swedish american museum

In which I make fun of things for sale at the swedish american museum center in Chicago:

Phoemeister: holy jesus, there's this series of four books about swedish emigrants and it just gets more and more depressing
Phoemeister: THE EMIGRANTS (BOOK 1)
The story why one out of every five Swedes went to America on a dangerous quest for freedom.
Sui: BOOK 5: DYING HORRIBLY IN A BOAT WHILE LYING IN YOUR OWN FECES
Phoemeister: So it's like, "okay, sweden sucks. Let's make a dangerous quest to go to america. But where will we stay when we leave our frozen homeland?"
Phoemeister: UNTO A GOOD LAND (BOOK 2)
Karl Oskar and Kristina Nilsson arrive in America and make their way to Minnesota.
Sui: hahah
Phoemeister: "Okay, we're in Minnesota. Not really worth all the work to get here, but at least we are allowed to own our own land."
Phoemeister: THE SETTLERS (BOOK 3)
How the family loses their farm amidst great struggle and poverty.
Phoemeister: "shit, we lost our farm. Now what are we going to do? We can't even afford to go back to Sweden now."
Phoemeister: LAST LETTER HOME (BOOK 4)
The decision to stay in America and the need for a Swedish church and pastor.
Phoemeister: "I guess we're here to stay. We'll have to hire a pastor to make us feel better about our new horrible lives in Minnesota."
Sui: haha


Sui: do they have caldendars with the swedish bikini team?
Phoemeister: no
Sui: damn
Phoemeister: but you can get "THE SCANDINAVIAN ELVES, their Life & History
Want to know the difference between elfs and other beings? Learn the elf laws? Great color illustrations. "
Phoemeister: you could learn elf LAWS Ryan
Sui: haha
Sui: lies!
Sui: Elves have no laws!
Phoemeister: the first law of elves: you don't talk about the elves!
Sui: it's pure anarchy in the elvish kingdom!
Phoemeister: second law of elves: YOU DON"T TALK ABOUT ELVES
Sui: what about just swedish bikini team members for sale
Phoemeister: no swedish bikini team members, but you could get "THE SCANDINAVIAN TROLL, their Life & History
Why did the trolls feel unjustly treated? If you are under a spell, what do you do? Great color illustrations. "
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: You could have great color illustrations just in case you end up under a spell and can't read anymore
Sui: why are the trolls and elves books the same?
Phoemeister: haha, I don't know
Sui: haha it will be like a little reference card
Sui: next to "what to do when you're choking" and "how to care for a burn"
Phoemeister: LOL
Suibrom: "What to do when you're under a spell"
Sui: it's got a little troll guy
Sui: like.. giving the heimlich maneuver
Sui: only you're vomitting up spells
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I wish that enchantmants were as easy to get over as someone giving you the heimlich
Phoemeister: only if the spell was crabs or BO then no one would touch you to give you the heimlich
Sui: haha
Sui: Cure for BO Spell: take a shower
Suibrom: Cure for Crabs Spell: Hit 'em with the special shampoo.... spell.


Phoemeister: I think they should add "for your very own sweatshop!" to the description of this:
LOOM
Loom for children of 5 years of age and up. Weaving instructions included. 11 in x 15.7 in
Sui: haha
Sui: put your kids to work!
Sui: with the new "children's loom!"
Phoemeister: there's all these babies toys in here that aren't swedish either. They have like three different rattles on here that you could pretty much buy at Walmart
Phoemeister: "comes with the book sweatshops for fun and profit"
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: "includes tips such as how to keep your workers happy with swedish american rattles."
Sui: "Teach your kids to make your money for you"
Phoemeister: "we believe our children are our future--and they can be your future too! Learn how they can help you retire early!"
Sui: haha nice


Sui: in the same shopping center, there is this "indoor discount mall" or something
Sui: and in big letters it says "OPEN EVERY DAY 10 - 7"
Sui: and then in small letters under that, it says "except tuesday"
Sui: which I thought was funny
Phoemeister: that is great
Phoemeister: I would show up on Tuesday and vandalize the place. I'd spraypaint, "WHAT THE FUCK? TUESDAY IS A DAY TOO."
Sui: hahah
Sui: yeah it makes me wonder what's special about tuesday that they're not open
Sui: or maybe, they're open but not from 10-7
Phoemeister: maybe they get the crabs spell every tuesday
Sui: haha
Sui: damn trolls
Sui: ruining my discount shopping on tuesday experience

Phoemeister: Elf Law 3: whoever smelt it, dealt it
Sui: hahah
Sui: "This is difficult to enforce because elves have such good senses of smell"
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I love how there are already problems endemic to the elf law enforcement system