Ryan: Your mother was a hampster
Me: well since no such thing as a "hampster" exists
Me: I must not exist either
Ryan: it's true
Ryan: *poof*
Me: I'm a figment of your imagination
Me: I'm actually you
Me: and I've been starting up terrorist organizations
Me: I call them "fight clubs"
Me: you wish you could fight like me, dress like me, fuck like me, BE ME
Ryan: haha
Ryan: you mean, badly, badly, and not at all?
Ryan: Oo.. burn
Me: haha
Me: yeah
Me: it made me laugh though
Me: so I don't hate you as much as I would otherwise
Ryan: hahah woo!
Ryan: I get -1 to hate from Phoe for being awesome
Me: haha
Me: the D & D like assement of how much you make me not hate you also makes me laugh
Me: so -2
Ryan: haha awesome
Ryab: I get all kinds of saving throws against Phoe hate
Me: haha you do
Me: seriously if a regular person said that
Me: I would stab him
Me: if AC said that I'd stab her and then poop in the stab hole and then shoot her and fuck the brain hole
Ryan: haha
Ryan: nice
Me: but you say it and I'm like, "I should be mad but I'm not."
Ryan: The truth hurts, but in a funny way, kind of like an old man getting hit in the balls with a football
Showing posts with label fight club. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fight club. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
scientology & valentines
Also, Herd told me he is going to kick Tom Cruise's ass (this IM conver started RE: a discussion we had at work last night about how Tom Cruise has been declared the "christ-like figure of scientology."
Herd: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2007/02/02/notes020207.DTL
Me: hahah YES
Me: you win at being my friend
Herd: lol
Herd: i wasnt lying
Me: I didn't think you were
Me: I just thought the world was retarded
Me: and now I know for sure
Herd: well i still had to drive it home
Me: that's why you win at being my friend
Herd: lol
Me: hey have you ever heard my favorite joke about Scientology?
Me: it's especially classy because I made it up myself
Herd: no i havent heard it
Me: okay it goes:
Me: the first rule about scientology: you do not talk about scientology
the second rule about scientology: YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT SCIENTOLOGY
the third rule about scientology: if it's your first night as a scientologist: you HAVE to fight
the fourth rule about scientology: no shirts, rings, or watches
the fifth rule about scientology: if a scientologist taps out, you have to stop
Herd: lol
Herd: does that mean that tom cruise just fought his way to the top of scientology?
Me: heck yeahs
Me: he doesn't look like much
Me: but he fights dirty
Herd: this makes me think i should be a scientologist
Herd: sounds like an interesting religion
Me: hahah yeah if scientology was fight club I would be a lot more interested
Me: though I still would not join because I would lose every fight
Herd: lol
Herd: i would go, and i would challenge tom cruise the first night
Herd: so id immediately replace him
Me: do you fight dirty enough?
Me: those brilliant white teeth bite, Herd
Me: and you don't know where Tom Cruise has been. He could give you rabies.
Herd: lol
Herd: its ok
Me: It's not that good being a christlike figure if you have rabies.
Herd: its all about the sneak jab
Herd: he wont be expecting it
Me: okay
Me: my money's on you
Me: you better kick tom cruise's ass or I'm out a dime
Me: (that's ten thousand dollars, Herd)
Me: (I don't have ten thousand dollars, Herd)
Me: (they'll break my kneecaps, Herd)
Herd: lol
Herd: when he goes down ill jsut start kicking violently
Herd: dont worry about it
Herd: its a sure thing
YM: HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!
Me: wooooooo
Me: I love you very much
Me: I mean...
Me: happy valentine's day, platonic friend
YM: Will you fuck my face in the candlelight Phoe?
Me: I thought you'd never ask!
YM: haha
YM: Sweet!
YM: I'll get the baby oil!
Me: rrrrr! I'll get the babies!
YM: hahaha
YM: A sweet Valentines Day it will be.
Herd: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2007/02/02/notes020207.DTL
Me: hahah YES
Me: you win at being my friend
Herd: lol
Herd: i wasnt lying
Me: I didn't think you were
Me: I just thought the world was retarded
Me: and now I know for sure
Herd: well i still had to drive it home
Me: that's why you win at being my friend
Herd: lol
Me: hey have you ever heard my favorite joke about Scientology?
Me: it's especially classy because I made it up myself
Herd: no i havent heard it
Me: okay it goes:
Me: the first rule about scientology: you do not talk about scientology
the second rule about scientology: YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT SCIENTOLOGY
the third rule about scientology: if it's your first night as a scientologist: you HAVE to fight
the fourth rule about scientology: no shirts, rings, or watches
the fifth rule about scientology: if a scientologist taps out, you have to stop
Herd: lol
Herd: does that mean that tom cruise just fought his way to the top of scientology?
Me: heck yeahs
Me: he doesn't look like much
Me: but he fights dirty
Herd: this makes me think i should be a scientologist
Herd: sounds like an interesting religion
Me: hahah yeah if scientology was fight club I would be a lot more interested
Me: though I still would not join because I would lose every fight
Herd: lol
Herd: i would go, and i would challenge tom cruise the first night
Herd: so id immediately replace him
Me: do you fight dirty enough?
Me: those brilliant white teeth bite, Herd
Me: and you don't know where Tom Cruise has been. He could give you rabies.
Herd: lol
Herd: its ok
Me: It's not that good being a christlike figure if you have rabies.
Herd: its all about the sneak jab
Herd: he wont be expecting it
Me: okay
Me: my money's on you
Me: you better kick tom cruise's ass or I'm out a dime
Me: (that's ten thousand dollars, Herd)
Me: (I don't have ten thousand dollars, Herd)
Me: (they'll break my kneecaps, Herd)
Herd: lol
Herd: when he goes down ill jsut start kicking violently
Herd: dont worry about it
Herd: its a sure thing
YM: HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!
Me: wooooooo
Me: I love you very much
Me: I mean...
Me: happy valentine's day, platonic friend
YM: Will you fuck my face in the candlelight Phoe?
Me: I thought you'd never ask!
YM: haha
YM: Sweet!
YM: I'll get the baby oil!
Me: rrrrr! I'll get the babies!
YM: hahaha
YM: A sweet Valentines Day it will be.
gun club
Ryan: The first rule of gun club is, you do not shoot other people at gun club
Ryan: the second rule of gun club is..
Ryan: YOU DO NOT SHOOT OTHER PEOPLE AT GUN CLUB
Ryan: the second rule of gun club is..
Ryan: YOU DO NOT SHOOT OTHER PEOPLE AT GUN CLUB
bad habit
Phoemeister: I would love to read something where the hero has multiple personality disorder
Phoemeister: and the villain's one of his/her other personalities
Sui: like Fight Club?
Phoemeister: damn
Phoemeister: it's been done already
Phoemeister: you ruined my dreeeeeam!
Sui: haha
Sui: I have a habit of doing that
Phoemeister: and the villain's one of his/her other personalities
Sui: like Fight Club?
Phoemeister: damn
Phoemeister: it's been done already
Phoemeister: you ruined my dreeeeeam!
Sui: haha
Sui: I have a habit of doing that
fight club
Sui: I wonder how many other organizations follow the rules of fight club
Phoemeister: hahah
Phoemeister: Rule 1 about the Girlscouts: YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE GIRLSCOUTS
Sui: Rule 3: two girls to a fight, one fight at a time
Phoemeister: Rule 4 about the AARP: if it's your first night as a retiree, you HAVE to fight
Phoemeister: Rule 5 about AA: No shirts or rings
Sui: I think AA would be more productive if you had to fight
Phoemeister: I just was imagining someone without a shirt at a podium going, "I'm steve, and I've been sober for 3 months now."
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: hahah
Phoemeister: Rule 1 about the Girlscouts: YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE GIRLSCOUTS
Sui: Rule 3: two girls to a fight, one fight at a time
Phoemeister: Rule 4 about the AARP: if it's your first night as a retiree, you HAVE to fight
Phoemeister: Rule 5 about AA: No shirts or rings
Sui: I think AA would be more productive if you had to fight
Phoemeister: I just was imagining someone without a shirt at a podium going, "I'm steve, and I've been sober for 3 months now."
Sui: haha
swedish american museum
In which I make fun of things for sale at the swedish american museum center in Chicago:
Phoemeister: holy jesus, there's this series of four books about swedish emigrants and it just gets more and more depressing
Phoemeister: THE EMIGRANTS (BOOK 1)
The story why one out of every five Swedes went to America on a dangerous quest for freedom.
Sui: BOOK 5: DYING HORRIBLY IN A BOAT WHILE LYING IN YOUR OWN FECES
Phoemeister: So it's like, "okay, sweden sucks. Let's make a dangerous quest to go to america. But where will we stay when we leave our frozen homeland?"
Phoemeister: UNTO A GOOD LAND (BOOK 2)
Karl Oskar and Kristina Nilsson arrive in America and make their way to Minnesota.
Sui: hahah
Phoemeister: "Okay, we're in Minnesota. Not really worth all the work to get here, but at least we are allowed to own our own land."
Phoemeister: THE SETTLERS (BOOK 3)
How the family loses their farm amidst great struggle and poverty.
Phoemeister: "shit, we lost our farm. Now what are we going to do? We can't even afford to go back to Sweden now."
Phoemeister: LAST LETTER HOME (BOOK 4)
The decision to stay in America and the need for a Swedish church and pastor.
Phoemeister: "I guess we're here to stay. We'll have to hire a pastor to make us feel better about our new horrible lives in Minnesota."
Sui: haha
Sui: do they have caldendars with the swedish bikini team?
Phoemeister: no
Sui: damn
Phoemeister: but you can get "THE SCANDINAVIAN ELVES, their Life & History
Want to know the difference between elfs and other beings? Learn the elf laws? Great color illustrations. "
Phoemeister: you could learn elf LAWS Ryan
Sui: haha
Sui: lies!
Sui: Elves have no laws!
Phoemeister: the first law of elves: you don't talk about the elves!
Sui: it's pure anarchy in the elvish kingdom!
Phoemeister: second law of elves: YOU DON"T TALK ABOUT ELVES
Sui: what about just swedish bikini team members for sale
Phoemeister: no swedish bikini team members, but you could get "THE SCANDINAVIAN TROLL, their Life & History
Why did the trolls feel unjustly treated? If you are under a spell, what do you do? Great color illustrations. "
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: You could have great color illustrations just in case you end up under a spell and can't read anymore
Sui: why are the trolls and elves books the same?
Phoemeister: haha, I don't know
Sui: haha it will be like a little reference card
Sui: next to "what to do when you're choking" and "how to care for a burn"
Phoemeister: LOL
Suibrom: "What to do when you're under a spell"
Sui: it's got a little troll guy
Sui: like.. giving the heimlich maneuver
Sui: only you're vomitting up spells
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I wish that enchantmants were as easy to get over as someone giving you the heimlich
Phoemeister: only if the spell was crabs or BO then no one would touch you to give you the heimlich
Sui: haha
Sui: Cure for BO Spell: take a shower
Suibrom: Cure for Crabs Spell: Hit 'em with the special shampoo.... spell.
Phoemeister: I think they should add "for your very own sweatshop!" to the description of this:
LOOM
Loom for children of 5 years of age and up. Weaving instructions included. 11 in x 15.7 in
Sui: haha
Sui: put your kids to work!
Sui: with the new "children's loom!"
Phoemeister: there's all these babies toys in here that aren't swedish either. They have like three different rattles on here that you could pretty much buy at Walmart
Phoemeister: "comes with the book sweatshops for fun and profit"
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: "includes tips such as how to keep your workers happy with swedish american rattles."
Sui: "Teach your kids to make your money for you"
Phoemeister: "we believe our children are our future--and they can be your future too! Learn how they can help you retire early!"
Sui: haha nice
Sui: in the same shopping center, there is this "indoor discount mall" or something
Sui: and in big letters it says "OPEN EVERY DAY 10 - 7"
Sui: and then in small letters under that, it says "except tuesday"
Sui: which I thought was funny
Phoemeister: that is great
Phoemeister: I would show up on Tuesday and vandalize the place. I'd spraypaint, "WHAT THE FUCK? TUESDAY IS A DAY TOO."
Sui: hahah
Sui: yeah it makes me wonder what's special about tuesday that they're not open
Sui: or maybe, they're open but not from 10-7
Phoemeister: maybe they get the crabs spell every tuesday
Sui: haha
Sui: damn trolls
Sui: ruining my discount shopping on tuesday experience
Phoemeister: Elf Law 3: whoever smelt it, dealt it
Sui: hahah
Sui: "This is difficult to enforce because elves have such good senses of smell"
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I love how there are already problems endemic to the elf law enforcement system
Phoemeister: holy jesus, there's this series of four books about swedish emigrants and it just gets more and more depressing
Phoemeister: THE EMIGRANTS (BOOK 1)
The story why one out of every five Swedes went to America on a dangerous quest for freedom.
Sui: BOOK 5: DYING HORRIBLY IN A BOAT WHILE LYING IN YOUR OWN FECES
Phoemeister: So it's like, "okay, sweden sucks. Let's make a dangerous quest to go to america. But where will we stay when we leave our frozen homeland?"
Phoemeister: UNTO A GOOD LAND (BOOK 2)
Karl Oskar and Kristina Nilsson arrive in America and make their way to Minnesota.
Sui: hahah
Phoemeister: "Okay, we're in Minnesota. Not really worth all the work to get here, but at least we are allowed to own our own land."
Phoemeister: THE SETTLERS (BOOK 3)
How the family loses their farm amidst great struggle and poverty.
Phoemeister: "shit, we lost our farm. Now what are we going to do? We can't even afford to go back to Sweden now."
Phoemeister: LAST LETTER HOME (BOOK 4)
The decision to stay in America and the need for a Swedish church and pastor.
Phoemeister: "I guess we're here to stay. We'll have to hire a pastor to make us feel better about our new horrible lives in Minnesota."
Sui: haha
Sui: do they have caldendars with the swedish bikini team?
Phoemeister: no
Sui: damn
Phoemeister: but you can get "THE SCANDINAVIAN ELVES, their Life & History
Want to know the difference between elfs and other beings? Learn the elf laws? Great color illustrations. "
Phoemeister: you could learn elf LAWS Ryan
Sui: haha
Sui: lies!
Sui: Elves have no laws!
Phoemeister: the first law of elves: you don't talk about the elves!
Sui: it's pure anarchy in the elvish kingdom!
Phoemeister: second law of elves: YOU DON"T TALK ABOUT ELVES
Sui: what about just swedish bikini team members for sale
Phoemeister: no swedish bikini team members, but you could get "THE SCANDINAVIAN TROLL, their Life & History
Why did the trolls feel unjustly treated? If you are under a spell, what do you do? Great color illustrations. "
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: You could have great color illustrations just in case you end up under a spell and can't read anymore
Sui: why are the trolls and elves books the same?
Phoemeister: haha, I don't know
Sui: haha it will be like a little reference card
Sui: next to "what to do when you're choking" and "how to care for a burn"
Phoemeister: LOL
Suibrom: "What to do when you're under a spell"
Sui: it's got a little troll guy
Sui: like.. giving the heimlich maneuver
Sui: only you're vomitting up spells
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I wish that enchantmants were as easy to get over as someone giving you the heimlich
Phoemeister: only if the spell was crabs or BO then no one would touch you to give you the heimlich
Sui: haha
Sui: Cure for BO Spell: take a shower
Suibrom: Cure for Crabs Spell: Hit 'em with the special shampoo.... spell.
Phoemeister: I think they should add "for your very own sweatshop!" to the description of this:
LOOM
Loom for children of 5 years of age and up. Weaving instructions included. 11 in x 15.7 in
Sui: haha
Sui: put your kids to work!
Sui: with the new "children's loom!"
Phoemeister: there's all these babies toys in here that aren't swedish either. They have like three different rattles on here that you could pretty much buy at Walmart
Phoemeister: "comes with the book sweatshops for fun and profit"
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: "includes tips such as how to keep your workers happy with swedish american rattles."
Sui: "Teach your kids to make your money for you"
Phoemeister: "we believe our children are our future--and they can be your future too! Learn how they can help you retire early!"
Sui: haha nice
Sui: in the same shopping center, there is this "indoor discount mall" or something
Sui: and in big letters it says "OPEN EVERY DAY 10 - 7"
Sui: and then in small letters under that, it says "except tuesday"
Sui: which I thought was funny
Phoemeister: that is great
Phoemeister: I would show up on Tuesday and vandalize the place. I'd spraypaint, "WHAT THE FUCK? TUESDAY IS A DAY TOO."
Sui: hahah
Sui: yeah it makes me wonder what's special about tuesday that they're not open
Sui: or maybe, they're open but not from 10-7
Phoemeister: maybe they get the crabs spell every tuesday
Sui: haha
Sui: damn trolls
Sui: ruining my discount shopping on tuesday experience
Phoemeister: Elf Law 3: whoever smelt it, dealt it
Sui: hahah
Sui: "This is difficult to enforce because elves have such good senses of smell"
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I love how there are already problems endemic to the elf law enforcement system
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