me: Jeremy's at D & D tonight
so I'm rubbing my taint all over everything in the house

Ryan: haha
good alternative

Ryan: you should roll dice to see if you critically rub your taint

me: oh
every roll is a crit
when it's Amy taint rubbing time

Ryan: how's the leg doing?

me: it's alright, it doesn't hurt or anything anymore unless I try to do something stupid.... like run after my nephews on easter :P

me: but I am getting my surgery at the end of May and should be permenantly good

Ryan: NIce, I hope it all goes well
Are you getting a robot leg put in?

me: unless the dead person tendon they put into me makes me into a serial killer
oh true!

Ryan: haha, nice. I hope you get the serial killer tendons

me: no :/ but I think dead people tendon is kind of cool

Ryan: we can rebuild her! we can make her more homicidal!
totally, you're like a frankenstein's monster now
built from dead parts

me: I feel like I will still be somewhat bionic... they are rebuilding it, they DO have the technology

Ryan: and HUNGERING FOR REVENGE!
and possibly some mac&cheese

me: dood we had the "we have the technology" thought independantly of each other
haha you know me so well

Ryan: this is truth

me: not even a serial killer tendon can completely kill my love of mac and cheese
but it will definitley increase my thirst for blood

Ryan: you need to combine your two loves, and make some kind of bloody mac & Cheese dish

me: heha "mac & cheese dish" reminds me of Grumpy Old Men

Ryan: haha
good movie

me: Walter Mathau is eating microwave mac and cheese and is telling his son not to let the flies in because "they love my macaroni & cheese dish."
totally I have it way too memorized, as you can see

Ryan: haha I don't recall that specific line, but I recall that scene

me: I hope my tendon lets me watch grumpy old men in between killings still

Ryan: I should watch that movie again, it's been a while

me: it's good stuff. I can't remember if it is one or two

Ryan: I bet it will, I think you can be a serial killer that still have a healthy appreciation of funny movies about old men

me: true
man movies about old guys are the best

Ryan: word
unless they are porn

me: No
those are even better
wrinkly frank & beans EVERYWHERE

Ryan: haha
that's what brooke and I have for dinner on thursday nights

me: you wonder if they're getting a hernia exam because they keep turning their heads and coughing
sexay

Ryan: haha

-----

Ryan: blame the bunny

me: that son of a bitch

Ryan: seriously, hassenpfeffer for dinner tomorrow
lucky rabbits feet for all your friends!

me: haha aww

Ryan: is that "awww" for the bunny, or because you apparently only have 4 friends?

me: you dick

Ryan: haha

me: it's good to know we have the same abusive dynamic

Ryan: It's cool, I'll just take two

jeremy can have one, and we'll hold on to one until you make a new friend
:D

me: hahaah
you are such an asshole

suibrom: I expect the most expensive prime rib and the most delicious cake in the world
me: haha
are you coming? I never came to yours :/
I didn't even send a wedding gift :/
I think I was like, "You are married?" afterwards.
suibrom: haha

suibrom: yay!
I'll try not to get drunk and ruin the whole thing ;D
me: haha you'll have to bring your own. I think we'll have a little champagne but that's about it for booze
suibrom: Yeah I'm not that worried about booze
hehe
me: I just meant if you need the booze in order to make your inappropriate outbursts, you have to bring your own
suibrom: Come on
you know me better than that
I can be inappropriate stone cold sober

me: ah the old days
I swear I'm not one of those chicks who needs a man
it's just really depressing when you get to be like 24 and no one's ever been interested. You begin to wonder what's wrong with you, and why crazy Giovanni Ribisi-like dockworkers don't want you without intervention from a guy in payroll.
suibrom: Haha
just need some extra cash to lubricate the whole process
me: haha
and tears
nature's lubricant
Sent at 3:39 PM on Tuesday
suibrom: that's right
with blood being a close second
me: word
I like vomit alright
it stings the genitals
makes me feel alive
suibrom: it tingles!
also, it's chunky for her pleasure
me: you know it
"Oooh you had hot dogs"
suibrom: haha
I love the feel of processed junk on my junk
me: hahaha
Sent at 3:44 PM on Tuesday
me: Also I find I don't need as much lube when I do a dead person. I don't know if I'm just wetter cause I'm so excited or if it's the moistness of the decaying flesh, but it's true
suibrom: Too true
there's all kinds of fluids flowing when you hit up a dead person
me: you know it

suibrom: haha no way, you're never too classy for dead hooker jokes
me: cool
suibrom: in fact I think that's a mark of high society
suibrom: poor people don't make fun of hookers and their flammability
me: haha I know
suibrom: That's purely upper-crust conversation
me: I saw a bag lady, she said NOTHING about burning hookers
suibrom: Haha see?
me: I saw a hooker and she said nothing about burning hookers
but you make like twice as much moneys as I do and it's burning hooker this, burning hooker that.
suibrom: You talk about burning hookers with poor, unclassy people and they're like "FUCK YOU HO, THAT MAH SISTAH!"
me: Also you have a bidet!
either that or I used your sink wrong
haha
suibrom: Haha
So that's why my sink was full of beef stew when you left
That ain't beef stew, honey
suibrom: Still tasted good with some bread


Re: having sex in his bathroom:

me: also it was hilarious because I had been to your house before and there was cat poop on that same floor back then
suibrom: Haha
"man a cat totally shit here once, that really gets me going"
me: Haha I just remembered it while we were doing it, and almost laughed
suibrom: haha
me: "Hey Jeremy, do you know what also happens on this floor? Cat poop"
I still don't think I've ever told him that we did it where a cat pooped
though I think technically we did it in one other place a cat pooped before, his old bed. Not his current cat but his ex's cat that he took to a no kill shelter shortly after it pooped on his bed
suibrom: haha yeah I remember you telling me that story
Don't feel bad, pick a surface in my house and there's probably been cat poop on it
so you had pretty good odds, even if you didn't know about it
me: well I don't think I had added the sex part before. I don't think I've ever ended the story with, "And then two years later we did it on that bed."
haha awesome. So I've slept, eaten, bathed, played video games where cats have pooped
that's good because if you've only done it where a cat pooped, it's like a fetish
but if you do everyday things too, its just that you have a friend with poopy cats
suibrom: Haha
Me: I've actually done it where I've peed before, now that I think about it
suibrom: Yeah amy, that's where most people do it, but you don't really pee from there
me: Up until a couple years ago I had the bed from when I was little. There is a pee stain on that mattress from when I was three, and I think Josh and I had relations right on top of it.
hahaha
Now I can feel more experianced then Jeremy at something sexual. Whereas he's done it outside and in cars and stuff I never have.
but I've done it on top of a 20 year old urine stain
suibrom: Haha
and in a bathroom where a cat pooped
me: well he did too
suibrom: true
but it's another one for the list
me: haha
suibrom: And he probably didn't know it at the time
so I think you get bonus points for that
me: oh here's something creepy: Jeremy and his ex shared a hotel room with another couple once, and they totally did it right when Jeremy and his ex were in the other bed. I guess they were polite and didn't say anything, whereas I probably would've shouted, "Having fun over there?"
true. but he knew a cat had pooped on his bed when we did it on his bed
Sent at 4:32 PM on Tuesday
suibrom: Haha
So the other couple was doing it?
but they were awake?
I had a similar situation when I was dating Tori. Mike was sleeping on my floor but tori wanted to do it
me: yup
suibrom: we were quiet though and he didn't find out about it until later
me: haha
I guess if I could sleep through it I wouldn't be mad
but if I was awake and heard someone doing it I'd probably be kind of grossed out
and/or yelling some commentary
Sent at 4:35 PM on Tuesday
me: "Get it in there, Ryan! I can tell from the noises that you are working the wrong angle."
suibrom: Hahah
me: "She likes it harder!"
"Can I join in?"
suibrom: "Need me to come over there and finish your job?"
me: hahaha
"Do I have to do everything myself?"
Sent at 4:37 PM on Tuesday
suibrom: haha
or just make loud fart noises
me: hahahahahaha
well it's basically what you deserve to hear if you're doing it with Amy in the same room anyhow
some of those "noises" are going to be real farts no matter what
suibrom: haha true
that smell is like instant anti-viagra

suibrom: man my brain must not be working.. there's a water bottle in front of the tv, and I just used the mouse to try and move it

I mean, like.. moved the mouse on the screen

to try and get the bottle out of the way

if that makes any sense

me: HAHAHAHUAHAHA

what the fuck?

suibrom: haha I don't even know

my brain is tired from sickness

me: and from dumbness

and craziness

suibrom: apparently

me: I think they emphasize that with ladies (how bad the calcium thing is) because ladies have bad bones because they occaisionally host aliens in their body who also leech the calcium right out of their bones

suibrom: haha

me: but since I don't plan on doing that ever I am not as worried, though I do want to get supplements

dude seriously, pregnancy is awful. I'm glad I don't want a kid.

suibrom: you'd just end up eating it anyway

me: True, but probably not the skeleton. I need to keep something as a trophy. I'd never get my calcium back.

suibrom: you could boil the skeleton and drink the broth

me: you are smart

do you think that would get the calcium for me?

or would it be more of a marrow/meat remnants soup deal?

suibrom: hmm dunno either way it would be delicious

me: true

I will invite you over

suibrom: haha sweet!

i'll bring my baby skull bowl

me: I'm glad!
I still have to plan exactly what we're doing
maybe when I'm not so busy pooing
that rhymed, bitch!
suibrom: haha
you are a lyrical master
you'd think with all the sitting down you'd have plenty of time to
think and write ideas
me: haha
I don't think so much
as grunt
and cry a little
suibrom: so kind of like your sex life?
BOOM
me: haha
awesome burn
I'm going to have to tell Jeremy

me: I have to work soon :/
damn this need I have to keep myself in the style to which I have become accustomed
suibrom: what style is that?
me: cristale every night, a high class call girl on each arm and a 1994 Toyota Camry
to be seen in about town
duuuuuh
suibrom: haha
you are a classy lady
me: I know, right?
me: did I even spell cristale right?
suibrom: close enough

me: I think I used to use Shovelfist as my work password
suibrom: haha awesome
that's a good password, especially if you throw some numbers in there
and maybe an exclamation point on the end
Me: but I undo all their work by telling people my passwords
my current one is , if you'd like to hack into there later
suibrom: haha
i'm all over it
me: it can't be too hard to take down a fortune 50 company
with just the password for the lowest possible access
I can see what our HR policy is oooooooh
suibrom: it's already done, man.. you don't have a job abymore
me: aaaaaah
haha dick
that's what you'd use it for?
I repeat: dick
suibrom: If I take down the company, you probably couldn't work for them
me: oh I thought you meant you'd hack in just to send an email to the
CEO that's like, "Hi, my name is Ryan. My friend, Amy,
who works here, should be fired. She gave me her password and told me
to "take down the company." Respectfully yours, Ryan. P.S.
Got any good jobs in Vermont or wherever the hell it is my wife is
from?"
uibrom: haha
me: and yes I know it's NH
but I thought it'd be funnier if I put Vermont. Those two states
spoon each other anyway, it's almost the same
suibrom: 69'in states!
me: oh yeah it is more of a 69 than a spoon
my bad
it's hard to read state body languages sometimes, esp. if they are
frigid new england states

me: bleeeh
tell her math isn't applicable in the real world, sweep the study book off the table, and then have sex on it
suibrom: haha
i like the way you think
me: you're welcome!
or else you can say, "you don't need math to please me, baby" and then do the whole table sex thing
suibrom: "I know some math we can do TOGETHER"
me: haha "one plus one equals you and me, baby"
suibrom: word
me: now all I can think of is cheesy math related come ons
suibrom: hahah
me: let me show you MY square root
suibrom: that's all you really need isn't it?
me: true just teach her these
it'll fluster the test giver so much she can cheat and get away with it
suibrom: "Convert into complex fractions" "I'll show YOU a complex fraction"
haha by cheat you mean on the exam, not on her husband right?
me: haha the exam is what I meant
but if you were my husband I'd cheat on you too
suibrom: i know
probably with brooke



suibrom: haha probably not
maybe you can txt eachother the answers
me: haha I'm not allowed to utilize or bring any electronic communicating device, including but not limited to cell phones, mp3 players, and pagers
those bastards
Rush helps me add
Queen helps me spell
suibrom: hahah
word
me: with out Tom Sawyer I think two plus two is fifteen
without fat bottom girls I think tree is spelled Taskdjfa
suibrom: oh crap! It's not?
me: I know, right
classic rock, I need you now!
suibrom: rock out!
Sent at 10:35 AM on Friday
me: bohemian rhapsody is how I know how to spell bohemian.
and rhapsody
suibrom: haha
okay that may be valid
me:
me: modern music just isn't as educational
suibrom: how am I supposed to know how to spell when poker face is on?
I can't think about anything except stabbing lady gaga
me: hahaha

GOWALLSGO (1:51:31 PM): going good, got our Scion back
phoemeister (1:51:36 PM): that's good
GOWALLSGO (1:51:55 PM): indeed, they cleaned the interior which it needed BADLY
phoemeister (1:52:03 PM): haha that's good
GOWALLSGO (1:52:37 PM): yeah, A's good at not mentioning the filth that builds up in the box
phoemeister (1:53:20 PM): ...but enough about your sex life

phoemeister (2:49:21 PM): I have a sneaking suspicion I'm going to get to make out on Saturday though
Suibrom (2:49:33 PM): awesome
Suibrom (2:49:36 PM): let me know how it goes
phoemeister (2:49:51 PM): haha "he did this thing, with his tongue, it's amazing, let me describe it for you"
Suibrom (2:49:58 PM): haha
Suibrom (2:50:09 PM): "Now pictue that in your vagina"
phoemeister (2:50:12 PM): HAHA
phoemeister (2:50:30 PM): but I'm going to his house and he's cooking for me. That has make out written all over it.
phoemeister (2:50:58 PM): I plan to throw all the food he worked so hard to make for me onto the floor, and then have my way with him on the kitchen table
Suibrom (2:51:11 PM): haha
Suibrom (2:51:13 PM): awesome
phoemeister (2:51:29 PM): haha just kidding I like good food more than making out
phoemeister (2:51:36 PM): haha just kidding again
Suibrom (2:51:43 PM): haha
Suibrom (2:51:46 PM): you can combine the two
Suibrom (2:51:58 PM): get naked, cover eachother in marinara, make out
phoemeister (2:53:48 PM): You know.... like, I have the jerkiest ideas of things to do, even though I don't do them. For example, he seems to resent his brother and I was like, "Man if we ever have sex I want to scream out his brother's name during." So now I just am thinking of like, going to his house with marinara, pouring it on him, and then attacking him (sexually). Just because it'd be hilarious.
Suibrom (2:54:08 PM): haha
phoemeister (2:54:17 PM): "What? Get out of my house"
phoemeister (2:54:35 PM): Hopefully I would be able to overpower him
Suibrom (2:54:59 PM): hit him in the head with the jar of sauce first
Suibrom (2:55:00 PM): then you win
phoemeister (2:55:51 PM): now I'm half tempted to send him this conversation, but I don't want to sound too confident about the make out possibilites if he wasn't wanting to

Me: My uterus hurts
Me: I should've never had that sex change
Ryan: For the third time: You just need to make up your mind. Or stick to both parts.
Ryan: Then I can tell you to go f yourself and it can be a funny inside joke.
Me: Or I could tell YOU to F yourself and it would be a cool insult.
Ryan: True, because my wang is so long it reaches to my butt.
Me: Maybe you just have a freakishly short taint
Ryan: Haha how would that even work?
Me: You tell me, Tiny Taint
Ryan: God bless us, everyone.
Ryan: That was the real reason for the crutch. Hard to walk with a tiny taint.
Me: hahah you do not even want to know why scrooge has to wear the big hat
Ryan: haha no, I do not.
Me: Neither did I :(
Ryan: Show me on the doll where the scary old man touched you. Also, I may be the doll.
Me: Where is your vag?
Ryan: It's in my butt.
Me: The old man punched me in the ovaries, too
Ryan: Haha crap. This is going to suck for me. How's aunt flo doing these days?
Me: She's actually visiting today :(
Ryan: I figured as much.

me: ooh that pasta roni is not sitting well at all

suibrom: uh oh

me: bathroom time!

suibrom: that's what you get for putting the san fancisco treat inside you

me: I've never had gay dude sex

OH you mean the rice a roni

suibrom: haha
also possibly the buttsex
With a guy named Roni

me: haha well I used to call my boyfriend Joshyroni but we never had buttsex
he and I were all about the eyeball hole

suibrom: it is the best, second only to the ear

me: true that

he wouldn't do it in the ear though
said it was "dirty"
said he didn't want to "damage my hearing"
whatever

suibrom: laaaame
ear wax is the best lube

me: yeah
that's why I'm with 007 now
rabbits are all about ears

suibrom: he'll put it in your ear?
haa
as long as you return the favor and put it in his

me: of course

several convers in one post

me: I've always really enjoyed fabric softner smell. Like that was the only thing I liked about college, my dorm floor always smelled like fabric softner.
it was not worth the 40 grand
I do not like fabric softener that much

suibrom: haha
that's some expensive fabric softener

me: haha for real

suibrom: it better like.. go down on you while it does your laundry

me: haha who says it doesn't?
I mean it's really my hand, but the fabric softner oil on the sheet is great lube
and it makes me smell awesome down there

suibrom: haha

me: and softer, actually


me: There's an agent who works for us named Bill Pancake

suibrom: haha awesomest name ever

me: Yeah I've known about it a long time and think it's awesome
but the other day I found out we have an agent named Butterworth, and I want to like, get a petition going saying they have to go into business together

suibrom: how does your family make that change though? "Honey, I'm tired of being the Nexttowatersons. You know what I love? Fucking PANCAKES. That's our new last name. You're now Brunhilda Pancake.


me: what exactly does "doughty" mean? I think I have an idea, but I want to make sure that it's right to never want to read a book where the heroine is described on the back cover as "doughty"

suibrom: haha it means the bitch talks back and gotsta be slapped

me: okay that's what I thought

suibrom: like.. brave or

me: and it does make me want to slap them

suibrom: fearless?

me: oh well thtat's okay

suibrom: I guess is a good word fo it

me: I thought it meant like "spunky"

suibrom: I think it kind of does in that it's like "I'm gonna be brave and stand up no matter what"

which could definitely be "spunk"

me: anyone who you have to be told is spunky isn't really spunky

suibrom: and the only spunk I want in my romance novels, should be coming out of the male characters

me: haha it wasn't a romance novel, it was a fantasy novel

suibrom: same thing!

me: but yeah I was like, "doughty"? fuck that bitch

suibrom: haha

maybe it said "doughy" as in she's fat but they wanted to be nice about it

me: haha no there was a T. If it WAS doughy, I'd want to read it more, not less. I like a character I can identify with
that's why I have so many pillsbury cookbooks

suibrom: hah
I'd read a pillsbury fantasy book
put THAT in your belly button and "hee hee" about it

me: haha
that is a good phrase
maybe there's a novelization of the ghostbuster movie
that might technically be a pillsbury fantasy book
oh wait that's not the dough boy
that's stay puft marshmallow man

suibrom: I bet there are stay-puffed marshmallow man erotic fan fictions

me: same dif
haha I bet that you are their main demographic

suibrom: "OH GOD I GOT YOUR MARSHMALLOW CREAM ALL OVER ME"

me: "get me all sticky, marshmallow man!"
oh god, I'm going to come on your face!
then you see Staypuft's angry face

suibrom: hahah
http://www.delaneynetwork.com/archives/stay-puft-angry.jpg

me: hahah exactly
that's what I saw in my head when I said that
wow the conversation pretty much comes to a halt after something like that

suibrom: yeah, really.. where do you go from there?

me: no where
it can't really get funnier from there

suibrom: except maybe that that's the same face when getting it in the butt

me: but yet nothing else seems to be worth discussing after that
HAHA

me: and I can't make fortune cookies worth a shit anyway
suibrom: make them fortune balls
me: you're a fortune ball
suibrom: I know. rub them,I will tell your fortune. YOUR HANDS WILL SMELL OF BALL SWEAT IN THE NEAR FUTURE
me: no thank you, my fortune will be "you just rubbed some guy's balls"
suibrom: hahah
me: hahah you should become a fortune teller "let me gaze into my crystal balls" then you look down your pants "your fortune is I think I have chlaymidia"
suibrom: haha "and now so do you"
me: you'd be a great fortune teller
suibrom: I'd wear a big shiny turban and everything
me: oooh shiney. that way you'd be labeled gay instead of a terrorist
suibrom: Madam Chlamydia what, terrorists can't be gay?
me: they can but the gen. public doesn't know that. they think you're after your 45 virgin GIRLS or whatever. not your 45 slutty gay guys
suibrom: haha can they all be firemen?
me: if what you blow up is important enough
suibrom: awesome. That's like the ultimate terrorist. no one suspects the flamboyantly gay hair dresser
me: haha I didn't see it, but wasn't that adam sandler movie Zohar about that/
suibrom: haha yeah probably. it was adam sandler. there was probably a gay terrorist involved somewhere
me: ah, adam sandler. how I used to enjoy your movies. what happened?
suibrom: he stopped being a funny, immature 20-something, and just grew up into a sad, pathetic 40-something
me: wow. you know everthing

phoemeister (2:19:37 PM): I enjoy made up racist words or curses
Suibrom (2:19:43 PM): haha I know you do
phoemeister (2:20:19 PM): Zwan it all! My Harry Mullen Jr. is going to Adam Clayton those bovely japs!
phoemeister (2:20:29 PM): only you know what that means
phoemeister (2:20:31 PM): does it frighten you?
phoemeister (2:20:41 PM): if I die you'll be the only one
phoemeister (2:20:54 PM): to hold up the torch of our made up curse words and racial slurs
Suibrom (2:21:22 PM): hahah
Suibrom (2:21:35 PM): that is the best sentence ever created in the history of written and spoken language
phoemeister (2:21:40 PM): hahah thanks
Suibrom (2:22:24 PM): I have one of those that I have with brooke, and I think mike was there so he's a part of it
Suibrom (2:22:31 PM): I mis-heard her say something to me
Suibrom (2:22:52 PM): and I thought she said "You can get the pirates"
Suibrom (2:23:12 PM): and I thought it was some kind of new england figure of speech for "go fuck yourself"
phoemeister (2:23:21 PM): hahahaha
Suibrom (2:23:25 PM): she had actually said "you can get the parts" or something like that
Suibrom (2:23:27 PM): but it's stuck
phoemeister (2:23:42 PM): I might have to start using it too just because pirates are awesome

phoemeister (11:21:41 AM): we should be buddy cops
phoemeister (11:21:47 AM): and every week Mike is the perp
Suibrom (11:21:48 AM): that would be awesome
Suibrom (11:21:56 AM): you're the wild card
Suibrom (11:22:10 AM): and i'm the old about-to-retire guy?
phoemeister (11:22:23 AM): yeah unless you want two wild cards, bitches!
Suibrom (11:22:28 AM): haha
Suibrom (11:22:35 AM): I'm too old for that shit
phoemeister (11:22:52 AM): hahah YES
phoemeister (11:24:02 AM): we could both be widcards who are about to retire
Suibrom (11:24:08 AM): haha
Suibrom (11:24:22 AM): I'm too old for this MOTHER COCK GIRAFFE DONKEY

OH YEAH

Suibrom (12:30:35 PM): so I have a.. moral dilemma
phoemeister (12:30:49 PM): do NOT cheat on Brooke with the Kool Aid man
Suibrom (12:30:51 PM): haha
phoemeister (12:31:03 PM): OH YEAH
Suibrom (12:31:03 PM): but he promised me all the kool aid I could drink
phoemeister (12:31:13 PM): he lies
Suibrom (12:31:15 PM): and that we could bust through any brick wall I wanted
phoemeister (12:31:23 PM): well that part is true
Suibrom (12:31:35 PM): I could ride around inside him
Suibrom (12:31:41 PM): and just drink all the koolaid I wanted
phoemeister (12:31:42 PM): haha you're so creepy
Suibrom (12:31:49 PM): haha come on
Suibrom (12:31:51 PM): that would be awesome
Suibrom (12:31:59 PM): swimmin around inside the kool aid man
Suibrom (12:32:02 PM): bustin through walls
Suibrom (12:32:08 PM): all that ice would be great in the summer
phoemeister (12:32:14 PM): haha

phoemeister (12:07:04 PM): I ought to make you do the rest of the song
Suibrom (12:08:27 PM): i'll make you do the rest of the DONG
phoemeister (12:08:42 PM): why, I could never
phoemeister (12:08:44 PM): it's ;so big
Suibrom (12:08:49 PM): haha
Suibrom (12:09:11 PM): well, I can't argue with that
phoemeister (12:10:38 PM): Mr. T is very well endowed
phoemeister (12:15:58 PM): mango tea is delicious!
Suibrom (12:18:18 PM): are those two related?
phoemeister (12:21:27 PM): no
phoemeister (12:21:31 PM): unless you want them to beeee
Suibrom (12:21:35 PM): maybe I do
Suibrom (12:21:52 PM): maybe I want to think that mr. t's well endowed member dispenses mango tea
phoemeister (12:22:18 PM): mmm delicious
phoemeister (12:22:26 PM): note to self: give Mr. T a blow job
Suibrom (12:22:52 PM): haha
Suibrom (12:23:00 PM): Aye, there's the rub
Suibrom (12:23:02 PM): it would rip your head off
Suibrom (12:23:17 PM): you're just gonna have to let him dispense it himself
phoemeister (12:23:39 PM): ah
phoemeister (12:23:43 PM): I can watch
phoemeister (12:23:45 PM): I bet he talks to it
phoemeister (12:23:49 PM): pities it
phoemeister (12:23:57 PM): and tells it to stop with the jibba jabba
Suibrom (12:24:28 PM): haha he does
Suibrom (12:24:41 PM): he also stammers "jibba jabba" right before he finishes
phoemeister (12:25:34 PM): hahaha
phoemeister (12:26:08 PM): mr t is the perfect man
phoemeister (12:26:13 PM): but what woman could tame him?
Suibrom (12:26:30 PM): he only listens to his gold jewelry and his mohawk
phoemeister (12:26:39 PM): exactly
phoemeister (12:26:44 PM): they tell him to do terriblee thingw
phoemeister (12:26:59 PM): like that musical after school special he did in the 80's
phoemeister (12:27:06 PM): including the hit song, "respect your mother"

Wolf parade

phoemeister (12:29:14 AM): at least I didn't send you what I bought yesterday
Ryan (12:29:35 AM): haha what's that?
phoemeister (12:30:02 AM): the new Wolf Parade
Ryan (12:30:11 AM): how is it?
phoemeister (12:30:30 AM): Eh... not as good as the other one. I don't know if you'd think that is good or bad considering how you felt about the other.
phoemeister (12:30:46 AM): A lot more slower tempo less catchy songs. So I may like it in time, but not that much now.
phoemeister (12:31:08 AM): I don't even know if it's wolf parade's fault, though. I haven't really liked anything or listened to much music-wise for awhile now
Ryan (12:33:07 AM): I'll just go ahead and blame wolf parade

Racism

phoemeister (11:00:31 PM): can you dress up as a woman
phoemeister (11:00:33 PM): fly over here
phoemeister (11:00:38 PM): and do my interviews for me?
Suibrom (11:01:03 PM): haha
Suibrom (11:01:07 PM): I don't think it would work out too well
Suibrom (11:01:24 PM): "well you seem to be great for the job, except we don't hire transvestites"
phoemeister (11:02:07 PM): haha lies!
phoemeister (11:02:11 PM): they already hired me, the interview's for a promotion!
phoemeister (11:02:23 PM): and if they don't promote a cross dresser they're racist
phoemeister (11:02:31 PM): cause I'm going to make you wear blackface too
Suibrom (11:07:50 PM): haha
Suibrom (11:07:53 PM): i'll do it

Home Alone

phoemeister (10:33:19 PM): you should like boobytrap the office
phoemeister (10:33:21 PM): home alone style
phoemeister (10:33:24 PM): to keep them out
Suibrom (10:33:28 PM): haha
phoemeister (10:35:34 PM): you have to promise to do the "aaaaah" too
phoemeister (10:35:46 PM): and make Joe Pesci be there too
Suibrom (10:39:36 PM): haha of course
phoemeister (10:40:01 PM): and daniel stern
phoemeister (10:40:12 PM): THATS RIGHT I KNOW THE LESS FAMOUS BAD GUY FROM HOME ALONE'S NAME
Suibrom (10:40:14 PM): did you have to look up his name?
Suibrom (10:40:16 PM): haha
phoemeister (10:40:18 PM): no, sadly

gaaay

(12:41:59 AM) me: god I know I'm a nerd but
(12:42:06 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: nerd butt!
(12:42:09 AM) me: the pictures of the guys that show up for me on okcupid are so nerdy it hurts
(12:44:14 AM) me: why am I on this fucking site?
(12:44:18 AM) me: I don't want to date anyone
(12:44:28 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:44:32 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: good question?
(12:44:38 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: there's no one datable on that site anyway
(12:44:39 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: except us
(12:45:16 AM) me: for real
(12:45:23 AM) me: and I have my doubts about me
(12:45:35 AM) me: I should find all straight women
(12:45:41 AM) me: and try to turn them
(12:46:23 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:46:26 AM) me: I found a contortionist chick
(12:47:06 AM) me: "I'm 22 years old. I like Cinderella and contortion. If I could do anything I would want to be a contortionist for a living but alas that isn't in my cards therefore psychology it is! I am very relaxed and read a lot."
(12:47:34 AM) me: maybe she could give me free therapy
(12:47:38 AM) me: "I am a first year clinical counseling psych student. I want to work with the chronically mentally ill (read crazy people) because I think they're fun. I graduate next May and hope to get a job soon after that eep!"
(12:47:39 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: You should reply "You'd have to be relaxed to be a contortionist! Also, do you read while you contort?"
(12:47:46 AM) me: haha
(12:48:17 AM) me: we could watch old musicals together
(12:48:20 AM) me: this woman is perfect for me
(12:48:29 AM) me: and we could read medical naratives together
(12:48:38 AM) me: plus she's just asking to be turned
(12:48:41 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:48:55 AM) me: number 4 on her 6 things she could never do without are birkinstocks
(12:49:11 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: "dear [insert name], have you ever considered lesbianism? Neither had I until recently. Maybe we can enjoy trying it out for the first time together!"
(12:49:18 AM) me: haha
(12:49:39 AM) me: she watches cheerleeding on ESPN
(12:49:40 AM) me: totally gay
(12:49:43 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:49:53 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: unless she wants to BE a cheerleader
(12:50:08 AM) me: nah it'd be up there with "i want to be a contortionist" if she wanted to be one
(12:50:10 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: the only other reason is to jerk it to mini-skirt wearing gymnist high school girls
(12:50:17 AM) me: exactly
(12:50:22 AM) me: she's a pedophile like me too
(12:50:24 AM) me: it all works
(12:50:29 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:50:35 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: totally made for eachother
(12:51:25 AM) me: for real
(12:51:35 AM) me: now all I gotta do is start being a lesbian
(12:51:44 AM) me: maybe your lesbian friends could give me tips
(12:52:01 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha Step 1> you have to like vagina
(12:52:43 AM) me: do they have any sub steps
(12:52:47 AM) me: on how to like vagina?

Ryan is right

(10:58:03 AM) me: even more annoyed with my dad, but whatever
(10:59:51 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: doh why?
(10:59:57 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: what's going on now?
(11:00:17 AM) me: well I decided to stay to accept the delivery
(11:00:24 AM) me: but then he decided he's all going to come over
(11:00:40 AM) me: which I don't want because I'm working on Josh's 6 month anniversary card
(11:01:22 AM) me: I mean I don
(11:01:39 AM) me: 't want the delivery dudes to see stuff lying around about hamsters eating their children and goat penises
(11:01:43 AM) me: but I sure don't want my dad to
(11:03:09 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(11:03:31 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: maybe it'll give your dad a wake up call that he should stay away when you tell him to
(11:03:38 AM) me: hahaha
(11:04:59 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: to really hammer that home you should be masturbating to pictures of hamsters eating their children
(11:05:21 AM) me: hahah
(11:05:30 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: speaking of
(11:05:36 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: my friend stacy had a hamster years ago
(11:05:39 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and she named it Ryan
(11:05:43 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: but it turned out to be a girl
(11:05:51 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and it would always eat all of its babies
(11:05:58 AM) me: it's just like you!
(11:06:24 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha it so is
(11:06:38 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I remember talking to her and she's like "Ryan you ate all your babies again!"
(11:06:46 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and I kept saying "free renewable food source!"