blue poo: the poem

(1:06:03 AM) Me: what is up my blue pooin' friend?
(1:07:16 AM) blue poo: pooin' blue
(1:07:24 AM) Me: through and through?
(1:07:27 AM) blue poo: true
(1:07:34 AM) Me: oh, you
(1:07:51 AM) blue poo: a poem
(1:08:03 AM) Me: I suppose it's better than my last one
(1:08:06 AM) Me: "roses are red
(1:08:10 AM) Me: violets are blue
(1:08:16 AM) Me: can I masturbate on your front porch?"
(1:08:24 AM) blue poo: nice
(1:08:27 AM) blue poo: and yes
(1:08:29 AM) blue poo: oh
(1:08:38 AM) blue poo: it wasn't a question...it was a poem

purple poo

(12:48:05 AM) Me: and I was like, "Please tell me you have pills that make you crap blue! It's the only color I can't make!"
(12:48:16 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:48:22 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: have you made purple then?
(12:48:42 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: or is it like.. anything above blue on the spectrum?
(12:48:57 AM) Me: hahah I don't know wtf that was but it was hilarious
(12:49:03 AM) Me: I can sort of make purple
(12:49:09 AM) Me: if my colon is bleeding
(12:49:16 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: that's more red
(12:49:25 AM) Me: it was a burgundy
(12:49:28 AM) Me: which is close enough
(12:49:40 AM) Me: considering most people can't make that
(12:49:45 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:49:48 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: without being seriously ill anyway
(12:49:53 AM) Me: exactly

blue poo

This is not Andy DN. But I still found this conver amusing:

(12:31:54 AM) Me: I can poo most of the colors of the rainbow though
(12:37:40 AM) dude: impressive
(12:38:38 AM) Me: blue eludes me
(12:39:12 AM) dude: eat blueberries
(12:39:43 AM) Me: I have
(12:39:47 AM) Me: doesn't help
(12:41:00 AM) dude: really? it works for me
(12:42:02 AM) Me: haha you poop blue?
(12:42:23 AM) dude: sort of
(12:42:25 AM) Me: Andy....... you complete me

Look out, Wolverine!

this conversation is the sequel to one where I told Ryan that I keep all the hookers I kill in my vagina. I wish I had saved that one, but I did not. Also there's a reference in there to this signed note I gave to Ryan saying that he can do anything he wants to with my corpse when I die, included but not limited to eating or nailing it.


(10:34:44 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: of course the bed probably gets more uncomfortable proportional to the amount of dead hookers I stuff in it
(10:34:50 AM) Me: haha
(10:34:53 AM) Me: problem solved
(10:34:55 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(10:34:58 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: but I LOVE sleeping on them
(10:34:58 AM) Me: just put them in your vagina the way I do
(10:35:09 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I can discreetly hump them through the matress
(10:35:13 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: while I'm sleeping
(10:35:16 AM) Me: it's awesome to sleep with them in you
(10:35:28 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: hmm now I just need to get a vagina somewhere
(10:35:29 AM) Me: especially the ones that are still alive
(10:35:33 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and start shoving dead hookers into it
(10:35:37 AM) Me: yeah that's right
(10:35:49 AM) Me: "THE HOOKERS ARE TRAPPED IN AMY'S VAGINA"
(10:35:54 AM) Me: "THEY'RE BURIED ALIVE"
(10:36:10 AM) Me: "BUT WHAT AN AWESOME PLACE TO GO FIRST"
(10:37:06 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha no joke
(10:37:16 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: if I'm going to be buried alive, I want it to happen in a vagina
(10:37:28 AM) Me: haha just become a hooker
(10:37:31 AM) Me: I'll come for you
(10:37:36 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(10:37:39 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I hope you mean that in every way
(10:38:08 AM) Me: haha you need to write out a note that says I can do whatever I want with your corpse included but not limited to putting it up my vagina
(10:38:22 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(10:38:24 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: no no
(10:38:28 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: see that defeats the purpose
(10:38:35 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I want you to put my LIVE body up your vagina
(10:38:37 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and I'll die there
(10:38:43 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and you can have a still birth of me later
(10:41:47 AM) Me: hahahah
(10:42:15 AM) Me: well, you should make the same note but for like if you have a terminal disease like cancer or something
(10:42:30 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: Does your vagina work like a cryogenics chamber?
(10:42:55 AM) Me: haha fifty years from now Ryan crawls out of my tang, "did you cure monkey cancer yet?"
(10:43:46 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: hahah
(10:44:02 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: but you'll be all greedy and even if they have you'll be like.. "No get back in there!"
(10:44:17 AM) Me: haha I'd be so old by then
(10:44:24 AM) Me: "I don't want to be in an old lady's vagina"
(10:44:35 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha yeah I'll be all creeped out being in some old ladies vagina
(10:44:43 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: "Get your silver cotton candy outa my face lady!"
(10:44:53 AM) Me: how did I know that was coming
(10:45:17 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: maybe you have a sixth sense for detecting old lady pube jokes?
(10:45:27 AM) Me: wow
(10:45:28 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: or should I say.. a sick sense
(10:45:30 AM) Me: if X men ever happens
(10:45:35 AM) Me: it's good to know I have a power too
(10:45:41 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(10:45:49 AM) Me: a useless, creepy power
(10:45:58 AM) Me: that normal people will want to kill me for
(10:45:58 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: "Watch out wolverine! an old lady is coming this way.. and she's exposing herself!"
(10:46:03 AM) Me: HAHA
(10:46:07 AM) Me: see I could be helpful
(10:46:13 AM) Me: that could majorly fuck up wolverine's game
(10:46:15 AM) Me: if he had to see that
(10:46:17 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha yeah
(10:46:29 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: he'd be in even *more* therapy
(10:48:16 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: man the internet is all kindsa boring today
(10:48:50 AM) Me: fuck you
(10:48:52 AM) Me: I'm awesome
(10:49:12 AM) Me: "I just had a discussion abut wolverine seing an old lady's vagina"
(10:49:17 AM) Me: "oh man the internet is boooooorring"
(10:49:27 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: hahah
(10:49:28 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: no no
(10:49:32 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: you're not part of the internets
(10:49:36 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: you are indeed awesome

Martin Mull Has a Posse

phoemeister (3:39:37 PM): I like ponies
jason: a pony killed my mother once. how dare you bring up ponies! :p
phoemeister (3:42:13 PM): thta's why I like ponies
phoemeister (3:42:18 PM): I was tired of that bitch
jason: it was you! AAAAHHHHHHHHHRRGGGG!!!
phoemeister (3:42:56 PM): Um, I'm not a pony
phoemeister (3:42:58 PM): I just like them
phoemeister (3:43:05 PM): and their mother-killing properties
jason: ahhh well luckily she survived that death.
phoemeister (3:43:29 PM): haha wow, that's good
phoemeister (3:43:32 PM): that sounded close
jason: yeah it was touch and go. she was dead, then REAL dead, then sorta dead and then not really dead at all. thankfully it didn't go to Zombie.
phoemeister (3:45:16 PM): we dodged a bullet there
phoemeister (3:45:22 PM): your mom already has a taste for brains
jason: indeed. heh
phoemeister (3:45:34 PM): who knows what Zombism would do to that monsterous appetite
jason: man and i'm supposed to have dinner with them in two hours. I'll have to try not to laugh.
phoemeister (3:46:27 PM): haha
phoemeister (3:46:40 PM): hopefully your mom doesn't cook/order a brain-looking substance
jason: that would be most unfortunate
phoemeister (3:47:43 PM): yeah
phoemeister (3:47:56 PM): though I can't even really think of anything brain looking off the top of my head
jason: well, monkey's brains, while popular in Cantonese cuisine, are not often to be found in Washington D.C.
jason (please tell me you get that quote)
phoemeister (3:48:50 PM): YES
phoemeister (3:48:53 PM): awesome clue reference
jasoYES!!
phoemeister (3:48:58 PM): YOU WIN
phoemeister (3:49:01 PM): AT BEING AWESOME
jason WIN!
phoemeister (3:49:12 PM): man, I love that movie
phoemeister (3:49:20 PM): you just rocked my world
jason: the cast is just marvelous. so many awesome people in it. MARTIN MULL!!!!
phoemeister (3:52:34 PM): For reals
jason: I need to make a shirt that says MARTIN MULL HAS A POSSE
phoemeister (3:52:50 PM): man, I've even watched Sabrina the Teenaged Witch on occaision for that man
phoemeister (3:53:32 PM): that show is actually kind of awesome though. For one scene.
jason): anI have a secret strange crush on Caroline Rhea.... don't tell anyone.
phoemeister (3:53:53 PM): There's this episode where the chick Martin Mull is trying to date turns herself into a man with magic to make him leave her alone
phoemeister (3:53:54 PM): HAHA
phoemeister (3:54:06 PM): And her man self is like this biker guy
phoemeister (3:54:23 PM): And Martin Mull is like, "please don't hurt me! I loved your work at Altamont."
phoemeister (3:54:28 PM): and it BLEW MY MIND
phoemeister (3:54:36 PM): awesomest quote on a tween comedy EVAR
jason: hahahaha that is SPECTACULAR!

I fucked your girlfriend

(8:58:11 PM) Me: dude if I ever did Brooke
(8:58:22 PM) Me: I would totally call you up right after and be like, "I fucked your girlfriend."
(8:58:25 PM) Me: just to let you know
(8:58:44 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha thanks
(8:58:48 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I would hope you'd video tape it
(9:01:02 PM) Me: haha no promises
(9:01:27 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: it's okay
(9:01:31 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: if you didn't, brooke would :X
(9:02:21 PM) Me: haha
(9:02:26 PM) Me: well she might actually have a camera
(9:02:29 PM) Me: which Ii'm sure helps
(9:02:41 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha yes
(9:04:34 PM) Me: I'd have to draw a lot of crappy pictures in paint and make a flip book
(9:04:44 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha it would be awesome though
(9:04:44 PM) Me: that's a lot more work than camera on
(9:05:13 PM) Me: hahaha I should just IM her "Hey brooke, mind if I draw a lot of shitty pictures in paint of me giving it to you with a strap on? "
(9:05:40 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha you should :X
(9:08:34 PM) Me: psh, a true artist does not ask for permission
(9:09:02 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: is that artist or rapist?
(9:09:59 PM) Me: haha neither
(9:10:03 PM) Me: that's why I like art so much
(9:10:08 PM) Me: it's so similar to my other true love
(9:10:53 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha nice
(9:11:41 PM) Me: I think of myself as a rartist
(9:12:17 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: "rape is my art"
(9:14:10 PM) Me: hhaa, how did you know what my art is about?
(9:14:35 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: it's all abstract and weird
(9:14:38 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: but I know rape when Isee it
(9:16:20 PM) Me: hahaha
(9:16:37 PM) Me: "I know rape when I'm bent over the urinal with my ass in the air!"
(9:16:58 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha nice
(9:17:24 PM) Me: that's what the butterfly one was about
(9:18:00 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha how can you be bent over a urinal? :X
(9:19:35 PM) Me: I don't know
(9:19:38 PM) Me: you figure it out
(9:19:42 PM) Me: and get back to me
(9:19:48 PM) Me: cause I really want to do someone that way sometime
(9:19:52 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(9:19:57 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I bet I could work it out
(9:20:08 PM) Me: hahah
(9:20:14 PM) Me: Ryan's like, "I like a challenge"
(9:20:59 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: well you could totally be bent over in front of a urinal
(9:21:05 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: but I dunno that oyu'd want to put your hands on that thing
(9:21:32 PM) Me: hey, I'm already raping someone. I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty.
(9:25:38 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: what about everything else dirty?
(9:26:13 PM) Me: look it's not a good time if I'm not covered in urine
(9:26:14 PM) Me: you know this

you're a wizard, harry

Re: Harry Potter. And I actually DO know how it ends already, strangely enough for someone who fucking hates HP.

(10:06:43 PM) Me: haha we're thinking of going to the release party and I just want to scream "everyone dies in a nuclear explosion in the first five pages then the rest is blank, and you'll still buy it too, motherfuckers!"
(10:06:50 PM) Me: though of course that is only how I wish the book is
(10:06:55 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(10:07:01 PM) Me: maybe instead of blank the rest could be pictures
(10:07:08 PM) Me: like maybe Harry dies right away in the blast
(10:07:25 PM) Me: but like Ron's skin just slowly melts off his bones due to radiation sickness
(10:07:40 PM) Me: and Hermione's silhouette is burned into the building she was standing in front of
(10:08:05 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: no way
(10:08:16 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: hermione gets really big radioactive jugs
(10:08:35 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: it's kind of like the hulk
(10:08:40 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: only.. you would like her when she gets angry
(10:09:08 PM) Me: hahahah

emo cheese

(10:37:45 PM) Me: probably cause you go days without eating
(10:37:55 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha not usually
(10:38:02 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: it's pretty rare that I go without eating
(10:38:09 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: though tonight.. I'm too lazy to make idnner
(10:38:13 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: so I'm having a bowl of ice cream
(10:38:15 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and some gold fish
(10:38:19 PM) Me: that's still food
(10:38:22 PM) Me: that's Amy food, in fact
(10:38:40 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: yeah I should go bust out my block of extra sharp cheddar
(10:38:44 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and I would BE you
(10:38:51 PM) Me: haha for reals
(10:40:19 PM) Me: though actually I go for mild
(10:41:16 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: mild is for girls who can't handle real cheese
(10:41:31 PM) Me: well I'll eat sharp
(10:41:37 PM) Me: but I'll THINK of mild the whole time
(10:41:48 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(10:41:49 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: extra sharp
(10:41:52 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I like to CUT myself
(10:41:54 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: with cheese
(10:41:57 PM) Me: HAHA
(10:42:00 PM) Me: touche
(10:42:16 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I'm so emo that even my cheese is extra sharp because I like to cut myself with it

RYAN HAS A BOOB

Phoemeister (10:30:14 PM): I got my case for my MP3 player
Phoemeister (10:30:16 PM): it's tiny
Suibrom (10:30:36 PM): the mp3 player is pretty small
Suibrom (10:30:45 PM): like I said, definitely more portable than a cd player
Phoemeister (10:31:08 PM): mmm, I never had trouble taking my cd player places before though
Suibrom (10:31:26 PM): yeah but I mean like.. in your pocket portable
Phoemeister (10:31:41 PM): haha I guess. I can't fit any more stuff in my pockets though
Phoemeister (10:31:52 PM): especially since shit constantly falls out of them
Phoemeister (10:32:21 PM): this case has like a waistband clip or whatever though. So even though it's gay, I could conceivably use that
Suibrom (10:34:53 PM): hm, but youcould put it in a jacket or hoody pocket
Suibrom (10:34:59 PM): which you couldn't do with a cd player
Phoemeister (10:35:27 PM): which actually things fall out of those pockets even more, because they actually ARE huge enough for a cd player
Phoemeister (10:35:44 PM): seriously, I used to keep ginormous brick batteries for tv cameras in my hoodie pockets
Phoemeister (10:35:51 PM): they're ginormous and things fall out constantly
Suibrom (10:36:02 PM): haha
Suibrom (10:36:05 PM): okay
Suibrom (10:36:11 PM): so time to carry a fanny pack
Phoemeister (10:36:27 PM): haha there were veteran photographers who had fanny packs
Phoemeister (10:36:40 PM): I also have my hands to carry stuff with
Suibrom (10:36:55 PM): hands schmands
Suibrom (10:37:00 PM): what if you need to use your hands
Phoemeister (10:37:39 PM): haha this reminds me of an episode of Hom Movies
Phoemeister (10:37:50 PM): where Coach McGuirk gets these crazy huge pecs that look like boobs
Suibrom (10:37:53 PM): haha
Phoemeister (10:38:02 PM): and he is trying to convince everyone that the pecs are so useful
Phoemeister (10:38:12 PM): so he pours food on them and eats off of them
Phoemeister (10:38:22 PM): and brendan's like, "You could just use your hands, you know"
Phoemeister (10:38:32 PM): and he's like,"yeah but this frees up my hands for whatever they want to do"
Suibrom (10:38:37 PM): haha that's right
Suibrom (10:38:41 PM): it's a good argument
Suibrom (10:38:47 PM): I should look into humungous pecs
Phoemeister (10:38:50 PM): and Brendan's like, "okay so you spend 8 hours in a gym every day so you don't have to use your hands when you eat"
Phoemeister (10:39:09 PM): be careful. McGuirk tried to lift too much with his and they popped like balloons
Phoemeister (10:39:17 PM): and he had to put his big saggy boobs in a bra
Phoemeister (10:39:22 PM): filled with ice
Suibrom (10:39:24 PM): haha
Suibrom (10:39:27 PM): I'm gonna go out on a limb here
Suibrom (10:39:38 PM): and say that muscles don't pop like balloons
Phoemeister (10:39:50 PM): well it is a cartoon
Suibrom (10:40:06 PM): fucking cartoons!
Suibrom (10:40:08 PM): where's the reality?!
Phoemeister (10:40:22 PM): I put my wang in your mom's reality
Suibrom (10:40:42 PM): brendon looks like a totally real kid.. I expect the rest of the show to stand up to that kind of realism
Phoemeister (10:40:49 PM): haha
Phoemeister (10:40:55 PM): like how they don't have sleeves
Phoemeister (10:41:01 PM): and their hands are the color of their outfit
Suibrom (10:41:04 PM): they all wear jumpers
Suibrom (10:41:05 PM): always
Suibrom (10:41:10 PM): just in case they need to go into space
Phoemeister (10:41:17 PM): hahaha
Phoemeister (10:42:14 PM): I love how you'll rationalize that but not the pecs
Phoemeister (10:44:38 PM): PS coach mcGuirk's boobs were named "big rig" and "jesse"
Suibrom (10:44:43 PM): haha
Suibrom (10:44:53 PM): I would totally name one of my boobs "big rig"
Phoemeister (10:45:08 PM): see you need to work out and get some pecs
Suibrom (10:45:19 PM): I already got a boob
Phoemeister (10:45:25 PM): just one?
Suibrom (10:45:33 PM): yup
Phoemeister (10:45:56 PM): how does that work?
Suibrom (10:46:00 PM): haha magic I guess
Suibrom (10:46:06 PM): I believe it gives me psychic powers
Suibrom (10:46:19 PM): man we've totally talked about this before
Phoemeister (10:48:11 PM): we have?
Phoemeister (10:48:15 PM): I don't remember this at all
Phoemeister (10:49:55 PM): so re explain it to me
Suibrom (10:50:10 PM): I have some brest tissue in my right breast
Suibrom (10:50:16 PM): like.. woman breast tissue
Suibrom (10:50:28 PM): freaked me out growing up because I was like "OH GOD I HAVE BOOB CANCER"
Suibrom (10:50:38 PM): and then the doctor was like "no it's okay, you just have part of a boob"
Phoemeister (10:50:50 PM): hahaha
Phoemeister (10:50:52 PM): what?
Phoemeister (10:50:55 PM): I would remember this
Phoemeister (10:51:00 PM): why are you part woman?
Suibrom (10:51:02 PM): haha
Suibrom (10:51:13 PM): I dunno! It's apparently pretty normal
Suibrom (10:51:16 PM): so the doctor says
Suibrom (10:51:39 PM): something about less more estrogen or.. less testosterone or something
Phoemeister (10:52:01 PM): or how you're a woman?
Phoemeister (10:52:07 PM): wow that sounds gross
Phoemeister (10:52:09 PM): does it stick out?
Suibrom (10:52:13 PM): not really no
Suibrom (10:52:19 PM): it looks like the other one
Phoemeister (10:52:21 PM): how do you know youhave it?
Suibrom (10:52:30 PM): because there's like a lump in my boob
Phoemeister (10:52:55 PM): wow
Phoemeister (10:53:00 PM): no you never told me
Phoemeister (10:53:02 PM): I'd remember this
Suibrom (10:53:07 PM): haha "because we can't be friends now"
Phoemeister (10:53:19 PM): exactly

Then I signed out to give the joke a little more punch.
When I came back:

Suibrom (10:53:29 PM): haha you're a dick!
Phoemeister (10:53:36 PM): you loved it
Phoemeister (10:53:42 PM): it made you laugh
Phoemeister (10:53:44 PM): it was funny
Suibrom (10:53:44 PM): haha I did
Suibrom (10:53:49 PM): and for a brief second
Phoemeister (10:53:52 PM): it made your boob tingle a little
Suibrom (10:53:54 PM): I thought you were serious
Suibrom (10:53:58 PM): but then I was like "haha amy's a dick!"
Phoemeister (10:54:00 PM): haha for reals?
Phoemeister (10:54:02 PM): I'm sorry
Phoemeister (10:54:13 PM): I thought you'd know I was joking
Suibrom (10:54:16 PM): haha it's okay, it was just a brief second
Phoemeister (10:55:07 PM): phew

Afternoon delight

Phoemeister (10:33:22 PM): oh also I had an ephiphany in the car today
Phoemeister (10:34:22 PM): I was listening to some shitty pop song where this dude was enumerating the nice things his girlfriend does for him
Phoemeister (10:35:31 PM): and I realized I would be a really awesome girlfriend because I would do awesome things for my man, like have sex in the middle of the day for no reason
Phoemeister (10:35:45 PM): but that I would be a really horrible girlfriend, because I would insist on singing afternoon delight the whole time
Suibrom (10:35:53 PM): hahah
Suibrom (10:35:55 PM): dude
Suibrom (10:35:58 PM): it would be worth it
Suibrom (10:36:29 PM): guys don't care what's going in their ears while their dongs are going into something pleasant
Phoemeister (10:37:27 PM): hahah thanks
Phoemeister (10:37:34 PM): I'll keep that in mind
Suibrom (10:38:26 PM): I mean.. except maybe ice picks or hot pokers
Suibrom (10:38:34 PM): but they probably wouldn't even notice until it was too late
Phoemeister (10:39:26 PM): muahahaha
Phoemeister (10:39:43 PM): little did Ryan know, but he had just created the hot-poker-ear serial killer
Suibrom (10:39:56 PM): haha
Suibrom (10:39:59 PM): you already are
Suibrom (10:40:04 PM): what with your ear-fucking
Suibrom (10:40:11 PM): you just call it "The hot poker"
Phoemeister (10:40:19 PM): nah, dudes fuck my ear
Phoemeister (10:40:39 PM): it makes small men feel big
Phoemeister (10:40:50 PM): even though I insist on singing afternoon delight the whole time
Suibrom (10:40:58 PM): haha
Phoemeister (10:41:25 PM): it's the circle of life, Ryan
Suibrom (10:41:44 PM): thanks elton

Smells like gwasas

Phoemeister (10:59:32 AM): I was listening to Nirvana
Phoemeister (10:59:37 AM): and I thought of Smells Like Teen Spirit
Phoemeister (10:59:53 AM): and you know that deoderant they had back in the day called Teen Spirit?
Suibrom (10:59:55 AM): yeah
Phoemeister (11:00:04 AM): which I am pretty sure the song title is in reference to
Suibrom (11:00:03 AM): pretty sure that's the whole point of the song
Phoemeister (11:00:09 AM): yeah
Phoemeister (11:00:28 AM): I just thought--no one under a certain age who listens to Nirvana will ever get that
Suibrom (11:00:32 AM): haha yeah probably not
Phoemeister (11:00:37 AM): cause that deoderant doesn't exist anymore
Phoemeister (11:00:44 AM): and it made me sort of sad
Phoemeister (11:00:51 AM): "they won't get the deoderant reference!"
Phoemeister (11:01:09 AM): I remember thinking it hilarious that someone had a song named after deoderant
Suibrom (11:01:25 AM): haha yeah
Phoemeister (11:01:56 AM): and then when I found out it was a good, popular, not funny song
Phoemeister (11:02:00 AM): I was like, 'wha?"
Suibrom (11:02:36 AM): haha
Suibrom (11:02:38 AM): I'm so confused!
Suibrom (11:02:44 AM): it's about deoderant but it's not funny
Phoemeister (11:03:05 AM): man I even remember the ads for teen spirit back in the day
Phoemeister (11:03:13 AM): hell I think I even used it for awhile
Phoemeister (11:03:41 AM): also when you think of it, that's a pretty weirdass name for a deoderant
Suibrom (11:03:43 AM): yeah it is
Suibrom (11:03:49 AM): unless it's made of like.. teenage hormones
Phoemeister (11:04:04 AM): or haunted by teenagers
Phoemeister (11:04:22 AM): "look, this cheerleader killed in a drunk driving accident is haunting my armpit"
Suibrom (11:04:38 AM): haha
Phoemeister (11:07:21 AM): "oh yeah? well I got a janitor! who rocks out! with a mop!"
Suibrom (11:07:31 AM): haha that is pretty awesome
Phoemeister (11:08:02 AM): my pits draw the classiest dead people
Suibrom (11:09:02 AM): I bet george washington hangs out in your pits

we know too much about linkin park

Suibrom (12:47:24 AM): I think it's mostly because it's one of the singers from linkin park
Suibrom (12:47:49 AM): and I think he's japanese or something
Phoemeister (12:47:57 AM): Mike Shinoda
Suibrom (12:47:55 AM): yeah
Phoemeister (12:48:00 AM): I'm sad that I know this
Suibrom (12:47:57 AM): that's him
Suibrom (12:47:59 AM): haha
Phoemeister (12:48:11 AM): Linkin Park used to be huge though
Phoemeister (12:48:13 AM): that's my defense
Suibrom (12:48:12 AM): haha
Suibrom (12:48:14 AM): I'll allow that
Phoemeister (12:48:27 AM): I actually can't remember the lead guy's name anymore though
Phoemeister (12:48:29 AM): just the rapper guy
Suibrom (12:48:45 AM): Chester bennington?
Suibrom (12:48:57 AM): and my only defense for knowing that is he's from Phoenix
Phoemeister (12:49:18 AM): hahah
Suibrom (12:49:15 AM): so they threw his name around a lot when Linkin Park got big
Phoemeister (12:49:28 AM): yeah... plus the name Chester is kind of unique
Phoemeister (12:49:31 AM): I used to know that
Suibrom (12:49:29 AM): yeah
Phoemeister (12:49:34 AM): and I know it again now
Suibrom (12:49:34 AM): he's got the whitest name in history

lord of the clown names

Suibrom (1:26:20 PM): bilbo is totally a clown name
Phoemeister (1:26:28 PM): it is
Phoemeister (1:26:33 PM): like a white trash clown, even
Phoemeister (1:26:40 PM): that's not as good as the regular clowns
Phoemeister (1:27:05 PM): he sits around at home in a sweat stained wifebeater scratching his nuts saying, "none of the kids like me as much as Bozo"
Suibrom (1:27:12 PM): hahah
Suibrom (1:27:30 PM): so almost exactly like lord of the rings?

Ryan repeats himself

Suibrom (10:37:05 PM): right now she's obsessed with chris-what's his name
Suibrom (10:37:13 PM): that was in the fantastic four movies
Phoemeister (10:37:18 PM): HAHHA
Phoemeister (10:37:27 PM): we had this same conversation RE: her loving him back when the first one came out
Phoemeister (10:37:29 PM): I swear to you
Suibrom (10:37:30 PM): hahah
Suibrom (10:37:34 PM): I don't doubt that AT ALL
Phoemeister (10:37:45 PM): like she linked you to some picture of him from it
Phoemeister (10:37:58 PM): and you found some other picture of him in the group that was hilarious or something
Phoemeister (10:38:01 PM): and showed it to me
Suibrom (10:38:00 PM): hahah
Suibrom (10:38:05 PM): that DOES sound like me

college years

Phoemeister (10:33:04 AM): oh man, the other day I was thinking
Phoemeister (10:33:30 AM): people keep giving me shit about working at State Farm because all the people there are like boring corporate zombies
Phoemeister (10:33:38 AM): and how I'm going to turn into one
Phoemeister (10:33:45 AM): and for awhile I was actually worried about this
Phoemeister (10:34:11 AM): but then I was like.... hmmm.... spending my days with stupid "typical" people douchebags
Phoemeister (10:34:29 AM): being lonely and misanthropic and having no friends except for Ryan
Suibrom (10:34:36 AM): haha
Phoemeister (10:34:38 AM): does this sound like my college years at all?
Suibrom (10:34:40 AM): good deal!
Suibrom (10:34:42 AM): haha
Phoemeister (10:34:44 AM): and they made me who I am today

re: model train guy

Phoemeister (2:17:29 PM): man, I'm lucky though. Like, both my downstairs neighbors and Dylan weren't really warned that he was creepy
Phoemeister (2:17:40 PM): so they weren't dicks to him all the time like I am
Phoemeister (2:17:55 PM): so he'd like always come to their doors and be like, "I know you're in there!" and bother them until they came out
bishopposey (2:18:03 PM): oh my god
bishopposey (2:18:07 PM): that's terrible.
Phoemeister (2:18:29 PM): that's what I'm saying
Phoemeister (2:18:40 PM): being a dick to him is my defense!
bishopposey (2:18:35 PM): You're totally justified.
Phoemeister (2:20:23 PM): thank you
bishopposey (2:20:34 PM): I, on the other hand, would probably be nice to him and end up hating myself.
Phoemeister (2:21:50 PM): I still kind of hate myself for being such a dick, and/or not just straightforwardly being like, "you know what, you creep me out. I'm sorry, but I hate talking to you. Please stop staking out the garbage cans."
Phoemeister (2:22:14 PM): I really dread taking out my garbage now
bishopposey (2:22:12 PM): But then he'd probably break into your apartment and poop in it.
Phoemeister (2:22:32 PM): haha thanks
bishopposey (2:22:28 PM): He probably makes model trains out of his poop.
Phoemeister (2:22:48 PM): haha
Phoemeister (2:23:01 PM): I both am scared by that thought and drawn to it

dead baby jesus jokes

Phoemeister: oh and some random other dude told me that jesus loves me
bishopposey: Well, he does.
Phoemeister: haha thanks
Phoemeister: I'm glad you could confirm that for me
bishopposey: Well, I was hanging out with him all day...
Phoemeister: haha wow
Phoemeister: what's jesus like when he's chillin?
bishopposey: Oh, he likes to crack jokes about dead babies too.
Phoemeister: hahaha
Phoemeister: wow, I am now more fond of christianity
Phoemeister: for the dead baby joke clause
bishopposey: Well, you were made in His image.
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: nice
Phoemeister: what was jesus's best dead baby joke?
bishopposey: Ummm... let me think.
bishopposey: how did the dead baby cross the road?
bishopposey: Come on, guess!
Phoemeister: uh
Phoemeister: I don't know
Phoemeister: I give up!
bishopposey: In a black plastic garbage bag!
Phoemeister: hahaha
Phoemeister: that actuall ydid make me laugh
Phoemeister: good going, jesus (or you)
Phoemeister: yes
bishopposey: haha
Phoemeister: I know you're secret
Phoemeister: JESUS
Phoemeister: don't lie
Phoemeister: I caught you walking on water the other day
bishopposey: I am Jesus.
Phoemeister: you're such a show off
bishopposey: I know, I know.
bishopposey: I'm in it for the glory.
bishopposey: I'm vainglorious.
bishopposey: Here's another one.
bishopposey: Why did the dead baby cross the road?
bishopposey: To save someone's life with it's precious stem cells!
Phoemeister: hahaha
Phoemeister: that one was good
Phoemeister: you should write a book of these
bishopposey: I did, it's called the Bible. Hello? Try and keep up.
bishopposey: Well, at least part 3 of the Bible. The Testament Concerning Dead Baby Jokes.
Phoemeister: hahaha
Phoemeister: ah
Phoemeister: I'm sorry, my lord and savior
Phoemeister: I will try to remember this stuff in the future
bishopposey: See that you do. Because if you mess with the bull, you get the horns.
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: that wasn't that funny
Phoemeister: but I see you trying to say it all attitudinally

DO DOES YOUR FACE

bishopposey: How do you get Goat's Milk Cheddar?
bishopposey: Shouldn't that just be gouda?
Phoemeister: I don't know much about goats
Phoemeister: not since the accident
bishopposey: Oh wow, gouda isn't even made from goat's milk.
Phoemeister: I don't know much about gouda
Phoemeister: not since the accident
bishopposey: Hey, did you know you sound like a broken record since the accident?
Phoemeister: DO DOES YOUR FACE
Phoemeister: lkasdfjlkasjdf
Phoemeister: so does your face
bishopposey: haha
Phoemeister: that would've been SO cool had I not screwed it up :P
bishopposey: No no, it was so cool because you screwed it up.
Phoemeister: haha thanks?
bishopposey: I was like, "Do does your face? I don't know what that means, but I'm insulted."
Phoemeister: I like it when my mediocrity is rewarded
Phoemeister: haha, my new way of winning arguments
Phoemeister: screaming unintelligable stuff at people
bishopposey: doesn't everyone?
Phoemeister: true
Phoemeister: I'm not even unique *sob*
bishopposey: And we'll be like, "At least she tried."