two monocles?

Phoemeister: what didja buy?
BSD: 24 D batteries a bionicle and binoculars.
BSD: impressed?
Phoemeister: I don't even know what a bionicle is
Phoemeister: is it two monocles?

Sui: haha
Sui: 24d batteries?
Sui: damn
Sui: that's a big dildo
Phoemeister: I should ask him what its for
Phoemeister: and if he says big dildo
Phoemeister: I'll have to bow to your knowledge
Phoemeister: maybe it's a bionicle dildo
Sui: haha is that like the bionic man?
Sui: does it make that "na na na na" noise when he uses it?
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I got a mental image there
Phoemeister: and let me tell you:
Phoemeister: it was hilarious
Sui: hahah
Sui: nice : )
Phoemeister: I can almost forgive you for making me picture a man pleasuring himself with a dildo
Sui: haha
Sui: you love it
Sui: and you know it
Phoemeister: ........
Phoemeister: I do
Sui: that's what i thought
Sui: you're probably pleasuring yourself just thinking about him pleasuring himself right now
Sui: aren't you!
Sui: sinner!
Phoemeister: no, I'm listening to fruity emo
Phoemeister: and eating cookies
Sui: and fantasizing about man-on-dildo action!
Sui: talk about multi-tasking
Sui: lol, well you're doing all that PLUS watching the simpsons
Sui: haha
Sui: the simpsons is over
Phoemeister: oh
Phoemeister: well that's just sad
Phoemeister: who wants to fantasize about man on dildo action while watching CSI?
Phoemeister: it totally kills the mood

pulleys

BSD: i'm busy lifting people up
Phoemeister: your hobby is ballet?
BSD: no, pulley rigging
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: that was a good one
Phoemeister: I love all humor involving pulleys
BSD: is it the rope or the pully that amuses you?
Phoemeister: the pulley
BSD: ok
Phoemeister: because I don't think that's something someone would think of every day
Phoemeister: like... "something that lifts something.... pulley!"
Phoemeister: because pulleys do lift things
Phoemeister: but I think more people would go for crane or forklift
Phoemeister: I admire your old fashioned values
BSD: I do own 2 pulleys
Phoemeister: really? Why?
BSD: you don't have pulleys?
BSD: I'm all about mechanical advantage. baby!

assless pants

BSD: do you dress trashy?
Phoemeister: no
BSD: ok.
BSD: I'm not sure where I was going to go with that...
Phoemeister: I think you were hoping I'd say yes :P
BSD: well of course, I meant after you said yes...
Phoemeister: oh
BSD: I assume I'd respond. "ok"
Phoemeister: probably, "does that include assless pants?" because whenever trashy clothing comes up, I always like to inquire as to the other person's inventory of assless pants
BSD: I have no assless pants, but I do have some fairly sharp sissors that you are free to use on your own clothes all you like.
Phoemeister: YES
Phoemeister: assless pants for all!
BSD: ok...
Phoemeister: merry christmas everyone:
Phoemeister: it's assless pants!
BSD: although I was thinking more along the lines of just you...
Phoemeister: or
Phoemeister: assless pants for you too
Phoemeister: double the assless pants = double the fun
BSD: i can't argue with that.
Phoemeister: no one can
Phoemeister: it's an unbeatable formula
BSD: hmmm
BSD: I don't know that I like you nesting in the asses of pants.
Phoemeister: dude, I want my whole nest built from pants asses now
Phoemeister: that is the best idea I've heard ever
Phoemeister: yeah
BSD: would you have a computer in your nest?
Phoemeister: I guess
Phoemeister: I suppose that's all I'd do besides cut asses out of pants if I lived in a closet
BSD: You could pick-up heavy drinking
Phoemeister: d00d
Phoemeister: I WILL pick up heavy drinking
Phoemeister: thanks for the tip
BSD: I've always wanted I drunken, assless pants wearing, IMing woman nesting in my closet.
Phoemeister: well, my friend
Phoemeister: your dreams are about to come true
BSD: It would be entertaining for me to walk by, open the door and be like what's that smell? were those my pants??!!
Phoemeister: I'd be like, "YES THEY ARE"
Phoemeister: I think I'd be a belligerant drunk

zauber1

BSD: kind of unilateral of you.
Phoemeister: well
Phoemeister: I said you could discuss
Phoemeister: it's not set in stone
BSD: i don't know, it's kind of already in motion
Phoemeister: but one man can stop it if he tries hard enough
BSD: i lack the drive
Phoemeister: well then too bad
Phoemeister: it's done
Phoemeister: DONE, I tell you
BSD: oh
Phoemeister: no escape from zauberflote
BSD: it sounds like a french swear word
Phoemeister: well it's a german swear word, thank you very much
BSD: ok
Phoemeister: I'm glad we cleared that up
BSD: as am I
Phoemeister: that could've destroyed the very fabric of the space/time continuum
BSD: right
Phoemeister: really man
Phoemeister: it would rip the very ass off the pants of our universe
BSD: ok, that is funny
Phoemeister: thanks
BSD: no problem
Phoemeister: whenever you're not laughing, I go right for an assless pants reference and it perks you right up