vagina shoes

I am a weird, weird, weird person.

12:24:43 PM) Me: pants are a sane man's natural enemy
(12:25:09 PM) Stevenson: I agree 100%.
(12:27:21 PM) Me: for reals
(12:27:25 PM) Me: I guess I should say "human"
(12:27:31 PM) Me: because I'm a woman (so far as I know)
(12:27:36 PM) Me: and pants are my natural enemy as well
(12:27:54 PM) Stevenson: Maybe that's a sign that you're really a man.
(12:29:27 PM) Me: probably
(12:29:36 PM) Stevenson: Hey Amy, do you have a penis?
(12:29:43 PM) Me: you'd think in a pantsless state it would be easier for me to tell whether or not I have a wang
(12:29:57 PM) Stevenson: haha
(12:30:00 PM) Stevenson: wang
(12:30:00 PM) Me: as far as I know, no. But, after that operation in mexico all bets are off
(12:30:05 PM) Me: I might have one inside or something
(12:30:12 PM) Stevenson: If you do, can I rub it on my face?
(12:32:19 PM) Me: I thought you'd never ask
(12:32:21 PM) Me: OF COURSE
(12:35:45 PM) Me: if you have a vagina
(12:35:51 PM) Me: can I put my foot in it?
(12:36:08 PM) Stevenson: well, I don't have a vagina, but if I did, YES.
(12:36:25 PM) Me: YOU ARE THE BEST
(12:36:42 PM) Me: I've always wanted to play "vagina shoes"
(12:37:50 PM) Me: now I have to find someone else to offer up their hypothetical vagina to me
(12:37:58 PM) Me: so I can have one for each foot
(12:38:05 PM) Me: I'll be the prettiest girl at the ball
(12:38:05 PM) Stevenson: Well, maybe I hypothetically have two vaginas.
(12:38:09 PM) Me: SWEEEET
(12:38:11 PM) Me: you're the best
(12:38:21 PM) Me: now I know why Satan told me to find you
(12:38:27 PM) Stevenson: Go ahead, slip 'em on. See how they feel.
(12:39:46 PM) Me: ooooh
(12:39:47 PM) Me: warm
(12:40:28 PM) Stevenson: my vaginas aren't too tight for you, are they?
(12:41:29 PM) Me: actually they are quite comfortable
(12:41:32 PM) Me: SHIT
(12:41:39 PM) Me: you've done this before, haven't you?
(12:41:53 PM) Me: I'm not your first foot in the vagina :/
(12:42:11 PM) Stevenson: Yes you are. I shoved some shampoo bottles up there to stretch them out.
(12:42:24 PM) Stevenson: They've been waiting my while life for your feet.
(12:43:33 PM) Me: hahahhaa
(12:43:43 PM) Me: even better is the gross misspellings and grammar in that sentence
(12:43:50 PM) Me: I feel the true emotion behind those words
(12:45:03 PM) Stevenson: gog damnit
(12:45:13 PM) Stevenson: WHOLE
(12:46:56 PM) Me: GOG DAMMIT
(12:47:22 PM) Stevenson: Don't make me take away your vagina shoes.
(12:48:03 PM) Me: noooo
(12:48:09 PM) Me: not my vagina shoes!