ass pennies

Me: haha fuckers
Me: it's actually yesterday that is the date that if it doesn't come by I can get a reimbursement
Me: but yeah I can't make the claim until the 28th I guess
Ryan: that's pretty stupid
Me: yeah so I have to wait till then, wait to make sure they actually give me my money back, and then try to get this thing somwehre else and send it to you there
Ryan: and then it will arrive
Ryan: and I'll keep it
Ryan: and get two!
Me: haha I don't think you'll want two all that badly
Ryan: is it a wang?
Me: haha no
Ryan: could it be used as one?
Me: if you really really wanted to stick it up your ass, I guess you could
Ryan: woo hoo

so many Ryans

It makes me sad that I missed my window for hanging out with this guy.

ryanl: oh snap!
Me: snap indeed.
ryanl: it's ohn
Me: I will bury you!
ryanl: Ohn like donkey poon.
Me: I hope you don't mind a space next to a dead hooker
Me: haha donkey poon? what?
ryanl: have you ever seen donkey poon turn on? it's a sight to behold
ryanl: gods weep
Me: no I have not but that says a whole lot about you
ryanl: now THAT was a lol
ryanl: hmm. maybe I should quit while i'm behind
Me: just like how you get behind donkey poon?
ryanl: hah. damn, i'm just digging my self in here.
Me: just like when you're behind donkey poon?
ryanl: in three months someones going to come up to me and start an intervention
ryanl: to stop my donkey poon habits, which have become legendary in the heartland of america
Me: don't underestimate yourself
Me: I think it's all of America
ryanl: you gossiping hussy!
Me: but... but... I was proud of you
Me: "the guy I was a jerk to because I didn't think he was english, I'm so proud of him! He fucks donkeys now!"
ryanl: im sorry. i misunderestimated you
ryanl: lol
ryanl: god damn
ryanl: sweet jesus, i really hope that someone approaches me soon about my donkey fucking habits. I'll be scrambling to protect my name
Me: "it's just a hobby! I can quit any time!"
ryanl: no one quits the donkey poon. many have tried. all have failed
Me: wow
Me: why didn't they speak about the dangers of donkey poon in my high school health class?
ryanl: its one of the hidden pleasures. like finger nail chewing, and the stuffing of olives
Me: you do olives too?
Me: wow, your wang must be like, really adjustible
Me: to fit donkey poon and olives
ryanl: not like THAT. one track mind or what?
ryanl: sheesh
Me: haha I still have no idea what you're talking about
Me: re: olives
ryanl: with pimentos, silly
Me: I thought they came with the pimentos in them
ryanl: don't tell me you never stuffed an olive
Me: I don't really eat olives
ryanl: well yeah, but who do you think stuffs them? Very Happy People.
ryanl: that's who
Me: this makes me glad that I do not eat them
Me: I hate rewarding happiness
ryanl: that's sad
ryanl: which i guess is the whole point


Me: I don't know if they ever had souls though
Me: to begin with
ryanl: do they seem the husk types?
Me: husk types?
ryanl: you know... 'soulless husk of a man.' I use the term, like every morning when i look in the mirror. I thought it was common lingo.
Me: haha
Me: oh, usually I say "dead inside," when I'm crying myself to sleep at night
ryanl: lol
ryanl: that was lol #3, if i'm not mistaken.
ryanl: just in case you keep track
Me: sweeet. I kick ass at this whole making you laugh thing
Me: what is with the fro dude on your buddy icon?
ryanl: when i went to find a generic avatar, that one was in the "black pride" section. so obviously it had to be mine.
Me: hahaha
Me: niiiiice
Me: you is the most uppity honkey I know
ryanl: what does that even MEAN?
Me: it means you're a cracker-ass cracker!
ryanl): i like saltine, personally. though i won't say no to oyster
Me: I'm a goldfish gal, myself
ryanl: I'll admit i have a weakness for the fishes, too
ryanl: i used to work in the cracker aisle at walmart
Me: HAHHAHA
Me: you win at life
ryanl: thanks
ryanl: i try
Me: man, that would be so awesome
Me: "one more cracker in the cracker aisle!"
Me: "do you want saltines, oysters, or white men?"
Me: I didn't know that walmart was so specialized
Me: that they had someone specifically for crackers
ryanl: i was the guy, girl! I was the guy!
Me: haha

Ryan hates wolf parade

Suibrom (2:54:48 PM): but there's nothing good about a musician that plays certain notes and chords, and then can't sing with them
Phoemeister (2:55:23 PM): I dunno, I not only not dislike his voice because of what he does I love it more
Suibrom (2:56:05 PM): when I listen to wolf parade.. I totally picture some drag queen that is trying to sing like a woman, and is drunk
Phoemeister (2:56:31 PM): hajha that will make it even awesomer
Phoemeister (2:56:33 PM): in my head
Suibrom (2:56:19 PM): haha
Phoemeister (2:56:36 PM): when I listen to wolf parade

stockholm

Phoemeister: and it probably did bug me the first time you said it
Suibrom: haha probably, but that's most of what I say
Suibrom: "I masturbate to dead hookers on fire!" "what? you sicko"
Suibrom: "I masturbate to dead hookers on fire" "interesting.. go on.."
Suibrom: "I masturbate to dead hookers on fire" "Woo! Me too!'
Phoemeister: ROFLMAO
Phoemeister: it's like I've developed stockholm syndrome
Suibrom: haha

spicy

Suibrom: I will get you to eat something spicy, eventually
Suibrom: and you will like it
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: psh. If that's a sexual innuendo, cool
Phoemeister: but no spicy foods will I actually eat
Suibrom: suuuure you will
Suibrom: give it time
Phoemeister: Unless the spicy thing is penis, no way
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: i'll put some Chalula on it
Phoemeister: I have standards
Suibrom: cholula rather
Phoemeister: Chalupa?
Suibrom: nooo
Suibrom: http://www.cholula.com/products.html
Phoemeister: is it some spicy sauce?
Suibrom: you know it
Phoemeister: wouldn't that hurt your ying yang
Suibrom: it'd be worth it
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: that's the first time I've ever used ying yang as a euphemism for penis
Phoemeister: and I'm very proud of myself

where is my mind?

Suibrom: you know
Suibrom: the best thing about the blog
Suibrom: is I can go there and read it, and it's kind of like I'm talking to you on AIM even when you're not here
Suibrom: so it keeps me entertained during the day
Phoemeister: haha aww :)
Suibrom: it's kind of weird, because I'll read a few conversations
Suibrom: and then I'll turn to do some work for a bit
Suibrom: and then come back and be like "oh yeah, Phoe's not online, I was just reading this stuff"
Phoemeister: LOL for real?
Suibrom: haha yeah
Suibrom: it's kind of a weird feeling like "what was I doing? It seemed like I was talking to Phoe, but oh yeah I wasn't"
Phoemeister: I'm glad I can be there even when I'm not

no touch monkey!

Phoemeister: Okay so I should hug people I know more? That's a relief. I was thinking I had to like, touch aquaintances on the shoulder more or something. I always feel weird when I do that.
Suibrom: yeah screw that "touching random strangers" thing
Suibrom: it might make you come off as friendly and open
Suibrom: but I think it's just weird
Phoemeister: thank god
Suibrom: I'm a little more conservative about the touching that most though
Phoemeister: I think that's my problem, I hate touching people I don't know
Suibrom: like, I don't typically touch people unless I know they won't mind, or they ask for it
Phoemeister: people I know can touch me till the cows come home
Suibrom: I don't think that's odd, I don't like touching people I don't know either.. for the most part
Suibrom: I'm kind of okay with hugging someone I'm introduced to if we're both comfortable with it
Suibrom: like if I've hung out with them or something, and we're saying goodbye
Suibrom: but I think I'd probably just shake their hand when I first met them
Suibrom: unless I was single and trying to be a smooth-ass pimp and did some hand-kissing
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I should do that to all dudes I meet
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: I'll say "hey, fella" after that
Suibrom: shake their hand and like.. suck on a finger
Phoemeister: hahah
Suibrom: give 'em a wink and say "hey fella"
Phoemeister: "is this your wedding ring?" *take it off with my mouth*
Suibrom: and don't forget the fonzy point

bathroom sets

Phoemeister: oh, I forgot to mention to you today I was talking to this guy Todd at work, and he said something so much lik eyou that I wanted to be like, "Ryan?"
Phoemeister: basically we were talking about this bitchy old woman we used to work with
Phoemeister: and just out of nowhere Todd's like, "I think sleeping with her was a mistake"
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: brilliant
Phoemeister: and then goes onto say that if he DID get the chance, he WOULD tap that just to humiliate her the next day :P
Phoemeister: good times
Suibrom: I would say something like that
Phoemeister: you would
Phoemeister: I have never talked to Todd all that much because he's on inventory team, so I don't see him that often, but for some reason he's been around more today and yesterday, and I've decided he's hilarious
Suibrom: and his name is todd
Suibrom: does he drive a van?
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I should ask him that
Phoemeister: I used to think that whenever I saw him
Phoemeister: but then I forgot because Todd has not featured prominently in many of the more recent comics
Phoemeister: I should ask him if his first time was to Blood Beagle
Phoemeister: but then he'd be like, "wha?"
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: He's also taught me to say:

"You know what? Fuck you!"
Phoemeister: which in theory I knew how
Phoemeister: but he gave me the confidence I needed
Suibrom: that is an important thing to know
Suibrom: also "Close your legs grandma! No one wants to see your silver cotton candy!"
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: what's that from?
Suibrom: i think it was on an episode of Mad TV
Suibrom: but I forget
Phoemeister: ah
Suibrom: find be a cool shower curtain!
Phoemeister: eh?
Suibrom: find me, rather
Phoemeister: oh
Phoemeister: um
Phoemeister: I think you should just write that cotton candy thing on a plain white one.
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: I think all your guests would be very impressed
Suibrom: what about something like this?
Suibrom: http://www.find-me-a-gift.co.uk/images/product_ima ges/fullsize/pal087.jpg
Phoemeister: haha. I say you should cut out the blank face
Phoemeister: and stick your head out like one of those cutouts they have at amusement parks
Suibrom: I think it's clear
Suibrom: and that's the point
Phoemeister: damn
Phoemeister: I am not half as cool as I thought I was
Phoemeister: I dunno
Phoemeister: I think it is not very hot
Phoemeister: or cool
Suibrom: i agree
Suibrom: I was joking ; P
Phoemeister: oh
Phoemeister: I suppose it is so gay it could be funny
Phoemeister: you should get something really horrible
Phoemeister: like pink bunnies
Phoemeister: or yellow chicks
Phoemeister: or monkeys flinging poo at each other
Phoemeister: guess what?
Suibrom: whaaaat
Phoemeister: well, you know how annoying it is when people say literally when they don't mean something literally?
Suibrom: yeah
Phoemeister: I've decided I'm going to do the opposite and start saying literally in sentences where there's no possible interpretation BUT the literal interpretation
Phoemeister: Ryan literally lives in Las Vegas!
Phoemeister: I literally live with my parents!
Phoemeister: I'm literally 5'6"
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: nice
Phoemeister: yeah
Suibrom: I am literally sitting here talking to you
Phoemeister: OH MY GOD, I'm literally doing the exact same thing!
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: although technically we're not
Suibrom: because w're not talking
Suibrom: so that might not work
Phoemeister: well we can just have the same thing
Phoemeister: only IMing
Suibrom: indeed
Phoemeister: I'm literally sitting here IMing you
Phoemeister: I've literally never been mauled by a bear
Suibrom: I have also literally never been mauled by a bear
Phoemeister: wow, I literally did not know that about you, though I suspected
Phoemeister: Are you literally an IT guy?
Suibrom: I literally am
Phoemeister: I literally had food for lunch
Suibrom: I literally have not eaten since about noon yesterday
Phoemeister: that is literally very bad for you
Suibrom: yeah I am literally hungry
Phoemeister: you should literally go out and get something
Suibrom: I should
Suibrom: what should I eat?
Phoemeister: you know what I'm going to say
Phoemeister: why do you even ask?
Suibrom: damn you
Suibrom: because I thought maybe this once you might be helpful
Phoemeister: fine fine fine
Phoemeister: get some chinese
Suibrom: taco bell is somewhat valid since it's just down the street
Phoemeister: TACO BELL
Suibrom: I ate chinese like.. 5 times this weekend
Phoemeister: hells yeah
Suibrom: I need something else
Phoemeister: well I knew you liked chinese
Phoemeister: I was trying to think outside of the box
Phoemeister: if it was me I'd say burger hot dog or taco bell
Suibrom: chinese are good, but kind of moody sometimes
Suibrom: hmm the closest burger place is mcdonalds.. and i think I'd rather stab myself than eat there
Phoemeister: lol
Suibrom: hot dogs are good.. and wienerschnitzel is kind of close.. but I did have that last week
Phoemeister: pizza
Suibrom: got pizza at home in the fridge.. probably have that for dinner
Phoemeister: look, there's a finite amount o fthings that are fairly cheap
Phoemeister: the only thing left is like, subway
Suibrom: hmm
Phoemeister: so unless you want me to tell you to get prime rib
Suibrom: prime rib is literally awesome
Phoemeister: it is
Phoemeister: it's literally pretty expensive though
Suibrom: yeah it is
Phoemeister: so that's why I did not suggest it at the outset
Suibrom: you should literally buy me some prime rib for lunch
Phoemeister: I literally would if I 1) had the money and 2) literally lived near you
Suibrom: well you better literally do get to work on that
Phoemeister: well what would I do if I literally lived in Vegas?
Phoemeister: I am literally pretty bad at stripping
Suibrom: hang out with me and buy me prime rib of course
Phoemeister: aww :-) that would be nice
Phoemeister: I bet you make more than I do, though
Phoemeister: so I would make you buy me prime rib
Suibrom: yeah probably
Suibrom: but I'm also poor from paying all the bills
Phoemeister: true dat
Suibrom: perhaps we can pool our money and share a single prime rib
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: niice
Suibrom: http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?or der_num=-1&SKU=104967&RN=10
Suibrom: this is the closest I can come to the shower curtain I have in my mind
Phoemeister: what is the shower curtain IN YOUR MIND?
Suibrom: it is the thin veil I pull over the evil parts to keep me from GOING INSANE
Suibrom: oh you mean the shower curtain I have pictured in my mind?
Phoemeister: LOL.... that's why I said IN YOUR MIND, because it sounded something like that.

but yeah, I did wonder about what you had pictured
Suibrom: it's kind of like that.. but with one big bamboo pattern on the curtain instead of repeating small ones
Suibrom: like.. hmm
Phoemeister: I'm disapointed that there are no actual pandas
Phoemeister: I know what you mean though
Phoemeister: I'd like to have a Saddam Hussein-esque shower curtain
Phoemeister: with like, a naked woman riding a dragon or something
Phoemeister: I think it would be hilarious
Suibrom: hahh
Suibrom: or maybe a wizard on a unicorn flying over a rainbow... in space?
Phoemeister: yeah
Suibrom: a naked wizard
Phoemeister: hell yeah!
Phoemeister: only I'm so nerdy no one would realize I was doing it to be funny, they'd all think I did it becuase I seriously love fantasy/sci fi and feel bad for me
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: I would shower in a bathroom sporting that curtain!
Phoemeister: thank you!
Phoemeister: if I ever do get it
Suibrom: but be somewhat disturbed knowing you please yourself while looking at the naked wizard
Phoemeister: you will be my first guest to shower there
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I'll get a girl wizard
Suibrom: nice.. then I will also be able to please myself
Phoemeister: so that you can please yourself while thinking of me pleasing myself to a female wizard
Phoemeister: LOL
Suibrom: hahah
Phoemeister: damn slow typing
Suibrom: I was thinking something like this
Suibrom: http://www.chinapage.com/painting/bamboo/wuzhen. jpg
Suibrom: without the writing
Suibrom: like.. take that.. and put it on a shower curtain
Phoemeister: I like that
Phoemeister: I do agree that the writing is not necessary
Suibrom: yeah
Phoemeister: I bet it says "fuck you, american pig!"
Suibrom: hahh
Phoemeister: I'd buy a curtain that said that in english, but no way would I buy a curtain that said that in foriegn
Suibrom: or on a shower curtain "I am masturbating while thinking about naked wizards behind here, do not be fooled by the tranquility of the bamboo"
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: yes
Phoemeister: that is literally a very good idea
Suibrom: I should literally buy this shower curtain
Phoemeister: you should. literally.
Suibrom: I don't really like the bath set the suggest with it though
Suibrom: http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?or der_num=-1&sku=106317
Suibrom: it's kind of cool
Suibrom: but I dunno
Suibrom: seems a little cheesy to have everything be made of bamboo with bamboo painted on it
Phoemeister: I really wish I did know japanese or chinese, and could really prove all those signs that say "serenity" or whatever next to them really mean "poop."
Phoemeister: yeah, I noticed that
Phoemeister: I was going to say I would disembowel you if you got the bamboo toothbrush holder to go with it
Phoemeister: but then I got on the whole fuck you american pig tangent
Suibrom: however.. that is not nearly as gay as the "surfer's dream" set
Suibrom: http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?or der_num=-1&SKU=106660&RN=8
Phoemeister: the toothpaste holder blows my mind though
Phoemeister: it's shaped like bamboo
Phoemeister: WITH BAMBOO PRINTED ON IT
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: yeah
Phoemeister: but it's all pretty horrible
Phoemeister: roflmao at the surfer one
Suibrom: I hope I have enough curtain hooks for this thing
Suibrom: it looks like it takes a million
Phoemeister: I love how they have surf shack printed on the kleenex like you wouldn't figure out that's what it's supposed to be
Phoemeister: aww
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: "it's shaped like a shack, it has a thatched roof, and it has surfboards up against it....... I'm going with igloo"
Suibrom: I would have guessed wigwam
Phoemeister: the cup is pretty bad too
Phoemeister: I like the people swimming on the side
Phoemeister: wow, it took me like 8 minutes to realize that that one thing was a soap dish
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: I think all organized bath sets are pretty horrible though
Phoemeister: I mean, I don't think having all green or whatever is that bad
Phoemeister: but themes like surfing or bamboo I can do without
Suibrom: yeah I agree
Phoemeister: are there any other really horrible ones you've came across that you can link me?
Suibrom: yeah like all of them
Phoemeister: hahah
Phoemeister: well I just wanted to make fun of them some more
Phoemeister: I did know they're all horrible from every visit to every department store I've ever been in where they have those near the checkout
Suibrom: http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?or der_num=-1&SKU=103777&RN=8
Suibrom: http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?or der_num=-1&SKU=106276&RN=8
Suibrom: and because one surfing set isn't enough
Suibrom: http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?or der_num=-1&SKU=105925&RN=8
Phoemeister: ewww
Phoemeister: the flower one like, isn't even funny
Phoemeister: it belongs in the house of an old woman who's lost the will to live
Suibrom: or because you go to the bathroom to fantasize about vacation and getting away from life
Suibrom: http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?or der_num=-1&SKU=107472&RN=8
Suibrom: http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/stylePage.asp?o rder_num=-1&RN=8
Suibrom: there's the list you can look through them
Phoemeister: haha, that one also says surf shack
Phoemeister: but I believe they need the label this time, because that one looks kind of like you would mistake it for "unabomber cabin" if there was nothing written
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: it's kind of hard to see
Suibrom: http://www.knopkadesign.com/gr/b-asian1.jpg
Suibrom: but that sink is awesome
Suibrom: it just looks like a bowl sitting on a shelf
Phoemeister: that's another one maybe I'd buy as a goof. Like, I'd have the bizarre naked wizard shower curtain, and then blow my nose with kleenex from the unabomber
Phoemeister: dude, that sink is badass
Suibrom: I would totally sport a sink like that
Phoemeister: I would literally sport a sink like that
Phoemeister: in my naked wizard unabomber bathroom
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: dude, I'm going to have the best bathroom ever
Phoemeister: it will be a pleasure to pee
Phoemeister: an experience to excrete
Suibrom: especially if you get one of those toilets that squirts a bit of warm water at you to clean you off afterwards
Phoemeister: DUDE
Phoemeister: you're right
Phoemeister: a bidet is totally what that setup was lacking
Phoemeister: but not anymore
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: nice
Phoemeister: I'm going to have the naked wizard unabomber ass squirting bathroom
Phoemeister: actually, as someone with serious diahrea problems, I think a bidet would be pretty cool
Suibrom: yeah that would totally eliminate the dingleberries
Phoemeister: lol
Suibrom: this is kind of cool too
Suibrom: http://i.walmart.com/i/p/00/08/97/86/37/000897863 7356_AV_500X500.jpg
Suibrom: but a little cluttered
Suibrom: and the bamboo looks like it's been cut up and thrown on the curtain
Phoemeister: I was more thinking "the chafing of roughly 5,000 wipes," but dingleberries sound cuter :P
Suibrom: instead of still growing
Phoemeister: I like the chopped off stuff
Phoemeister: I like to celebrate man's dominance over nature when I shower
Suibrom: it's a little too fancy for my bathroom I think
Phoemeister: yeah
Phoemeister: I think it would be pretty funny to have that in the middle of (now, this could be an unfair generalization, you actually seem like a pretty clean guy) a skanky-ass bachelor bathroom
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: my bathroom is pretty clean
Phoemeister: plus you could never have mike over again
Suibrom: but it is somewhat bachelor-esque in that all my bath stuff is totally mis-matched
Phoemeister: something tells me Mike would get enraged if he had to stare at that while taking a crap
Suibrom: like.. I have a blue bath mat, a green and a brown towel, no shower curtain (excluding the one I just bought) just a liner, and no real "accessories" for around the sink or anything
Phoemeister: eh, that's better than girlying it up too bad with mini surf shacks and such
Suibrom: haha yeah
Suibrom: I'd like to make my apartment look a little nicer
Suibrom: and I'm kind of trying to work on it
Suibrom: I just don't have much in the way of decoration
Phoemeister: ah
Suibrom: I'm all function and no form
Phoemeister: I think you should buy like, a matching set of children's bathroom stuff
Phoemeister: like a spiderman bathroom
Suibrom: It's mostly clean.. but that's probably because it's mostly empty
Phoemeister: spiderman rug, spiderman bath curtain
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: green goblin toothbrush holder
Suibrom: I think my little pony would be better
Phoemeister: DUDE
Phoemeister: if you got a my little pony bathroom you would seriously be my hero
Suibrom: I really need to re-organize my living room
Phoemeister: I think a totally coordinated my little pony bathroom for a grown man would even out weird the unabomber/sexy wizard/bidet setup
Suibrom: like.. I have one of those big fold out tables being used as my computer desk/entertainment center
Suibrom: and it just looks tacky
Phoemeister: yeha, that sounds tacky
Suibrom: and I'm using a card table for an end table next to my couch : |
Suibrom: which is totally bachelor-esque
Suibrom: I have no dining room table, or coffee table
Suibrom: so my dining area is just this big open space
Suibrom: I'm thinking of turning it into a little like.. meditation corner though..
Phoemeister: lol
Suibrom: getting a nice mat, and some scrolls and stands and stuff
Phoemeister: ah
Suibrom: no I didn't just mean I'll go sit there and ponder it's emptiness
Suibrom: its
Phoemeister: yeah
Phoemeister: I was loling at the card table for an end table
Phoemeister: only belatedly
Suibrom: hehe yeah
Suibrom: that's pretty bad
Suibrom: but I have no other table to put stuff on when sitting on the couch
Suibrom: I need like a little end table, and a decent coffee table
Phoemeister: yeah
Suibrom: I was thinking of getting this
Suibrom: http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?produc t_id=1762925&cat=133114&type=1&dept=4044 &path=0%3A4044%3A103150%3A4038%3A133 221%3A133114
Suibrom: it looks like it's really cool for storing stuff
Suibrom: I don't really like the wood though
Suibrom: like if that was in a cherry, or black.. i'd be all over it
Suibrom: of course once I had money
Phoemeister: I like it
Phoemeister: including wood
Phoemeister: that is the color of the wood on our kitchen table
Phoemeister: true story
Phoemeister: only we never see it because we always have a table cloth
Suibrom: yeah it looks kind of like my parents' kitchen table as well
Phoemeister: maybe that's why you don' like it
Suibrom: hmm
Suibrom: this is somewhat more tollerable for a matching bath set
Suibrom: http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/ref=br_1_2/60 1-3956889-3760901?%5Fencoding=UTF8&fromb rowse=1&asin=B000688QMA
Suibrom: though I still wouldn't probably not use the kleenex dispensor
Phoemeister: yeah. Well it's less gay in the fact that nothing could be as gay as the other sets you showed me
Phoemeister: but it is still gay in that it is a matching bath set
Suibrom: yeah that is inherently somewhat homosexual
Phoemeister: it is
Suibrom: It would be awesome to get some bath set that had chinese characters on it that said angry things like..
Suibrom: on the trash can "THIS IS FOR TRASH, NOT FOR POO"
Phoemeister: I think you should just get green or beige or something, so they don't clash but they aren't so gay
Suibrom: or on the cup "NOT FOR DRINKING!"
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I enjoy that
Phoemeister: you shoul ddo that
Suibrom: and on the soap dish "WASH YOURSELF, YOU ARE FILTHY"
Phoemeister: ROFLMAO
Suibrom: see I'm tempted to get that bamboo set
Suibrom: but then just like.. not use anything but the trashcan
Phoemeister: http://www.target.com/gp/search.html/re f=sr_bx_1/601-8167153-7697730?field-keywo rds=gay&url=index%3Dtarget
Phoemeister: don't do it!
Phoemeister: it's horrible
Suibrom: hahah
Phoemeister: surprisingly, no bath sets
Suibrom: gay pride rhinestone collar though!
Phoemeister: true dat
Phoemeister: I think you would look hot in that
Suibrom: haha thanks
Suibrom: i'm surprised this didn't show up
Suibrom: http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/ref=br_1_2/60 1-3956889-3760901?%5Fencoding=UTF8&fromb rowse=1&asin=B00076HH8U
Phoemeister: also, you should buy the American Girl movie, because it's nice and gay too according to the search perameters
Suibrom: this is another tv-stand I was looking at getting
Suibrom: http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?produc t_id=2138632&cat=133114&type=1&dept=4044 &path=0%3A4044%3A103150%3A4038%3A133 221%3A133114
Phoemeister: lol, no that's for a gay CHILD
Phoemeister: (the frogs)
Suibrom: but it seems to be lacking in storage space for things like a VCR and sound system
Phoemeister: I'm drawn to the turtle though

greatest hits

Phoemeister: did you read it?
Phoemeister: or were you too busy stripping?
Suibrom: Well I'm always stripping
Suibrom: so I've learned to mult-task
Suibrom: but I've yet to read
Phoemeister: lol
you jerk
Phoemeister: it's been like 10 minutes. I could even read it while stripping in that time.
Phoemeister: and I'm not near as experienced as you
Suibrom: hahah
Phoemeister: You laugh, but I don't see you reading
Phoemeister: It's not that great or anything, but now that you won't read it, I feel the need to make you
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: so pushy!
Suibrom: rarr!
Suibrom: I'm reading! : )
Phoemeister: oh, you like it
Phoemeister: you love them pushy
Suibrom: hahah.. maybe a little bit
Phoemeister: if a little bit means, "I like to be whipped while she makes me clean the floor with my tongue," then yes. You like it a little bit.
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: It depends what's on the floor
Phoemeister: Week old potato chips
Suibrom: ew
Suibrom: what about whipped cream or chocolate syrup?
Suibrom: or maybe pancake syrup
Phoemeister: hey, they're just stale, not mouldy or anything
Phoemeister: though I don't even like chips when they're fresh
Phoemeister: so I don't know
Phoemeister: I was trying to be nice, though, because my first answer was "the usual gunk that's on the floor when it needs cleaning."
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: well yeah that wouldn't be that sexy at all
Suibrom: see.. you need to work on this
Phoemeister: Well you're machochistic. You're supposed to like licking up whatever I tell you to.
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: yes mistress
Phoemeister: see. Now you've worked on it, and we're good :P
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: but I didn't get whipped!
Phoemeister: whatever. You're too whiney. I don't know if I'll whip you at all, now.
Suibrom: aww
Suibrom: Please mistress may I have another?!
Phoemeister: I'll whip you if you tell me you read the thing I told you to, and what it's about
Suibrom: I read the whole thing and wht it's about
Phoemeister: tell me what it's about, you smartass :P
Phoemeister: sum it up
Suibrom: the wizard of id!
Phoemeister: Oz, even
Phoemeister: close enough
Phoemeister: Phoemeister: I'm listening to music and telling a guy if i'll whip him or not :P
thefallenvision: ???
thefallenvision: what guy> *wink wink, nudge nudge*
Phoemeister: lol, a friend of mine. It's pretty much joking.
thefallenvision: ah
Phoemeister: But I thought, hey, Ryan's a perv, I'm sure he'd love hearing about it :P
Phoemeister: I talk about you with people :P
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: oh really?
Phoemeister: didn't you read that?
Phoemeister: I told someone about the whipping
Phoemeister: a guy named Ryan
Phoemeister: who actually IS a perv, btw
Phoemeister: but I told him I was just joking after that
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: did he get all excited about it?/
Phoemeister: no, he just got mad that I called him a perv
Phoemeister: He's like, "I'm not a perv! Well, not a huuuge perv."
Suibrom: haha sounds like me
Phoemeister: nah. He's not pervy in a good way. Or even in a pervy way. He's pervy in a desperate way.
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: And i'm pervy in what kind of way?
Phoemeister: He hits on me a million times a minute when he hasn't gotten any in awhile
Phoemeister: You're pervy in an amusing way
Phoemeister: your pervyness makes me laugh
Suibrom: haha wel that's good
Phoemeister: and I enjoy it
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: good!
Phoemeister: so way to be pervy in a good way
Suibrom: well thanks : )
Suibrom: I do my best
Phoemeister: so anyway, he twists everything I say into a sexual innuendo. But not a clever one. More like, beavis and butthead. "ha ha, you said wood."
Suibrom: haha you said beavis
Phoemeister: which, by the way, I'm totally creepy, because on Christmas morning, my mom said something about leaving through the backdoor, and I was totally like, "Ha ha, she said backdoor."
Phoemeister: I just remembered that I did that
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: you're a creepy perv!
Phoemeister: best kind, biotch
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: you need a molester van
Phoemeister: ROFLMAO
Phoemeister: now who's creepy?
Suibrom: and a moustach
Phoemeister: the story behind it is we actually WERE talking about Beavis and Butthead right before then. My sister has a baby, and her friend's baby totally developed a Beavis and Butthead laugh, and she was worrying that her kid would do that too.
Phoemeister: still
Phoemeister: very creepy
Suibrom: haha that's scary
Phoemeister: the baby, or me?
Suibrom: the baby
Phoemeister: ah
Phoemeister: well I've never heard it. It's a rumor, as far as I'm concerned
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: so did you like it? The thing I made you read? I just can't let it go.
Phoemeister: does that image make you laugh as much as it makes me laugh?
Phoemeister: I nnnnnnneeeeed to know
Suibrom: haha yeah I'm trying to picture it in my mind (People dressed up as things from the wizard of oz seriously rocking out to the song Home by Breaking Benjamin)
Phoemeister: you need the song
Phoemeister: though I suppose you could picture it with any hard rock song
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: yeah
Phoemeister: picture it to "Chop Suey"
Suibrom: haha that's good
Suibrom: but the guy would actually have to be a midget
Phoemeister: The guy with the braided beard would look awesome dressed up as dorothy
Phoemeister: He could just kneel or something
Phoemeister: or "Smells Like Teen Spirit."

Man, this is more fun than picturing it with the actual song
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: that would be awesome
Phoemeister: or "Bohemian Rhapsody"
Phoemeister: I see a little sillhouetto of a man
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: especially the rocking out part
Phoemeister: whenever someone doesn't like a certain food, I say "More for me." Only instead of saying it normal, I sing the "for me!" like in Bohemian Rhapsody.
Phoemeister: I just thought you'd find that amusing.
Suibrom: haha that's pretty funny
Suibrom: like at thanksgiving? : )
Phoemeister: yeah
Phoemeister: I'm like, "More mashed potatos for me! for me!"
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: I'd like to see that
Phoemeister: it is pretty awesome
Phoemeister: I'm hoping to make it catch on
Suibrom: I'll start teh trend with you
Suibrom: because I will totally rock out afterwards
Suibrom: like in the song
Suibrom: For meee.. for meeee efor meeeeeeee *rocks out*
Phoemeister: Oh yah
Phoemeister: thanks for the help
Suibrom: I just need to make sure not to get potato in my eye when i'm rocking out
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: yeah, that would not be rockin
Phoemeister: freddie mercury doesn't get potatoes in HIS eyes
Phoemeister: heh, I added part of our conver to it
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: freddy had a child-molster moustache though
Phoemeister: ROFLMAO
Phoemeister: well, we're both pervs, we could do worse than the 'stache
Suibrom: I'd have a moustace over my crotch
Phoemeister: ROFLMAO
Phoemeister: remember the scrotee?
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: yes!
Suibrom: the scrotee will live on!
Phoemeister: you love to mention the kinds of hair yo're going to grow in the bathing suit area
Suibrom: haha well I mostly just love my no-no-special place in general
Phoemeister: lol, I'm sure you do, especialy considering how many euphemisms you make up about it
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: my naughty zone is not a laughing matter!
Phoemeister: I have the scrotee conver saved on the family computer, btw. It's a ticking time bomb, my mom's going to find it, and put me in an institution.
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: or fly me out there to give your dad a trim!
Phoemeister: naughty zone.... that's what, the 80th?
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: ew
Suibrom: 3,406
Phoemeister: awesome
Suibrom: indeed!
Phoemeister: come up with another
Suibrom: my Baby Juice Rocket Launch pad?
Phoemeister: ROFLMAO
Phoemeister: you crack me up
Suibrom: indeed!
Suibrom: Speakign of crack
Phoemeister: need some? I know people..
Phoemeister: or were you going to talk of your ass crack?
Suibrom: I dunno.. which would you prefer?
Suibrom: You see.. I aim to please
Suibrom: especially when crack is involved
Phoemeister: How about doing crack off of someone's ass crack?
Suibrom: As long as they'd wiped some time in the recent past
Suibrom: I like my crack smooth, not chunky style
Phoemeister: Of course. Hygiene is very important when you're doing crack off of someone's crack
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: that's so sick
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: I might eb getting into sicko-perv there
Phoemeister: that's why you're a perv I can get behind. So to speak ;-)
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: That's okay, I prefer to be on bottom anyway
Phoemeister: see, I can be sick too
Phoemeister: lol
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: but I still pull out the trump!
Suibrom: And I don't mean donald
Suibrom: and no.. that's note a euphemism for my penis
Phoemeister: rembember the sick conversation we had about Trump? This is like a greatest hits conversation.
Suibrom: not, even.
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: Totally!
Phoemeister: if it's not donald, or your penis, what is trump?
Suibrom: We've been having conversations for years now!
Suibrom: it's about time we had a greatest hits convo
Phoemeister: yeah
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: true. We're the U2 of people having conversations with each other
Suibrom: haha nice
Phoemeister: staying power
Suibrom: That explains why our topics are always so Bono
Phoemeister: LOL, that was the worst pun ever
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: you love it1
Phoemeister: but I can't blame you, Bono doesn't offer himself to many good puns
Phoemeister: Of course I do
Suibrom: trump1 ( P ) Pronunciation Key (trmp)
n.
Games.
A suit in card games that outranks all other suits for the duration of a hand. Often used in the plural.
A card of such a suit.
A trump card.
A key resource to be used at an opportune moment.

Phoemeister: I wish I could come up with a bad "The Edge" pun, but I'm not as cool as you
Suibrom: . trumped, trump·ing, trumps
v. tr.
Games. To take (a card or trick) with a trump.
To get the better of (an adversary or competitor, for example) by using a crucial, often hidden resource
Phoemeister: Oh. I thought you were using it as a euphemism for something. I actually do know what the word Trump means
Suibrom: My sex jokes are hardly "often hidden" resources.. but they definitely get the best of you!
Phoemeister: They're on "the edge" Haq
Phoemeister: ha, even
Suibrom: hahah
Phoemeister: I did pull it off after all
Suibrom: brilliant!
Phoemeister: thanks
Phoemeister: I was quite pleased
Phoemeister: I don't know any of the other people from U2's names, though
Phoemeister: so our well runneth dry
Suibrom: I was trying to look them up : P
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: Okay, tell me what they are, so if you do make puns about them, I get them
Suibrom: haha arrite
Suibrom: I need to find them
Phoemeister: Otherwise you're like, "That's a real 'tom stevenson,' if you know what I mean" and I'm like wha?
Phoemeister: Tom Stevenson is a name I made up, btw
Suibrom: hahah
Phoemeister: feel free to use it as an alter ego
Suibrom: yeah I got that
Suibrom: I'll use it as an alter ego alright
Phoemeister: I figured, but i can't be sure with you. You're a bit slow.
Suibrom: i em nut zlo
Phoemeister: Touché
Suibrom: i em zpushul
Phoemeister: you dork
Suibrom: Why yes, yes I do
Phoemeister: >:o
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: no no.. it's more like this : =-O
Phoemeister: you sick perv
Suibrom: Adam Clayton, bass
Bono, vocals
Larry Mullen, Jr., drums
The Edge, guitar
Suibrom: I'll show you sick when I give you a Larry Mullen, Jr.
Suibrom: And you'll be all surprised..
Suibrom: but you'll be greatful that at least it wasn't an Adam Clayton
Suibrom: :D
Suibrom: Bam! Put that in your tom stevenson and smoke it!
Suibrom: Man and you're not even listening
Suibrom: or you got disconnected or something
Phoemeister: ROFLMAO
Phoemeister: no
Phoemeister: I love it
Phoemeister: the last bit with tom stevenson is the best
Phoemeister: I'm totally going to use phrases with Tom Stevenson or obscure members of U2 around people now, just so they're like, "are you on crack?"
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: I think "put that in your tom stevenson and smoke it" is just pure gold
Phoemeister: me too
Suibrom: I had to stifle a hearty chortle with that one
Phoemeister: Really, I'm going to use that, and then try to convince people it's a real phrase
Phoemeister: Man. I also love the phrase "stifle a hearty chortle"
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: hahah
Phoemeister: chortle is a word that's not used near enough
Suibrom: I'm just full of comedic genius tonight
Phoemeister: you are
Suibrom: I need to deprive myself of sleep more often
Suibrom: and spend 9 hours in a uhaul :P
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: I should be in bed
Suibrom: attempting to not catapult my car on the trailer behind it into space
Phoemeister: but I'd rather discuss ways of getting "put that in your tom stevenson and smoke it!" and "more mashed potatoes for me! for me!" to catch on with you
Phoemeister: that sounds scary
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: Idneed, but it'll be our little scary secret
Suibrom: like the real spelling of the word indeed
Phoemeister: real spelling of what word?
Suibrom: "indeed"
Phoemeister: ah
Phoemeister: I like indeed
Suibrom: Indeed, I too like indeed
Phoemeister: but idneed is fresh and new. You might say, it's on "the edge."
Phoemeister: bam!
Suibrom: hahah
Phoemeister: I just keep tossing them out!
Phoemeister: Gold
Phoemeister: gold, Jerry!
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: Indeed!
Phoemeister: Put that in your Tom Stevenson and smoke it!
Suibrom: You sure caught me with Adam Clayton out on that one
Phoemeister: You know it!
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: stop staring!
Phoemeister: I'm totally going to scream "put that in your tom stevenson and smoke it!" very loudly in public places until I meet someone actually named that, and then I'm going to try and make him join U2
Suibrom: hahahh
Suibrom: What's going to be the best..
Phoemeister: Do you mean "that's"?
Phoemeister: Oh
Suibrom: is using them all at once.. like.. "The best thing was when I got my Harry Mullen, Jr. Bono'ed on The Edge of my Adam Clayton"
Phoemeister: Tom Stevenson can be our Reinhold Messner
Phoemeister: ROFLMAO
Phoemeister: That IS the best
Suibrom: hahah see!
Suibrom: I think "Harry Mullen, Jr." is one of the best penis euphemisms yet.
Phoemeister: (I.E. if you have the album The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner, there's a note in the liner that says one of the band members made up the name. Only it turns out a guy named Reinhold Messner was actually semi famous for climbing everest or something)
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: and that's out of the like 3,000 you have already
Suibrom: Like.. those weird phrases that your grandparents utter
Phoemeister: Yeah
Suibrom: like.. "I better get out of the gold before I freeze my harry mullen, jr. off."
Suibrom: er.. cold
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: Tom Stevenson called, he want's his haircut back
Suibrom: hahah
Phoemeister: You could use that on anyone with a lame haircut, and they'd never know
Suibrom: they'd feel all inseucre
Suibrom: insecure
Suibrom: because they'd think they were doubly lame for having a lame haircut.. and not being cool enough to know who tom stevenson was
Phoemeister: ".....really? That bad? Tom Stevenson's hair IS pretty bad. It's from beeing put in a pipe and smoked so many times"
Phoemeister: LOL yeah
Phoemeister: double whammy
Suibrom: One of my favorite maneuvers
Phoemeister: with your Harry Mullen jr.?
Phoemeister: now I'm going to google Tom Stevenson
Suibrom: haha indeed
Suibrom: hahah that sounds kinky ; )
Phoemeister: You know it
Phoemeister: It gets my Adam Clayton off
Suibrom: You keep both hands on the keyboard, young lady!
Suibrom: you can google your tom stevenson when you go to bed
Phoemeister: There's a guy named Tom Stevenson who writes wine books, according to google
Suibrom: haha interesting
Phoemeister: that's so lame, but not so lame it's funny
Phoemeister: Tom Stevenson let me down
Phoemeister: I hoped he was cool
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: i dunno
Phoemeister: screw it, I'm still going to use the phrase, despite wine guy's lameness
Suibrom: "Tom stevenson" in images gave me this
Suibrom: http://www.wado-ryu-karate.com/Taisabaki.gif
Suibrom: and this! http://cgi.tcnj.edu/~fad/alumni/brothers/ProfilePhotos/s tevenson.jpg
Phoemeister: roflmao
Suibrom: whoa!
Suibrom: Name: Tom Stevenson
Graduated: Spring 1987
Company: PSEG
Employment Title:
Address: 1032 Hedding-Jacksonville Road
Bordentown, NJ 08505
Home Phone:
Cell Phone: 973-430-8764
Pledge Class: Spring 1985
Family Tool: Screwdriver

Suibrom: call him up!
Phoemeister: Karate tom stevenson is a tom stevenson I'd be proud to put in my pipe and smoke it
Phoemeister: DUDE
Phoemeister: you call him up
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: I don't call new jersey.
Phoemeister: LOL
Suibrom: Too many bad memories there
Phoemeister: I don't think my parents would appreciate being woke up by my phoning Tom Stevenson
Suibrom: never you mind that I've never been there
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: I totally want to write him a letter, though.
Suibrom: But you'll google your tom stevenson all night, eh?
Suibrom: seems a little hypocritical
Suibrom: hhahahaha!@#!@$%
Phoemeister: "Are you comfortable that I tell people to "put that in their Tom Stevenson and smoke it!""?
Suibrom: http://members.shaw.ca/kgbowl6/Bhdub91.JPG
Suibrom: no no
Suibrom: this is it
Suibrom: the tom stevenson
Phoemeister: ROFLMAO
Phoemeister: it's the same guys as in the karate one
Suibrom: yeah maybe
Suibrom: but thatp icture is 120 times better
Phoemeister: but I do enjoy the pink background, bemused expression of child molester moustache, the bizarre thing on his shirt, and the true graininess of someone wiht a crappy scanner.
Suibrom: this whole page!
Suibrom: it's full of beautiful gems!
Suibrom: http://members.shaw.ca/kgbowl6/Doubles.htm
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: *falls over*
Phoemeister: we need to put out shirts with that picture, and underneath it says, "Put that in your Tom Stevenson and smoke it!"
Suibrom: hahahaha
Suibrom: brilliant!
Suibrom: I think I stumbled into one of those "AmIUglyornot.com" pages
Phoemeister: lol. And I do appreciate the dorkier one of the two (assuming the labeling goes left to right) IS tom stevenson
Suibrom: we need a picture of that guy on a t-shirt
Phoemeister: we DO
Phoemeister: don't you have a cafe press store?
Suibrom: haha yeah
Suibrom: http://www.pwr.clara.net/famhist/images/Pic9.jpg
Phoemeister: I beg of you, to put that on a shirt with "Put that in your Tom Stevenson and smoke it!" and I'll totally buy it
Suibrom: hahah
Phoemeister: ooh, 1800's Tom Stevenson. Still, with the 'stache
Suibrom: http://www.curtainup.com/joyful1.jpg
Phoemeister: ahh! Scary wig Tom Stevenson
Phoemeister: this is the best
Suibrom: http://www.wine-pages.com/guests/images/tombox.jp g
Phoemeister: I bet this is the wine book Tom Stevenson from before
Suibrom: yeah i think it is
Phoemeister: he looks sinister
Suibrom: and gay
Phoemeister: LOL
Suibrom: haha what the..
Suibrom: http://www.zianet.com/springtime/images/shorty4.jpg
Suibrom: I think that old man has decided that his Harry Mullen, Jr. gets all the ribbons
Phoemeister: Oh, btw: I know you haven't seen Napoleon Dynamite (but you should), but I'm telling you, the people from the pink picture totally belong in that world. (everyone's a bit off, and there's a plethora of bad staches and hairdos)
Suibrom: aaaactually
Suibrom: Guess what I got for christmas
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: YAY
Phoemeister: Do you love it as much as I do?
Suibrom: haha it was pretty flippin' funny
Phoemeister: Maybe the poodle is Tom Stevenson
Phoemeister: Why the flip was grandma at the sandunes?
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: Whatever I feel like, Gosh!
Phoemeister: Tina, you fat lard!
Phoemeister: Eeeeeat
Suibrom: hahah
Phoemeister: anyway, Tom Stevenson's face reminds me of Napoleon's older brother
Suibrom: There were some pretty good deleted scenes ; )
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: "Peace out"
Phoemeister: oooh. Well I plan on buying it soon :D
Phoemeister: you have the worst reflexes of all time!
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: I"m training to be a cage fighter
Suibrom: come down here and see what happens when you try ot hit me
Phoemeister: Girls like guys with skills! Like hacking skills
Suibrom: haha you should probably come get your stuff out of my locker because I can't fit my nunchucks in
Phoemeister: It's a liger. Pretty much my favorite animal. Because of its magical properties
Phoemeister: I love the line about the 'chuks!
Phoemeister: How will you get her to go out with you? I'm going to build her a cake!
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: "build"
Suibrom: that's a great line
Phoemeister: indeed
Suibrom: Are you drinking 1% beacuse you think you're fat?
Phoemeister: because you're not
Phoemeister: you could totally be drinking whole!
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: "Do you want to look like this?"
Suibrom: *hands you a glamore shot*
Phoemeister: Imagine you're floating in a sea, and little seahorses come up to you...
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: one of the best lines in the deleted scenes.. they're playing kickball
Phoemeister: I made like infinity of those at camp
Suibrom: and napoleon starts talking shit to the idiot blonde guy
Phoemeister: oooh, that sounds good. Kickball is scary for nerds
Phoemeister: who tried to take his 'tots?
Phoemeister: "dude, give me some tots!"
Suibrom: and he's like "do you want to die napoleon" and he says "Yeah right, who's the only one here who knows secret ninja moves from the government"
Phoemeister: ROFLMAO
Suibrom: no no!
Suibrom: the other guy
Phoemeister: I can't remember the other guy
Suibrom: Summer's boyfriend or whatever
Phoemeister: oh
Phoemeister: It's been like six months since i saw it
Suibrom: Can I get one of those buttons?
Suibrom: *Chucks it down the hall*
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: and runs away
Phoemeister: doesn't he?
Suibrom: haha yeah
Phoemeister: like a girl
Suibrom: haha he runs so funny
Phoemeister: I also love Pedro's cousins
Phoemeister: and how they become enforcers
Suibrom: hahah yeah
Phoemeister: "that's my ride"
Suibrom: "Pedro offers you his protection"
Phoemeister: yeah
Phoemeister: that's the line I was trying to think of
Suibrom: hahah
Phoemeister: Pedro offers you his protection would also make a great T shirt, if it didn't infringe on copyright
Suibrom: "..and then I realized that it was my hair that was making my head hot so I when to the kitchen and shaved it off"
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: and the wig they gave him
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: beautiful
Phoemeister: from glamor shots
Suibrom: it looks like a medievil warrior!
Phoemeister: I don't remember that line
Suibrom: when they give him the wgi
Phoemeister: well I figured
Suibrom: wig too
Phoemeister: grandma said you should leave, because you're eating all our steaks and ruining our lives and stuff
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: it's great when he hit his van with an orange
Phoemeister: yeah
Phoemeister: does he run away like a girl again?
Suibrom: haha he runs away and climbs over the fence
Suibrom: after getting tackled
Phoemeister: I thought so
Suibrom: yeah hehe
Phoemeister: aaanyways, I'd love to reminisce more about ND, but I have to go to bed now
Phoemeister: and google my Tom Stevenson
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: Well i'm going to go bono my harry mullen jr. then
Suibrom: Sleep wlel : )
Suibrom: well
Phoemeister: Man, that's so Adam Clayton of you
Phoemeister: Night
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: night : )

Mr. Schmegger

Suibrom: You can hope that my job stuff goes well too : )
Phoemeister: yaaaaaay what job stuff?
Suibrom: I'm up in Vegas right now
Suibrom: hanging out with a friend of mine
Suibrom: who might be able to get me a job with him
Suibrom: doing a few interviews this week
Phoemeister: wow
Phoemeister: are you going to work at a casino?
Suibrom: Should know by tomorrow or the next day how it's going
Phoemeister: because that would kick ass
Suibrom: haha nope
Phoemeister: you could pretend you were in Ocean's 11 every day
Phoemeister: ah
Phoemeister: any burly dockworkers involved?
Suibrom: haha nope
Suibrom: working at an elementary school doing tech stuff
Phoemeister: really
Phoemeister: Hunh.
Phoemeister: I can't see you as an elementary school guy.
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: Much more of a burly dockworker guy.
Suibrom: Well I wouldn't be a teacher..
Suibrom: just fixing teacher's computers
Phoemeister: I think you could seriously warp those kids
Phoemeister: yeah, I know
Phoemeister: but still
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: I'm actually good with kids
Suibrom: usually
Phoemeister: We all loved the janitor at our school. You could be like the janitor, only you fix crap instead of clean it.
Suibrom: haha I could be that guy
Phoemeister: you could. You could be the Mr. Schmegger of fixing computers and being fun for kids
Suibrom: hahah yup
Phoemeister: but you have to get an adorable name like Mr. Schmegger.
Phoemeister: You could probably steal his, though. I bet he's all old and retired and stuff by now.
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: I doubt he'd notice
Phoemeister: I would totally come and visit you
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: you should come visit me now
Phoemeister: and then try to get you to protect me from the guys that kneecap you when you gamble money you don't have
Suibrom: hahah
Phoemeister: Well, by "you" I meant "vegas."
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: well damn
Phoemeister: Anyway, I can't afford to visit you till I have a real job, and then I won't have time to visit you :P
Suibrom: well get a real job and take a vacation
Phoemeister: I will. But it takes time to build up vacation. And why would I want to waste my vacation on you, Mr. Schmegger wannabe! :P
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: Waste?!
Suibrom: blasphemy
Phoemeister: What would I do? Watch you fix computers for little kids? Boring.
Suibrom: we could hang out and gamble
Phoemeister: You know the same problem every time will be that someone spilled food on it
Phoemeister: I don't have any money
Suibrom: haha pretty much
Phoemeister: Wouldn't it be great if there was a show based on your job, and then every day you had to solve a computer problem, and every episode it turned out that it was like, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich wedged into the CPU?
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: it'd be like the "monster of the week" type shows
Phoemeister: Yeah
Phoemeister: I was particularly thinking of Scooby Doo
Suibrom: haha yeah
Suibrom: only without annoying characters
Phoemeister: yeah. You would be awesome. And you could have a partner, like in buddy cop shows. And it could be Mr. Schmegger. And he's the wizened experienced one showing the ropes to you, the rookie
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: there you go
Phoemeister: and then a hot teacher chick could be your love interest, only she's on crack and you have to help her with her addiction
Suibrom: he'll be the little pimply faced kid?
Phoemeister: and then you find out she's cheating on you with Mr. Schmegger.
Suibrom: haha oo.. hot teacher
Suibrom: nooooo
Phoemeister: who's the pimply kid?
Phoemeister: But then eventually you and Mr. Schmegger will reunite
Suibrom: the side kick
Phoemeister: and become gay lovers
Suibrom: hhaha nooo
Phoemeister: oh. No pimples, he's all old
Phoemeister: but then he cheats on you with the hot teacher's crack dealer
Suibrom: haha that's bad
Phoemeister: in the best possible way?
Suibrom: oooh yeeeah
Phoemeister: cool
Phoemeister: anyway, then the crack dealer cheats on Mr. Schmegger with you
Phoemeister: but then crack dealer trys to start hooking kids on crack by slipping it into the tater tots
Phoemeister: and you're like, "That's wrong, crack dealer!" so you dump the crack dealer
Phoemeister: and start going out with the tater tots manufacturer
Phoemeister: what do you think?
Suibrom: haha you need to write a new novel
Suibrom: and you've got your idea
Phoemeister: that can be my novel for next year
Phoemeister: if it's a novel, then you and the tater tot manufacturer can live happily ever after
Phoemeister: if it's a long running show, the tater tot manufacturer is going to dump you, and you'll have to find someone new
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: fair enough
Phoemeister: And in season 3 you'll have a baby
Phoemeister: with a celebrity, if the show's big enough!
Suibrom: can it be gilbert godfreid?
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: Sure
Suibrom: woo!
Phoemeister: I thought you were going to ask for a woman
Suibrom: eh well that works too
Phoemeister: but a shrill-voiced man in his 40's is also good stuff
Phoemeister: I mean 50's
Phoemeister: or however old he is
Phoemeister: the squint makes it hard to tell
Suibrom: he's timeless
Phoemeister: he IS
Phoemeister: And the kids would be like, "Why does Ryan's baby's daddy sound like that parrot from Aladdin?"
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: beautiful!
Phoemeister: the baby could look like a little mini gilbert godfried
Phoemeister: http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q =Gilbert+Gottfried&spell=1

Think, all that could be yours for extensive makeout scenes

the scrotee

Phoemeister: I love the limey. I have to buy it sometime.
Suibrom: yeah.. great movie
Suibrom: like i said, last time i showed it to people, they were very confused
Phoemeister: oh my gosh. The shirt i'm wearing has the same year on it as the year the limey was made. Is this fate?
Phoemeister: people are stupid
Suibrom: like.. "what the hell is this? i thought you said it was funny?"
Phoemeister: people can't follow anything that's strictly linear, and that's very sad
Phoemeister: it IS funny. In a sad way. At parts.
Phoemeister: that ISN'T strictly linear, I mean
Phoemeister: DUDE
Phoemeister: He was in School of Rock! I totally can't remember him in that.
Phoemeister: http://imdb.com/name/nm0441588/
Suibrom: haha yeah
Phoemeister: I've seen him in the boiler room and didn't remember either. but I saw that a looong time ago
Suibrom: yeah
Phoemeister: Yeah. I like whats his name
Phoemeister: the guy with the italian name
Suibrom: hehe
Phoemeister: Giovanni something
Suibrom: yeah
Suibrom: he's good
Phoemeister: Yeah
Phoemeister: Ribisi
Suibrom: yeah that guy
Phoemeister: he's cool
Phoemeister: I wonder if he's a little off though
Phoemeister: because he's good at playing people that are a little off
Suibrom: he seem that way doesn't he
Suibrom: yeah
Phoemeister: And his face looks funny
Phoemeister: I'd still have sex with him though
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: true story.
Suibrom: ow ow!
Suibrom: see.
Suibrom: broadband = porn.
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: porn's no good
Phoemeister: I need to find me a man
Phoemeister: preferably Giovanni Ribisi
Suibrom: hahah
Phoemeister: LOL
Suibrom: i will find a man named giovanni ribisi
Suibrom: and send him to your door
Phoemeister: sweeeet
Suibrom: we have a lot of italians working at our terminals
Phoemeister: Unless he's totally abusive or ugly
Phoemeister: LOL
Suibrom: i bet there's someoen with a name like that
Phoemeister: Why didn't you tell me? Big burly dockworkers AND italians.......score!
Suibrom: "hey.. giovanni.. you know how you make like.. 50 bucks an hour tying up ships? want to make 100/hr tying up a hot college girl?"
Phoemeister: whoa.
Phoemeister: who said I had that kind of money?
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: i'll find a way to make the company pay for it
Suibrom: remember, i take care of the payroll! : )
Phoemeister: sweeet! You are the best.
Phoemeister: LOL
Suibrom: Marine Terminal Corporation, and Call Service.
Phoemeister: ah
Phoemeister: I totally gots to go out there and scope out the guys
Phoemeister: I'm not up for any sad looking guys with goatees though, so don't get your hopes up.
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: damn
Suibrom: that's okay.. i wouldn't want to break giovanni's heart ; )
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: Good
Suibrom: becuase he'd break my kneecaps
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: really? Is he violent? I might not want to get involved with him if he's busting kneecaps regularly
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: well he is italian
Suibrom: and he is "a little off"
Suibrom: as you put it
Suibrom: i guess that depends what you mean by "regularly"
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: Maybe I should find another guy
Phoemeister: I should go after Stacy the Hitman
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: hotstuff!
Phoemeister: I don't remember him being hot, but I don't remember him being ugly either. That's pretty much enough for me :P
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: as long as he's not the elephant man
Suibrom: except where it counts!
Phoemeister: yeah :P

Phoemeister: ROFLMAO
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: oh, and i meant his heart.. by the way
Suibrom: you pervert ; )
Phoemeister: My new motto. "As long as he's not the elephant man....... except where it counts."
Suibrom: hahah
Phoemeister: LOL.... you did NOT mean heart, you bigger perv
Suibrom: haha.. okay.. maybe i didn't
Suibrom: but i have to try and save face some how
Suibrom: and in regards to me being a bigger perv.. just remember size doesn't matter
Suibrom: it's like a haiku i wrote long ago
Suibrom:
it is not the size
nor is it how you use it.
it is just the taste.
Phoemeister: LOL.... you are a perv. IBPW
Suibrom: hha
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: oh, of course
Suibrom: the best possible way ; )
Phoemeister: I was about to be like, I know that haiku!

I may not be soup
I may not be from a store
but I love you.

or somesuch
Suibrom: hahah
Phoemeister: I loved that haiku
Suibrom: I may not be soup.
I may not come from a store.
But I do love you.
Suibrom: heheh
Phoemeister: Ah
Phoemeister: Yeah. That is stone cold awesome
Suibrom: what a coincidence.. that's my name
Phoemeister: Stone Cold Awesome?
Suibrom: yup!
Suibrom: stone cold steve awesome
Phoemeister: Stone Cold Steve WICKED Awesome
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: stone cold steve super wicked badasstical awesome
Suibrom: that's my whole name
Suibrom: in my native tongue
Phoemeister: NICE
Suibrom: oh, indeed it is
Phoemeister: I especially love Badasstastical!
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: that's from my mother's side
Phoemeister: ROFLMAO
Phoemeister: The Newport Badassticals?
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: exactly
Phoemeister: I've heard there's a lot of alcoholism in the badasstastical family. You shouldn't hit the sauce too hard in case you are too.
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: ...... I wish I were badasstastical. I guess I'll have to settle for being a magnificent bastard.
Suibrom: yeah.. i've got it bad from both the "Sacramento Super Wicked's" on my dad's sid.. and the newport badassticals on my mom's side
Suibrom: they're all lushes!
Phoemeister: ROFLMAO
Suibrom: so i stay far away from the juice
Phoemeister: good idea
Suibrom: far like.. at least..arm's length
Phoemeister: :P
Suibrom: because leaning a little bit is hard
Phoemeister: you dork
Phoemeister: ibpw
Suibrom: especially when you're the elephant man...

where it counts!
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: *takes a bow* indeed.
Phoemeister: THe heart
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: exactly
Suibrom: my heart is so elephantine
Suibrom: that it sometimes seeps into other parts of my body
Phoemeister: Like your sad goatee?
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: yes
Suibrom: does that mean it doesn't get your vote? hehe
Phoemeister: Aw, I've got nothing against the goatee
Phoemeister: I don't have to look at it regularly :P
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: oh snap
Suibrom: no you di'int
Phoemeister: oh yes I diiii iiiid
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: daaaaym girl
Phoemeister: :P
Suibrom: oh, i'd just like to inform you that i've saved your highschool picture that you sent, for possible future blackmailing
Phoemeister: Psh. Can't blackmail me with that. I look better there than I do now
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: I've gained weight and gotten all tired
Suibrom: well damn.. maybe i can use it later to pretend i've kidnapped your daughter
Phoemeister: I don't plan on having kids. But I guess you could pretend to capture me and clone me against my will
Suibrom: mm.. good idea
Suibrom: would you be offended if some day in the future i said i had cloned you and forced your clone to be my unwilling sex slave?
Suibrom: and more importantly, would you be willing to give me a ransom to set said hypothetical clone free?
Phoemeister: part 1) Yes, as long as the "unwilling" part is in there

part 2) if the ransom is a pizza coupon, yes. I'm not willing to go much higher for my imaginary clone.
Suibrom: hmm
Suibrom: pizza is tasty..
Suibrom: can we pretend i've already done this, and have you send me a pizza coupon?
Phoemeister: Suuuure
Suibrom: score!
Suibrom: i'll just make you buy me a slice of pizza next time i'm in IL
Phoemeister: k
Phoemeister: So.... like, forty years from now?
Suibrom: or rather.. ask politely if you would be so kind to buy me a slice of pizza in return for your imaginary clone
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: who knows..
Suibrom: i was there last year.. but someone was too good to come hang out in chicago with me
Phoemeister: Someone doesn't have an excuse to go to chicago to tell the parents
Suibrom: if it bothers you that much.. i'll either A) shave the goatee, B)shave the scrotee, or C)somehow fashion it into a happy goatee
Phoemeister: ROFLMAO
Phoemeister: I don't even want to know about the scrotee......
Suibrom: hahah
Phoemeister: I bet it somehow connects to Scrappy Doo. "You don't have the scrot, man!"
Suibrom: well i figured if i shaved that, you'd be too busy being distracted to notice the "sad goatee"
Suibrom: hahaha
Suibrom: i picture shaggy's sad little goatee in that movie in regards to that referrence
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: LOL
Suibrom: only, well.. placed elsewhere
Phoemeister: I was mentioning the conversation we had where I mentioned that scrappy doo said someone didn't have the scrot to do something
Phoemeister: LOL
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: what did that person say about the conversation?
Phoemeister: I was talking to you, mr. sad scrotee
Suibrom: ooooh i thought you mean you told someone else about the conversation
Suibrom: and i'll have you know.. my scrotee is far from sad
Suibrom: usually
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I like "usually"
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: i bet you do ; )
Phoemeister: "Once and awhile the scrotee gets the blues."
Phoemeister: :P
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: so to speak
Phoemeister: Which, I'm thinking is a euphemism meaning that you are impotent :P
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: impoRtent
Suibrom: there's an "R" in there.. get it right
Phoemeister: :P
Suibrom: haha.. haven't you heard the term 'blue balls' ?
Phoemeister: doesn't that just mean you're not getting any?
Suibrom: haha yeah
Suibrom: so that would be more appropriate for when "my scrotee has the blues"
Phoemeister: No. I think you can't get it up, and the scrotee feels sorry for you.
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: that's one of those things that i can't really say "oh yeah! well i'll show you!"
Phoemeister: Thanks for not showing me
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: you're welcome
Suibrom: i wouldn't want you to get the blues too
Phoemeister: Yeah. The Scrotee Blues (which, btw, would make a great song title) are highly contagious
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: "The Scrotee Blues" by Harold Johnson
Phoemeister: who's harold johnson?
Suibrom: i dunno.. harry johnson sounded like a good name to sing the scrotee blues
Phoemeister: well I get the johnson bit
Phoemeister: but my grandpa's name is harold
Suibrom: haha.. hmm
Suibrom: his last name isn't johnson is it?
Phoemeister: No
Suibrom: okay..
Suibrom: hmm
Phoemeister: Dick Johnson?
Suibrom: oh i was going to ask.. does that mean women can get teh scrotee blues too?
Phoemeister: I dunno. I've really never thought about it before :P
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: well you said it was highly contagious
Phoemeister: Yeah. But women can be carriers. Men don't get yeast infections, but they can carry them and give them to women. Which, I'm sure you wanted to know that :P
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: that's actually quite interesting
Suibrom: i didn't know that
Phoemeister: They told us in health class
Phoemeister: Ah, health class. Don't you miss discussing drugs and STD's?
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: miss it? it's a part of my everyday life
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I'm sure
Suibrom: i made up, or heard, or something a really good quote a while back
Phoemeister: I guess technically we did just discuss an STD. 2 if you count the scrotee blues
Phoemeister: LOL........and it is....?
Suibrom: something like.. "life is just a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% mortality rate."
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: that's great
Suibrom: yeah i thought so
Phoemeister: You know those ads where the kid sings about having the "blue box" blues? It's about kraft macaroni and cheese?

We could easily steal that song and take blue box and say scrotee and then it'd be like, "I got the scrotee blues."
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: should we really have kids singing it though?
Phoemeister: No. I didn't say to have a kid singing it. I was saying that's the origin of the song.
Suibrom: hehe okay, just making sure
Suibrom: maybe your'e into that ; )
Phoemeister: though, if the kid was going through puberty, he could have the blues about how his scrotee is growing in
Phoemeister: No
Phoemeister: I'm into italian guys and burly dockworkers
Suibrom: haha that is true
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: who like to tie things up?
Phoemeister: Actually, you were the one that brought tieng things up into the equation. I didn't argue because I thought it would be more funny to be like "whoa!" like I'm about to argue and then turn the tables and argue about the price
Suibrom: haha, all right..well when i talk to giovanni, i'll have to make sure he understands that the tying up stays on the docks
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: or the dude from the Limey
Phoemeister: who's only a;n elephant man where it counts
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: exactly

this is long but worth it

Phoemeister: anyway, I'm well aware that I do not have good hair. I
grow it out with the sole intention of spiting my mother.
Suibrom: ohaha
Phoemeister: And I just give in and cut a whole bunch off every so
often because I hate brushing it
Suibrom: that works
Phoemeister: seriously though, she hates it so much
Suibrom: what would she prefer? just shave your head?
Phoemeister: no, like a crazy ass shag with sideburns like she has
Phoemeister: and that I sported K-6
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: ew
Suibrom: perm!
Phoemeister: that's what I'm saying
Phoemeister: eh.... I didn't mean perm
Suibrom: sporting the white girl fro!
Phoemeister: though I did have a perm at one time
Suibrom: I'm glad I didn't know you then
Suibrom: because you'd hate me
Phoemeister: like.... Florence Henderson on the brady bunch has a shag
Suibrom: for making fun of you
Phoemeister: only neither my mom or I had the longish bit
Suibrom: haha gotcha
Phoemeister: well I think you would've at least come up with better
insultes than the stupid kids at my grade school
Phoemeister: "hee hee it looks like you stuck your finger in a light socket."

"not really."
Phoemeister: actually what I think we had was the pixie cut
Phoemeister: this would be my mom if she was fatter:
http://www.wigsalon.com/img/full/wildfire.jpg
Phoemeister: also she doesn't use hairspray, it pretty much lays flat
Suibrom: ew :\
Phoemeister: EXACTLY
Suibrom: that woman looks angry too
Phoemeister: so that's why I wear my hair as long as possible
Suibrom: and like she probably has a bad smoker's voice
Phoemeister: even though that doesn't look that good either
Phoemeister: I know
Suibrom: "PHOE CLEAN YOUR ROOM"
Phoemeister: when I saw that picture I was like, "if my mom wore a ton
of makeup and was slighly more masculine, and skinnier, that would be
her."
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I laugh because I hear you saying that in my head
Suibrom: haha yeah
Phoemeister: this is kind of how my mom has it, no spikes. And you
can see the weirdass sideburns more clearly in that picture:
http://www.hellomagazine.com/imagenes/actualidad/imgActualidad/2005/10/06/sadiepic.jpg
Suibrom: yeah I think only some chicks can pull that off
Phoemeister: my mom is not one of them
Suibrom: and definitely not.. women of larger stature
Phoemeister: neither could I as a child
Suibrom: I think short hair on fat chicks just makes them look.. fatter
Phoemeister: and that's considering kids are more pixish
Suibrom: in that picture you just sent, I can kinda see a little
nipple poking out there
Suibrom: so that one is okay
Phoemeister: haha, I hadn't thought about it. I've never seen my mom
with any haircut but that
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I dunno, apparently that picture was in hello magazine,
so I'm thinking she's a british celebrity of some sort
Phoemeister: yeah, there's definately nipple there
Suibrom: yeah
Phoemeister: I am so bored I actually went back to check after you said that
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: and/or I love nipple that much
Suibrom: I think you just love nipple
Phoemeister: I BEAT YOU TO IT
Suibrom: yeah actually I didn't say that until I'd seen what yo utyped
Suibrom: I was just agreeing with you
Phoemeister: oh
Phoemeister: so several photos I found for that cut were from a wig website
Phoemeister: so now I am looking at wigs
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: wow, there's this one on the front that is so fake
Suibrom: thinking of just shaving it all off and getting a wig?
Phoemeister: that would be nice, I hate my hair
Phoemeister: only I would hate wigs too
Phoemeister: I don't like hats
Phoemeister: a wig would suck even more
Suibrom: yeah but that would be freaky to be getting it on with some
chick, and her hair came off
Phoemeister: so I think that scary woman I showed you first was raquel welch
Phoemeister: well I think she would try and make sure it was securely
fastened before getting it on with you
Phoemeister: she resents that you would mention that to her!
Phoemeister: barely a year after the chemo!
Suibrom: haha just with me?
Phoemeister: other guys it's like, "whatever let the wigs fall as they may"
Suibrom: what if i like pulling hair when I get it on?
Phoemeister: but you're special
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: well then maybe you shouldn't get it on with someone wearing a wig
Suibrom: well then, I guess the girls I get it on with better never have cancer
Phoemeister: seriously, isn't this the fakest wig you've ever seen?
http://wigsalon.com/img/sbut/amandasbut.jpg
Phoemeister: haha, you're a jerk :P
Suibrom: haha yeah
Suibrom: that does look pretty fake
Phoemeister: the woman's face looks kind of fake too though
Phoemeister: so I guess it goes
Suibrom: maybe the whole head is fake
Phoemeister: it's also supposed to be a rachel do, I can tell
Phoemeister: yeah, the scary woman is definately raquel welch
Phoemeister: she's all over this site
Phoemeister: http://wigsalon.com/guys.html
Phoemeister: for you
Phoemeister: when you get chemo
Phoemeister: she's had so much plastic surgery that she looks like a
predatory animal now
Phoemeister: ooooh, if I buy now I can get a free wig pick
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: I want the "jackie" wig
Suibrom: on that page
Suibrom: or maybe the one at the top
Phoemeister: there's a jackie wig on the guy page?
Suibrom: http://wigsalon.com/wigx.htm?wig=1447
Phoemeister: HAHA
Phoemeister: it's a mullet
Phoemeister: did I tell you that a customer with a mullet came up to
me while I was wearing the mulletproof tee shirt and said "shame on
you"? :P
Suibrom: hahah
Phoemeister: geez, why so many mullet wigs?
Phoemeister: by the way the dude who is modeling the jackie totally
looks like mike
Suibrom: I might go for the "Ron" if the moustache comes with it
Suibrom: http://wigsalon.com/wigx.htm?wig=1445
Phoemeister: you should ask him what he's been up to in between
nailing his mom and rottweilers
Suibrom: hahah
Phoemeister: and the chin dimple
Suibrom: yeah of course
Suibrom: that comes standard
Suibrom: that guy totally looks like a news caster
Phoemeister: yeah
Phoemeister: don't you think Jackie looks like mike?
Phoemeister: or am I totally crazy
Phoemeister: I only ever saw mike once
Suibrom: hmm kind of
Suibrom: I think maybe my mind is too distracted by the mullet
Phoemeister: you're right though, a lot of the guy wigs look like they
should be telling me that I'm worthless and then giving me poor
directions to high school basketball games
Phoemeister: haha
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: http://wigsalon.com/img/thumb/justinet.gif worst
arrangement of hair for a hair picture ever
Phoemeister: it looks like the hair's trying to strangle her
Phoemeister: or take over the brain
Phoemeister: what little is left
Phoemeister: the vacant look says the hair has already won
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: "I... Like... hair..."
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: http://wigsalon.com/img/thumb/boycutt.gif
Phoemeister: if that's not the original picture I showed you
Suibrom: haha it's not
Phoemeister: I think it's hilarious there's two of her that angry
Suibrom: it's close though
Phoemeister: http://wigsalon.com/banners.gif

she looks happy but still strangely horrible in that one too
Suibrom: yeah still really bad
Suibrom: "uglyasswigsonangryladies.com"

Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: she looks so sad.... http://wigsalon.com/img/thumb/paigeropt.gif
Phoemeister: POWER!!! http://wigsalon.com/img/thumb/powert.gif
Suibrom: wouldn't you be if that thing was attacking your head?
Phoemeister: touche
Suibrom: TOO MUCH POWER

Phoemeister: hah
Phoemeister: I love how the one I just showed you, power, is facing
this one, so it looks like they're looking at each other:
http://wigsalon.com/img/thumb/marcy-wigst.gif
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: brilliant
Suibrom: "Don't look at me marcy"
Phoemeister: I wonder if the guy who put this page together did that
on purpose because he hates his job
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: marcy is definately into Raquel
Phoemeister: and then right next to that is fancy free!
http://wigsalon.com/img/thumb/fancyfreet.gif
Phoemeister: I love that face she's making
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: that is so lame
Phoemeister: I would not describe it as fancy free
Suibrom: more like "someone just got fancy free in my ass"
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I love this website
Phoemeister: http://wigsalon.com/img/thumb/benefitaet.gif

I would call that one evil genius.
Suibrom: I'd agree, or at least evil henchman
Phoemeister: I'd get this one just to tell people I got the Scorpio
wig. http://wigsalon.com/img/thumb/scorpiorevt.gif
Suibrom: it's scary though
Phoemeister: Raquel Welch is more scary than anything ever:
http://wigsalon.com/img/thumb/mystiquet.gif
Phoemeister: Isabeele? What the hell kind of name is that?
http://wigsalon.com/img/thumb/isaballerevt.gif
Phoemeister: most of these women have the names of cheap strippers
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: this one says, "my husband and children left me because I
focused too hard on my career"

http://wigsalon.com/img/thumb/katiet.gif
Phoemeister: this is the least bad picture of her so far, but she
still is like, "I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL."

http://wigsalon.com/img/full/elan.jpg
Phoemeister: heh, I know you love perms so much.....
http://wigsalon.com/img/thumb/anniet.gif
Suibrom: ew : ()
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: proof
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: http://wigsalon.com/bannermt.gif
Phoemeister: scariness
Suibrom: yeah that is scary
Suibrom: it's like.. the same wig
Suibrom: only on a black chick
Suibrom: and now it's "motown"
Phoemeister: I know!
Phoemeister: it's still better than this one
http://www.wigsalon.com/img/thumb/onikamtt.gif
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: SHE'S A MAN, BABY!
http://www.wigsalon.com/img/thumb/julietmtt.gif
Suibrom: I think most of them have been men
Phoemeister: true
Phoemeister: aw, I'm so tempted to sign you up for the wig newsletter
Phoemeister: http://www.wigsalon.com/costumes2005.html
Suibrom: strange.. I'm so tempted to stab you in the clavicle
Phoemeister: that's a bone
Suibrom: that's right
Suibrom: so you know I'm gonna stab hard
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: I love how offensive this page is:
http://www.wigsalon.com/citywigs/ethnic.html
Suibrom: hahah
Phoemeister: especially the al sharpton dude on the white mannequin
Phoemeister: actually they're all on white mannequins
Phoemeister: and they're all ugly
Suibrom: I totally want the "samurai wig"
Suibrom: or.. "oriental guy"
Phoemeister: haha, it's so fake
Phoemeister: yeah, I like oriental guy
Phoemeister: wait, I WORK WITH THAT GUY EVERY DAY
Phoemeister: only he's white
Phoemeister: and obsessed with star wars
Phoemeister: I like how better geisha is not better at all
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: or "japanese beast"
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: I like how sad all the mannequins look
Suibrom: haha yeah
Suibrom: I would be too
Phoemeister: like.... "you can put this on us, but we will not smile."
Suibrom: why does the "african native" look strangely like michael jackson?
Phoemeister: the mannequin they use for alfalfa, freedom afro, dennis
rodman, and don king looks like it's going to cry
Phoemeister: haha
Suibrom: and the "Discount tarzan dreads" and "marley dreads" are
exactly the same picture
Phoemeister: ROFLMAO
Phoemeister: they are
Phoemeister: I like how will smith is a woman
Suibrom: haha yeah
Phoemeister: haha, the sad mannequin's in afro super deluxe too, and
it's all the more hilarious to see the sad face just barely peaking
out of all the rainbow colored hair
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: http://www.wigsalon.com/citywigs/fairytales.html
Phoemeister: the face looks kind of angry in the alfalfa one.
Like..... I did afro super deluxe..... but what the fuck?
Suibrom: I like how "bart simpson" looks abso-fucking-lutely nothing like it
Suibrom: same with "beavis"
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: I haven't loaded it yet
Suibrom: last I checked, beavis doesn't have bright fucking orange hair
Phoemeister: I love how to get around copyright problems they call the
grinch the schrinch
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: "teenage magician" wtf? What fairy tale is that?
Phoemeister: and how they get annie the musical confused with a fairy tale
Suibrom: I like how there are 3 tiers of annie wigs
Phoemeister: and Kruell is obviously supposed to be cruella DeVil
Phoemeister: lol.... yeah, like really how much selection do you need?
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: the penguin is just a really sad bald man
Suibrom: "hmm I really want to look like annie, but I don't really
have the money for the full deal.. let's go with the bargain one"
Phoemeister: I bet if I go to historical figures the exact same photo
is there for ben franklin
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: but I want the better bargain!
Phoemeister: YES
Phoemeister: japanese beast makes a reprise
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: LOL, I love the horribleness of the beavis, butthead, and bart
Suibrom: what kind of crazy purple haired pinnochio is that?
Phoemeister: I KNOW
Phoemeister: "gay pinocchio"
Phoemeister: "bargain gay pinnochio"
Phoemeister: "better bargain gay pinocchio"
Suibrom: hahah
Phoemeister: http://www.wigsalon.com/citywigs/beards.html
Suibrom: "NOW WITH MORE PINK FRIZZ"
Phoemeister: discount sideburns!
Phoemeister: lol
Suibrom: oh noooo
Phoemeister: viking mustache?
Suibrom: I like the "biblical"
Phoemeister: I will pay you money to grow a beard like the biblical
Suibrom: or maybe.. "Discount beard m-55"
Suibrom: should I grow my hair out like that too?
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I love how the pointed goatee is not pointed
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: the top kinda has some point things
Suibrom: it's all about the discount sideburns or the mutton chops though
Phoemeister: totally
Phoemeister: my mom grows her own sideburns
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: http://www.wigsalon.com/citywigs/historical.html
Suibrom: I always loved a woman with a handlebar moustache, sideburns,
and a smoker's cough
Phoemeister: I love how Willie Nelson is in with historical figures
Suibrom: hahaha
Suibrom: what the fuck
Phoemeister: LOL
Suibrom: since when did mark twain, and frederick douglass have purple hair?
Suibrom: and buffalo bill has a mullet
Phoemeister: you should get the buffalo bill set, and pretend it's the
other buffalo bill
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: maybe they're going to hook up with pinnochio later
Suibrom: and it's scary that the "alber einstein" eybrows are wigs of their own
Phoemeister: "venetian man" what?
Phoemeister: yeah
Phoemeister: he had big eyebrows but not like that
Suibrom: haha look at the "deluxe mark twain"
Suibrom: the eybrows like.. curl down to his cheeks
Phoemeister: it wouldn't load for me :/
Suibrom: if youclick on it it does
Phoemeister: thanks for teaching me the ways of wigsalon.com
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: he looks like a schnauzer
Phoemeister: again, the mannequin looks very sad in the frederick douglas photo
Phoemeister: http://www.wigsalon.com/citywigs/tvstars.html jackpot
Suibrom: I think it's funny that they have a "novelty wigs" section,
when all of these are pretty much novelty wigs
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: I love the confused look on the president bush mannequin
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: and how they call sharon osbourn "oz mom" so that they
won't get sued
Suibrom: yeah
Phoemeister: haha, annie's in there again
Phoemeister: she's a celebrity!
Suibrom: I like how the two princess "leah"s are almost exactly the
same, just one picture is taken further away
Suibrom: if they're not exactly the same
Suibrom: which my eyes may just be messing with me on them
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: yeah
Phoemeister: I do enjoy the mispelling
Suibrom: yeah
Suibrom: that's a nice touch
Phoemeister: and how mo from the three stooges has purple hair again
Suibrom: haha yeah
Suibrom: he's totally punk rock
Suibrom: didn't you know
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: do you know what I like to imagine? Someone actually
seriously using this website to like, shop for wigs via the internet
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: god I hope so
Suibrom: I need more people to mock
Phoemeister: yeah
Suibrom: http://www.wigsalon.com/citywigs/specmen.html
Phoemeister: well you gotta figure they must sell some or they
would'nt have this whole elaborate setup
Phoemeister: http://www.wigsalon.com/citywigs/specmen.html

I love how the mohawk isn't even a mohawk
Phoemeister: haha, we both went to the same place
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: and the tupee looks like an alien
Suibrom: yeah the toupee is scary
Phoemeister: I love how there are a ton of women mannequins in the men
specialty wigs section
Suibrom: haha yeah
Phoemeister: and the long crew cut is like...... random sea urchin
hair in no way resembling a crew cut
Suibrom: they'r e part of the "long crew"
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: http://www.wigsalon.com/citywigs/20thcent.html


Phoemeister: I love how the gigantic behive is the marge simpson
pretty much from a different angle
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: why is the "1840" in the 20th century wigs?
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I like the breathlass madonna. "Her hair looks like she
can't breathe!"
Suibrom: the barbie beehive looks nothing like a beehive
Phoemeister: I know
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: pony tail and beehive are so easy to get confused
Suibrom: "bargain drag queen" ?
Suibrom: what the hell?
Phoemeister: I love how that's in the woman's section
Phoemeister: wouldn't it be a man?
Suibrom: haha yeah
Suibrom: and it's a woman manaquin
Phoemeister: yes!
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: the screwed up names in the halloween section is awesome
Phoemeister: I would love to get one of these for halloween and be
like, "Hey, what's the matter? You don't reccognize 1840 when you see
it?"
Suibrom: "wolfrene"
Suibrom: "X movie"
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I'm praying for japanese beast a third time
Suibrom: aww it's not in here
Phoemeister: pumpkin girl hat?
Phoemeister: wtf?
Phoemeister: awww
Suibrom: how does that "pirate wig" look like a pirate?
Phoemeister: I like how the cousin it is a stool
Phoemeister: I haven't loaded that yet
Phoemeister: haha, mad scientist is the same as fredrick douglas
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: it's not purple!
Suibrom: so he's am ad scientist
Phoemeister: he was an orator.......... AND HE PLAYED GOD
Phoemeister: oh
Phoemeister: it's against nature for your hair not to be purple!
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: "I have made an amazing scientific discovery! Non-purple
hair! muahahah"
Phoemeister: haha, the pirate wig is what I would call the joey
lawrence if it was lighter colored
Phoemeister: lol
Suibrom: why would you put the "rabbit wig" on the male head
Suibrom: especially the scary looking one
Phoemeister: I wonder why none of the batman stuff is misspelled
Phoemeister: LOL, i know
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: if that came to my party
Suibrom: it's totally like some child molester
Phoemeister: I'd be like, "no."
Suibrom: trying ot get into a kid's party
Phoemeister: ROFLMAO
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: hahahah
Suibrom: just look at it
Suibrom: I can't stop laughing
Suibrom: hahah
Phoemeister: "I'm a child molester only I really suck at it, I
couldn't evne get a real bunny costumne"
Phoemeister: I KNOW
Phoemeister: me too
Phoemeister: every time I stop I look at it again
Suibrom: I just picture that guy coming to your front door "I'm here
for your son's birthday party"
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I see him with nothing else on too
Suibrom: hahaha yeah
Suibrom: ah that is pure gold
Phoemeister: man
Phoemeister: maybe I should take down Ocean's 11 and put that up
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: it's kind of small though
Suibrom: I can't help but laugh every time I look at it
Phoemeister: I do love it though
Phoemeister: lol
Suibrom: yeah I tried to click on it to get a bigger one
Phoemeister: I think I'm kind of over it
Suibrom: but it takes me back tothe front page
Phoemeister: me too :/
Phoemeister: maybe I should put together a medly of my favorit wigs
Suibrom: is "WolfRene" one?
Phoemeister: haha
Suibrom: or maybe princess Leah
Phoemeister: it's alright
Phoemeister: yes, that one's awesome
Phoemeister: bart simpson
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: biblical beard
Suibrom: the rabbit one is just... awesome
Phoemeister: pumpkin girl
Phoemeister: I know
Suibrom: it's like he got this gay white fro wig, and glued some cheap
rabbit ears on it
Suibrom: "Surprise I'm a bunny!"
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: do you know what I love? The fact that you and I can
have like...... a 3 hour discussion on wigs
Phoemeister: and like a full hour of that is on a child molester bunny wig
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: yeah, i'm feeling much better now
Phoemeister: I'm glad
Suibrom: I don't hate people nearly as much when I can mock them incessantly
Phoemeister: lol
Suibrom: I like how the "bargain china doll" and the "china doll" look
like they're going to kiss
Suibrom: and the "Gina - china doll" looks all jealous
Phoemeister: haha, they really do
Phoemeister: she's sad!
Phoemeister: "I can't look"
Suibrom: yeah
Suibrom: she wants in on the othe china doll action
Suibrom: but they keep neglecting her
Phoemeister: but they don't want her
Phoemeister: "No pastels!"
Suibrom: and rabbit guy is jerking it looking through some little boy's window
Phoemeister: yeah
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: I just totally picture rolling over in bed
Suibrom: and just seeing that
Suibrom: through your window
Suibrom: just from like.. the shoulder up like that
Phoemeister: mad scientist looks like you just told him something he
didn't expect and he's like, "WHAT!?!?!?!"
Phoemeister: "....bunny guy did WHAT at a childrent's party!?"
Suibrom: hahah
Phoemeister: LOL.... it's like that burger king ad
Phoemeister: porcupine wig looks like, "Okay, can I just go back to
child molesting?"
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: I'm totally going to replace all those "wake up with the
king" burger king ads with that guy's face now
Phoemeister: pumpkin girl grows on me every time I see it
Suibrom: instead of that big scary king head
Suibrom: it's going ot be the naked guy with the rabbit wig
Phoemeister: yes
Phoemeister: which would still be pretty scary
Suibrom: haha yeah
Phoemeister: I love how crappy it is
Phoemeister: like the one ear looks like it's going to fall off
Suibrom: haha yeah
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: it's just soooo bad
Suibrom: so child molesterish
Suibrom: "I see you threw out your old easter costumes.. well I picked
them out and made my own"
Phoemeister: teenage musician is like, "Keep bunny guy away from me!"
Phoemeister: lol
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: blah I really should sleep
Suibrom: I'm going to go to bed and have terrible nightmares about rabbit guy
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: me too!
Phoemeister: ........or do you mean awesomeares/
Suibrom: man I'm going ot buy that wig
Suibrom: and bring it iwth me when I visist you
Suibrom: visit
Phoemeister: he'll try to molest you but you'll be laughing too hard
to fight him off
Suibrom: and wear it whe nI get off the plane
Phoemeister: lol.... wear it at the airport and convince rebecca that
I am a freak for letting you in my home
Phoemeister: haha, you beat me too it
Phoemeister: the thing is, though
Phoemeister: you wouldn't even have to buy it
Phoemeister: you could make that yourself
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: "take it off!"
"but I made it just for you...."
Suibrom: I'm not sure if that would be less funny or more
Suibrom: because I could totally come up with a terrible rabbit wig
Suibrom: even as bad as that
Phoemeister: hey, I spent an hour making that is less sad than I spent
fifty bucks on that
Suibrom: haha true
Suibrom: I wouldn't even spend an hour
Suibrom: though it might take me that long to find something that
passes as ugly curly white hair
Phoemeister: here's some $1 epoxy
Phoemeister: here's a wig
Phoemeister: here's some felt
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: haha
Suibrom: cotton balls!
Suibrom: i'm gonna use cotton balls
Phoemeister: lol, you're so sad
Suibrom: and some construction paper
Phoemeister: http://www.wigsalon.com/wigx.htm?wig=2263
Phoemeister: I wish it came in a different color
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: but then it wouldn't be pumpkin girl
Suibrom: haha " Popular style used as a base for a new costume idea "
Phoemeister: I know!
Phoemeister: what?
Suibrom: yeah I bet it's really popular
Phoemeister: popular?
Phoemeister: what new costume idea?
Suibrom: that's what it says in the description
Phoemeister: yeah, I did read that
Phoemeister: I just meant I was like, "popular?"
Suibrom: haha yeah
Phoemeister: "what new costume idea?" when I read it
Suibrom: popular with whom?
Phoemeister: child molesters
Suibrom: haha
Phoemeister: we can't all be bunny guys
Suibrom: that's a big demographic
Suibrom: wouldn't want to leave them out
Phoemeister: some of us have to make it in as pumpkin girls
Suibrom: yeah you go to a child molester convention and everyone has
the bunny wig
Suibrom: sometimes you just want to stand out
Phoemeister: that's what I'm saying!
Suibrom: haha
Suibrom: okay I really should sleep
Phoemeister: OH MY GOD
Phoemeister: wait just a sec
Suibrom: I will talk to you tomorrow :-D

Suibrom: enjoy your sweet rabbit dreams
Suibrom: whaaaaat
Phoemeister: tell me this guy didn't just throw more crappy hair on
top of his bunny wig:
http://www.wigsalon.com/citywigs/img/thumb/partygentlemen_t.gif
Suibrom: hahahah
Suibrom: he's even got the ears still there
Phoemeister: haha, anyway, you can go to bed now, I just had to share
that with you
Suibrom: they're just covered with more crappy hair
Suibrom: hahaha
Phoemeister: I know!
Suibrom: "no no, really.. I'm a colonial noble!"
Suibrom: "i'm not a rabbit at all"
Phoemeister: LOL
\
Phoemeister: I started the convulsive laughter all over again
Suibrom: hahah yeah
Suibrom: man that's pure genius
Suibrom: I wonder if it comes off
Suibrom: and he's like "Fooled you, I really AM a rabbit!"
Phoemeister: lol
Suibrom: okay okay.. need sleep
Phoemeister: and then afterwards he takes the bunny off and is like,
"fooled you, I really AM a child molester"
Phoemeister: goodnight
Suibrom: hahah
Suibrom: good one :-D
Suibrom: night night, talk to you tomorrow
Phoemeister: indeed