SILF

Phoemeister: yeah, I can't afford any of them
Phoemeister: but I still keep going to the sites and looking at them
Phoemeister: like, "I really really want SILF. What will I do? What will I do?"
Suibrom: would you fuck a sandwich for that shirt?
Phoemeister: yes
Phoemeister: I would dry hump a sandwich, certainly
Phoemeister: and if I had a wang, I would stick it in the sandwich
Phoemeister: but I really don't want to stick it up my vagina
Suibrom: would you record yourself fucking a sandwich on the interweb for that shirt?
Phoemeister: does that count?
Phoemeister: I would record the dryhumping if I could wear pants
Suibrom: man you're not dedicated to this shirt at all
Phoemeister: haha

Amystopheles

Me: Ryanthor!
Ryan: Amystopheles!
Me: yessss
Me: I like that one
Me: I'm keeping it
Ryan: haha nice
Me: I have to change all my logins on everything from Phoemeister to that
Ryan: I would be honored
Me: well, I am getting tired of explainin Phoemeister to people
Me: I'd think Amystopheles would be more self explanitory
Ryan: "i'm pretty much the devil and my name is amy"
Me: that's exactly the message I want to convey
Me: too bad I'm so lazy
Me: haha next time someone asks me what Phoemeister means
Me: I should be like, "It means I was too lazy to change it to Amystopheles like I wanted"
Ryan: hahah
Ryan: That's a good reason

brokeback mount doom

Me: also I'm reading a book about gay trolls
Mike: well thats certainly interesting
Mike: im reading dune
Me: mine wins

mike, mike, mike

Dr4g0nR3b0rn: omg, floated on the salt river today
Phoemeister: god, mike
Phoemeister: you're going to go blind
Dr4g0nR3b0rn: yeah, it did make my eyes wacky for a while
Phoemeister: seriously, what is the salt river, aside from an awesome euphemism for a lot of semen?
Dr4g0nR3b0rn: ah, ther is a river near here
Dr4g0nR3b0rn: it was pretty badass
Dr4g0nR3b0rn: tubing down it
Phoemeister: "tubing down it" still doesn't dissuade me from the notion that this is an elaborate reference to you jacking off
Dr4g0nR3b0rn: maybe you just like to think of me in a constant masturbatory state
Dr4g0nR3b0rn: don't .... don't fight it. just go with it
Dr4g0nR3b0rn: next time im laying on my back jacking off into my face i'll record it for you
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: I'll send it into america's funniest home videos

A comment from Ryan RE: the above conver:

Suibrom: bob saget would love that shit

drunkeness rating

Ryan: how drunk was he?
Me: he acted more sober than the guy who spilled beer on me, the guy getting handsy with wendi, the man I entrusted my friend's life to, the drug dealer of the man I entrusted my friend's life to
Mer: but drunker than wendi and I

meth

Phoemeister: snap
Phoemeister: way to grind that salt right into the injury :P
Stiverson8: your tears taste sweet
Phoemeister: I ate a lot of garlic
Phoemeister: it gets excreted out my tears
Stiverson8: that wouldn't make your tears sweet
Phoemeister: um
Phoemeister: by "garlic"
Phoemeister: I meant "candy"
Stiverson8: and by "candy" you mean "crystal meth amphetamine"
Phoemeister: and by "crystal meth amphetamine"
Phoemeister: I mean "awesome"
Stiverson8: I see no valid connection
Phoemeister: what, meth isn't awesome?
Stiverson8: you lose
Stiverson8: $10
Stiverson8: or you know what...
Stiverson8: go make those into euros for me

gay bar!

Me: okay, should I or should I not message someone I want to like me with "I got something to put in you at the gay bar! Gay bar!"
Ryan: hahah
Ryan: you totally should
Me: awww, perhaps this person knew I was going to say that
Me: he left before I could message him about gay bar fun
Ryan: you could say "I wanna take you to a GAY BAR! GAY BAR!"
Ryan: and then when they go "uh what?"
Ryan: you can be like "LET"S START A WAR"
Me: wouldn't it be awesome if for a day I could only say lines from Electric Six songs?
Me: like someone calls up about a claim
Ryan: I have a feeling.. that might not work out well
Me: and I'm like, "GAY BAR GAY BAR"
Ryan: what would be even more awesome
Ryan: is if someone called up for a claim
Ryan: about a fire at the taco bell
Me: ROFLMAO
Me: and I'd be like, "ITS MY DESIRE"
Ryan: hahahah
Ryan: yeaih I was just going to say that