soul

(11:37:02 PM) Me: jesus saves
(11:37:36 PM) Andi: and earns interest on your soul at 5.5%
(11:37:44 PM) Me: haha
(11:37:46 PM) Me: nice
(11:37:56 PM) Me: by the time I die I'm going to be james brown I'll have so much soul
(11:38:28 PM) Andi: you're not "superbad"
(11:41:26 PM) Me: eh?
(11:45:20 PM) Andi: james brown's huge hit was "i got soul....i'm superbad"
(11:45:48 PM) Me: oh
(11:45:49 PM) Me: sorry
(11:46:02 PM) Me: I'm so soulless I can't even reference james brown properly
(11:46:21 PM) Andi: yr killing me smalls

weed

(11:52:45 AM) Me: I think I have seen that stuff before
(11:52:59 AM) Me: I had just labeled it "random weed" in my head
(11:53:19 AM) Andi: now it can be "random weed that makes andi miserable"
(11:53:37 AM) Me: awww
(11:53:47 AM) Me: if I see any golden rod around I will slit its throat!
(11:53:52 AM) Me: I will fuck that bitch up!
(11:54:01 AM) Andi: columbian necktie for old goldenrod
(11:54:06 AM) Me: oh yes
(11:54:15 AM) Me: then I'll take a shit on it for laughs
(11:54:18 AM) Me: I mean it's already dead
(11:54:24 AM) Me: but pooping on it is still fun for me
(11:54:39 AM) Andi: by all means, go for it
(11:54:56 AM) Me: maybe poo is an antihistimine no one's tried before
(11:55:13 AM) Andi: i'll stick to the pinks if you don't mind
(11:55:21 AM) Me: haha I don't mind at all
(11:55:44 AM) Me: I'm glad you're not my boss anymore, I just realized it is probably pretty horrible that I basically just offered you my poo
(11:55:55 AM) Andi: lol
(11:55:57 AM) Andi: no worries

nazis

Elaine: god, throw a nazi in anything and it makes it funny
Me: I know
Me: Nazis are awesome
Me: and by awesome I mean horrible
Elaine: and by horrible you mean hillarious

unholy video

Me: ah. Yeah, a buck's not too bad to rent something like that. I just have to decide whether or not it's worth going to hipster video, that's the real hidden cost :P
Elaine: a dollar and piece of your soul
Me: haha
Me: you're making it sound more like satan video
Elaine: i think they're changing the name
Elaine: unholy video
Elaine: sign our contract......in blood
Me: I want to start Unholy Video
Me: only all my movies would be children's movies
Elaine: you pay late fees w/ your firstborn child
Elaine: that would be PERFECT. only children's movies and candy w/ razorblades in it
Me: Elaine, if you have the capital, I have the know how
Elaine: done and done
Me: I've been sticking razor blades in candy for years now
Elaine: i was thinking, at the video store, everytime someone rents a children's video, they get a free rental copy of one of the "faces of death" series
Elaine: "okay sir. here's your tainted snicker's bar, a copy of pollyanna, and faces of death 7"
Me: if we run out of faces of death I was thinking of documentaries on serial killers, too. Because if any of these kids survive, we obviously want them to be the future purveyors of razorblade candy and death
Elaine: brilliant!