guns

Herd: i would have to, i mean you gotta know the guy that installs a place in your car to hide your gun
Me: haha
Me: man even though I don't have a gun
Me: I think that would be awesome
Me: it basically says "don't fuck with me!"
Herd: of course it does
Herd: thats the basic message you gotta get across on the streets
Me: if I ever go to the streets
Me: I'm going to have "don't fuck with me" stenciled onto the hood of my car
Herd: you might get fucked with
Me: hahah yeah but I'll have a gun hidden in there
Me: and I'll pistol whip all of them
Herd: good
Me: and then be like, "Yo I warned you."
Herd: establish yourself
Me: I'm going to find the girl on the bike and take her down
Herd: im tellin you
Herd: you dont wanna mess with her
Herd: shes fuckin crazy
Me: I know but man
Me: the streets is like prison
Me: on the first day you gotta either beat up the toughest guy there or become someone's bitch
Herd: if you even walk up to her she'll shoot you before you get within 10 ft
Me: I'm not cut out to be a bitch, Herd
Herd: shes not the toughest, just the craziest
Me: that's why I'm going to have a compartment in my car for a sniper rifle with an 100 ft range
Herd: im the fuckin toughest
Me: well since we're friends you can pretend to let me beat you up
Herd: i dont know
Hrd: that might severely ruin my reputation
Me: hm
Me: maybe you could beat me up
Herd: ill just talk you up then
Herd: but still let me put up a good fight
Herd: ok

scientology & valentines

Also, Herd told me he is going to kick Tom Cruise's ass (this IM conver started RE: a discussion we had at work last night about how Tom Cruise has been declared the "christ-like figure of scientology."

Herd: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2007/02/02/notes020207.DTL
Me: hahah YES
Me: you win at being my friend
Herd: lol
Herd: i wasnt lying
Me: I didn't think you were
Me: I just thought the world was retarded
Me: and now I know for sure
Herd: well i still had to drive it home
Me: that's why you win at being my friend
Herd: lol
Me: hey have you ever heard my favorite joke about Scientology?
Me: it's especially classy because I made it up myself
Herd: no i havent heard it
Me: okay it goes:
Me: the first rule about scientology: you do not talk about scientology
the second rule about scientology: YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT SCIENTOLOGY
the third rule about scientology: if it's your first night as a scientologist: you HAVE to fight
the fourth rule about scientology: no shirts, rings, or watches
the fifth rule about scientology: if a scientologist taps out, you have to stop
Herd: lol
Herd: does that mean that tom cruise just fought his way to the top of scientology?
Me: heck yeahs
Me: he doesn't look like much
Me: but he fights dirty
Herd: this makes me think i should be a scientologist
Herd: sounds like an interesting religion
Me: hahah yeah if scientology was fight club I would be a lot more interested
Me: though I still would not join because I would lose every fight
Herd: lol
Herd: i would go, and i would challenge tom cruise the first night
Herd: so id immediately replace him
Me: do you fight dirty enough?
Me: those brilliant white teeth bite, Herd
Me: and you don't know where Tom Cruise has been. He could give you rabies.
Herd: lol
Herd: its ok
Me: It's not that good being a christlike figure if you have rabies.
Herd: its all about the sneak jab
Herd: he wont be expecting it
Me: okay
Me: my money's on you
Me: you better kick tom cruise's ass or I'm out a dime
Me: (that's ten thousand dollars, Herd)
Me: (I don't have ten thousand dollars, Herd)
Me: (they'll break my kneecaps, Herd)
Herd: lol
Herd: when he goes down ill jsut start kicking violently
Herd: dont worry about it
Herd: its a sure thing

YM: HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!
Me: wooooooo
Me: I love you very much
Me: I mean...
Me: happy valentine's day, platonic friend
YM: Will you fuck my face in the candlelight Phoe?
Me: I thought you'd never ask!
YM: haha
YM: Sweet!
YM: I'll get the baby oil!
Me: rrrrr! I'll get the babies!
YM: hahaha
YM: A sweet Valentines Day it will be.