this thing is whack
Suibrom: haha yeah apparently
Me: I wish I could combine all the best people in one
Me: like have Placido Domingo, the guy from the OC, the chinese men, steve mcqueen and sharon osbourne
Me: oh and left eye
Me: because obviously I strongly resemble a spunky black woman

racism, yay!

2007-09-01T18:37:00.000-07:00

Suibrom: I am
Suibrom: I'm trying to find pants
Suibrom: that are suitable for the outside world
Me: OH MY GOD
Me: where are they?
Me: WHAT WILL WE DO
Me: I'd celebrate, personally
Suibrom: haha
Me: no pants is a perfect world
Suibrom: I can't go to dinner sporting nothing but my tighty whities
Me: haha who says?
Me: your mom?
Me: Tell her I won't fuck her in the ass anymore if she yells at you for that
Me: that'll change her tune
Suibrom: I doubt they'd give me a burrito at the mexican food place if I went in there like that
Suibrom: I mean, it's already strike two for being white and being white
Me: what mexican place are you going to?
Me: hahaa
Me: all the mexican places I go to like my pants free policy
Suibrom: yeah you're a woman
Me: hahaha
Suibrom: mexicans usually prefer vagina to wang
Me: even girl mexicans?
Suibrom: yes
Me: wow
Me: how come mexicans exist?
Me: if none of them like wang?
Me: how do they reproduce?
Suibrom: they take the wang to keep la raza alive
Me: haha
Me: is la raza the race?
Suibrom: yeah
Me: oh
Me: yeah they'd doubly hate your white man wang
Me: for being a wang AND for destroying their race
Suibrom: and yeah you're right though, mexican women love the wang
Suibrom: that's why they always have like a million kids
Me: Ryan, I do value your racist opinion :P
Suibrom: how is it racist if it's true?
Me: every mexican woman has like a million kids?
Suibrom: averaged out, yes
Me: haha
Suibrom: some have more than others
Me: the old maids are averaged out by the double million women?
Suibrom: yes
Me: good to know
Me: that even if I don't have kids
Me: there will be a mexican kid to replace me when I die

unicorns have boners coming out of their heads

2007-08-28T21:28:00.000-07:00

(11:20:31 PM) Me: do bugs just love your feet?
(11:20:35 PM) Stevenson: My feets must be easy targets.
(11:20:45 PM) Stevenson: Well, that's where I keep 80% of my blood.
(11:20:48 PM) Me: haha
(11:20:51 PM) Me: ah, I get it now
(11:21:29 PM) Me: that's probably why I bite your feet too
(11:21:46 PM) Stevenson: OH MY GOD, THAT'S DISGUSTING!
(11:22:03 PM) Me: then how come you have a boner right now?
(11:22:24 PM) Stevenson: Because I was stroking my wang.
(11:22:40 PM) Stevenson: Did you take your cameras home already?
(11:22:46 PM) Me: yeah
(11:22:52 PM) Me: am I missing the good stuff right now? :/
(11:22:56 PM) Stevenson: Too bad, you're gonna miss a good show.
(11:23:17 PM) Me: you'll just have to repeat it for me tomorrow
(11:23:45 PM) Stevenson: all over your face!
(11:23:53 PM) Me: sweet
(11:24:00 PM) Me: I was looking for a new moisturizing routine
(11:24:02 PM) Stevenson: Actually, it's kind of salty.
(11:24:14 PM) Me: well
(11:24:20 PM) Me: I put oil of olay in your burritos
(11:24:33 PM) Stevenson: eeewwww.
(11:25:17 PM) Me: eww is the noise you make when I say something totally hot, right?
(11:25:23 PM) Stevenson: yes!
(11:25:29 PM) Me: AWESOME
(11:25:40 PM) Me: I'M THE SEXIEST BEAST ALIVE
(11:25:45 PM) Me: TAKE THAT, UNICORN!
(11:26:09 PM) Stevenson: Well, I dunno. Unicorns basically have big boners coming out of their heads.
(11:26:11 PM) Stevenson: That's pretty sexy.
(11:26:28 PM) Me: haha
(11:26:34 PM) Me: who says I don't?
(11:26:44 PM) Stevenson: I've seen you bonerless head!
(11:26:47 PM) Stevenson: your
(11:26:55 PM) Me: Stevenson, man
(11:26:59 PM) Me: it's a wig
(11:27:31 PM) Stevenson: There's no way you have a wig that covers up a boner.
(11:27:34 PM) Stevenson: I'd be able to tell.
(11:27:43 PM) Me: wow
(11:27:45 PM) Stevenson: I'm an expert in Bonerology.
(11:27:49 PM) Me: hahaha
(11:27:51 PM) Me: man in my head
(11:27:58 PM) Me: I just imagined a book called Bonerology
(11:28:02 PM) Me: to go with like Dragonology
(11:28:06 PM) Me: and Egyptology
(11:29:49 PM) Me: err... they were best selling children's books

screaming germans

2007-08-21T10:31:00.001-07:00

(12:24:13 PM) Stevenson: There might not be anything better than listening to German people yell.
(12:24:37 PM) Me: hahahaha
(12:24:43 PM) Me: what prompted that remark?
(12:24:57 PM) Stevenson: Just daydreaming.
(12:27:44 PM) Me: about screaming germans?
(12:27:52 PM) Me: I like the way your mind works!
(12:27:56 PM) Stevenson: I know, I'm pretty sweet.

that would be terrible

2007-08-21T10:28:00.000-07:00

(12:15:53 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: put in my application today
(12:16:02 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: cut down my resume to this job and the last one
(12:16:11 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and my references are all basically the guys I work with now
(12:16:29 PM) Me: haha I guess they're good ref's :P
(12:16:31 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: probably not
(12:16:37 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: but who knows
(12:16:40 PM) Me: "hey, I know that guy! if he says Ryan is alright, he must be!'
(12:16:43 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I think my boss said only one other person had put in
(12:16:54 PM) Me: kick that person's ass!
(12:17:49 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:19:18 PM) Me: I should just show up outside that person's house
(12:19:25 PM) Me: slapping a tire iron menacingly against my hand
(12:19:35 PM) Me: give him/her the evil eye
(12:19:37 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha what if it's one of the other guys I work with
(12:19:52 PM) Me: haha that you used as a reference?
(12:19:57 PM) Me: that would be awesome
(12:21:30 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha yeha probably
(12:22:02 PM) Me: "he used my name as a reference AND stationed this psycho girl to stand outside my door with a tire iron"
(12:22:27 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:22:28 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: win!
(12:23:08 PM) Me: you're a shoo in! You have Amystopheles on your side!
(12:23:31 PM) Me: though, actually, I think you would be an idiot to sell your eternal soul for an IT job
(12:23:44 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha I wouldn't sell it, i'd just be friends with you
(12:23:46 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: that's good enough
(12:23:48 PM) Me: okay
(12:23:58 PM) Me: yeah, you do my bidding out in the world
(12:24:05 PM) Me: that's worth at least a promotion
(12:24:23 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha thanks
(12:24:28 PM) Me: you're welcome
(12:24:59 PM) Me: now go get Satan a coke
(12:25:10 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: with lots of ice
(12:25:33 PM) Me: yeah it gets pretty hot down here
(12:26:07 PM) Me: man wouldn't it be funny if you went to hell and you were like, "why?" and they're like, "you served satan!" and it turns out you were a waiter and got him a coke?
(12:26:18 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:26:22 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: that would be terrible

creepy sexual discussion

2007-08-12T21:45:00.000-07:00

(11:43:18 PM) Me: man... you know how sometimes I tell you that I think if someone walked in on me at the computer they would think I was a sex offender?
(11:43:22 PM) Me: or at least really crazy?
(11:43:30 PM) Me: Well I have pants on for once
(11:43:49 PM) Me: but I'm listening to the muppets version of "Silent Night"
(11:43:55 PM) Me: making crazy comics
(11:44:05 PM) Me: and having another creepy sexual discussion with Stevenson
(11:44:12 PM) Me: in fact
(11:44:17 PM) Me: if Stevenson is ever online
(11:44:24 PM) Me: you can just assme that we're having a creepy sexual discussion
(11:44:55 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(11:44:59 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: oh, i do
(11:45:09 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and that's why whenever I see you both online, you can assume I'm masturbating
(11:45:13 PM) Me: hahahaha
(11:45:21 PM) Me: I was about to say that
(11:45:25 PM) Me: you beat me to it
(11:45:34 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(11:45:39 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: no, I beat off to it
(11:45:47 PM) Me: yeah I thought of making that joke but it was too easy
(11:45:57 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: like your mother?
(11:46:02 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: AMY CLEAN YOUR ROOM
(11:46:07 PM) Me: HAHAHA
(11:46:12 PM) Me: the amy clean your room saves that one

lady jizz

2007-08-09T22:47:00.000-07:00

(12:37:48 AM) Stevenson: Man, my boner hurts.
(12:38:16 AM) Me: btw have you ever read a book called Real Ultimate Power?
(12:38:32 AM) Stevenson: THat ninja stuff?
(12:38:35 AM) Me: yeah
(12:38:40 AM) Me: but also a lot about boners
(12:38:46 AM) Stevenson: I've flipped through it, and seen the website.
(12:38:52 AM) Me: and I've never heard the phrase boner much outside of that book and you saying it all the time
(12:38:59 AM) Me: so like every time you talk about your boner
(12:39:03 AM) Me: I like think of a ninja boner
(12:39:18 AM) Stevenson: I don't say it all the time!
(12:39:25 AM) Stevenson: Have you ever read Mansfield Park?
(12:39:25 AM) Me: haha you do
(12:39:36 AM) Me: No, I heard there's nothing about boners in it
(12:40:03 AM) Stevenson: Not true, but she does bring up lady jizz a lot.
(12:40:10 AM) Stevenson: So every time you say lady jizz I think of Jane Austen.

imaginary penis

2007-08-08T21:50:00.000-07:00

(11:10:48 PM) Me: I think I'm getting carpal tunnel syndrome
(11:11:03 PM) Stevenson: Really? That sucks dick.
(11:11:13 PM) Me: fo rizzle
(11:11:54 PM) Stevenson: That sucks big, fat, hairy, donkey dick.
(11:12:07 PM) Stevenson: And balls.
(11:12:14 PM) Stevenson: And it eats the cum.
(11:12:17 PM) Stevenson: Also, it eats babies.
(11:12:21 PM) Me: ...uh yeah
(11:12:33 PM) Me: thanks for comparing life problems to porno :P
(11:12:38 PM) Stevenson: and then it murders you in your sleep 'cause it's a serial killer!
(11:12:46 PM) Stevenson: That's how bad it is.
(11:12:50 PM) Me: that is some awesome porn you've been watching
(11:13:00 PM) Stevenson: I wrote the script myself.
(11:13:05 PM) Stevenson: You're in it, you just don't know it yet...
(11:13:31 PM) Me: sexy
(11:13:34 PM) Me: can I be the donkey?
(11:13:41 PM) Stevenson: You read my mind.
(11:13:45 PM) Stevenson: Well, you can be one half of the donkey.
(11:15:10 PM) Me: okay
(11:15:14 PM) Me: mooooo!
(11:15:39 PM) Stevenson: You're fired.
(11:15:54 PM) Me: baa?
(11:16:13 PM) Stevenson: Hmm. Interesting. You're re-hired.
(11:18:36 PM) Me: sweet
(11:18:39 PM) Me: do I get a fluffer?
(11:19:00 PM) Stevenson: Umm... you don't really need one, but I guess so.
(11:19:19 PM) Me: yaaay
(11:19:34 PM) Me: I shall have the fluffiest imaginary penis of them all!
(11:20:04 PM) Stevenson: Oh, well in that case, I'm fluffing you right now.
(11:20:08 PM) Stevenson: If it's all imaginary.
(11:20:44 PM) Me: awesome
(11:21:00 PM) Me: I'm fluffing your imaginary penis right back
(11:22:28 PM) Stevenson: I just imaginary came.
(11:22:51 PM) Stevenson: God, we're dirty lately. Or maybe it's just me.
(11:23:19 PM) Me: haha no, I think you're right
(11:23:33 PM) Stevenson: I'm not complaining though.
(11:23:38 PM) Me: I was always this pervy
(11:23:43 PM) Me: you just got that way all of a sudden
(11:23:51 PM) Stevenson: haha
(11:24:04 PM) Stevenson: I guess I finally felt like it was okay.
(11:24:21 PM) Me: it's not just okay
(11:24:25 PM) Me: it's fabulous
(11:24:39 PM) Stevenson: That's what your mom said when I was fucking her ass.

I will choke a bitch

2007-08-08T10:24:00.001-07:00

(12:20:19 PM) Me: my other favorite lately is this http://www.geocities.com/tribble80/goodneighbor.jpg
(12:20:43 PM) Mike: haha
(12:20:45 PM) Mike: oh man
(12:20:52 PM) Mike: that one was lol
(12:21:04 PM) Me: haha I'm glad to have an appreciative audience
(12:21:08 PM) Mike: perhaps mainly because i just watched godfather
(12:21:15 PM) Me: oh
(12:21:20 PM) Me: I'm only funny in context? :/
(12:21:33 PM) Mike: no, you're more funny in context
(12:21:39 PM) Mike: also because im betting it really happened
(12:23:05 PM) Me: hahaha

vagina shoes

2007-08-06T10:49:00.000-07:00

I am a weird, weird, weird person.

12:24:43 PM) Me: pants are a sane man's natural enemy
(12:25:09 PM) Stevenson: I agree 100%.
(12:27:21 PM) Me: for reals
(12:27:25 PM) Me: I guess I should say "human"
(12:27:31 PM) Me: because I'm a woman (so far as I know)
(12:27:36 PM) Me: and pants are my natural enemy as well
(12:27:54 PM) Stevenson: Maybe that's a sign that you're really a man.
(12:29:27 PM) Me: probably
(12:29:36 PM) Stevenson: Hey Amy, do you have a penis?
(12:29:43 PM) Me: you'd think in a pantsless state it would be easier for me to tell whether or not I have a wang
(12:29:57 PM) Stevenson: haha
(12:30:00 PM) Stevenson: wang
(12:30:00 PM) Me: as far as I know, no. But, after that operation in mexico all bets are off
(12:30:05 PM) Me: I might have one inside or something
(12:30:12 PM) Stevenson: If you do, can I rub it on my face?
(12:32:19 PM) Me: I thought you'd never ask
(12:32:21 PM) Me: OF COURSE
(12:35:45 PM) Me: if you have a vagina
(12:35:51 PM) Me: can I put my foot in it?
(12:36:08 PM) Stevenson: well, I don't have a vagina, but if I did, YES.
(12:36:25 PM) Me: YOU ARE THE BEST
(12:36:42 PM) Me: I've always wanted to play "vagina shoes"
(12:37:50 PM) Me: now I have to find someone else to offer up their hypothetical vagina to me
(12:37:58 PM) Me: so I can have one for each foot
(12:38:05 PM) Me: I'll be the prettiest girl at the ball
(12:38:05 PM) Stevenson: Well, maybe I hypothetically have two vaginas.
(12:38:09 PM) Me: SWEEEET
(12:38:11 PM) Me: you're the best
(12:38:21 PM) Me: now I know why Satan told me to find you
(12:38:27 PM) Stevenson: Go ahead, slip 'em on. See how they feel.
(12:39:46 PM) Me: ooooh
(12:39:47 PM) Me: warm
(12:40:28 PM) Stevenson: my vaginas aren't too tight for you, are they?
(12:41:29 PM) Me: actually they are quite comfortable
(12:41:32 PM) Me: SHIT
(12:41:39 PM) Me: you've done this before, haven't you?
(12:41:53 PM) Me: I'm not your first foot in the vagina :/
(12:42:11 PM) Stevenson: Yes you are. I shoved some shampoo bottles up there to stretch them out.
(12:42:24 PM) Stevenson: They've been waiting my while life for your feet.
(12:43:33 PM) Me: hahahhaa
(12:43:43 PM) Me: even better is the gross misspellings and grammar in that sentence
(12:43:50 PM) Me: I feel the true emotion behind those words
(12:45:03 PM) Stevenson: gog damnit
(12:45:13 PM) Stevenson: WHOLE
(12:46:56 PM) Me: GOG DAMMIT
(12:47:22 PM) Stevenson: Don't make me take away your vagina shoes.
(12:48:03 PM) Me: noooo
(12:48:09 PM) Me: not my vagina shoes!

you're a super lady

2007-08-04T21:09:00.000-07:00

bishopposey: god, I hate cleaning out my ears.
SpankingGnome: are you a waxy fella?
bishopposey: hahaha
bishopposey: I like that.
bishopposey: I imaginged you saying it like Marge Gunderson from Fargo.

jizz makes the best baby seasoning

2007-08-04T21:08:00.000-07:00

(12:33:30 AM) Stevenson: So, I kidnapped this woman's baby today.
(12:33:33 AM) Stevenson: Stroller and everything.
(12:33:48 AM) Stevenson: I sold the stroller for 50 bucks to a homeless lady downtown.
(12:34:03 AM) Stevenson: But I can't decide if I should eat the baby or just kill it and rape it.
(12:34:08 AM) Me: haha
(12:34:10 AM) Me: you can do both
(12:34:17 AM) Me: I find that jizz makes a great baby seasoning
(12:34:23 AM) Stevenson: Well, I have this thing where I don't like to eat things I've raped.
(12:34:30 AM) Me: well next time I'll stay longer I guess
(12:34:33 AM) Me: I'm sorry :/
(12:34:36 AM) Stevenson: shooooooosh!
(12:34:40 AM) Me: psh, give it to me
(12:34:44 AM) Me: I love eating things you've raped
(12:34:51 AM) Stevenson: hahaha
(12:35:04 AM) Stevenson: Then you love eating your mom!
(12:35:26 AM) Stevenson: And I don't mean with some fava beans and a nice chianti...
(12:35:32 AM) Stevenson: BURN!

beemer steamer

2007-08-02T22:35:00.000-07:00

Re: Stevenson's VW bug

(12:03:08 AM) Me: today I was driving around my non descript car
(12:03:11 AM) Me: and I realized
(12:03:16 AM) Me: that you have the greatest car ever
(12:03:21 AM) Me: because it makes children hit each other
(12:03:21 AM) Stevenson: haha
(12:03:29 AM) Stevenson: hahaha
(12:03:48 AM) Stevenson: I guess I'm pretty great.
(12:04:24 AM) Stevenson: And sometimes it makes adults hit children :)
(12:04:28 AM) Me: hahaaah
(12:04:37 AM) Me: well I don't need an excuse to hit children
(12:04:42 AM) Me: but I'm glad you help the more timid
(12:05:09 AM) Me: man I need to buy a cadilac
(12:05:21 AM) Me: and we need to like drive around town together in our respecitive vehicles
(12:05:28 AM) Me: making people hit children
(12:05:40 AM) Stevenson: what does the Caddy have to do with it?
(12:06:07 AM) Stevenson: are you supposed to hit people when yo see one of those?
(12:06:27 AM) Me: bug slug
(12:06:30 AM) Me: cadilac whack
(12:06:36 AM) Me: you didn't know that?
(12:06:39 AM) Stevenson: huh. Never heard of it.
(12:06:50 AM) Me: I assure you it is as prevalent as a bug slug
(12:07:32 AM) Stevenson: huh.
(12:07:35 AM) Stevenson: I think you just made it up.
(12:07:52 AM) Stevenson: BUT, we should totally just make up a hitting game for every type of car.
(12:07:58 AM) Stevenson: Like... Camry Whamry.
(12:08:36 AM) Me: haha
(12:08:43 AM) Me: Corolla I STAB YOU
(12:09:15 AM) Stevenson: Finger in your eye when you see a semi.
(12:10:40 AM) Me: haha
(12:11:56 AM) Me: oh
(12:12:03 AM) Me: man I shouldn't have used stab on corrolla
(12:12:07 AM) Me: cab stab
(12:12:11 AM) Stevenson: totally.
(12:12:36 AM) Stevenson: Beamer Cleveland Steamer.
(12:15:01 AM) Me: HAHAH
(12:15:10 AM) Me: you just.... win

ryan truly is the win to my wang

2007-08-02T21:42:00.000-07:00

(11:40:58 PM) Me: sorry, I was in the shower
(11:41:00 PM) Me: masturbating
(11:41:03 PM) Me: to you masturbating
(11:41:05 PM) Me: to me pooping
(11:41:17 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(11:41:25 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: nice I must have known, because I was masturbating to all that

somewhere out there

2007-08-02T11:41:00.000-07:00

phoemeister (1:37:43 PM): and I actually do have the runs cause I ate a lot of pizza earlier
Suibrom (1:38:06 PM): doh : (
Suibrom (1:38:15 PM): I have a feeling this boatload of nachos is going to have a similar effect
phoemeister (1:38:29 PM): haha do you remember an American Tail?
Suibrom (1:38:59 PM): yeah
phoemeister (1:39:14 PM): you know that song they sing about how they're thinking of each other
phoemeister (1:39:18 PM): and looking at the same stars
phoemeister (1:39:21 PM): at the same time
Suibrom (1:39:22 PM): haha
phoemeister (1:39:26 PM): that could be us
phoemeister (1:39:30 PM): but with poo
Suibrom (1:39:35 PM): maybe we can sing about horrible ass-burning runs
phoemeister (1:39:55 PM): "Someeeeewheree ouuuuuuuuut theeeeeeeeeere beneath the pale moonlight..."
phoemeister (1:40:06 PM): "someone's thinking of me, and shitting out their guts"
Suibrom (1:40:19 PM): hahah
Suibrom (1:40:21 PM): beautiful

blue poo: the poem

2007-07-24T23:10:00.000-07:00

(1:06:03 AM) Me: what is up my blue pooin' friend?
(1:07:16 AM) blue poo: pooin' blue
(1:07:24 AM) Me: through and through?
(1:07:27 AM) blue poo: true
(1:07:34 AM) Me: oh, you
(1:07:51 AM) blue poo: a poem
(1:08:03 AM) Me: I suppose it's better than my last one
(1:08:06 AM) Me: "roses are red
(1:08:10 AM) Me: violets are blue
(1:08:16 AM) Me: can I masturbate on your front porch?"
(1:08:24 AM) blue poo: nice
(1:08:27 AM) blue poo: and yes
(1:08:29 AM) blue poo: oh
(1:08:38 AM) blue poo: it wasn't a question...it was a poem

purple poo

2007-07-22T22:50:00.000-07:00

(12:48:05 AM) Me: and I was like, "Please tell me you have pills that make you crap blue! It's the only color I can't make!"
(12:48:16 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:48:22 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: have you made purple then?
(12:48:42 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: or is it like.. anything above blue on the spectrum?
(12:48:57 AM) Me: hahah I don't know wtf that was but it was hilarious
(12:49:03 AM) Me: I can sort of make purple
(12:49:09 AM) Me: if my colon is bleeding
(12:49:16 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: that's more red
(12:49:25 AM) Me: it was a burgundy
(12:49:28 AM) Me: which is close enough
(12:49:40 AM) Me: considering most people can't make that
(12:49:45 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:49:48 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: without being seriously ill anyway
(12:49:53 AM) Me: exactly

blue poo

2007-07-22T22:46:00.000-07:00

This is not Andy DN. But I still found this conver amusing:

(12:31:54 AM) Me: I can poo most of the colors of the rainbow though
(12:37:40 AM) dude: impressive
(12:38:38 AM) Me: blue eludes me
(12:39:12 AM) dude: eat blueberries
(12:39:43 AM) Me: I have
(12:39:47 AM) Me: doesn't help
(12:41:00 AM) dude: really? it works for me
(12:42:02 AM) Me: haha you poop blue?
(12:42:23 AM) dude: sort of
(12:42:25 AM) Me: Andy....... you complete me

Look out, Wolverine!

2007-07-19T09:05:00.001-07:00

this conversation is the sequel to one where I told Ryan that I keep all the hookers I kill in my vagina. I wish I had saved that one, but I did not. Also there's a reference in there to this signed note I gave to Ryan saying that he can do anything he wants to with my corpse when I die, included but not limited to eating or nailing it.

(10:34:44 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: of course the bed probably gets more uncomfortable proportional to the amount of dead hookers I stuff in it
(10:34:50 AM) Me: haha
(10:34:53 AM) Me: problem solved
(10:34:55 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(10:34:58 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: but I LOVE sleeping on them
(10:34:58 AM) Me: just put them in your vagina the way I do
(10:35:09 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I can discreetly hump them through the matress
(10:35:13 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: while I'm sleeping
(10:35:16 AM) Me: it's awesome to sleep with them in you
(10:35:28 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: hmm now I just need to get a vagina somewhere
(10:35:29 AM) Me: especially the ones that are still alive
(10:35:33 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and start shoving dead hookers into it
(10:35:37 AM) Me: yeah that's right
(10:35:49 AM) Me: "THE HOOKERS ARE TRAPPED IN AMY'S VAGINA"
(10:35:54 AM) Me: "THEY'RE BURIED ALIVE"
(10:36:10 AM) Me: "BUT WHAT AN AWESOME PLACE TO GO FIRST"
(10:37:06 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha no joke
(10:37:16 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: if I'm going to be buried alive, I want it to happen in a vagina
(10:37:28 AM) Me: haha just become a hooker
(10:37:31 AM) Me: I'll come for you
(10:37:36 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(10:37:39 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I hope you mean that in every way
(10:38:08 AM) Me: haha you need to write out a note that says I can do whatever I want with your corpse included but not limited to putting it up my vagina
(10:38:22 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(10:38:24 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: no no
(10:38:28 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: see that defeats the purpose
(10:38:35 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I want you to put my LIVE body up your vagina
(10:38:37 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and I'll die there
(10:38:43 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and you can have a still birth of me later
(10:41:47 AM) Me: hahahah
(10:42:15 AM) Me: well, you should make the same note but for like if you have a terminal disease like cancer or something
(10:42:30 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: Does your vagina work like a cryogenics chamber?
(10:42:55 AM) Me: haha fifty years from now Ryan crawls out of my tang, "did you cure monkey cancer yet?"
(10:43:46 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: hahah
(10:44:02 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: but you'll be all greedy and even if they have you'll be like.. "No get back in there!"
(10:44:17 AM) Me: haha I'd be so old by then
(10:44:24 AM) Me: "I don't want to be in an old lady's vagina"
(10:44:35 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha yeah I'll be all creeped out being in some old ladies vagina
(10:44:43 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: "Get your silver cotton candy outa my face lady!"
(10:44:53 AM) Me: how did I know that was coming
(10:45:17 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: maybe you have a sixth sense for detecting old lady pube jokes?
(10:45:27 AM) Me: wow
(10:45:28 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: or should I say.. a sick sense
(10:45:30 AM) Me: if X men ever happens
(10:45:35 AM) Me: it's good to know I have a power too
(10:45:41 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(10:45:49 AM) Me: a useless, creepy power
(10:45:58 AM) Me: that normal people will want to kill me for
(10:45:58 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: "Watch out wolverine! an old lady is coming this way.. and she's exposing herself!"
(10:46:03 AM) Me: HAHA
(10:46:07 AM) Me: see I could be helpful
(10:46:13 AM) Me: that could majorly fuck up wolverine's game
(10:46:15 AM) Me: if he had to see that
(10:46:17 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha yeah
(10:46:29 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: he'd be in even *more* therapy
(10:48:16 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: man the internet is all kindsa boring today
(10:48:50 AM) Me: fuck you
(10:48:52 AM) Me: I'm awesome
(10:49:12 AM) Me: "I just had a discussion abut wolverine seing an old lady's vagina"
(10:49:17 AM) Me: "oh man the internet is boooooorring"
(10:49:27 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: hahah
(10:49:28 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: no no
(10:49:32 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: you're not part of the internets
(10:49:36 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: you are indeed awesome

Martin Mull Has a Posse

2007-07-19T08:51:00.000-07:00

phoemeister (3:39:37 PM): I like ponies
jason: a pony killed my mother once. how dare you bring up ponies! :p
phoemeister (3:42:13 PM): thta's why I like ponies
phoemeister (3:42:18 PM): I was tired of that bitch
jason: it was you! AAAAHHHHHHHHHRRGGGG!!!
phoemeister (3:42:56 PM): Um, I'm not a pony
phoemeister (3:42:58 PM): I just like them
phoemeister (3:43:05 PM): and their mother-killing properties
jason: ahhh well luckily she survived that death.
phoemeister (3:43:29 PM): haha wow, that's good
phoemeister (3:43:32 PM): that sounded close
jason: yeah it was touch and go. she was dead, then REAL dead, then sorta dead and then not really dead at all. thankfully it didn't go to Zombie.
phoemeister (3:45:16 PM): we dodged a bullet there
phoemeister (3:45:22 PM): your mom already has a taste for brains
jason: indeed. heh
phoemeister (3:45:34 PM): who knows what Zombism would do to that monsterous appetite
jason: man and i'm supposed to have dinner with them in two hours. I'll have to try not to laugh.
phoemeister (3:46:27 PM): haha
phoemeister (3:46:40 PM): hopefully your mom doesn't cook/order a brain-looking substance
jason: that would be most unfortunate
phoemeister (3:47:43 PM): yeah
phoemeister (3:47:56 PM): though I can't even really think of anything brain looking off the top of my head
jason: well, monkey's brains, while popular in Cantonese cuisine, are not often to be found in Washington D.C.
jason (please tell me you get that quote)
phoemeister (3:48:50 PM): YES
phoemeister (3:48:53 PM): awesome clue reference
jasoYES!!
phoemeister (3:48:58 PM): YOU WIN
phoemeister (3:49:01 PM): AT BEING AWESOME
jason WIN!
phoemeister (3:49:12 PM): man, I love that movie
phoemeister (3:49:20 PM): you just rocked my world
jason: the cast is just marvelous. so many awesome people in it. MARTIN MULL!!!!
phoemeister (3:52:34 PM): For reals
jason: I need to make a shirt that says MARTIN MULL HAS A POSSE
phoemeister (3:52:50 PM): man, I've even watched Sabrina the Teenaged Witch on occaision for that man
phoemeister (3:53:32 PM): that show is actually kind of awesome though. For one scene.
jason): anI have a secret strange crush on Caroline Rhea.... don't tell anyone.
phoemeister (3:53:53 PM): There's this episode where the chick Martin Mull is trying to date turns herself into a man with magic to make him leave her alone
phoemeister (3:53:54 PM): HAHA
phoemeister (3:54:06 PM): And her man self is like this biker guy
phoemeister (3:54:23 PM): And Martin Mull is like, "please don't hurt me! I loved your work at Altamont."
phoemeister (3:54:28 PM): and it BLEW MY MIND
phoemeister (3:54:36 PM): awesomest quote on a tween comedy EVAR
jason: hahahaha that is SPECTACULAR!

I fucked your girlfriend

2007-07-18T21:26:00.000-07:00

(8:58:11 PM) Me: dude if I ever did Brooke
(8:58:22 PM) Me: I would totally call you up right after and be like, "I fucked your girlfriend."
(8:58:25 PM) Me: just to let you know
(8:58:44 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha thanks
(8:58:48 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I would hope you'd video tape it
(9:01:02 PM) Me: haha no promises
(9:01:27 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: it's okay
(9:01:31 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: if you didn't, brooke would :X
(9:02:21 PM) Me: haha
(9:02:26 PM) Me: well she might actually have a camera
(9:02:29 PM) Me: which Ii'm sure helps
(9:02:41 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha yes
(9:04:34 PM) Me: I'd have to draw a lot of crappy pictures in paint and make a flip book
(9:04:44 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha it would be awesome though
(9:04:44 PM) Me: that's a lot more work than camera on
(9:05:13 PM) Me: hahaha I should just IM her "Hey brooke, mind if I draw a lot of shitty pictures in paint of me giving it to you with a strap on? "
(9:05:40 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha you should :X
(9:08:34 PM) Me: psh, a true artist does not ask for permission
(9:09:02 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: is that artist or rapist?
(9:09:59 PM) Me: haha neither
(9:10:03 PM) Me: that's why I like art so much
(9:10:08 PM) Me: it's so similar to my other true love
(9:10:53 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha nice
(9:11:41 PM) Me: I think of myself as a rartist
(9:12:17 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: "rape is my art"
(9:14:10 PM) Me: hhaa, how did you know what my art is about?
(9:14:35 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: it's all abstract and weird
(9:14:38 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: but I know rape when Isee it
(9:16:20 PM) Me: hahaha
(9:16:37 PM) Me: "I know rape when I'm bent over the urinal with my ass in the air!"
(9:16:58 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha nice
(9:17:24 PM) Me: that's what the butterfly one was about
(9:18:00 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha how can you be bent over a urinal? :X
(9:19:35 PM) Me: I don't know
(9:19:38 PM) Me: you figure it out
(9:19:42 PM) Me: and get back to me
(9:19:48 PM) Me: cause I really want to do someone that way sometime
(9:19:52 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(9:19:57 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I bet I could work it out
(9:20:08 PM) Me: hahah
(9:20:14 PM) Me: Ryan's like, "I like a challenge"
(9:20:59 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: well you could totally be bent over in front of a urinal
(9:21:05 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: but I dunno that oyu'd want to put your hands on that thing
(9:21:32 PM) Me: hey, I'm already raping someone. I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty.
(9:25:38 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: what about everything else dirty?
(9:26:13 PM) Me: look it's not a good time if I'm not covered in urine
(9:26:14 PM) Me: you know this

you're a wizard, harry

2007-07-18T21:23:00.000-07:00

Re: Harry Potter. And I actually DO know how it ends already, strangely enough for someone who fucking hates HP.

(10:06:43 PM) Me: haha we're thinking of going to the release party and I just want to scream "everyone dies in a nuclear explosion in the first five pages then the rest is blank, and you'll still buy it too, motherfuckers!"
(10:06:50 PM) Me: though of course that is only how I wish the book is
(10:06:55 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(10:07:01 PM) Me: maybe instead of blank the rest could be pictures
(10:07:08 PM) Me: like maybe Harry dies right away in the blast
(10:07:25 PM) Me: but like Ron's skin just slowly melts off his bones due to radiation sickness
(10:07:40 PM) Me: and Hermione's silhouette is burned into the building she was standing in front of
(10:08:05 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: no way
(10:08:16 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: hermione gets really big radioactive jugs
(10:08:35 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: it's kind of like the hulk
(10:08:40 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: only.. you would like her when she gets angry
(10:09:08 PM) Me: hahahah

emo cheese

2007-07-16T20:42:00.000-07:00

(10:37:45 PM) Me: probably cause you go days without eating
(10:37:55 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha not usually
(10:38:02 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: it's pretty rare that I go without eating
(10:38:09 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: though tonight.. I'm too lazy to make idnner
(10:38:13 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: so I'm having a bowl of ice cream
(10:38:15 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and some gold fish
(10:38:19 PM) Me: that's still food
(10:38:22 PM) Me: that's Amy food, in fact
(10:38:40 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: yeah I should go bust out my block of extra sharp cheddar
(10:38:44 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and I would BE you
(10:38:51 PM) Me: haha for reals
(10:40:19 PM) Me: though actually I go for mild
(10:41:16 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: mild is for girls who can't handle real cheese
(10:41:31 PM) Me: well I'll eat sharp
(10:41:37 PM) Me: but I'll THINK of mild the whole time
(10:41:48 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(10:41:49 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: extra sharp
(10:41:52 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I like to CUT myself
(10:41:54 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: with cheese
(10:41:57 PM) Me: HAHA
(10:42:00 PM) Me: touche
(10:42:16 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I'm so emo that even my cheese is extra sharp because I like to cut myself with it

RYAN HAS A BOOB

2007-07-10T21:37:00.000-07:00

Phoemeister (10:30:14 PM): I got my case for my MP3 player
Phoemeister (10:30:16 PM): it's tiny
Suibrom (10:30:36 PM): the mp3 player is pretty small
Suibrom (10:30:45 PM): like I said, definitely more portable than a cd player
Phoemeister (10:31:08 PM): mmm, I never had trouble taking my cd player places before though
Suibrom (10:31:26 PM): yeah but I mean like.. in your pocket portable
Phoemeister (10:31:41 PM): haha I guess. I can't fit any more stuff in my pockets though
Phoemeister (10:31:52 PM): especially since shit constantly falls out of them
Phoemeister (10:32:21 PM): this case has like a waistband clip or whatever though. So even though it's gay, I could conceivably use that
Suibrom (10:34:53 PM): hm, but youcould put it in a jacket or hoody pocket
Suibrom (10:34:59 PM): which you couldn't do with a cd player
Phoemeister (10:35:27 PM): which actually things fall out of those pockets even more, because they actually ARE huge enough for a cd player
Phoemeister (10:35:44 PM): seriously, I used to keep ginormous brick batteries for tv cameras in my hoodie pockets
Phoemeister (10:35:51 PM): they're ginormous and things fall out constantly
Suibrom (10:36:02 PM): haha
Suibrom (10:36:05 PM): okay
Suibrom (10:36:11 PM): so time to carry a fanny pack
Phoemeister (10:36:27 PM): haha there were veteran photographers who had fanny packs
Phoemeister (10:36:40 PM): I also have my hands to carry stuff with
Suibrom (10:36:55 PM): hands schmands
Suibrom (10:37:00 PM): what if you need to use your hands
Phoemeister (10:37:39 PM): haha this reminds me of an episode of Hom Movies
Phoemeister (10:37:50 PM): where Coach McGuirk gets these crazy huge pecs that look like boobs
Suibrom (10:37:53 PM): haha
Phoemeister (10:38:02 PM): and he is trying to convince everyone that the pecs are so useful
Phoemeister (10:38:12 PM): so he pours food on them and eats off of them
Phoemeister (10:38:22 PM): and brendan's like, "You could just use your hands, you know"
Phoemeister (10:38:32 PM): and he's like,"yeah but this frees up my hands for whatever they want to do"
Suibrom (10:38:37 PM): haha that's right
Suibrom (10:38:41 PM): it's a good argument
Suibrom (10:38:47 PM): I should look into humungous pecs
Phoemeister (10:38:50 PM): and Brendan's like, "okay so you spend 8 hours in a gym every day so you don't have to use your hands when you eat"
Phoemeister (10:39:09 PM): be careful. McGuirk tried to lift too much with his and they popped like balloons
Phoemeister (10:39:17 PM): and he had to put his big saggy boobs in a bra
Phoemeister (10:39:22 PM): filled with ice
Suibrom (10:39:24 PM): haha
Suibrom (10:39:27 PM): I'm gonna go out on a limb here
Suibrom (10:39:38 PM): and say that muscles don't pop like balloons
Phoemeister (10:39:50 PM): well it is a cartoon
Suibrom (10:40:06 PM): fucking cartoons!
Suibrom (10:40:08 PM): where's the reality?!
Phoemeister (10:40:22 PM): I put my wang in your mom's reality
Suibrom (10:40:42 PM): brendon looks like a totally real kid.. I expect the rest of the show to stand up to that kind of realism
Phoemeister (10:40:49 PM): haha
Phoemeister (10:40:55 PM): like how they don't have sleeves
Phoemeister (10:41:01 PM): and their hands are the color of their outfit
Suibrom (10:41:04 PM): they all wear jumpers
Suibrom (10:41:05 PM): always
Suibrom (10:41:10 PM): just in case they need to go into space
Phoemeister (10:41:17 PM): hahaha
Phoemeister (10:42:14 PM): I love how you'll rationalize that but not the pecs
Phoemeister (10:44:38 PM): PS coach mcGuirk's boobs were named "big rig" and "jesse"
Suibrom (10:44:43 PM): haha
Suibrom (10:44:53 PM): I would totally name one of my boobs "big rig"
Phoemeister (10:45:08 PM): see you need to work out and get some pecs
Suibrom (10:45:19 PM): I already got a boob
Phoemeister (10:45:25 PM): just one?
Suibrom (10:45:33 PM): yup
Phoemeister (10:45:56 PM): how does that work?
Suibrom (10:46:00 PM): haha magic I guess
Suibrom (10:46:06 PM): I believe it gives me psychic powers
Suibrom (10:46:19 PM): man we've totally talked about this before
Phoemeister (10:48:11 PM): we have?
Phoemeister (10:48:15 PM): I don't remember this at all
Phoemeister (10:49:55 PM): so re explain it to me
Suibrom (10:50:10 PM): I have some brest tissue in my right breast
Suibrom (10:50:16 PM): like.. woman breast tissue
Suibrom (10:50:28 PM): freaked me out growing up because I was like "OH GOD I HAVE BOOB CANCER"
Suibrom (10:50:38 PM): and then the doctor was like "no it's okay, you just have part of a boob"
Phoemeister (10:50:50 PM): hahaha
Phoemeister (10:50:52 PM): what?
Phoemeister (10:50:55 PM): I would remember this
Phoemeister (10:51:00 PM): why are you part woman?
Suibrom (10:51:02 PM): haha
Suibrom (10:51:13 PM): I dunno! It's apparently pretty normal
Suibrom (10:51:16 PM): so the doctor says
Suibrom (10:51:39 PM): something about less more estrogen or.. less testosterone or something
Phoemeister (10:52:01 PM): or how you're a woman?
Phoemeister (10:52:07 PM): wow that sounds gross
Phoemeister (10:52:09 PM): does it stick out?
Suibrom (10:52:13 PM): not really no
Suibrom (10:52:19 PM): it looks like the other one
Phoemeister (10:52:21 PM): how do you know youhave it?
Suibrom (10:52:30 PM): because there's like a lump in my boob
Phoemeister (10:52:55 PM): wow
Phoemeister (10:53:00 PM): no you never told me
Phoemeister (10:53:02 PM): I'd remember this
Suibrom (10:53:07 PM): haha "because we can't be friends now"
Phoemeister (10:53:19 PM): exactly

Then I signed out to give the joke a little more punch.
When I came back:

Suibrom (10:53:29 PM): haha you're a dick!
Phoemeister (10:53:36 PM): you loved it
Phoemeister (10:53:42 PM): it made you laugh
Phoemeister (10:53:44 PM): it was funny
Suibrom (10:53:44 PM): haha I did
Suibrom (10:53:49 PM): and for a brief second
Phoemeister (10:53:52 PM): it made your boob tingle a little
Suibrom (10:53:54 PM): I thought you were serious
Suibrom (10:53:58 PM): but then I was like "haha amy's a dick!"
Phoemeister (10:54:00 PM): haha for reals?
Phoemeister (10:54:02 PM): I'm sorry
Phoemeister (10:54:13 PM): I thought you'd know I was joking
Suibrom (10:54:16 PM): haha it's okay, it was just a brief second
Phoemeister (10:55:07 PM): phew

Afternoon delight

2007-07-08T20:41:00.000-07:00

Phoemeister (10:33:22 PM): oh also I had an ephiphany in the car today
Phoemeister (10:34:22 PM): I was listening to some shitty pop song where this dude was enumerating the nice things his girlfriend does for him
Phoemeister (10:35:31 PM): and I realized I would be a really awesome girlfriend because I would do awesome things for my man, like have sex in the middle of the day for no reason
Phoemeister (10:35:45 PM): but that I would be a really horrible girlfriend, because I would insist on singing afternoon delight the whole time
Suibrom (10:35:53 PM): hahah
Suibrom (10:35:55 PM): dude
Suibrom (10:35:58 PM): it would be worth it
Suibrom (10:36:29 PM): guys don't care what's going in their ears while their dongs are going into something pleasant
Phoemeister (10:37:27 PM): hahah thanks
Phoemeister (10:37:34 PM): I'll keep that in mind
Suibrom (10:38:26 PM): I mean.. except maybe ice picks or hot pokers
Suibrom (10:38:34 PM): but they probably wouldn't even notice until it was too late
Phoemeister (10:39:26 PM): muahahaha
Phoemeister (10:39:43 PM): little did Ryan know, but he had just created the hot-poker-ear serial killer
Suibrom (10:39:56 PM): haha
Suibrom (10:39:59 PM): you already are
Suibrom (10:40:04 PM): what with your ear-fucking
Suibrom (10:40:11 PM): you just call it "The hot poker"
Phoemeister (10:40:19 PM): nah, dudes fuck my ear
Phoemeister (10:40:39 PM): it makes small men feel big
Phoemeister (10:40:50 PM): even though I insist on singing afternoon delight the whole time
Suibrom (10:40:58 PM): haha
Phoemeister (10:41:25 PM): it's the circle of life, Ryan
Suibrom (10:41:44 PM): thanks elton

Smells like gwasas

2007-07-08T09:08:00.000-07:00

Phoemeister (10:59:32 AM): I was listening to Nirvana
Phoemeister (10:59:37 AM): and I thought of Smells Like Teen Spirit
Phoemeister (10:59:53 AM): and you know that deoderant they had back in the day called Teen Spirit?
Suibrom (10:59:55 AM): yeah
Phoemeister (11:00:04 AM): which I am pretty sure the song title is in reference to
Suibrom (11:00:03 AM): pretty sure that's the whole point of the song
Phoemeister (11:00:09 AM): yeah
Phoemeister (11:00:28 AM): I just thought--no one under a certain age who listens to Nirvana will ever get that
Suibrom (11:00:32 AM): haha yeah probably not
Phoemeister (11:00:37 AM): cause that deoderant doesn't exist anymore
Phoemeister (11:00:44 AM): and it made me sort of sad
Phoemeister (11:00:51 AM): "they won't get the deoderant reference!"
Phoemeister (11:01:09 AM): I remember thinking it hilarious that someone had a song named after deoderant
Suibrom (11:01:25 AM): haha yeah
Phoemeister (11:01:56 AM): and then when I found out it was a good, popular, not funny song
Phoemeister (11:02:00 AM): I was like, 'wha?"
Suibrom (11:02:36 AM): haha
Suibrom (11:02:38 AM): I'm so confused!
Suibrom (11:02:44 AM): it's about deoderant but it's not funny
Phoemeister (11:03:05 AM): man I even remember the ads for teen spirit back in the day
Phoemeister (11:03:13 AM): hell I think I even used it for awhile
Phoemeister (11:03:41 AM): also when you think of it, that's a pretty weirdass name for a deoderant
Suibrom (11:03:43 AM): yeah it is
Suibrom (11:03:49 AM): unless it's made of like.. teenage hormones
Phoemeister (11:04:04 AM): or haunted by teenagers
Phoemeister (11:04:22 AM): "look, this cheerleader killed in a drunk driving accident is haunting my armpit"
Suibrom (11:04:38 AM): haha
Phoemeister (11:07:21 AM): "oh yeah? well I got a janitor! who rocks out! with a mop!"
Suibrom (11:07:31 AM): haha that is pretty awesome
Phoemeister (11:08:02 AM): my pits draw the classiest dead people
Suibrom (11:09:02 AM): I bet george washington hangs out in your pits

we know too much about linkin park

2007-07-06T23:01:00.000-07:00

Suibrom (12:47:24 AM): I think it's mostly because it's one of the singers from linkin park
Suibrom (12:47:49 AM): and I think he's japanese or something
Phoemeister (12:47:57 AM): Mike Shinoda
Suibrom (12:47:55 AM): yeah
Phoemeister (12:48:00 AM): I'm sad that I know this
Suibrom (12:47:57 AM): that's him
Suibrom (12:47:59 AM): haha
Phoemeister (12:48:11 AM): Linkin Park used to be huge though
Phoemeister (12:48:13 AM): that's my defense
Suibrom (12:48:12 AM): haha
Suibrom (12:48:14 AM): I'll allow that
Phoemeister (12:48:27 AM): I actually can't remember the lead guy's name anymore though
Phoemeister (12:48:29 AM): just the rapper guy
Suibrom (12:48:45 AM): Chester bennington?
Suibrom (12:48:57 AM): and my only defense for knowing that is he's from Phoenix
Phoemeister (12:49:18 AM): hahah
Suibrom (12:49:15 AM): so they threw his name around a lot when Linkin Park got big
Phoemeister (12:49:28 AM): yeah... plus the name Chester is kind of unique
Phoemeister (12:49:31 AM): I used to know that
Suibrom (12:49:29 AM): yeah
Phoemeister (12:49:34 AM): and I know it again now
Suibrom (12:49:34 AM): he's got the whitest name in history

lord of the clown names

2007-07-06T11:27:00.000-07:00

Suibrom (1:26:20 PM): bilbo is totally a clown name
Phoemeister (1:26:28 PM): it is
Phoemeister (1:26:33 PM): like a white trash clown, even
Phoemeister (1:26:40 PM): that's not as good as the regular clowns
Phoemeister (1:27:05 PM): he sits around at home in a sweat stained wifebeater scratching his nuts saying, "none of the kids like me as much as Bozo"
Suibrom (1:27:12 PM): hahah
Suibrom (1:27:30 PM): so almost exactly like lord of the rings?

Ryan repeats himself

2007-07-05T22:02:00.000-07:00

Suibrom (10:37:05 PM): right now she's obsessed with chris-what's his name
Suibrom (10:37:13 PM): that was in the fantastic four movies
Phoemeister (10:37:18 PM): HAHHA
Phoemeister (10:37:27 PM): we had this same conversation RE: her loving him back when the first one came out
Phoemeister (10:37:29 PM): I swear to you
Suibrom (10:37:30 PM): hahah
Suibrom (10:37:34 PM): I don't doubt that AT ALL
Phoemeister (10:37:45 PM): like she linked you to some picture of him from it
Phoemeister (10:37:58 PM): and you found some other picture of him in the group that was hilarious or something
Phoemeister (10:38:01 PM): and showed it to me
Suibrom (10:38:00 PM): hahah
Suibrom (10:38:05 PM): that DOES sound like me

college years

2007-07-03T08:38:00.000-07:00

Phoemeister (10:33:04 AM): oh man, the other day I was thinking
Phoemeister (10:33:30 AM): people keep giving me shit about working at State Farm because all the people there are like boring corporate zombies
Phoemeister (10:33:38 AM): and how I'm going to turn into one
Phoemeister (10:33:45 AM): and for awhile I was actually worried about this
Phoemeister (10:34:11 AM): but then I was like.... hmmm.... spending my days with stupid "typical" people douchebags
Phoemeister (10:34:29 AM): being lonely and misanthropic and having no friends except for Ryan
Suibrom (10:34:36 AM): haha
Phoemeister (10:34:38 AM): does this sound like my college years at all?
Suibrom (10:34:40 AM): good deal!
Suibrom (10:34:42 AM): haha
Phoemeister (10:34:44 AM): and they made me who I am today

re: model train guy

2007-07-02T12:31:00.000-07:00

Phoemeister (2:17:29 PM): man, I'm lucky though. Like, both my downstairs neighbors and Dylan weren't really warned that he was creepy
Phoemeister (2:17:40 PM): so they weren't dicks to him all the time like I am
Phoemeister (2:17:55 PM): so he'd like always come to their doors and be like, "I know you're in there!" and bother them until they came out
bishopposey (2:18:03 PM): oh my god
bishopposey (2:18:07 PM): that's terrible.
Phoemeister (2:18:29 PM): that's what I'm saying
Phoemeister (2:18:40 PM): being a dick to him is my defense!
bishopposey (2:18:35 PM): You're totally justified.
Phoemeister (2:20:23 PM): thank you
bishopposey (2:20:34 PM): I, on the other hand, would probably be nice to him and end up hating myself.
Phoemeister (2:21:50 PM): I still kind of hate myself for being such a dick, and/or not just straightforwardly being like, "you know what, you creep me out. I'm sorry, but I hate talking to you. Please stop staking out the garbage cans."
Phoemeister (2:22:14 PM): I really dread taking out my garbage now
bishopposey (2:22:12 PM): But then he'd probably break into your apartment and poop in it.
Phoemeister (2:22:32 PM): haha thanks
bishopposey (2:22:28 PM): He probably makes model trains out of his poop.
Phoemeister (2:22:48 PM): haha
Phoemeister (2:23:01 PM): I both am scared by that thought and drawn to it

dead baby jesus jokes

2007-07-01T21:18:00.000-07:00

Phoemeister: oh and some random other dude told me that jesus loves me
bishopposey: Well, he does.
Phoemeister: haha thanks
Phoemeister: I'm glad you could confirm that for me
bishopposey: Well, I was hanging out with him all day...
Phoemeister: haha wow
Phoemeister: what's jesus like when he's chillin?
bishopposey: Oh, he likes to crack jokes about dead babies too.
Phoemeister: hahaha
Phoemeister: wow, I am now more fond of christianity
Phoemeister: for the dead baby joke clause
bishopposey: Well, you were made in His image.
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: nice
Phoemeister: what was jesus's best dead baby joke?
bishopposey: Ummm... let me think.
bishopposey: how did the dead baby cross the road?
bishopposey: Come on, guess!
Phoemeister: uh
Phoemeister: I don't know
Phoemeister: I give up!
bishopposey: In a black plastic garbage bag!
Phoemeister: hahaha
Phoemeister: that actuall ydid make me laugh
Phoemeister: good going, jesus (or you)
Phoemeister: yes
bishopposey: haha
Phoemeister: I know you're secret
Phoemeister: JESUS
Phoemeister: don't lie
Phoemeister: I caught you walking on water the other day
bishopposey: I am Jesus.
Phoemeister: you're such a show off
bishopposey: I know, I know.
bishopposey: I'm in it for the glory.
bishopposey: I'm vainglorious.
bishopposey: Here's another one.
bishopposey: Why did the dead baby cross the road?
bishopposey: To save someone's life with it's precious stem cells!
Phoemeister: hahaha
Phoemeister: that one was good
Phoemeister: you should write a book of these
bishopposey: I did, it's called the Bible. Hello? Try and keep up.
bishopposey: Well, at least part 3 of the Bible. The Testament Concerning Dead Baby Jokes.
Phoemeister: hahaha
Phoemeister: ah
Phoemeister: I'm sorry, my lord and savior
Phoemeister: I will try to remember this stuff in the future
bishopposey: See that you do. Because if you mess with the bull, you get the horns.
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: that wasn't that funny
Phoemeister: but I see you trying to say it all attitudinally

DO DOES YOUR FACE

2007-07-01T21:16:00.000-07:00

bishopposey: How do you get Goat's Milk Cheddar?
bishopposey: Shouldn't that just be gouda?
Phoemeister: I don't know much about goats
Phoemeister: not since the accident
bishopposey: Oh wow, gouda isn't even made from goat's milk.
Phoemeister: I don't know much about gouda
Phoemeister: not since the accident
bishopposey: Hey, did you know you sound like a broken record since the accident?
Phoemeister: DO DOES YOUR FACE
Phoemeister: lkasdfjlkasjdf
Phoemeister: so does your face
bishopposey: haha
Phoemeister: that would've been SO cool had I not screwed it up :P
bishopposey: No no, it was so cool because you screwed it up.
Phoemeister: haha thanks?
bishopposey: I was like, "Do does your face? I don't know what that means, but I'm insulted."
Phoemeister: I like it when my mediocrity is rewarded
Phoemeister: haha, my new way of winning arguments
Phoemeister: screaming unintelligable stuff at people
bishopposey: doesn't everyone?
Phoemeister: true
Phoemeister: I'm not even unique *sob*
bishopposey: And we'll be like, "At least she tried."

hooker entrails

2007-06-30T21:13:00.001-07:00

Stevenson: So, did you get an Iphone?
Me: um
Me: no
Me: why?
Stevenson: My store is right next to a Cingular store, and there were people camping out.
Stevenson: It was retarded.
Me: haha lame
Stevenson: I only bring it up because I'm looking at a website where somebody dissected one.
Me: is it awesome inside?
Me: does it remind you of hooker entrails?
Stevenson: I have no idea what all this crap in here is.
Me: that's how I feel when I look at hooker entrails
Me: that doesn't keep me from wearing them as a hat though

I'm into that sort of thing

2007-06-27T10:23:00.000-07:00

Phoemeister: maybe I should go back on ritalin
Phoemeister: though that's actually an upper and would keep me up all night
Phoemeister: I mean for actual interactions with people so I don't scare them
bishopposey: haha
bishopposey: I wasn't scared!
bishopposey: I did pee my pants though.
bishopposey: But that was just for fun.
bishopposey: Because I'm into that sort of thing.

bishopposey: I hate Wednesday because I have to talk to the idiot Budweiser sales guy and tell him not to send me so much Bud Light.
Phoemeister: aww :/
Phoemeister: you should take a tire iron with you
bishopposey: for dramatic effect.
Phoemeister: and hit it menacingly against your hand the whole time you talk to him
Phoemeister: perhaps make reference to a Miller salesman you once kneecapped
Phoemeister: or you could just do the thing where you pee your pants
bishopposey: You make me so mad I have to pee!
bishopposey: Or I could just pee on his face.
Phoemeister: haha
bishopposey: My pee tastes better than bud light.
Phoemeister: snap!
Phoemeister: you should just say that to him
Phoemeister: and/or prove it for him
bishopposey: drink it! I aged it in beechwood, motherfucker!
Phoemeister: hahaha
Phoemeister: I can just imagine you keeping your pee in a beechwood cask in the basment for like a month
Phoemeister: just to prove this point

sleep IM

2007-06-26T12:35:00.000-07:00

Phoemeister: I'm just saying, if I get a second job and am not on as much anymore
Phoemeister: this shit won't fly!
Suibrom: I will DIE
Phoemeister: you will die
Phoemeister: because you'll only get to talk to me an hour every day
Suibrom: haha man that would suck
Phoemeister: and about 45 minutes of that will be you lagging
Suibrom: that's not nearly enough time to get all the good stuff in
Phoemeister: for reals :/
Suibrom: You just need to not sleep ever
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: or just IM you in my sleep
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: there you go
Phoemeister: except you would be asleep anyway the time I would be sleeping
Suibrom: True
Suibrom: maybe I will IM you back in my sleep
Phoemeister: hahahaha
Phoemeister: and then you can read it all hte next day on gwasas
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: that would be awesome
Phoemeister: haha yeah
Phoemeister: I'd be like, "let's see, what did Ryan and I talk about last night? Oh, that's quite funny. I wish I had been awake."
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: "I dreamed awesome things last night about talking to ryan.. whoa, and then I quoted them"

poosturbation

2007-06-26T12:26:00.000-07:00

Suibrom: http://www.paxtonland.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/baby-on-nevermind-album-cover.JPG
Phoemeister: uh, why did you link this to me?
Suibrom: that's the baby from the nirvana nevermind album cover
Suibrom: he's 17 now
Phoemeister: yeah
Phoemeister: I've seen interviews with him before
Phoemeister: it just makes me feel old
Suibrom: yeah it's crazy
Phoemeister: like there was some 15 year old at borders buying nirvana one day
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: and I was all trying to tell him he was making a good choice
Suibrom: "it's for my grandpa"
Phoemeister: and I could tell he was like, "why is this old lady talking to me?"
Phoemeister: exactly
Suibrom: "he really digs this oldies music"
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: man, I had the same thing, some kid came in for American Idiot by Greenday
Phoemeister: and I was all trying to convince him to get Dookie too/instead, and he wasn't having any of it
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: it's named poo! how good can it be?!
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: well my opinion is that in trying to be "grown up" they've lost something
Phoemeister: their old stuff is way better
Suibrom: yeah I agree
Phoemeister: plus the kid was like 12
Phoemeister: I bet he'd rather poo and masturbation jokes to political commentary anyway

poo finger

2007-06-25T10:09:00.000-07:00

Phoemeister: I'm not really a huge donut fan
Suibrom: well I'm not a huge Amy fan!
Suibrom: Okay, that's a lie, I am
Phoemeister: haha thanks
Phoemeister: I hope you have an Amy-themed foam finger
Suibrom: I do
Suibrom: Amy's Number 2!
Suibrom: it's also stained brown
Phoemeister: hahaahah
Phoemeister: you douche
Suibrom: and that 's is more of a posessive than a contraction
Phoemeister: yeah, I laughed really hard, but the joke's over
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: The poo joke is very over when it's about you

hatred out of context

2007-06-25T10:06:00.001-07:00

bishopposey: I hate you.
Phoemeister: not as much as I hate you
bishopposey: psshhhh.
bishopposey: whatever, talk to the hand.
Phoemeister: haha, way to use a slang expression that's at least ten years out of date
Phoemeister: that'll show me!

masturbating on an open flame

2007-06-24T22:28:00.000-07:00

ASHJoxer: I'll light your fire, girl.
Phoemeister: too late
Phoemeister: I'm an ASHLEY INFERNO
ASHJoxer: hahaha
Phoemeister: if I die in the blaze it will be worth it
ASHJoxer: Huggies!
ASHJoxer: haha
Phoemeister: don't hug me! You'll get Ashley fever too!
Phoemeister: I'm sure it's double dangerous when you ARE Ashley!
ASHJoxer: I'd be masterbating on an open flame.
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: exactly

Ragnarok

2007-06-23T10:49:00.000-07:00

bishopposey: Maybe it's ragnarok.
Phoemeister: *gasp*
bishopposey: It's okay, I have a sword.
Phoemeister: awesome
Phoemeister: I'll stand behind you
bishopposey: Also, I'm Thor.
Phoemeister: wouldn't you have a hammer then?
bishopposey: damnit!

suicide

2007-06-22T13:15:00.000-07:00

Phoemeister: I don't want to go to wooork
Suibrom: me either
Phoemeister: suicide pact
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: arrite, you go first

double aunt

2007-06-22T11:26:00.000-07:00

Phoemeister: I'm a double aunt today!
Dr4g0nR3b0rn: double aunt? that like some freaky sex thing?

I think I'm going to be talking to Mike less from now on.

mondays

2007-06-21T11:03:00.000-07:00

Phoemeister: you are a scary man, Ryan
Suibrom: only when I need to be
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: or when people ask you to
Phoemeister: or if it's rainy outside
Phoemeister: or it's a monday
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: or the fifth of the month
Suibrom: no way, I like rainy days
Suibrom: mondays though, do suck
Phoemeister: see
Suibrom: I probably would kill a man on a monday

mime porn

2007-06-19T12:56:00.000-07:00

bishopposey (2:02:25 PM): I can't believe that isn't on the INTERNET.
Phoemeister (2:03:10 PM): haha I know. I get sad when the netterwebs let me down
Phoemeister (2:03:14 PM): I thought it could do anything!
bishopposey (2:03:47 PM): Well when all is said and done, it's still only human. Well, many humans, sitting in a room, typing really fast.
bishopposey (2:04:04 PM): That's how the internet works, right?
Phoemeister (2:05:04 PM): of course
Phoemeister (2:05:12 PM): but I think there's also a couple of mimes too
Phoemeister (2:05:18 PM): in case deaf people want to use the webernet
bishopposey (2:05:36 PM): Yeah, and the mimes are in charge of the pictures.
Phoemeister (2:07:25 PM): wow, those mimes sure like porn
bishopposey (2:07:36 PM): eeewwww, mime porn.
Phoemeister (2:08:22 PM): hahaha wow, I hadn't even thought of that
Phoemeister (2:09:02 PM): I was more thinking of the fact that there are a lot of pornographic pictures on the netterwebs (so I've heard) and that the mimes are in charge of the pictures
Phoemeister (2:09:09 PM): you, sir, are filthy!
bishopposey (2:09:10 PM): hah
bishopposey (2:09:18 PM): Whatever, I don't watch mime porn.
bishopposey (2:10:41 PM): I just peddle it on street corners.
bishopposey (2:12:37 PM): RIght now I've got a backpack full of "Mime in the Hymen 3" I need to get rid of.
bishopposey (2:12:42 PM): Know anybody that might be interested?
Phoemeister (2:12:44 PM): haha
Phoemeister (2:12:47 PM): um
Phoemeister (2:12:48 PM): ME
Phoemeister (2:12:51 PM): that sounds awesome
bishopposey (2:13:08 PM): It only took me 10 seconds to come up with that title

chain emails

2007-06-19T12:55:00.000-07:00

Phoemeister: man, I really wish my grandpa's girlfriend would not send me retarded chain emails
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: just saying, you'd think by like 70 or whatever you'd know better
Suibrom: then again.. old ladies on computers
Phoemeister: haha ouch
Phoemeister: also like you know how half of them are like, "think of your crush! it really works!" or whatever
Phoemeister: she already has her crush, unless it isn't my grandpa
Suibrom: haha yeah
Phoemeister: and then I'm offended

act natural

2007-06-14T21:34:00.000-07:00

bishopposey: I'm supposed to go to this party tomorrow night... no, not just supposed, I WANT to, but I'm afraid my stomach will get all upset.
bishopposey: yargh
Phoemeister: aww
Phoemeister: look, if worst comes to worst
Phoemeister: just shit on someone's chest and then act like they asked you to
Phoemeister: and then everyone will think that person is the freak
bishopposey: hahaha
bishopposey: Have you used that one before?
Phoemeister: haha no, I just thought it up, actually
bishopposey: that's brilliant.
Phoemeister: but I do have tons of hilarious poo talk
Phoemeister: thank you
Phoemeister: I'm the einstein of the poo impaired world

angry sex

2007-06-14T21:32:00.000-07:00

Phoemeister: got anyone who needs a stabbing?
Phoemeister: cause I could totally do it for you
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: if I was a woman
Suibrom: I would say my vagina needs stabbing
Suibrom: with a penis
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: If I were a man
Phoemeister: I'D DO IT
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: I take that as a weird sort of compliment
Suibrom: "if you were woman, and I was a man, i'd do you"
Phoemeister: noooo
Phoemeister: "If you were a woman, and I was a man, I would ANGRILY do it with you"
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: that's okay
Suibrom: I like it rough
Suibrom: I mean, in this hypothetical situation
Phoemeister: haha whatever
Phoemeister: I'm in the mood to break things
Phoemeister: people
Phoemeister: vaginas
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: whatever

Ryan beats up anorexic teans

2007-06-13T23:08:00.000-07:00

Phoemeister: you're a strange strange man, Ryanthor Murdoch
Suibrom: Thank you Amystohpeles Penelope Firebuns

uibrom: that can be your secret identity
Phoemeister: which?
Suibrom: yes
Phoemeister: sandwich
Suibrom: mmm.. SILF
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: best conversation ever

Suibrom: Think I'm gonna go soak in the bath for a bit though.. my muscles are still sore from last night
Suibrom: I'll be back in a bit
Phoemeister: see ya
Phoemeister: I know how difficult it is to beat up anorexic teen girls

urine the clear

2007-06-12T13:21:00.000-07:00

Phoemeister: do you ever freak out when you're drinking something that is the same temperature as urine?
Phoemeister: because it remindes you of urine?
Phoemeister: because of the temperature?
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: I just did
Phoemeister: my tea is urine temperature right now
Suibrom: that's kind of odd
Suibrom: is it really urine?
Phoemeister: well it's the first time I've thought about it
Phoemeister: no
Suibrom: have you ever drank urine before?
Phoemeister: no
Phoemeister: but I'm pretty sure it's not pink

Verbal S & M

2007-06-12T12:09:00.000-07:00

Phoemeister: I mean I'm not saying I would rock out to this every day
Phoemeister: but the happiness makes me happy
Phoemeister: which I can use sometimes
Suibrom: yay happy!
Suibrom: I know hwo much you need apenis
Suibrom: I mean.. happiness
Phoemeister: haha both
Phoemeister: this is as close as I'm going to get to penis, I'm sure
Suibrom: man I hope not
Phoemeister: I'm going to be the 40 year old virgin. And then... continue being a virgin
Phoemeister: and then die
Suibrom: aww no
Suibrom: you will totally get some wang
Phoemeister: haha thanks for the pep talk
Suibrom: well there's no hurt in trying!
Phoemeister: mmm... I dunno
Phoemeister: obviously I am trying
Phoemeister: but it is less depressing when I am not trying
Suibrom: haha true
Suibrom: I don't see a wang inside you though
Suibrom: so you're not trying hard enough
Phoemeister: hahah so creepy
Suibrom: haha I know
Suibrom: I was like "wow did I just say that?"
Phoemeister: I think it would be hilarious if you called me in the middle of my first time
Phoemeister: "congrats you finally have wang in you!"
Suibrom: "What's up amy? are you doing it?! AWESOME!"
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: if someone has to ruin my first time, and it's not the guy I'm actually doing
Phoemeister: I want it to be you, Ryan
Suibrom: haha thanks
Phoemeister: you're welcome
Suibrom: I hope I can be the one to interrupt your first time
Suibrom: though hopefully not in person
Suibrom: but that would be hilarious
Suibrom: just walk in.. all nonchalant
Phoemeister: haha yeah
Suibrom: eating an apple or something
Phoemeister: haha what?
Suibrom: "what's up amy? how are things going on in here?"
Phoemeister: HAHAH
Phoemeister: I more imagine you coming in
Phoemeister: "CLEAN YOURSELF, FILTHY WHORE"
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: "JESUS NO LONGER WANTS YOU"
Suibrom: throw a towel on you
Phoemeister: haha yeah
Suibrom: SINNER
Phoemeister: I still love that the very last thing you said to me
Phoemeister: the last time I saw you
Phoemeister: was you gave me three dollars and said, "here's three dollars. Clean yourself up."
Suibrom: hahaha
Suibrom: I know that was great
Phoemeister: I think the fact that you are my best friend
Phoemeister: probably means that I have incredibly low self esteem
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: no way, you kick me in the ribs all the time to get me back for it
Phoemeister: haha so I just am into verbal S & M and we take turns?
Suibrom: haha yeah basically
Suibrom: with NO safety word!
Suibrom: we're crazyl ike that
Phoemeister: OH MY GOD
Phoemeister: what if we choke
Suibrom: Then we'll go down in PLEASURE
Phoemeister: hahaha

SILF

2007-06-12T10:52:00.000-07:00

Phoemeister: yeah, I can't afford any of them
Phoemeister: but I still keep going to the sites and looking at them
Phoemeister: like, "I really really want SILF. What will I do? What will I do?"
Suibrom: would you fuck a sandwich for that shirt?
Phoemeister: yes
Phoemeister: I would dry hump a sandwich, certainly
Phoemeister: and if I had a wang, I would stick it in the sandwich
Phoemeister: but I really don't want to stick it up my vagina
Suibrom: would you record yourself fucking a sandwich on the interweb for that shirt?
Phoemeister: does that count?
Phoemeister: I would record the dryhumping if I could wear pants
Suibrom: man you're not dedicated to this shirt at all
Phoemeister: haha

Amystopheles

2007-06-12T10:46:00.001-07:00

Me: Ryanthor!
Ryan: Amystopheles!
Me: yessss
Me: I like that one
Me: I'm keeping it
Ryan: haha nice
Me: I have to change all my logins on everything from Phoemeister to that
Ryan: I would be honored
Me: well, I am getting tired of explainin Phoemeister to people
Me: I'd think Amystopheles would be more self explanitory
Ryan: "i'm pretty much the devil and my name is amy"
Me: that's exactly the message I want to convey
Me: too bad I'm so lazy
Me: haha next time someone asks me what Phoemeister means
Me: I should be like, "It means I was too lazy to change it to Amystopheles like I wanted"
Ryan: hahah
Ryan: That's a good reason

brokeback mount doom

2007-06-08T11:20:00.001-07:00

Me: also I'm reading a book about gay trolls
Mike: well thats certainly interesting
Mike: im reading dune
Me: mine wins

mike, mike, mike

2007-06-03T22:46:00.001-07:00

Dr4g0nR3b0rn: omg, floated on the salt river today
Phoemeister: god, mike
Phoemeister: you're going to go blind
Dr4g0nR3b0rn: yeah, it did make my eyes wacky for a while
Phoemeister: seriously, what is the salt river, aside from an awesome euphemism for a lot of semen?
Dr4g0nR3b0rn: ah, ther is a river near here
Dr4g0nR3b0rn: it was pretty badass
Dr4g0nR3b0rn: tubing down it
Phoemeister: "tubing down it" still doesn't dissuade me from the notion that this is an elaborate reference to you jacking off
Dr4g0nR3b0rn: maybe you just like to think of me in a constant masturbatory state
Dr4g0nR3b0rn: don't .... don't fight it. just go with it
Dr4g0nR3b0rn: next time im laying on my back jacking off into my face i'll record it for you
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: I'll send it into america's funniest home videos

A comment from Ryan RE: the above conver:

Suibrom: bob saget would love that shit