Tiiiiiina

phoemeister: hahah man the hilarious bit is the other day we went to mcdonalds and on the cups they randomly have a child actually named Roni whose hobby is "water."
GOWALLSGO: I'm hoping it's just his parents being yuppie about spelling Ronnie or Ronny
phoemeister: haha I think it's some foriegn name
phoemeister: The kid is from Buenos Aires
phoemeister: The cup tells you everything about him except why the fuck he is on a cup from McDonalds
GOWALLSGO: probably because he's Ronald McDonald's bastard... I mean, Roni? Ronald...
phoemeister: hahahaha
phoemeister: now I'm imagining Ronald McDonald getting all up on some poor Brazillian hooker
phoemeister: slapping her in the face with his mcnuggets
GOWALLSGO: strange timing... http://dlisted.com/node/19327
GOWALLSGO: that must be Ronald when he goes on vacation to latin america
phoemeister: hahahah
phoemeister: you should submit this conver under the caption contest
GOWALLSGO: what, and have my weirdass conversations out there? naw
phoemeister: hahah too late

pac man

(10:14:58 PM) RJ : I need a good insult for Pac-Man.... suggestions please
(10:15:20 PM) RJ: my dad just recommended mocking the size of pac mans balls
(10:15:26 PM) RJ: it was awesome.
(10:18:13 PM) Me: HAHA that's good
(10:18:19 PM) Me: esp. since they are like raisins
(10:18:35 PM) RJ: someone else suggested "Your wife is ugly."
(10:19:16 PM) Me: that's a lie
(10:19:22 PM) Me: ms. pacman is a damn fine piece of ass
(10:19:58 PM) RJ: she's a mouth and that's it
(10:20:26 PM) Me: come on. You know guys that would still date that if it put out
(10:20:35 PM) RJ: lol
(10:20:37 PM) RJ: Yeah true
(10:20:47 PM) RJ: how sad
(10:21:43 PM) Me: indeed
(10:21:55 PM) Me: it still gives me hope if I ever become a parapalegic tho
(10:22:33 PM) RJ: just have to work on repeatedly opening and closing your mouth.
(10:22:41 PM) RJ: Works for her
(10:22:45 PM) RJ: What species do you think they are?
(10:22:51 PM) Me: cheese
(10:22:52 PM) RJ: highly evolved marbles?
(10:23:04 PM) RJ: Whoa
(10:23:09 PM) RJ: Cheese that eats ghosts.
(10:23:25 PM) Me: that's some FUCKING GREAT CHEESE

Maybe Ryan's Just Too Demanding

(10:52:04 PM) Me: this is what it's like when doves cry
(10:52:09 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(10:52:10 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: fuck
(10:52:17 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: this is more like when doves rape eachother
(10:52:18 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: in the ass
(10:52:24 PM) Me: hahah
(10:52:49 PM) Me: doves asses are actually the same hole as their vag
(10:52:55 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: it's true
(10:53:02 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and their pee hole
(10:53:06 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: it's all one hole baby
(10:53:08 PM) Me: wow
(10:53:15 PM) Me: I didn't know about the pee hole business
(10:53:42 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: yeah their fecal matter and urine all come out the same hole as a big wet glop
(10:53:56 PM) Me: I guess you would know about birds
(10:53:58 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: that's that white and brown stuff that comes out when birds crap
(10:54:04 PM) Me: does it burn when it's on your penis?
(10:54:09 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(10:54:13 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: the bird or the urine?
(10:54:22 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: because sometimes I like to put the bird on my wang, and set it on fire
(10:54:27 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and in that case, it does burn

respect your mother

Me: http://youtube.com/watch?v=7_rBidCkJxo (video of Mr. T telling you to respect your mother)
Ryan: don't bring anyone motha into this!
Me: Mr. T would not like me at all
Ryan: it's true
Ryan: does that make you sad?
Me: kind of
Me: my two great loves, Mr. T and mom jokes
Me: irreconcilable
Ryan: it is forbidden!

soy un perdedor

Rebecca: so Ryan's as big a loser as we are... that's comforting
Me: haha you didn't know that already?
Me: dude is studying to become a falconer

Ryan: hahah
Ryan: fuck
Ryan: that does solidify it doesn't it
Me: hahaha
Me: yeah you were on the edge
Me: and then that and the chess team story (Ryan got beat up by the chess team when he was in high school)
Me: just nudge you right into loser territory
Ryan: haha yeah shit
Me: it's okay
Me: you're a loser in a cool way
Ryan: haha thanks
Me: well I'm just saying anyone can be comic book guy
Me: it takes a special nerd to become a falconer
Ryan: I guess If I'm going to be at the lowerst rungs of loserdome, I might as well be doing it in the coolest way
Me: haha trust me
Me: you are
Me: you're stylin
Me: in your tricorn hat
Ryan: hahah
Ryan: fuck you just make it worse every time

answers itself

Suibrom (10:40:55 PM): So any big plans for the weeeeekend?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Auto Response from phoemeister (10:40:59 PM): watching tv
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Suibrom (10:41:04 PM): this thing practically answers itself!

good times

Me: I need to find this so I can jerk it hard
Me: "Small posed for a pictorial that appeared in the (cover-dated) April 2006 issue of Playgirl magazine, as part of a humor-themed issue. AdultSwim.com, the official website of the television programming block for which it's named, reported on March 7, 2006, that Small posed wearing "nothing but a Viking helmet". The Playgirl official website further described a "'strategically-placed' Viking helmet", indicating that Small's genitals were not exposed in the pictorial."
Suibrom: haha uh ohs :X
SpankingGnome: I kid
SpankingGnome: if it doesn't even show his genitals what good is it to me?
Suibrom: you can stare at his viking helmet
SpankingGnome: I'm not good enough at photo shop to put someone else's genitals on there
Suibrom: use your mind!
SpankingGnome: my masturbation demands verisimiltude, Ryan
Suibrom: get a hotdog
Suibrom: man I need to rig a way
Suibrom: for every time I ride my motorcycle
Suibrom: thunderhorse is BLASTING from it
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: man
Suibrom: this is like a combination of everything I love
Suibrom: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mVMz5D509I
SpankingGnome: haha holy crap
SpankingGnome: it really is
SpankingGnome: you're going to dump brooke for this video
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: I thought about it for a second
Suibrom: but it's missing boobs and vagina
SpankingGnome: haha don't tell her that
SpankingGnome: haha I guess she's safe then
Suibrom: if I could find some way.. for brooke to always be playing thunderhorse.. and for me to see 300 playing in her eyes
Suibrom: it would be perfect
SpankingGnome: hahahah
SpankingGnome: you are a horrible, horrible man
Suibrom: what I'll do
Suibrom: is ride around on my motorcycle that's blasting thunderhorse
Suibrom: with a spear, and a red cape
Suibrom: and brooke on the back
SpankingGnome: haha
SpankingGnome: and a hawk on your shoulder
SpankingGnome: or else you drive with one hand and have your hawk fist just out there
Suibrom: word
Suibrom: haha I could have the hawk on the handlebars
Suibrom: with his own goggles
SpankingGnome: haha
SpankingGnome: the hawk gets it's own sidecar
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: that works too
SpankingGnome: haha you should get the metalocalypse motorcycle
SpankingGnome: with all 5 spots
Suibrom: I WOULD
SpankingGnome: and brooke rides behind you
Suibrom: if I could find it
SpankingGnome: and then like the hawk and I get our own sidecars
Suibrom: I would put you and brooke and mike and chris in it
Suibrom: the hawk would ride on top of my helmet
SpankingGnome: I think the hawk deserves a better place than mike
SpankingGnome: we could just drag mike along behind
Suibrom: well I'm not freakin' putting mike on my helmet
SpankingGnome: hahahahah
SpankingGnome: yeah, this dream would turn into a nightmare right about then
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: do not fuck this up for me
SpankingGnome: haha
Suibrom: that's my happy place right there
Suibrom: riding around in the dethcycle blasting thunderhorse
SpankingGnome: in the 300 outfit
Suibrom: word
Suibrom: I would also jump out at the end like nathan does in the intro
SpankingGnome: and spear the persian king as you do it?
Suibrom: damn straight
SpankingGnome: you would have to take him everywhere with us
SpankingGnome: just so you could stab him when you get there
Suibrom: I'll just go to Iran
Suibrom: and start stabbing persians
SpankingGnome: that's one way to go
SpankingGnome: racist
Suibrom: I wonder if the Iranians are complaining about 300 like the jews complained about The Passion of the Christ
Suibrom: it makes people hate us!
SpankingGnome: haha they don't even care
SpankingGnome: they already hate us
SpankingGnome: so they like it when we hate them
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: on that note
Suibrom: it's time to sleep
SpankingGnome: "good! I'm glad we piss them off!"

dead

(9:06:25 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: are you still jerking it to gay manlove?
(9:06:35 PM) Me: well obviously but I can multitask
(9:08:36 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I can type with one hand!
(9:09:08 PM) Me: yeah but since you're jerking it to the man love
(9:09:11 PM) Me: AND playing a game
(9:09:14 PM) Me: you have no time for me
(9:09:32 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(9:09:42 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: "you jerk it all the time, and neever have time for my needs"
(9:11:35 PM) Me: basically
(9:11:39 PM) Me: I mean sure gay porn is awesome
(9:11:47 PM) Me: but I am too
(9:12:25 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: true
(9:12:28 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: but I can't jerk it to you
(9:12:48 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I mean I can, but it's kind of mixed feelings.. because it makes me sad to picture you dead

slutty wolverine

(6:00:24 PM) Me: I went around looking for a halloween costume
(6:00:27 PM) Me: and didn't find what I wanted
(6:01:15 PM) JeffTMBG: as long as you leave the apartment it counts as productive in my book. what kind of costume are you looking for.
(6:02:59 PM) Me: I want to be Wolverine
(6:03:04 PM) Me: but I can't find it anywhere
(6:04:36 PM) JeffTMBG: Wolverine is not a very popular character. Everyone is all about Beast these days.
(6:05:19 PM) Me: haha there's no beast either
(6:05:22 PM) Me: no x men at all
(6:05:29 PM) Me: just spider man
(6:05:48 PM) Me: not even any decent batman
(6:06:13 PM) JeffTMBG: If it hasn't had a movie in the past year, it doesn't exist.
(6:06:32 PM) Me: apparently
(6:06:43 PM) Me: it's all freakin pirates of the carribean stuff
(6:06:48 PM) Me: poop
(6:06:51 PM) Me: fake women
(6:06:59 PM) Me: and slutty outfits
(6:11:00 PM) JeffTMBG: You could probably augment the slutty outfits into a decent slutty Wolverine costume.
(6:11:48 PM) Me: haha.... how do you go from slutty barmaid, slutty pirate wench, or slutty geisha to slutty wolverine?
(6:13:20 PM) JeffTMBG: There's gotta be a way.
(6:14:03 PM) JeffTMBG: Once you have the claws and the arm hair, you can just say Wolverine got a job as a barmaid to work his way through college.
(6:14:10 PM) Me: hahaha
(6:14:34 PM) Me: then pirates attacked and he was forced to be their wench
(6:14:42 PM) Me: and then they sailed to japan and left him there
(6:15:36 PM) JeffTMBG: You laugh,but that is exactly the plot to the upcoming Wolverine movie.
(6:17:16 PM) JeffTMBG: In fact, the year the movie is released, you'll be able to buy a pre-made slutty Wolverine barmaid costume.

ass poisoning

(5:12:31 PM) Me: and actually this time I was being sarcastic :P
(5:13:13 PM) Optimus Prime: yes, but I defeated your sarcasm by taking it seriously
(5:13:40 PM) Me: it felt like being a little girl whose parents told her she will never be pretty
(5:14:09 PM) Optimus Prime: oh... btw....
(5:14:12 PM) Me: ?
(5:14:25 PM) Optimus Prime: c'mon, now
(5:14:29 PM) Optimus Prime: think
(5:14:30 PM) Me: you're not my mom!
(5:14:35 PM) Optimus Prime: no...
(5:14:40 PM) Optimus Prime: I was going to say...
(5:14:49 PM) Optimus Prime: you'll never be pretty
(5:14:56 PM) Me: yeah and I was saying you're not my mom
(5:15:03 PM) Me: so it's not my parents telling me I'll never be pretty
(5:15:14 PM) Me: someone who just bangs my mom doesn't count
(5:15:44 PM) Optimus Prime: well, I'm like your dad in that respect
(5:16:12 PM) Me: yeah but you still aren't my real daddy
(5:16:46 PM) Me: your opinion is nothing!
(5:16:58 PM) Optimus Prime: I can still take you over my knee, girl!
(5:17:20 PM) Me: and then I'll have you arrested as a sex offender, creepy step dad
(5:17:31 PM) Me: "she touched my butt"
(5:17:42 PM) Optimus Prime: right
(5:17:46 PM) Optimus Prime: except you're not a minor
(5:18:37 PM) Optimus Prime: I'll tell them you wanted me to spank you
(5:18:41 PM) Me: well then maybe I'll join the army and fight for my country
(5:18:45 PM) Optimus Prime: after all, I do have a nice collection of floggers
(5:19:25 PM) Me: I'm going to coat my ass in poison so whoever touches it dies horribly
(5:19:35 PM) Me: but like in a way so that it doesn't touch me
(5:19:42 PM) Optimus Prime: that's what the floggers are for. someone will pay me extra for that
(5:19:58 PM) Me: I don't want "Phoexx0r died of ass poisoning today" as part of my obit
(5:20:16 PM) Optimus Prime: well, your obit will most likely be ass related
(5:20:42 PM) Me: haha "her colon finally EXPLODED! We knew it would happen sooner or later. Steve won the pool, he picked Oct 13"
(5:20:55 PM) Optimus Prime: exactly
(5:21:57 PM) Me: what day did you bet on? I can make you rich
(5:22:26 PM) Optimus Prime: nah, I don't like dirty money
(5:22:29 PM) Optimus Prime: that would be cheating
(5:23:28 PM) Me: haha you're already betting on the date of an ass death of a close friend
(5:23:37 PM) Me: and now you have scruples?
(5:24:00 PM) Optimus Prime: don't split hairs
(5:24:09 PM) Optimus Prime: you're going to die anyway
(5:24:10 PM) Me: haha
(5:25:05 PM) Me: you're a ray of sunshine
(5:25:30 PM) Optimus Prime: well ... c'mon
(5:25:36 PM) Optimus Prime: we all gotta go sometime
(5:25:43 PM) Optimus Prime: your colon just makes it more interesting
(5:25:45 PM) Optimus Prime: and messy
(5:25:52 PM) Me: haha
(5:26:14 PM) Me: "crap everywhere! this is awesome!"
(5:26:25 PM) Me: Eh, I probably would rather crapstorm than alzheimers
(5:26:27 PM) Me: so I got that going for me
(5:26:41 PM) Optimus Prime: you'll prolly both
(5:26:51 PM) Me: haha
(5:26:57 PM) Me: "how did all this get here?"
(5:27:07 PM) Me: "oh wait now I'm dead"
(5:29:21 PM) Optimus Prime: that's how it happens a lot
(5:29:38 PM) Optimus Prime: mostly alzheimer's patients forget to go to the toilet when they have to crap
(5:29:39 PM) Me: well I guess technically most people have a minor crap storm
(5:29:45 PM) Me: since your bowels escape
(5:29:45 PM) Optimus Prime: you'd prolly die from the smell
(5:29:54 PM) Optimus Prime: evacuate
(5:30:11 PM) Me: quiet, you
(5:30:17 PM) Optimus Prime: they don't actually break free of their own volition

soul

(11:37:02 PM) Me: jesus saves
(11:37:36 PM) Andi: and earns interest on your soul at 5.5%
(11:37:44 PM) Me: haha
(11:37:46 PM) Me: nice
(11:37:56 PM) Me: by the time I die I'm going to be james brown I'll have so much soul
(11:38:28 PM) Andi: you're not "superbad"
(11:41:26 PM) Me: eh?
(11:45:20 PM) Andi: james brown's huge hit was "i got soul....i'm superbad"
(11:45:48 PM) Me: oh
(11:45:49 PM) Me: sorry
(11:46:02 PM) Me: I'm so soulless I can't even reference james brown properly
(11:46:21 PM) Andi: yr killing me smalls

nickelback

Nickelback doesn't promote Satanism. Satan actually promotes them. They're his tool to destroy the record industry. A whiney, successful tool.

(1:14:24 PM) Tina: yeah, it's probably why about 3 songs start playing at once when I go to your page :-p
(1:16:19 PM) Me: uh
(1:16:24 PM) Me: there should only be the 1
(1:16:38 PM) Me: if there's anything else it's an ad or something
(1:16:49 PM) Me: it used to be a Wolf Parade song, now it's an Oppenheimer
(1:16:59 PM) Tina: several start so I have to try to get the page to scroll down so I can click comment quick
(1:17:09 PM) Tina: and I'm torturing people by using Nickelback on my page
(1:17:18 PM) Me: Oh Tina, why would you do t;hat
(1:17:26 PM) Me: you are promoting satanism
(1:17:52 PM) Tina: I actually like them :-p
(1:18:01 PM) Me: well then you actually like satan
(1:18:40 PM) Me: I gave my heart to Vishnu

well....

It's just a cover, I really was laughing at him thinking I want to watch his jujitsu group.


(1:07:29 PM) Mike: i know this might not super interest you, but my jujitsu group just got a website online
(1:07:30 PM) Mike: http://asujujitsu.org/
(1:07:51 PM) Mike: there is also a youtube link at the bottom with some videos
(1:08:48 PM) Me: hahaha
(1:09:11 PM) Mike: ?
(1:10:43 PM) Me: I wonder if I could register the domain www.fuckamidgetintheasswhileheorshedoeslinesofcocaineoffyourmotherstitswhileshegivesoraltoalargeblacktransvestitenunsingingselectionsfromthesoundofmusic.com
(1:11:21 PM) Mike: maybe!
(1:11:28 PM) Mike: also: you have wierd thoughts!

weed

(11:52:45 AM) Me: I think I have seen that stuff before
(11:52:59 AM) Me: I had just labeled it "random weed" in my head
(11:53:19 AM) Andi: now it can be "random weed that makes andi miserable"
(11:53:37 AM) Me: awww
(11:53:47 AM) Me: if I see any golden rod around I will slit its throat!
(11:53:52 AM) Me: I will fuck that bitch up!
(11:54:01 AM) Andi: columbian necktie for old goldenrod
(11:54:06 AM) Me: oh yes
(11:54:15 AM) Me: then I'll take a shit on it for laughs
(11:54:18 AM) Me: I mean it's already dead
(11:54:24 AM) Me: but pooping on it is still fun for me
(11:54:39 AM) Andi: by all means, go for it
(11:54:56 AM) Me: maybe poo is an antihistimine no one's tried before
(11:55:13 AM) Andi: i'll stick to the pinks if you don't mind
(11:55:21 AM) Me: haha I don't mind at all
(11:55:44 AM) Me: I'm glad you're not my boss anymore, I just realized it is probably pretty horrible that I basically just offered you my poo
(11:55:55 AM) Andi: lol
(11:55:57 AM) Andi: no worries

post secret

Opt: eh
Opt: postsecret's played itself out with me
Opt: after shelving all those books
Me: I get tired of all the suicide ones
Me: and the ones about sexual abuse
Me: I feel bad for the people
Me: but it's like the 900th one of the same
Opt: damn people who got raped and want to die
Me: hahaha
Opt: I know :)
Me: I rape people because it makes me want to liiiiiiiive!
Opt: LOL

retardation stairs

(12:17:25 AM) Opt: I'm just wound up from seeing The Poster Children
(12:17:31 AM) Me: what's that?
(12:17:35 AM) Opt: band
(12:17:51 AM) Opt: and it was awesome
(12:17:55 AM) Me: yay awesome
(12:18:06 AM) Opt: I'm having the rythym guitarist have my babies
(12:18:20 AM) Me: haha
(12:18:23 AM) Me: can I be godmother?
(12:18:27 AM) Opt: absolutely
(12:18:38 AM) Opt: and you can eat it if it's retarded
(12:18:48 AM) Me: YES!
(12:19:10 AM) Me: *makes plans to throw the rhythm guitarist down some stairs during the pregnancy*
(12:20:31 AM) Opt: well, make sure he doesn't die... because then we'll both be disappointed
(12:20:56 AM) Me: well of course not
(12:21:04 AM) Me: I'm not going to knock him down MY scary stairs
(12:21:09 AM) Me: more like the stairs at your house
(12:21:15 AM) Opt: oh, ok
(12:21:23 AM) Opt: yeah, that will do the trick
(12:21:51 AM) Me: those stairs have "retardation but not death" written all over them

the falconer

(11:43:13 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: I'm going to go up there this weekend, and go to a falconry meeting saturday
(11:43:17 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: so hopefully that goes well
(11:43:34 PM) Me: heee heee
(11:43:39 PM) Me: I'm proud of you
(11:43:45 PM) Me: but I still find the falconry amusing
(11:44:07 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha you're proud?
(11:44:13 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: or you think I'm a huge dork
(11:44:26 PM) Me: I think it's nice that you stuck with it
(11:44:30 PM) Me: and weren't just BSing about it
(11:44:31 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: yeah
(11:44:49 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: it's going to be a lot of work, so I think it will be cool to meet up with some people that already do it
(11:44:52 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: and get some advice and stuff
(11:44:56 PM) Me: I don't know how "proud of you" slipped out. That was kind of creepily mothery
(11:45:05 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha
(11:45:06 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: it's okay
(11:45:16 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: they're having like a bbq type thing this weekend
(11:45:18 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and invited me
(11:46:19 PM) Me: awww :)
(11:46:22 PM) Me: make sure you're not eating bird
(11:46:25 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha
(11:46:26 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: okay
(11:46:33 PM) Me: oh, maybe they'll serve you rabbits or something
(11:46:36 PM) Me: caught by their birds
(9/7/2007 12:08:36 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: haha
(12:08:40 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: that would be.. interesting
(12:08:46 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: they did say they'd take care of food
(12:08:52 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: and I'd just need to bring drinks or dessert or something

vegemite is frail

(11:03:08 PM) RJ: there are a ton of japanese people in my apartment
(11:05:14 PM) Me: holy crap
(11:05:18 PM) Me: get out of there now
(11:05:25 PM) RJ: it's too late they've blocked the door
(11:05:30 PM) RJ: literally, there's 10 shoes
(11:05:31 PM) Me: I hear japanese people like to eat your face
(11:05:36 PM) Me: nooooooo
(11:05:39 PM) Me: I'll miss you, RJ
(11:05:50 PM) Me: I'll sing "Sucks to be You" at your funeral
(11:05:56 PM) RJ: Tell vegemite i'll miss it
(11:06:01 PM) Me: okay
(11:06:04 PM) RJ: Yeah it does suck to be me
(11:06:05 PM) Me: I'll marry it
(11:06:09 PM) Me: so there's someone to take care of it
(11:06:13 PM) RJ: No, i am wishing well upon vegemite
(11:06:15 PM) RJ: don't marry it
(11:06:18 PM) Me: ouch
(11:06:27 PM) Me: are you saying I won't be good to vegemite?
(11:06:36 PM) Me: how dare you insinuate such a thing
(11:06:38 PM) RJ: i just hate to think what you'd do to it
(11:07:45 PM) RJ: Vegemite is frail, you're an ox in bed
(11:07:49 PM) Me: hahaha
(11:08:01 PM) Me: at least I don't come on its tits like you do
(11:08:06 PM) RJ: lol
(11:08:07 PM) Me: vegemite tells me it hates when you do that
(11:08:17 PM) RJ: yeah i have to sculpt them first

existance

This is regarding a blanket Ryan has that, at one point, had holes in it that made it strongly resemble a demonic face that he swears happened on accident.


phoemeister (12:28:00 AM): whatever, as long as it doesn't have a pink blanket with satan's face on it
Suibrom (12:27:56 AM): I'll let you sleep with the demon blanket
Suibrom (12:27:59 AM): you saw it in vegas
Suibrom (12:28:03 AM): it still wants your soul
phoemeister (12:28:18 AM): haha
phoemeister (12:28:23 AM): I think I messed it up though
Suibrom (12:28:15 AM): haha yeah
Suibrom (12:28:19 AM): I think it's mostly just a big hole now
phoemeister (12:28:33 AM): like didn't it not have a face anymore by the time I was done with it?
Suibrom (12:28:23 AM): a HOLE TO HELL

phoemeister (12:28:39 AM): haha
phoemeister (12:28:43 AM): I didn't fall in
phoemeister (12:28:49 AM): I didn't wreck the face on purpose though
Suibrom (12:28:38 AM): you got lucky
phoemeister (12:28:51 AM): I swear
Suibrom (12:28:39 AM): this time
Suibrom (12:28:44 AM): haha
Suibrom (12:28:49 AM): you totally fucked the face off my demon blanket
phoemeister (12:29:02 AM): when you showed it to me I was like "he's gotta be fucking kidding me"
phoemeister (12:29:05 AM): HAHAHAH
phoemeister (12:29:13 AM): but then I grew to love it
phoemeister (12:29:17 AM): but then it was gone
Suibrom (12:29:13 AM): like with everything else you love
Suibrom (12:29:22 AM): you skullfuck it into non-existence
phoemeister (12:29:41 AM):"you totally fucked the face off my demon blanket" is awesome out of context
Suibrom (12:29:32 AM): haha
phoemeister (12:29:50 AM): psh. You are something I love, and you totally love it
Suibrom (12:29:39 AM): even in context that's awesome
Suibrom (12:29:45 AM): yeah and look at me!
phoemeister (12:30:00 AM): haha yeah
Suibrom (12:29:48 AM): I practically don't exist

nurture vs nature

9:15:31 PM) RJ: so how are you anyway
(9:15:45 PM) Me: I hate my life
(9:15:47 PM) Me: you?
(9:15:59 PM) RJ: I don't hate your life
(9:16:02 PM) RJ: I want to nurture it

left eye

Me: wow the people at myheritage.com are mean
Suibrom: how so?
Me: they have this thing where they will scan a photo and tell you which celebrity you most look like
Me: my number one is like liz taylor
Me: and then there are a whole bunch of other women
Me: but I swear to GOD that Placido Domingo is in there
Suibrom: who the heck is placido domingo
Me: he's one of the three tenors
Me: like Pavarotti
Me: so he's this old fat italian MAN
Suibrom: haha
Me: I also have Steve McQueen
Me: I'm like what the fuck?
Me: I love how not only do none of these people look like me, but they don't look like each other either
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: you totally look like steve mcqueen
Me: I have Liz Taylor, Paula Deen, Keira Knightly, Nicole Richie, Placido Domingo, Steve McQueen, and Lisa Left Eye Lopes
Me: thanks
Suibrom: you're welcome!
Me: hm I should try this with another picture
Me: to see if I look like any other opera singers
Me: or 70's action stars
Suibrom: haha
Me: I already did post it on myspace
Me: and you can pick which of your people to include
Me: and I purposefully left Placido and Steve in
Me: and for some reason Left Eye cracks me up too
Me: whoa my second picture got people I totally don't know
Me: and they're like, all asian
Me: including even more men
Me: chinese men
Me: haha
Me: I think I'm going to keep the other one up on myspace though
Me: random chinese men aren't quite as awesome as steve mcqueen and placido domingo
Me: haha third picture:
Me: hillary duff
Me: jena malone
Me: Sharon Osbourne
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: you are meant to be asian
Me: melanie griffith
Me: and the guy from the OC
Me: well what I find hilrious is I have gotten TOTALLY different people all three times
Me: this thing is whack
Suibrom: haha yeah apparently
Me: I wish I could combine all the best people in one
Me: like have Placido Domingo, the guy from the OC, the chinese men, steve mcqueen and sharon osbourne
Me: oh and left eye
Me: because obviously I strongly resemble a spunky black woman

racism, yay!

Suibrom: I am
Suibrom: I'm trying to find pants
Suibrom: that are suitable for the outside world
Me: OH MY GOD
Me: where are they?
Me: WHAT WILL WE DO
Me: I'd celebrate, personally
Suibrom: haha
Me: no pants is a perfect world
Suibrom: I can't go to dinner sporting nothing but my tighty whities
Me: haha who says?
Me: your mom?
Me: Tell her I won't fuck her in the ass anymore if she yells at you for that
Me: that'll change her tune
Suibrom: I doubt they'd give me a burrito at the mexican food place if I went in there like that
Suibrom: I mean, it's already strike two for being white and being white
Me: what mexican place are you going to?
Me: hahaa
Me: all the mexican places I go to like my pants free policy
Suibrom: yeah you're a woman
Me: hahaha
Suibrom: mexicans usually prefer vagina to wang
Me: even girl mexicans?
Suibrom: yes
Me: wow
Me: how come mexicans exist?
Me: if none of them like wang?
Me: how do they reproduce?
Suibrom: they take the wang to keep la raza alive
Me: haha
Me: is la raza the race?
Suibrom: yeah
Me: oh
Me: yeah they'd doubly hate your white man wang
Me: for being a wang AND for destroying their race
Suibrom: and yeah you're right though, mexican women love the wang
Suibrom: that's why they always have like a million kids
Me: Ryan, I do value your racist opinion :P
Suibrom: how is it racist if it's true?
Me: every mexican woman has like a million kids?
Suibrom: averaged out, yes
Me: haha
Suibrom: some have more than others
Me: the old maids are averaged out by the double million women?
Suibrom: yes
Me: good to know
Me: that even if I don't have kids
Me: there will be a mexican kid to replace me when I die

unicorns have boners coming out of their heads

(11:20:31 PM) Me: do bugs just love your feet?
(11:20:35 PM) Stevenson: My feets must be easy targets.
(11:20:45 PM) Stevenson: Well, that's where I keep 80% of my blood.
(11:20:48 PM) Me: haha
(11:20:51 PM) Me: ah, I get it now
(11:21:29 PM) Me: that's probably why I bite your feet too
(11:21:46 PM) Stevenson: OH MY GOD, THAT'S DISGUSTING!
(11:22:03 PM) Me: then how come you have a boner right now?
(11:22:24 PM) Stevenson: Because I was stroking my wang.
(11:22:40 PM) Stevenson: Did you take your cameras home already?
(11:22:46 PM) Me: yeah
(11:22:52 PM) Me: am I missing the good stuff right now? :/
(11:22:56 PM) Stevenson: Too bad, you're gonna miss a good show.
(11:23:17 PM) Me: you'll just have to repeat it for me tomorrow
(11:23:45 PM) Stevenson: all over your face!
(11:23:53 PM) Me: sweet
(11:24:00 PM) Me: I was looking for a new moisturizing routine
(11:24:02 PM) Stevenson: Actually, it's kind of salty.
(11:24:14 PM) Me: well
(11:24:20 PM) Me: I put oil of olay in your burritos
(11:24:33 PM) Stevenson: eeewwww.
(11:25:17 PM) Me: eww is the noise you make when I say something totally hot, right?
(11:25:23 PM) Stevenson: yes!
(11:25:29 PM) Me: AWESOME
(11:25:40 PM) Me: I'M THE SEXIEST BEAST ALIVE
(11:25:45 PM) Me: TAKE THAT, UNICORN!
(11:26:09 PM) Stevenson: Well, I dunno. Unicorns basically have big boners coming out of their heads.
(11:26:11 PM) Stevenson: That's pretty sexy.
(11:26:28 PM) Me: haha
(11:26:34 PM) Me: who says I don't?
(11:26:44 PM) Stevenson: I've seen you bonerless head!
(11:26:47 PM) Stevenson: your
(11:26:55 PM) Me: Stevenson, man
(11:26:59 PM) Me: it's a wig
(11:27:31 PM) Stevenson: There's no way you have a wig that covers up a boner.
(11:27:34 PM) Stevenson: I'd be able to tell.
(11:27:43 PM) Me: wow
(11:27:45 PM) Stevenson: I'm an expert in Bonerology.
(11:27:49 PM) Me: hahaha
(11:27:51 PM) Me: man in my head
(11:27:58 PM) Me: I just imagined a book called Bonerology
(11:28:02 PM) Me: to go with like Dragonology
(11:28:06 PM) Me: and Egyptology
(11:29:49 PM) Me: err... they were best selling children's books

screaming germans

(12:24:13 PM) Stevenson: There might not be anything better than listening to German people yell.
(12:24:37 PM) Me: hahahaha
(12:24:43 PM) Me: what prompted that remark?
(12:24:57 PM) Stevenson: Just daydreaming.
(12:27:44 PM) Me: about screaming germans?
(12:27:52 PM) Me: I like the way your mind works!
(12:27:56 PM) Stevenson: I know, I'm pretty sweet.

that would be terrible

(12:15:53 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: put in my application today
(12:16:02 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: cut down my resume to this job and the last one
(12:16:11 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and my references are all basically the guys I work with now
(12:16:29 PM) Me: haha I guess they're good ref's :P
(12:16:31 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: probably not
(12:16:37 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: but who knows
(12:16:40 PM) Me: "hey, I know that guy! if he says Ryan is alright, he must be!'
(12:16:43 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I think my boss said only one other person had put in
(12:16:54 PM) Me: kick that person's ass!
(12:17:49 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:19:18 PM) Me: I should just show up outside that person's house
(12:19:25 PM) Me: slapping a tire iron menacingly against my hand
(12:19:35 PM) Me: give him/her the evil eye
(12:19:37 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha what if it's one of the other guys I work with
(12:19:52 PM) Me: haha that you used as a reference?
(12:19:57 PM) Me: that would be awesome
(12:21:30 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha yeha probably
(12:22:02 PM) Me: "he used my name as a reference AND stationed this psycho girl to stand outside my door with a tire iron"
(12:22:27 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:22:28 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: win!
(12:23:08 PM) Me: you're a shoo in! You have Amystopheles on your side!
(12:23:31 PM) Me: though, actually, I think you would be an idiot to sell your eternal soul for an IT job
(12:23:44 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha I wouldn't sell it, i'd just be friends with you
(12:23:46 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: that's good enough
(12:23:48 PM) Me: okay
(12:23:58 PM) Me: yeah, you do my bidding out in the world
(12:24:05 PM) Me: that's worth at least a promotion
(12:24:23 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha thanks
(12:24:28 PM) Me: you're welcome
(12:24:59 PM) Me: now go get Satan a coke
(12:25:10 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: with lots of ice
(12:25:33 PM) Me: yeah it gets pretty hot down here
(12:26:07 PM) Me: man wouldn't it be funny if you went to hell and you were like, "why?" and they're like, "you served satan!" and it turns out you were a waiter and got him a coke?
(12:26:18 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:26:22 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: that would be terrible

creepy sexual discussion

(11:43:18 PM) Me: man... you know how sometimes I tell you that I think if someone walked in on me at the computer they would think I was a sex offender?
(11:43:22 PM) Me: or at least really crazy?
(11:43:30 PM) Me: Well I have pants on for once
(11:43:49 PM) Me: but I'm listening to the muppets version of "Silent Night"
(11:43:55 PM) Me: making crazy comics
(11:44:05 PM) Me: and having another creepy sexual discussion with Stevenson
(11:44:12 PM) Me: in fact
(11:44:17 PM) Me: if Stevenson is ever online
(11:44:24 PM) Me: you can just assme that we're having a creepy sexual discussion
(11:44:55 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(11:44:59 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: oh, i do
(11:45:09 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and that's why whenever I see you both online, you can assume I'm masturbating
(11:45:13 PM) Me: hahahaha
(11:45:21 PM) Me: I was about to say that
(11:45:25 PM) Me: you beat me to it
(11:45:34 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(11:45:39 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: no, I beat off to it
(11:45:47 PM) Me: yeah I thought of making that joke but it was too easy
(11:45:57 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: like your mother?
(11:46:02 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: AMY CLEAN YOUR ROOM
(11:46:07 PM) Me: HAHAHA
(11:46:12 PM) Me: the amy clean your room saves that one

lady jizz

(12:37:48 AM) Stevenson: Man, my boner hurts.
(12:38:16 AM) Me: btw have you ever read a book called Real Ultimate Power?
(12:38:32 AM) Stevenson: THat ninja stuff?
(12:38:35 AM) Me: yeah
(12:38:40 AM) Me: but also a lot about boners
(12:38:46 AM) Stevenson: I've flipped through it, and seen the website.
(12:38:52 AM) Me: and I've never heard the phrase boner much outside of that book and you saying it all the time
(12:38:59 AM) Me: so like every time you talk about your boner
(12:39:03 AM) Me: I like think of a ninja boner
(12:39:18 AM) Stevenson: I don't say it all the time!
(12:39:25 AM) Stevenson: Have you ever read Mansfield Park?
(12:39:25 AM) Me: haha you do
(12:39:36 AM) Me: No, I heard there's nothing about boners in it
(12:40:03 AM) Stevenson: Not true, but she does bring up lady jizz a lot.
(12:40:10 AM) Stevenson: So every time you say lady jizz I think of Jane Austen.

imaginary penis

(11:10:48 PM) Me: I think I'm getting carpal tunnel syndrome
(11:11:03 PM) Stevenson: Really? That sucks dick.
(11:11:13 PM) Me: fo rizzle
(11:11:54 PM) Stevenson: That sucks big, fat, hairy, donkey dick.
(11:12:07 PM) Stevenson: And balls.
(11:12:14 PM) Stevenson: And it eats the cum.
(11:12:17 PM) Stevenson: Also, it eats babies.
(11:12:21 PM) Me: ...uh yeah
(11:12:33 PM) Me: thanks for comparing life problems to porno :P
(11:12:38 PM) Stevenson: and then it murders you in your sleep 'cause it's a serial killer!
(11:12:46 PM) Stevenson: That's how bad it is.
(11:12:50 PM) Me: that is some awesome porn you've been watching
(11:13:00 PM) Stevenson: I wrote the script myself.
(11:13:05 PM) Stevenson: You're in it, you just don't know it yet...
(11:13:31 PM) Me: sexy
(11:13:34 PM) Me: can I be the donkey?
(11:13:41 PM) Stevenson: You read my mind.
(11:13:45 PM) Stevenson: Well, you can be one half of the donkey.
(11:15:10 PM) Me: okay
(11:15:14 PM) Me: mooooo!
(11:15:39 PM) Stevenson: You're fired.
(11:15:54 PM) Me: baa?
(11:16:13 PM) Stevenson: Hmm. Interesting. You're re-hired.
(11:18:36 PM) Me: sweet
(11:18:39 PM) Me: do I get a fluffer?
(11:19:00 PM) Stevenson: Umm... you don't really need one, but I guess so.
(11:19:19 PM) Me: yaaay
(11:19:34 PM) Me: I shall have the fluffiest imaginary penis of them all!
(11:20:04 PM) Stevenson: Oh, well in that case, I'm fluffing you right now.
(11:20:08 PM) Stevenson: If it's all imaginary.
(11:20:44 PM) Me: awesome
(11:21:00 PM) Me: I'm fluffing your imaginary penis right back
(11:22:28 PM) Stevenson: I just imaginary came.
(11:22:51 PM) Stevenson: God, we're dirty lately. Or maybe it's just me.
(11:23:19 PM) Me: haha no, I think you're right
(11:23:33 PM) Stevenson: I'm not complaining though.
(11:23:38 PM) Me: I was always this pervy
(11:23:43 PM) Me: you just got that way all of a sudden
(11:23:51 PM) Stevenson: haha
(11:24:04 PM) Stevenson: I guess I finally felt like it was okay.
(11:24:21 PM) Me: it's not just okay
(11:24:25 PM) Me: it's fabulous
(11:24:39 PM) Stevenson: That's what your mom said when I was fucking her ass.

I will choke a bitch

(12:20:19 PM) Me: my other favorite lately is this http://www.geocities.com/tribble80/goodneighbor.jpg
(12:20:43 PM) Mike: haha
(12:20:45 PM) Mike: oh man
(12:20:52 PM) Mike: that one was lol
(12:21:04 PM) Me: haha I'm glad to have an appreciative audience
(12:21:08 PM) Mike: perhaps mainly because i just watched godfather
(12:21:15 PM) Me: oh
(12:21:20 PM) Me: I'm only funny in context? :/
(12:21:33 PM) Mike: no, you're more funny in context
(12:21:39 PM) Mike: also because im betting it really happened
(12:23:05 PM) Me: hahaha

vagina shoes

I am a weird, weird, weird person.

12:24:43 PM) Me: pants are a sane man's natural enemy
(12:25:09 PM) Stevenson: I agree 100%.
(12:27:21 PM) Me: for reals
(12:27:25 PM) Me: I guess I should say "human"
(12:27:31 PM) Me: because I'm a woman (so far as I know)
(12:27:36 PM) Me: and pants are my natural enemy as well
(12:27:54 PM) Stevenson: Maybe that's a sign that you're really a man.
(12:29:27 PM) Me: probably
(12:29:36 PM) Stevenson: Hey Amy, do you have a penis?
(12:29:43 PM) Me: you'd think in a pantsless state it would be easier for me to tell whether or not I have a wang
(12:29:57 PM) Stevenson: haha
(12:30:00 PM) Stevenson: wang
(12:30:00 PM) Me: as far as I know, no. But, after that operation in mexico all bets are off
(12:30:05 PM) Me: I might have one inside or something
(12:30:12 PM) Stevenson: If you do, can I rub it on my face?
(12:32:19 PM) Me: I thought you'd never ask
(12:32:21 PM) Me: OF COURSE
(12:35:45 PM) Me: if you have a vagina
(12:35:51 PM) Me: can I put my foot in it?
(12:36:08 PM) Stevenson: well, I don't have a vagina, but if I did, YES.
(12:36:25 PM) Me: YOU ARE THE BEST
(12:36:42 PM) Me: I've always wanted to play "vagina shoes"
(12:37:50 PM) Me: now I have to find someone else to offer up their hypothetical vagina to me
(12:37:58 PM) Me: so I can have one for each foot
(12:38:05 PM) Me: I'll be the prettiest girl at the ball
(12:38:05 PM) Stevenson: Well, maybe I hypothetically have two vaginas.
(12:38:09 PM) Me: SWEEEET
(12:38:11 PM) Me: you're the best
(12:38:21 PM) Me: now I know why Satan told me to find you
(12:38:27 PM) Stevenson: Go ahead, slip 'em on. See how they feel.
(12:39:46 PM) Me: ooooh
(12:39:47 PM) Me: warm
(12:40:28 PM) Stevenson: my vaginas aren't too tight for you, are they?
(12:41:29 PM) Me: actually they are quite comfortable
(12:41:32 PM) Me: SHIT
(12:41:39 PM) Me: you've done this before, haven't you?
(12:41:53 PM) Me: I'm not your first foot in the vagina :/
(12:42:11 PM) Stevenson: Yes you are. I shoved some shampoo bottles up there to stretch them out.
(12:42:24 PM) Stevenson: They've been waiting my while life for your feet.
(12:43:33 PM) Me: hahahhaa
(12:43:43 PM) Me: even better is the gross misspellings and grammar in that sentence
(12:43:50 PM) Me: I feel the true emotion behind those words
(12:45:03 PM) Stevenson: gog damnit
(12:45:13 PM) Stevenson: WHOLE
(12:46:56 PM) Me: GOG DAMMIT
(12:47:22 PM) Stevenson: Don't make me take away your vagina shoes.
(12:48:03 PM) Me: noooo
(12:48:09 PM) Me: not my vagina shoes!

you're a super lady

bishopposey: god, I hate cleaning out my ears.
SpankingGnome: are you a waxy fella?
bishopposey: hahaha
bishopposey: I like that.
bishopposey: I imaginged you saying it like Marge Gunderson from Fargo.

jizz makes the best baby seasoning

(12:33:30 AM) Stevenson: So, I kidnapped this woman's baby today.
(12:33:33 AM) Stevenson: Stroller and everything.
(12:33:48 AM) Stevenson: I sold the stroller for 50 bucks to a homeless lady downtown.
(12:34:03 AM) Stevenson: But I can't decide if I should eat the baby or just kill it and rape it.
(12:34:08 AM) Me: haha
(12:34:10 AM) Me: you can do both
(12:34:17 AM) Me: I find that jizz makes a great baby seasoning
(12:34:23 AM) Stevenson: Well, I have this thing where I don't like to eat things I've raped.
(12:34:30 AM) Me: well next time I'll stay longer I guess
(12:34:33 AM) Me: I'm sorry :/
(12:34:36 AM) Stevenson: shooooooosh!
(12:34:40 AM) Me: psh, give it to me
(12:34:44 AM) Me: I love eating things you've raped
(12:34:51 AM) Stevenson: hahaha
(12:35:04 AM) Stevenson: Then you love eating your mom!
(12:35:26 AM) Stevenson: And I don't mean with some fava beans and a nice chianti...
(12:35:32 AM) Stevenson: BURN!

beemer steamer

Re: Stevenson's VW bug

(12:03:08 AM) Me: today I was driving around my non descript car
(12:03:11 AM) Me: and I realized
(12:03:16 AM) Me: that you have the greatest car ever
(12:03:21 AM) Me: because it makes children hit each other
(12:03:21 AM) Stevenson: haha
(12:03:29 AM) Stevenson: hahaha
(12:03:48 AM) Stevenson: I guess I'm pretty great.
(12:04:24 AM) Stevenson: And sometimes it makes adults hit children :)
(12:04:28 AM) Me: hahaaah
(12:04:37 AM) Me: well I don't need an excuse to hit children
(12:04:42 AM) Me: but I'm glad you help the more timid
(12:05:09 AM) Me: man I need to buy a cadilac
(12:05:21 AM) Me: and we need to like drive around town together in our respecitive vehicles
(12:05:28 AM) Me: making people hit children
(12:05:40 AM) Stevenson: what does the Caddy have to do with it?
(12:06:07 AM) Stevenson: are you supposed to hit people when yo see one of those?
(12:06:27 AM) Me: bug slug
(12:06:30 AM) Me: cadilac whack
(12:06:36 AM) Me: you didn't know that?
(12:06:39 AM) Stevenson: huh. Never heard of it.
(12:06:50 AM) Me: I assure you it is as prevalent as a bug slug
(12:07:32 AM) Stevenson: huh.
(12:07:35 AM) Stevenson: I think you just made it up.
(12:07:52 AM) Stevenson: BUT, we should totally just make up a hitting game for every type of car.
(12:07:58 AM) Stevenson: Like... Camry Whamry.
(12:08:36 AM) Me: haha
(12:08:43 AM) Me: Corolla I STAB YOU
(12:09:15 AM) Stevenson: Finger in your eye when you see a semi.
(12:10:40 AM) Me: haha
(12:11:56 AM) Me: oh
(12:12:03 AM) Me: man I shouldn't have used stab on corrolla
(12:12:07 AM) Me: cab stab
(12:12:11 AM) Stevenson: totally.
(12:12:36 AM) Stevenson: Beamer Cleveland Steamer.
(12:15:01 AM) Me: HAHAH
(12:15:10 AM) Me: you just.... win

ryan truly is the win to my wang

(11:40:58 PM) Me: sorry, I was in the shower
(11:41:00 PM) Me: masturbating
(11:41:03 PM) Me: to you masturbating
(11:41:05 PM) Me: to me pooping
(11:41:17 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(11:41:25 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: nice I must have known, because I was masturbating to all that

somewhere out there

phoemeister (1:37:43 PM): and I actually do have the runs cause I ate a lot of pizza earlier
Suibrom (1:38:06 PM): doh : (
Suibrom (1:38:15 PM): I have a feeling this boatload of nachos is going to have a similar effect
phoemeister (1:38:29 PM): haha do you remember an American Tail?
Suibrom (1:38:59 PM): yeah
phoemeister (1:39:14 PM): you know that song they sing about how they're thinking of each other
phoemeister (1:39:18 PM): and looking at the same stars
phoemeister (1:39:21 PM): at the same time
Suibrom (1:39:22 PM): haha
phoemeister (1:39:26 PM): that could be us
phoemeister (1:39:30 PM): but with poo
Suibrom (1:39:35 PM): maybe we can sing about horrible ass-burning runs
phoemeister (1:39:55 PM): "Someeeeewheree ouuuuuuuuut theeeeeeeeeere beneath the pale moonlight..."
phoemeister (1:40:06 PM): "someone's thinking of me, and shitting out their guts"
Suibrom (1:40:19 PM): hahah
Suibrom (1:40:21 PM): beautiful

blue poo: the poem

(1:06:03 AM) Me: what is up my blue pooin' friend?
(1:07:16 AM) blue poo: pooin' blue
(1:07:24 AM) Me: through and through?
(1:07:27 AM) blue poo: true
(1:07:34 AM) Me: oh, you
(1:07:51 AM) blue poo: a poem
(1:08:03 AM) Me: I suppose it's better than my last one
(1:08:06 AM) Me: "roses are red
(1:08:10 AM) Me: violets are blue
(1:08:16 AM) Me: can I masturbate on your front porch?"
(1:08:24 AM) blue poo: nice
(1:08:27 AM) blue poo: and yes
(1:08:29 AM) blue poo: oh
(1:08:38 AM) blue poo: it wasn't a question...it was a poem

purple poo

(12:48:05 AM) Me: and I was like, "Please tell me you have pills that make you crap blue! It's the only color I can't make!"
(12:48:16 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:48:22 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: have you made purple then?
(12:48:42 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: or is it like.. anything above blue on the spectrum?
(12:48:57 AM) Me: hahah I don't know wtf that was but it was hilarious
(12:49:03 AM) Me: I can sort of make purple
(12:49:09 AM) Me: if my colon is bleeding
(12:49:16 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: that's more red
(12:49:25 AM) Me: it was a burgundy
(12:49:28 AM) Me: which is close enough
(12:49:40 AM) Me: considering most people can't make that
(12:49:45 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:49:48 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: without being seriously ill anyway
(12:49:53 AM) Me: exactly

blue poo

This is not Andy DN. But I still found this conver amusing:

(12:31:54 AM) Me: I can poo most of the colors of the rainbow though
(12:37:40 AM) dude: impressive
(12:38:38 AM) Me: blue eludes me
(12:39:12 AM) dude: eat blueberries
(12:39:43 AM) Me: I have
(12:39:47 AM) Me: doesn't help
(12:41:00 AM) dude: really? it works for me
(12:42:02 AM) Me: haha you poop blue?
(12:42:23 AM) dude: sort of
(12:42:25 AM) Me: Andy....... you complete me

Look out, Wolverine!

this conversation is the sequel to one where I told Ryan that I keep all the hookers I kill in my vagina. I wish I had saved that one, but I did not. Also there's a reference in there to this signed note I gave to Ryan saying that he can do anything he wants to with my corpse when I die, included but not limited to eating or nailing it.


(10:34:44 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: of course the bed probably gets more uncomfortable proportional to the amount of dead hookers I stuff in it
(10:34:50 AM) Me: haha
(10:34:53 AM) Me: problem solved
(10:34:55 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(10:34:58 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: but I LOVE sleeping on them
(10:34:58 AM) Me: just put them in your vagina the way I do
(10:35:09 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I can discreetly hump them through the matress
(10:35:13 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: while I'm sleeping
(10:35:16 AM) Me: it's awesome to sleep with them in you
(10:35:28 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: hmm now I just need to get a vagina somewhere
(10:35:29 AM) Me: especially the ones that are still alive
(10:35:33 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and start shoving dead hookers into it
(10:35:37 AM) Me: yeah that's right
(10:35:49 AM) Me: "THE HOOKERS ARE TRAPPED IN AMY'S VAGINA"
(10:35:54 AM) Me: "THEY'RE BURIED ALIVE"
(10:36:10 AM) Me: "BUT WHAT AN AWESOME PLACE TO GO FIRST"
(10:37:06 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha no joke
(10:37:16 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: if I'm going to be buried alive, I want it to happen in a vagina
(10:37:28 AM) Me: haha just become a hooker
(10:37:31 AM) Me: I'll come for you
(10:37:36 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(10:37:39 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I hope you mean that in every way
(10:38:08 AM) Me: haha you need to write out a note that says I can do whatever I want with your corpse included but not limited to putting it up my vagina
(10:38:22 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(10:38:24 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: no no
(10:38:28 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: see that defeats the purpose
(10:38:35 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I want you to put my LIVE body up your vagina
(10:38:37 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and I'll die there
(10:38:43 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and you can have a still birth of me later
(10:41:47 AM) Me: hahahah
(10:42:15 AM) Me: well, you should make the same note but for like if you have a terminal disease like cancer or something
(10:42:30 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: Does your vagina work like a cryogenics chamber?
(10:42:55 AM) Me: haha fifty years from now Ryan crawls out of my tang, "did you cure monkey cancer yet?"
(10:43:46 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: hahah
(10:44:02 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: but you'll be all greedy and even if they have you'll be like.. "No get back in there!"
(10:44:17 AM) Me: haha I'd be so old by then
(10:44:24 AM) Me: "I don't want to be in an old lady's vagina"
(10:44:35 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha yeah I'll be all creeped out being in some old ladies vagina
(10:44:43 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: "Get your silver cotton candy outa my face lady!"
(10:44:53 AM) Me: how did I know that was coming
(10:45:17 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: maybe you have a sixth sense for detecting old lady pube jokes?
(10:45:27 AM) Me: wow
(10:45:28 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: or should I say.. a sick sense
(10:45:30 AM) Me: if X men ever happens
(10:45:35 AM) Me: it's good to know I have a power too
(10:45:41 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(10:45:49 AM) Me: a useless, creepy power
(10:45:58 AM) Me: that normal people will want to kill me for
(10:45:58 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: "Watch out wolverine! an old lady is coming this way.. and she's exposing herself!"
(10:46:03 AM) Me: HAHA
(10:46:07 AM) Me: see I could be helpful
(10:46:13 AM) Me: that could majorly fuck up wolverine's game
(10:46:15 AM) Me: if he had to see that
(10:46:17 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha yeah
(10:46:29 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: he'd be in even *more* therapy
(10:48:16 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: man the internet is all kindsa boring today
(10:48:50 AM) Me: fuck you
(10:48:52 AM) Me: I'm awesome
(10:49:12 AM) Me: "I just had a discussion abut wolverine seing an old lady's vagina"
(10:49:17 AM) Me: "oh man the internet is boooooorring"
(10:49:27 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: hahah
(10:49:28 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: no no
(10:49:32 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: you're not part of the internets
(10:49:36 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: you are indeed awesome

Martin Mull Has a Posse

phoemeister (3:39:37 PM): I like ponies
jason: a pony killed my mother once. how dare you bring up ponies! :p
phoemeister (3:42:13 PM): thta's why I like ponies
phoemeister (3:42:18 PM): I was tired of that bitch
jason: it was you! AAAAHHHHHHHHHRRGGGG!!!
phoemeister (3:42:56 PM): Um, I'm not a pony
phoemeister (3:42:58 PM): I just like them
phoemeister (3:43:05 PM): and their mother-killing properties
jason: ahhh well luckily she survived that death.
phoemeister (3:43:29 PM): haha wow, that's good
phoemeister (3:43:32 PM): that sounded close
jason: yeah it was touch and go. she was dead, then REAL dead, then sorta dead and then not really dead at all. thankfully it didn't go to Zombie.
phoemeister (3:45:16 PM): we dodged a bullet there
phoemeister (3:45:22 PM): your mom already has a taste for brains
jason: indeed. heh
phoemeister (3:45:34 PM): who knows what Zombism would do to that monsterous appetite
jason: man and i'm supposed to have dinner with them in two hours. I'll have to try not to laugh.
phoemeister (3:46:27 PM): haha
phoemeister (3:46:40 PM): hopefully your mom doesn't cook/order a brain-looking substance
jason: that would be most unfortunate
phoemeister (3:47:43 PM): yeah
phoemeister (3:47:56 PM): though I can't even really think of anything brain looking off the top of my head
jason: well, monkey's brains, while popular in Cantonese cuisine, are not often to be found in Washington D.C.
jason (please tell me you get that quote)
phoemeister (3:48:50 PM): YES
phoemeister (3:48:53 PM): awesome clue reference
jasoYES!!
phoemeister (3:48:58 PM): YOU WIN
phoemeister (3:49:01 PM): AT BEING AWESOME
jason WIN!
phoemeister (3:49:12 PM): man, I love that movie
phoemeister (3:49:20 PM): you just rocked my world
jason: the cast is just marvelous. so many awesome people in it. MARTIN MULL!!!!
phoemeister (3:52:34 PM): For reals
jason: I need to make a shirt that says MARTIN MULL HAS A POSSE
phoemeister (3:52:50 PM): man, I've even watched Sabrina the Teenaged Witch on occaision for that man
phoemeister (3:53:32 PM): that show is actually kind of awesome though. For one scene.
jason): anI have a secret strange crush on Caroline Rhea.... don't tell anyone.
phoemeister (3:53:53 PM): There's this episode where the chick Martin Mull is trying to date turns herself into a man with magic to make him leave her alone
phoemeister (3:53:54 PM): HAHA
phoemeister (3:54:06 PM): And her man self is like this biker guy
phoemeister (3:54:23 PM): And Martin Mull is like, "please don't hurt me! I loved your work at Altamont."
phoemeister (3:54:28 PM): and it BLEW MY MIND
phoemeister (3:54:36 PM): awesomest quote on a tween comedy EVAR
jason: hahahaha that is SPECTACULAR!

I fucked your girlfriend

(8:58:11 PM) Me: dude if I ever did Brooke
(8:58:22 PM) Me: I would totally call you up right after and be like, "I fucked your girlfriend."
(8:58:25 PM) Me: just to let you know
(8:58:44 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha thanks
(8:58:48 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I would hope you'd video tape it
(9:01:02 PM) Me: haha no promises
(9:01:27 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: it's okay
(9:01:31 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: if you didn't, brooke would :X
(9:02:21 PM) Me: haha
(9:02:26 PM) Me: well she might actually have a camera
(9:02:29 PM) Me: which Ii'm sure helps
(9:02:41 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha yes
(9:04:34 PM) Me: I'd have to draw a lot of crappy pictures in paint and make a flip book
(9:04:44 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha it would be awesome though
(9:04:44 PM) Me: that's a lot more work than camera on
(9:05:13 PM) Me: hahaha I should just IM her "Hey brooke, mind if I draw a lot of shitty pictures in paint of me giving it to you with a strap on? "
(9:05:40 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha you should :X
(9:08:34 PM) Me: psh, a true artist does not ask for permission
(9:09:02 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: is that artist or rapist?
(9:09:59 PM) Me: haha neither
(9:10:03 PM) Me: that's why I like art so much
(9:10:08 PM) Me: it's so similar to my other true love
(9:10:53 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha nice
(9:11:41 PM) Me: I think of myself as a rartist
(9:12:17 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: "rape is my art"
(9:14:10 PM) Me: hhaa, how did you know what my art is about?
(9:14:35 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: it's all abstract and weird
(9:14:38 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: but I know rape when Isee it
(9:16:20 PM) Me: hahaha
(9:16:37 PM) Me: "I know rape when I'm bent over the urinal with my ass in the air!"
(9:16:58 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha nice
(9:17:24 PM) Me: that's what the butterfly one was about
(9:18:00 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha how can you be bent over a urinal? :X
(9:19:35 PM) Me: I don't know
(9:19:38 PM) Me: you figure it out
(9:19:42 PM) Me: and get back to me
(9:19:48 PM) Me: cause I really want to do someone that way sometime
(9:19:52 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(9:19:57 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I bet I could work it out
(9:20:08 PM) Me: hahah
(9:20:14 PM) Me: Ryan's like, "I like a challenge"
(9:20:59 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: well you could totally be bent over in front of a urinal
(9:21:05 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: but I dunno that oyu'd want to put your hands on that thing
(9:21:32 PM) Me: hey, I'm already raping someone. I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty.
(9:25:38 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: what about everything else dirty?
(9:26:13 PM) Me: look it's not a good time if I'm not covered in urine
(9:26:14 PM) Me: you know this

you're a wizard, harry

Re: Harry Potter. And I actually DO know how it ends already, strangely enough for someone who fucking hates HP.

(10:06:43 PM) Me: haha we're thinking of going to the release party and I just want to scream "everyone dies in a nuclear explosion in the first five pages then the rest is blank, and you'll still buy it too, motherfuckers!"
(10:06:50 PM) Me: though of course that is only how I wish the book is
(10:06:55 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(10:07:01 PM) Me: maybe instead of blank the rest could be pictures
(10:07:08 PM) Me: like maybe Harry dies right away in the blast
(10:07:25 PM) Me: but like Ron's skin just slowly melts off his bones due to radiation sickness
(10:07:40 PM) Me: and Hermione's silhouette is burned into the building she was standing in front of
(10:08:05 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: no way
(10:08:16 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: hermione gets really big radioactive jugs
(10:08:35 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: it's kind of like the hulk
(10:08:40 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: only.. you would like her when she gets angry
(10:09:08 PM) Me: hahahah

emo cheese

(10:37:45 PM) Me: probably cause you go days without eating
(10:37:55 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha not usually
(10:38:02 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: it's pretty rare that I go without eating
(10:38:09 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: though tonight.. I'm too lazy to make idnner
(10:38:13 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: so I'm having a bowl of ice cream
(10:38:15 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and some gold fish
(10:38:19 PM) Me: that's still food
(10:38:22 PM) Me: that's Amy food, in fact
(10:38:40 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: yeah I should go bust out my block of extra sharp cheddar
(10:38:44 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and I would BE you
(10:38:51 PM) Me: haha for reals
(10:40:19 PM) Me: though actually I go for mild
(10:41:16 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: mild is for girls who can't handle real cheese
(10:41:31 PM) Me: well I'll eat sharp
(10:41:37 PM) Me: but I'll THINK of mild the whole time
(10:41:48 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(10:41:49 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: extra sharp
(10:41:52 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I like to CUT myself
(10:41:54 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: with cheese
(10:41:57 PM) Me: HAHA
(10:42:00 PM) Me: touche
(10:42:16 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I'm so emo that even my cheese is extra sharp because I like to cut myself with it

RYAN HAS A BOOB

Phoemeister (10:30:14 PM): I got my case for my MP3 player
Phoemeister (10:30:16 PM): it's tiny
Suibrom (10:30:36 PM): the mp3 player is pretty small
Suibrom (10:30:45 PM): like I said, definitely more portable than a cd player
Phoemeister (10:31:08 PM): mmm, I never had trouble taking my cd player places before though
Suibrom (10:31:26 PM): yeah but I mean like.. in your pocket portable
Phoemeister (10:31:41 PM): haha I guess. I can't fit any more stuff in my pockets though
Phoemeister (10:31:52 PM): especially since shit constantly falls out of them
Phoemeister (10:32:21 PM): this case has like a waistband clip or whatever though. So even though it's gay, I could conceivably use that
Suibrom (10:34:53 PM): hm, but youcould put it in a jacket or hoody pocket
Suibrom (10:34:59 PM): which you couldn't do with a cd player
Phoemeister (10:35:27 PM): which actually things fall out of those pockets even more, because they actually ARE huge enough for a cd player
Phoemeister (10:35:44 PM): seriously, I used to keep ginormous brick batteries for tv cameras in my hoodie pockets
Phoemeister (10:35:51 PM): they're ginormous and things fall out constantly
Suibrom (10:36:02 PM): haha
Suibrom (10:36:05 PM): okay
Suibrom (10:36:11 PM): so time to carry a fanny pack
Phoemeister (10:36:27 PM): haha there were veteran photographers who had fanny packs
Phoemeister (10:36:40 PM): I also have my hands to carry stuff with
Suibrom (10:36:55 PM): hands schmands
Suibrom (10:37:00 PM): what if you need to use your hands
Phoemeister (10:37:39 PM): haha this reminds me of an episode of Hom Movies
Phoemeister (10:37:50 PM): where Coach McGuirk gets these crazy huge pecs that look like boobs
Suibrom (10:37:53 PM): haha
Phoemeister (10:38:02 PM): and he is trying to convince everyone that the pecs are so useful
Phoemeister (10:38:12 PM): so he pours food on them and eats off of them
Phoemeister (10:38:22 PM): and brendan's like, "You could just use your hands, you know"
Phoemeister (10:38:32 PM): and he's like,"yeah but this frees up my hands for whatever they want to do"
Suibrom (10:38:37 PM): haha that's right
Suibrom (10:38:41 PM): it's a good argument
Suibrom (10:38:47 PM): I should look into humungous pecs
Phoemeister (10:38:50 PM): and Brendan's like, "okay so you spend 8 hours in a gym every day so you don't have to use your hands when you eat"
Phoemeister (10:39:09 PM): be careful. McGuirk tried to lift too much with his and they popped like balloons
Phoemeister (10:39:17 PM): and he had to put his big saggy boobs in a bra
Phoemeister (10:39:22 PM): filled with ice
Suibrom (10:39:24 PM): haha
Suibrom (10:39:27 PM): I'm gonna go out on a limb here
Suibrom (10:39:38 PM): and say that muscles don't pop like balloons
Phoemeister (10:39:50 PM): well it is a cartoon
Suibrom (10:40:06 PM): fucking cartoons!
Suibrom (10:40:08 PM): where's the reality?!
Phoemeister (10:40:22 PM): I put my wang in your mom's reality
Suibrom (10:40:42 PM): brendon looks like a totally real kid.. I expect the rest of the show to stand up to that kind of realism
Phoemeister (10:40:49 PM): haha
Phoemeister (10:40:55 PM): like how they don't have sleeves
Phoemeister (10:41:01 PM): and their hands are the color of their outfit
Suibrom (10:41:04 PM): they all wear jumpers
Suibrom (10:41:05 PM): always
Suibrom (10:41:10 PM): just in case they need to go into space
Phoemeister (10:41:17 PM): hahaha
Phoemeister (10:42:14 PM): I love how you'll rationalize that but not the pecs
Phoemeister (10:44:38 PM): PS coach mcGuirk's boobs were named "big rig" and "jesse"
Suibrom (10:44:43 PM): haha
Suibrom (10:44:53 PM): I would totally name one of my boobs "big rig"
Phoemeister (10:45:08 PM): see you need to work out and get some pecs
Suibrom (10:45:19 PM): I already got a boob
Phoemeister (10:45:25 PM): just one?
Suibrom (10:45:33 PM): yup
Phoemeister (10:45:56 PM): how does that work?
Suibrom (10:46:00 PM): haha magic I guess
Suibrom (10:46:06 PM): I believe it gives me psychic powers
Suibrom (10:46:19 PM): man we've totally talked about this before
Phoemeister (10:48:11 PM): we have?
Phoemeister (10:48:15 PM): I don't remember this at all
Phoemeister (10:49:55 PM): so re explain it to me
Suibrom (10:50:10 PM): I have some brest tissue in my right breast
Suibrom (10:50:16 PM): like.. woman breast tissue
Suibrom (10:50:28 PM): freaked me out growing up because I was like "OH GOD I HAVE BOOB CANCER"
Suibrom (10:50:38 PM): and then the doctor was like "no it's okay, you just have part of a boob"
Phoemeister (10:50:50 PM): hahaha
Phoemeister (10:50:52 PM): what?
Phoemeister (10:50:55 PM): I would remember this
Phoemeister (10:51:00 PM): why are you part woman?
Suibrom (10:51:02 PM): haha
Suibrom (10:51:13 PM): I dunno! It's apparently pretty normal
Suibrom (10:51:16 PM): so the doctor says
Suibrom (10:51:39 PM): something about less more estrogen or.. less testosterone or something
Phoemeister (10:52:01 PM): or how you're a woman?
Phoemeister (10:52:07 PM): wow that sounds gross
Phoemeister (10:52:09 PM): does it stick out?
Suibrom (10:52:13 PM): not really no
Suibrom (10:52:19 PM): it looks like the other one
Phoemeister (10:52:21 PM): how do you know youhave it?
Suibrom (10:52:30 PM): because there's like a lump in my boob
Phoemeister (10:52:55 PM): wow
Phoemeister (10:53:00 PM): no you never told me
Phoemeister (10:53:02 PM): I'd remember this
Suibrom (10:53:07 PM): haha "because we can't be friends now"
Phoemeister (10:53:19 PM): exactly

Then I signed out to give the joke a little more punch.
When I came back:

Suibrom (10:53:29 PM): haha you're a dick!
Phoemeister (10:53:36 PM): you loved it
Phoemeister (10:53:42 PM): it made you laugh
Phoemeister (10:53:44 PM): it was funny
Suibrom (10:53:44 PM): haha I did
Suibrom (10:53:49 PM): and for a brief second
Phoemeister (10:53:52 PM): it made your boob tingle a little
Suibrom (10:53:54 PM): I thought you were serious
Suibrom (10:53:58 PM): but then I was like "haha amy's a dick!"
Phoemeister (10:54:00 PM): haha for reals?
Phoemeister (10:54:02 PM): I'm sorry
Phoemeister (10:54:13 PM): I thought you'd know I was joking
Suibrom (10:54:16 PM): haha it's okay, it was just a brief second
Phoemeister (10:55:07 PM): phew

Afternoon delight

Phoemeister (10:33:22 PM): oh also I had an ephiphany in the car today
Phoemeister (10:34:22 PM): I was listening to some shitty pop song where this dude was enumerating the nice things his girlfriend does for him
Phoemeister (10:35:31 PM): and I realized I would be a really awesome girlfriend because I would do awesome things for my man, like have sex in the middle of the day for no reason
Phoemeister (10:35:45 PM): but that I would be a really horrible girlfriend, because I would insist on singing afternoon delight the whole time
Suibrom (10:35:53 PM): hahah
Suibrom (10:35:55 PM): dude
Suibrom (10:35:58 PM): it would be worth it
Suibrom (10:36:29 PM): guys don't care what's going in their ears while their dongs are going into something pleasant
Phoemeister (10:37:27 PM): hahah thanks
Phoemeister (10:37:34 PM): I'll keep that in mind
Suibrom (10:38:26 PM): I mean.. except maybe ice picks or hot pokers
Suibrom (10:38:34 PM): but they probably wouldn't even notice until it was too late
Phoemeister (10:39:26 PM): muahahaha
Phoemeister (10:39:43 PM): little did Ryan know, but he had just created the hot-poker-ear serial killer
Suibrom (10:39:56 PM): haha
Suibrom (10:39:59 PM): you already are
Suibrom (10:40:04 PM): what with your ear-fucking
Suibrom (10:40:11 PM): you just call it "The hot poker"
Phoemeister (10:40:19 PM): nah, dudes fuck my ear
Phoemeister (10:40:39 PM): it makes small men feel big
Phoemeister (10:40:50 PM): even though I insist on singing afternoon delight the whole time
Suibrom (10:40:58 PM): haha
Phoemeister (10:41:25 PM): it's the circle of life, Ryan
Suibrom (10:41:44 PM): thanks elton

Smells like gwasas

Phoemeister (10:59:32 AM): I was listening to Nirvana
Phoemeister (10:59:37 AM): and I thought of Smells Like Teen Spirit
Phoemeister (10:59:53 AM): and you know that deoderant they had back in the day called Teen Spirit?
Suibrom (10:59:55 AM): yeah
Phoemeister (11:00:04 AM): which I am pretty sure the song title is in reference to
Suibrom (11:00:03 AM): pretty sure that's the whole point of the song
Phoemeister (11:00:09 AM): yeah
Phoemeister (11:00:28 AM): I just thought--no one under a certain age who listens to Nirvana will ever get that
Suibrom (11:00:32 AM): haha yeah probably not
Phoemeister (11:00:37 AM): cause that deoderant doesn't exist anymore
Phoemeister (11:00:44 AM): and it made me sort of sad
Phoemeister (11:00:51 AM): "they won't get the deoderant reference!"
Phoemeister (11:01:09 AM): I remember thinking it hilarious that someone had a song named after deoderant
Suibrom (11:01:25 AM): haha yeah
Phoemeister (11:01:56 AM): and then when I found out it was a good, popular, not funny song
Phoemeister (11:02:00 AM): I was like, 'wha?"
Suibrom (11:02:36 AM): haha
Suibrom (11:02:38 AM): I'm so confused!
Suibrom (11:02:44 AM): it's about deoderant but it's not funny
Phoemeister (11:03:05 AM): man I even remember the ads for teen spirit back in the day
Phoemeister (11:03:13 AM): hell I think I even used it for awhile
Phoemeister (11:03:41 AM): also when you think of it, that's a pretty weirdass name for a deoderant
Suibrom (11:03:43 AM): yeah it is
Suibrom (11:03:49 AM): unless it's made of like.. teenage hormones
Phoemeister (11:04:04 AM): or haunted by teenagers
Phoemeister (11:04:22 AM): "look, this cheerleader killed in a drunk driving accident is haunting my armpit"
Suibrom (11:04:38 AM): haha
Phoemeister (11:07:21 AM): "oh yeah? well I got a janitor! who rocks out! with a mop!"
Suibrom (11:07:31 AM): haha that is pretty awesome
Phoemeister (11:08:02 AM): my pits draw the classiest dead people
Suibrom (11:09:02 AM): I bet george washington hangs out in your pits

we know too much about linkin park

Suibrom (12:47:24 AM): I think it's mostly because it's one of the singers from linkin park
Suibrom (12:47:49 AM): and I think he's japanese or something
Phoemeister (12:47:57 AM): Mike Shinoda
Suibrom (12:47:55 AM): yeah
Phoemeister (12:48:00 AM): I'm sad that I know this
Suibrom (12:47:57 AM): that's him
Suibrom (12:47:59 AM): haha
Phoemeister (12:48:11 AM): Linkin Park used to be huge though
Phoemeister (12:48:13 AM): that's my defense
Suibrom (12:48:12 AM): haha
Suibrom (12:48:14 AM): I'll allow that
Phoemeister (12:48:27 AM): I actually can't remember the lead guy's name anymore though
Phoemeister (12:48:29 AM): just the rapper guy
Suibrom (12:48:45 AM): Chester bennington?
Suibrom (12:48:57 AM): and my only defense for knowing that is he's from Phoenix
Phoemeister (12:49:18 AM): hahah
Suibrom (12:49:15 AM): so they threw his name around a lot when Linkin Park got big
Phoemeister (12:49:28 AM): yeah... plus the name Chester is kind of unique
Phoemeister (12:49:31 AM): I used to know that
Suibrom (12:49:29 AM): yeah
Phoemeister (12:49:34 AM): and I know it again now
Suibrom (12:49:34 AM): he's got the whitest name in history

lord of the clown names

Suibrom (1:26:20 PM): bilbo is totally a clown name
Phoemeister (1:26:28 PM): it is
Phoemeister (1:26:33 PM): like a white trash clown, even
Phoemeister (1:26:40 PM): that's not as good as the regular clowns
Phoemeister (1:27:05 PM): he sits around at home in a sweat stained wifebeater scratching his nuts saying, "none of the kids like me as much as Bozo"
Suibrom (1:27:12 PM): hahah
Suibrom (1:27:30 PM): so almost exactly like lord of the rings?

Ryan repeats himself

Suibrom (10:37:05 PM): right now she's obsessed with chris-what's his name
Suibrom (10:37:13 PM): that was in the fantastic four movies
Phoemeister (10:37:18 PM): HAHHA
Phoemeister (10:37:27 PM): we had this same conversation RE: her loving him back when the first one came out
Phoemeister (10:37:29 PM): I swear to you
Suibrom (10:37:30 PM): hahah
Suibrom (10:37:34 PM): I don't doubt that AT ALL
Phoemeister (10:37:45 PM): like she linked you to some picture of him from it
Phoemeister (10:37:58 PM): and you found some other picture of him in the group that was hilarious or something
Phoemeister (10:38:01 PM): and showed it to me
Suibrom (10:38:00 PM): hahah
Suibrom (10:38:05 PM): that DOES sound like me

college years

Phoemeister (10:33:04 AM): oh man, the other day I was thinking
Phoemeister (10:33:30 AM): people keep giving me shit about working at State Farm because all the people there are like boring corporate zombies
Phoemeister (10:33:38 AM): and how I'm going to turn into one
Phoemeister (10:33:45 AM): and for awhile I was actually worried about this
Phoemeister (10:34:11 AM): but then I was like.... hmmm.... spending my days with stupid "typical" people douchebags
Phoemeister (10:34:29 AM): being lonely and misanthropic and having no friends except for Ryan
Suibrom (10:34:36 AM): haha
Phoemeister (10:34:38 AM): does this sound like my college years at all?
Suibrom (10:34:40 AM): good deal!
Suibrom (10:34:42 AM): haha
Phoemeister (10:34:44 AM): and they made me who I am today

re: model train guy

Phoemeister (2:17:29 PM): man, I'm lucky though. Like, both my downstairs neighbors and Dylan weren't really warned that he was creepy
Phoemeister (2:17:40 PM): so they weren't dicks to him all the time like I am
Phoemeister (2:17:55 PM): so he'd like always come to their doors and be like, "I know you're in there!" and bother them until they came out
bishopposey (2:18:03 PM): oh my god
bishopposey (2:18:07 PM): that's terrible.
Phoemeister (2:18:29 PM): that's what I'm saying
Phoemeister (2:18:40 PM): being a dick to him is my defense!
bishopposey (2:18:35 PM): You're totally justified.
Phoemeister (2:20:23 PM): thank you
bishopposey (2:20:34 PM): I, on the other hand, would probably be nice to him and end up hating myself.
Phoemeister (2:21:50 PM): I still kind of hate myself for being such a dick, and/or not just straightforwardly being like, "you know what, you creep me out. I'm sorry, but I hate talking to you. Please stop staking out the garbage cans."
Phoemeister (2:22:14 PM): I really dread taking out my garbage now
bishopposey (2:22:12 PM): But then he'd probably break into your apartment and poop in it.
Phoemeister (2:22:32 PM): haha thanks
bishopposey (2:22:28 PM): He probably makes model trains out of his poop.
Phoemeister (2:22:48 PM): haha
Phoemeister (2:23:01 PM): I both am scared by that thought and drawn to it

dead baby jesus jokes

Phoemeister: oh and some random other dude told me that jesus loves me
bishopposey: Well, he does.
Phoemeister: haha thanks
Phoemeister: I'm glad you could confirm that for me
bishopposey: Well, I was hanging out with him all day...
Phoemeister: haha wow
Phoemeister: what's jesus like when he's chillin?
bishopposey: Oh, he likes to crack jokes about dead babies too.
Phoemeister: hahaha
Phoemeister: wow, I am now more fond of christianity
Phoemeister: for the dead baby joke clause
bishopposey: Well, you were made in His image.
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: nice
Phoemeister: what was jesus's best dead baby joke?
bishopposey: Ummm... let me think.
bishopposey: how did the dead baby cross the road?
bishopposey: Come on, guess!
Phoemeister: uh
Phoemeister: I don't know
Phoemeister: I give up!
bishopposey: In a black plastic garbage bag!
Phoemeister: hahaha
Phoemeister: that actuall ydid make me laugh
Phoemeister: good going, jesus (or you)
Phoemeister: yes
bishopposey: haha
Phoemeister: I know you're secret
Phoemeister: JESUS
Phoemeister: don't lie
Phoemeister: I caught you walking on water the other day
bishopposey: I am Jesus.
Phoemeister: you're such a show off
bishopposey: I know, I know.
bishopposey: I'm in it for the glory.
bishopposey: I'm vainglorious.
bishopposey: Here's another one.
bishopposey: Why did the dead baby cross the road?
bishopposey: To save someone's life with it's precious stem cells!
Phoemeister: hahaha
Phoemeister: that one was good
Phoemeister: you should write a book of these
bishopposey: I did, it's called the Bible. Hello? Try and keep up.
bishopposey: Well, at least part 3 of the Bible. The Testament Concerning Dead Baby Jokes.
Phoemeister: hahaha
Phoemeister: ah
Phoemeister: I'm sorry, my lord and savior
Phoemeister: I will try to remember this stuff in the future
bishopposey: See that you do. Because if you mess with the bull, you get the horns.
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: that wasn't that funny
Phoemeister: but I see you trying to say it all attitudinally

DO DOES YOUR FACE

bishopposey: How do you get Goat's Milk Cheddar?
bishopposey: Shouldn't that just be gouda?
Phoemeister: I don't know much about goats
Phoemeister: not since the accident
bishopposey: Oh wow, gouda isn't even made from goat's milk.
Phoemeister: I don't know much about gouda
Phoemeister: not since the accident
bishopposey: Hey, did you know you sound like a broken record since the accident?
Phoemeister: DO DOES YOUR FACE
Phoemeister: lkasdfjlkasjdf
Phoemeister: so does your face
bishopposey: haha
Phoemeister: that would've been SO cool had I not screwed it up :P
bishopposey: No no, it was so cool because you screwed it up.
Phoemeister: haha thanks?
bishopposey: I was like, "Do does your face? I don't know what that means, but I'm insulted."
Phoemeister: I like it when my mediocrity is rewarded
Phoemeister: haha, my new way of winning arguments
Phoemeister: screaming unintelligable stuff at people
bishopposey: doesn't everyone?
Phoemeister: true
Phoemeister: I'm not even unique *sob*
bishopposey: And we'll be like, "At least she tried."

hooker entrails

Stevenson: So, did you get an Iphone?
Me: um
Me: no
Me: why?
Stevenson: My store is right next to a Cingular store, and there were people camping out.
Stevenson: It was retarded.
Me: haha lame
Stevenson: I only bring it up because I'm looking at a website where somebody dissected one.
Me: is it awesome inside?
Me: does it remind you of hooker entrails?
Stevenson: I have no idea what all this crap in here is.
Me: that's how I feel when I look at hooker entrails
Me: that doesn't keep me from wearing them as a hat though

I'm into that sort of thing

Phoemeister: maybe I should go back on ritalin
Phoemeister: though that's actually an upper and would keep me up all night
Phoemeister: I mean for actual interactions with people so I don't scare them
bishopposey: haha
bishopposey: I wasn't scared!
bishopposey: I did pee my pants though.
bishopposey: But that was just for fun.
bishopposey: Because I'm into that sort of thing.

bishopposey: I hate Wednesday because I have to talk to the idiot Budweiser sales guy and tell him not to send me so much Bud Light.
Phoemeister: aww :/
Phoemeister: you should take a tire iron with you
bishopposey: for dramatic effect.
Phoemeister: and hit it menacingly against your hand the whole time you talk to him
Phoemeister: perhaps make reference to a Miller salesman you once kneecapped
Phoemeister: or you could just do the thing where you pee your pants
bishopposey: You make me so mad I have to pee!
bishopposey: Or I could just pee on his face.
Phoemeister: haha
bishopposey: My pee tastes better than bud light.
Phoemeister: snap!
Phoemeister: you should just say that to him
Phoemeister: and/or prove it for him
bishopposey: drink it! I aged it in beechwood, motherfucker!
Phoemeister: hahaha
Phoemeister: I can just imagine you keeping your pee in a beechwood cask in the basment for like a month
Phoemeister: just to prove this point

sleep IM

Phoemeister: I'm just saying, if I get a second job and am not on as much anymore
Phoemeister: this shit won't fly!
Suibrom: I will DIE
Phoemeister: you will die
Phoemeister: because you'll only get to talk to me an hour every day
Suibrom: haha man that would suck
Phoemeister: and about 45 minutes of that will be you lagging
Suibrom: that's not nearly enough time to get all the good stuff in
Phoemeister: for reals :/
Suibrom: You just need to not sleep ever
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: or just IM you in my sleep
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: there you go
Phoemeister: except you would be asleep anyway the time I would be sleeping
Suibrom: True
Suibrom: maybe I will IM you back in my sleep
Phoemeister: hahahaha
Phoemeister: and then you can read it all hte next day on gwasas
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: that would be awesome
Phoemeister: haha yeah
Phoemeister: I'd be like, "let's see, what did Ryan and I talk about last night? Oh, that's quite funny. I wish I had been awake."
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: "I dreamed awesome things last night about talking to ryan.. whoa, and then I quoted them"

poosturbation

Suibrom: http://www.paxtonland.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/baby-on-nevermind-album-cover.JPG
Phoemeister: uh, why did you link this to me?
Suibrom: that's the baby from the nirvana nevermind album cover
Suibrom: he's 17 now
Phoemeister: yeah
Phoemeister: I've seen interviews with him before
Phoemeister: it just makes me feel old
Suibrom: yeah it's crazy
Phoemeister: like there was some 15 year old at borders buying nirvana one day
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: and I was all trying to tell him he was making a good choice
Suibrom: "it's for my grandpa"
Phoemeister: and I could tell he was like, "why is this old lady talking to me?"
Phoemeister: exactly
Suibrom: "he really digs this oldies music"
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: man, I had the same thing, some kid came in for American Idiot by Greenday
Phoemeister: and I was all trying to convince him to get Dookie too/instead, and he wasn't having any of it
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: it's named poo! how good can it be?!
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: well my opinion is that in trying to be "grown up" they've lost something
Phoemeister: their old stuff is way better
Suibrom: yeah I agree
Phoemeister: plus the kid was like 12
Phoemeister: I bet he'd rather poo and masturbation jokes to political commentary anyway

poo finger

Phoemeister: I'm not really a huge donut fan
Suibrom: well I'm not a huge Amy fan!
Suibrom: Okay, that's a lie, I am
Phoemeister: haha thanks
Phoemeister: I hope you have an Amy-themed foam finger
Suibrom: I do
Suibrom: Amy's Number 2!
Suibrom: it's also stained brown
Phoemeister: hahaahah
Phoemeister: you douche
Suibrom: and that 's is more of a posessive than a contraction
Phoemeister: yeah, I laughed really hard, but the joke's over
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: The poo joke is very over when it's about you

hatred out of context

bishopposey: I hate you.
Phoemeister: not as much as I hate you
bishopposey: psshhhh.
bishopposey: whatever, talk to the hand.
Phoemeister: haha, way to use a slang expression that's at least ten years out of date
Phoemeister: that'll show me!

masturbating on an open flame

ASHJoxer: I'll light your fire, girl.
Phoemeister: too late
Phoemeister: I'm an ASHLEY INFERNO
ASHJoxer: hahaha
Phoemeister: if I die in the blaze it will be worth it
ASHJoxer: Huggies!
ASHJoxer: haha
Phoemeister: don't hug me! You'll get Ashley fever too!
Phoemeister: I'm sure it's double dangerous when you ARE Ashley!
ASHJoxer: I'd be masterbating on an open flame.
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: exactly

Ragnarok

bishopposey: Maybe it's ragnarok.
Phoemeister: *gasp*
bishopposey: It's okay, I have a sword.
Phoemeister: awesome
Phoemeister: I'll stand behind you
bishopposey: Also, I'm Thor.
Phoemeister: wouldn't you have a hammer then?
bishopposey: damnit!

suicide

Phoemeister: I don't want to go to wooork
Suibrom: me either
Phoemeister: suicide pact
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: arrite, you go first

double aunt

Phoemeister: I'm a double aunt today!
Dr4g0nR3b0rn: double aunt? that like some freaky sex thing?

I think I'm going to be talking to Mike less from now on.

mondays

Phoemeister: you are a scary man, Ryan
Suibrom: only when I need to be
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: or when people ask you to
Phoemeister: or if it's rainy outside
Phoemeister: or it's a monday
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: or the fifth of the month
Suibrom: no way, I like rainy days
Suibrom: mondays though, do suck
Phoemeister: see
Suibrom: I probably would kill a man on a monday

mime porn

bishopposey (2:02:25 PM): I can't believe that isn't on the INTERNET.
Phoemeister (2:03:10 PM): haha I know. I get sad when the netterwebs let me down
Phoemeister (2:03:14 PM): I thought it could do anything!
bishopposey (2:03:47 PM): Well when all is said and done, it's still only human. Well, many humans, sitting in a room, typing really fast.
bishopposey (2:04:04 PM): That's how the internet works, right?
Phoemeister (2:05:04 PM): of course
Phoemeister (2:05:12 PM): but I think there's also a couple of mimes too
Phoemeister (2:05:18 PM): in case deaf people want to use the webernet
bishopposey (2:05:36 PM): Yeah, and the mimes are in charge of the pictures.
Phoemeister (2:07:25 PM): wow, those mimes sure like porn
bishopposey (2:07:36 PM): eeewwww, mime porn.
Phoemeister (2:08:22 PM): hahaha wow, I hadn't even thought of that
Phoemeister (2:09:02 PM): I was more thinking of the fact that there are a lot of pornographic pictures on the netterwebs (so I've heard) and that the mimes are in charge of the pictures
Phoemeister (2:09:09 PM): you, sir, are filthy!
bishopposey (2:09:10 PM): hah
bishopposey (2:09:18 PM): Whatever, I don't watch mime porn.
bishopposey (2:10:41 PM): I just peddle it on street corners.
bishopposey (2:12:37 PM): RIght now I've got a backpack full of "Mime in the Hymen 3" I need to get rid of.
bishopposey (2:12:42 PM): Know anybody that might be interested?
Phoemeister (2:12:44 PM): haha
Phoemeister (2:12:47 PM): um
Phoemeister (2:12:48 PM): ME
Phoemeister (2:12:51 PM): that sounds awesome
bishopposey (2:13:08 PM): It only took me 10 seconds to come up with that title

chain emails

Phoemeister: man, I really wish my grandpa's girlfriend would not send me retarded chain emails
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: just saying, you'd think by like 70 or whatever you'd know better
Suibrom: then again.. old ladies on computers
Phoemeister: haha ouch
Phoemeister: also like you know how half of them are like, "think of your crush! it really works!" or whatever
Phoemeister: she already has her crush, unless it isn't my grandpa
Suibrom: haha yeah
Phoemeister: and then I'm offended

act natural

bishopposey: I'm supposed to go to this party tomorrow night... no, not just supposed, I WANT to, but I'm afraid my stomach will get all upset.
bishopposey: yargh
Phoemeister: aww
Phoemeister: look, if worst comes to worst
Phoemeister: just shit on someone's chest and then act like they asked you to
Phoemeister: and then everyone will think that person is the freak
bishopposey: hahaha
bishopposey: Have you used that one before?
Phoemeister: haha no, I just thought it up, actually
bishopposey: that's brilliant.
Phoemeister: but I do have tons of hilarious poo talk
Phoemeister: thank you
Phoemeister: I'm the einstein of the poo impaired world

angry sex

Phoemeister: got anyone who needs a stabbing?
Phoemeister: cause I could totally do it for you
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: if I was a woman
Suibrom: I would say my vagina needs stabbing
Suibrom: with a penis
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: If I were a man
Phoemeister: I'D DO IT
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: I take that as a weird sort of compliment
Suibrom: "if you were woman, and I was a man, i'd do you"
Phoemeister: noooo
Phoemeister: "If you were a woman, and I was a man, I would ANGRILY do it with you"
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: that's okay
Suibrom: I like it rough
Suibrom: I mean, in this hypothetical situation
Phoemeister: haha whatever
Phoemeister: I'm in the mood to break things
Phoemeister: people
Phoemeister: vaginas
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: whatever

Ryan beats up anorexic teans

Phoemeister: you're a strange strange man, Ryanthor Murdoch
Suibrom: Thank you Amystohpeles Penelope Firebuns


uibrom: that can be your secret identity
Phoemeister: which?
Suibrom: yes
Phoemeister: sandwich
Suibrom: mmm.. SILF
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: best conversation ever

Suibrom: Think I'm gonna go soak in the bath for a bit though.. my muscles are still sore from last night
Suibrom: I'll be back in a bit
Phoemeister: see ya
Phoemeister: I know how difficult it is to beat up anorexic teen girls

urine the clear

Phoemeister: do you ever freak out when you're drinking something that is the same temperature as urine?
Phoemeister: because it remindes you of urine?
Phoemeister: because of the temperature?
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: I just did
Phoemeister: my tea is urine temperature right now
Suibrom: that's kind of odd
Suibrom: is it really urine?
Phoemeister: well it's the first time I've thought about it
Phoemeister: no
Suibrom: have you ever drank urine before?
Phoemeister: no
Phoemeister: but I'm pretty sure it's not pink

Verbal S & M

Phoemeister: I mean I'm not saying I would rock out to this every day
Phoemeister: but the happiness makes me happy
Phoemeister: which I can use sometimes
Suibrom: yay happy!
Suibrom: I know hwo much you need apenis
Suibrom: I mean.. happiness
Phoemeister: haha both
Phoemeister: this is as close as I'm going to get to penis, I'm sure
Suibrom: man I hope not
Phoemeister: I'm going to be the 40 year old virgin. And then... continue being a virgin
Phoemeister: and then die
Suibrom: aww no
Suibrom: you will totally get some wang
Phoemeister: haha thanks for the pep talk
Suibrom: well there's no hurt in trying!
Phoemeister: mmm... I dunno
Phoemeister: obviously I am trying
Phoemeister: but it is less depressing when I am not trying
Suibrom: haha true
Suibrom: I don't see a wang inside you though
Suibrom: so you're not trying hard enough
Phoemeister: hahah so creepy
Suibrom: haha I know
Suibrom: I was like "wow did I just say that?"
Phoemeister: I think it would be hilarious if you called me in the middle of my first time
Phoemeister: "congrats you finally have wang in you!"
Suibrom: "What's up amy? are you doing it?! AWESOME!"
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: if someone has to ruin my first time, and it's not the guy I'm actually doing
Phoemeister: I want it to be you, Ryan
Suibrom: haha thanks
Phoemeister: you're welcome
Suibrom: I hope I can be the one to interrupt your first time
Suibrom: though hopefully not in person
Suibrom: but that would be hilarious
Suibrom: just walk in.. all nonchalant
Phoemeister: haha yeah
Suibrom: eating an apple or something
Phoemeister: haha what?
Suibrom: "what's up amy? how are things going on in here?"
Phoemeister: HAHAH
Phoemeister: I more imagine you coming in
Phoemeister: "CLEAN YOURSELF, FILTHY WHORE"
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: "JESUS NO LONGER WANTS YOU"
Suibrom: throw a towel on you
Phoemeister: haha yeah
Suibrom: SINNER
Phoemeister: I still love that the very last thing you said to me
Phoemeister: the last time I saw you
Phoemeister: was you gave me three dollars and said, "here's three dollars. Clean yourself up."
Suibrom: hahaha
Suibrom: I know that was great
Phoemeister: I think the fact that you are my best friend
Phoemeister: probably means that I have incredibly low self esteem
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: no way, you kick me in the ribs all the time to get me back for it
Phoemeister: haha so I just am into verbal S & M and we take turns?
Suibrom: haha yeah basically
Suibrom: with NO safety word!
Suibrom: we're crazyl ike that
Phoemeister: OH MY GOD
Phoemeister: what if we choke
Suibrom: Then we'll go down in PLEASURE
Phoemeister: hahaha