Racism

phoemeister (11:00:31 PM): can you dress up as a woman
phoemeister (11:00:33 PM): fly over here
phoemeister (11:00:38 PM): and do my interviews for me?
Suibrom (11:01:03 PM): haha
Suibrom (11:01:07 PM): I don't think it would work out too well
Suibrom (11:01:24 PM): "well you seem to be great for the job, except we don't hire transvestites"
phoemeister (11:02:07 PM): haha lies!
phoemeister (11:02:11 PM): they already hired me, the interview's for a promotion!
phoemeister (11:02:23 PM): and if they don't promote a cross dresser they're racist
phoemeister (11:02:31 PM): cause I'm going to make you wear blackface too
Suibrom (11:07:50 PM): haha
Suibrom (11:07:53 PM): i'll do it

Home Alone

phoemeister (10:33:19 PM): you should like boobytrap the office
phoemeister (10:33:21 PM): home alone style
phoemeister (10:33:24 PM): to keep them out
Suibrom (10:33:28 PM): haha
phoemeister (10:35:34 PM): you have to promise to do the "aaaaah" too
phoemeister (10:35:46 PM): and make Joe Pesci be there too
Suibrom (10:39:36 PM): haha of course
phoemeister (10:40:01 PM): and daniel stern
phoemeister (10:40:12 PM): THATS RIGHT I KNOW THE LESS FAMOUS BAD GUY FROM HOME ALONE'S NAME
Suibrom (10:40:14 PM): did you have to look up his name?
Suibrom (10:40:16 PM): haha
phoemeister (10:40:18 PM): no, sadly

gaaay

(12:41:59 AM) me: god I know I'm a nerd but
(12:42:06 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: nerd butt!
(12:42:09 AM) me: the pictures of the guys that show up for me on okcupid are so nerdy it hurts
(12:44:14 AM) me: why am I on this fucking site?
(12:44:18 AM) me: I don't want to date anyone
(12:44:28 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:44:32 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: good question?
(12:44:38 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: there's no one datable on that site anyway
(12:44:39 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: except us
(12:45:16 AM) me: for real
(12:45:23 AM) me: and I have my doubts about me
(12:45:35 AM) me: I should find all straight women
(12:45:41 AM) me: and try to turn them
(12:46:23 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:46:26 AM) me: I found a contortionist chick
(12:47:06 AM) me: "I'm 22 years old. I like Cinderella and contortion. If I could do anything I would want to be a contortionist for a living but alas that isn't in my cards therefore psychology it is! I am very relaxed and read a lot."
(12:47:34 AM) me: maybe she could give me free therapy
(12:47:38 AM) me: "I am a first year clinical counseling psych student. I want to work with the chronically mentally ill (read crazy people) because I think they're fun. I graduate next May and hope to get a job soon after that eep!"
(12:47:39 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: You should reply "You'd have to be relaxed to be a contortionist! Also, do you read while you contort?"
(12:47:46 AM) me: haha
(12:48:17 AM) me: we could watch old musicals together
(12:48:20 AM) me: this woman is perfect for me
(12:48:29 AM) me: and we could read medical naratives together
(12:48:38 AM) me: plus she's just asking to be turned
(12:48:41 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:48:55 AM) me: number 4 on her 6 things she could never do without are birkinstocks
(12:49:11 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: "dear [insert name], have you ever considered lesbianism? Neither had I until recently. Maybe we can enjoy trying it out for the first time together!"
(12:49:18 AM) me: haha
(12:49:39 AM) me: she watches cheerleeding on ESPN
(12:49:40 AM) me: totally gay
(12:49:43 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:49:53 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: unless she wants to BE a cheerleader
(12:50:08 AM) me: nah it'd be up there with "i want to be a contortionist" if she wanted to be one
(12:50:10 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: the only other reason is to jerk it to mini-skirt wearing gymnist high school girls
(12:50:17 AM) me: exactly
(12:50:22 AM) me: she's a pedophile like me too
(12:50:24 AM) me: it all works
(12:50:29 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(12:50:35 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: totally made for eachother
(12:51:25 AM) me: for real
(12:51:35 AM) me: now all I gotta do is start being a lesbian
(12:51:44 AM) me: maybe your lesbian friends could give me tips
(12:52:01 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha Step 1> you have to like vagina
(12:52:43 AM) me: do they have any sub steps
(12:52:47 AM) me: on how to like vagina?

Ryan is right

(10:58:03 AM) me: even more annoyed with my dad, but whatever
(10:59:51 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: doh why?
(10:59:57 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: what's going on now?
(11:00:17 AM) me: well I decided to stay to accept the delivery
(11:00:24 AM) me: but then he decided he's all going to come over
(11:00:40 AM) me: which I don't want because I'm working on Josh's 6 month anniversary card
(11:01:22 AM) me: I mean I don
(11:01:39 AM) me: 't want the delivery dudes to see stuff lying around about hamsters eating their children and goat penises
(11:01:43 AM) me: but I sure don't want my dad to
(11:03:09 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(11:03:31 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: maybe it'll give your dad a wake up call that he should stay away when you tell him to
(11:03:38 AM) me: hahaha
(11:04:59 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: to really hammer that home you should be masturbating to pictures of hamsters eating their children
(11:05:21 AM) me: hahah
(11:05:30 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: speaking of
(11:05:36 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: my friend stacy had a hamster years ago
(11:05:39 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and she named it Ryan
(11:05:43 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: but it turned out to be a girl
(11:05:51 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and it would always eat all of its babies
(11:05:58 AM) me: it's just like you!
(11:06:24 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha it so is
(11:06:38 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I remember talking to her and she's like "Ryan you ate all your babies again!"
(11:06:46 AM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and I kept saying "free renewable food source!"

gay shoes

(11:40:19 PM) me: those are just gay enough
(11:40:58 PM) me: they're not like flaming gay or anything
(11:41:07 PM) me: just enough to keep girls away, so brooke should be happy
(11:41:14 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha
(11:41:17 PM) me: but not gay enough to attract guys to cheat on her with
(11:41:19 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: that's the plan!
(11:41:28 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I'm maintaining gender ambiguity
(11:41:37 PM) me: haha you should be all, "I did it for you! I got these gay shoes so I could stay faithful!"
(11:41:57 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: "No straight woman would be caught dead sleeping with a man in these shoes"
(11:42:12 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: "except you, but you get a free pass since we're already engaged"
(11:43:18 PM) me: haha exactly
(11:43:26 PM) me: she's grandfathered in
(11:43:30 PM) me: from before you were gay

oi

This one isn't funny but I found it interesting anyway

(12:43:46 PM) me: I don't like thinking about war or religion
(12:45:11 PM) me: if it's not in a John Lennon song telling me to imagine it doesn't exist, I'm not really interested
(12:46:01 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: haha man that's kind of scary
(12:46:17 PM) me: what?
(12:47:40 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: just the idea that a lot of people are that way.. "I don't want to know about any of this stuff, and if it's not someone telling me to pretend it doesn't exist, I don't want to hear it"
(12:48:38 PM) me: I'd want to know about it if I could change it
(12:48:58 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: isn't knowing about a problem the first step toward fixing it?
(12:49:44 PM) me: look, my vote really doesn't count
(12:49:59 PM) me: the only thing I could really do is get out there and protest things, and I don't have the money, time, or energy
(12:50:03 PM) me: you don't protest anything either
(12:50:43 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I don't know that standing in front of a building with a make-shift sign that says "I DON"T LIKE THIS" really changes anything
(12:50:59 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and I'm not sure that voting in an election that's probably rigged changes anything either
(12:51:08 PM) me: so what the hell could I change?
(12:51:12 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: but that doesn't stop me from being pissed off about it, wanting to change it, and wanting to knw what's going on
(12:51:16 PM) me: and if I can't change anything, why should I worry about it?
(12:51:18 PM) me: it's out of my hands
(12:51:49 PM) me: look if this was the german occupation and there were jews around I could help
(12:52:02 PM) me: or if I could be part of the underground railroad or something
(12:52:10 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: just because I can't think of a way to fix it doesn't mean it helps to just turn your back on it
(12:52:17 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: are you sure?
(12:52:20 PM) me: but I can't just be like, "This war is so silly, stop it."
(12:52:36 PM) me: I didn't say it helps, it just doesn't hurt either.
(12:52:42 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: What if there was something like that and you were just like "I don't have the money, time or energy"
(12:52:53 PM) me: yeah but that I'd see my results
(12:53:03 PM) me: "look there's a jewish person alive because of me"
(12:53:14 PM) me: like you say, standing in front of a building, going "I don't like this" does nothing
(12:53:26 PM) me: and like I said, you can't preach to me unless you're doing something about it either, which you aren't
(12:53:39 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I'd say informing myself is something
(12:53:53 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: It's hard to do anything unless you know the information
(12:54:04 PM) me: yeah but I did used to know stuff
(12:54:06 PM) me: and it didn't help
(12:54:08 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and nothing hurts a cause more than looking uninformed or stupid
(12:54:15 PM) me: so; I made an educated decision to stop knowing stuff
(12:54:23 PM) me: I'm not part of a cause though
(12:54:30 PM) me: and neither are you
(12:55:34 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: Not yet
(12:56:33 PM) me: or ever
(12:56:44 PM) me: you've been talking about this shit for years, Ryan
(12:56:52 PM) me: not once have I seen you get off your ass and do anything about it
(12:57:13 PM) me: I'm exactly the same only I don't pay attention in the first place
(12:57:19 PM) me: the net result is exactly the same
(12:58:05 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I guess outwardly it is, but there's a difference inwardly
(12:58:13 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: and I think it's the potential for change
(12:58:20 PM) me: yeah, I'm happier than I would be if I did pay attention
(12:58:23 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I'd rather be informed and powerless than ignorant
(12:58:41 PM) me: well then that's personal preference
(12:58:57 PM) me: anyway, inform me and all that if you ever see a way for change
(12:59:18 PM) me: but until then, when it's like, "look this is so horrible, dwell on it even though there's nothing you can change" leave me out
(12:59:59 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: I'm not saying to dwell on it
(1:01:25 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: But fair enough
(1:01:28 PM) Ryanthor Murdoch: the Win to my Wang: anyway enough of that

Tiiiiiina

phoemeister: hahah man the hilarious bit is the other day we went to mcdonalds and on the cups they randomly have a child actually named Roni whose hobby is "water."
GOWALLSGO: I'm hoping it's just his parents being yuppie about spelling Ronnie or Ronny
phoemeister: haha I think it's some foriegn name
phoemeister: The kid is from Buenos Aires
phoemeister: The cup tells you everything about him except why the fuck he is on a cup from McDonalds
GOWALLSGO: probably because he's Ronald McDonald's bastard... I mean, Roni? Ronald...
phoemeister: hahahaha
phoemeister: now I'm imagining Ronald McDonald getting all up on some poor Brazillian hooker
phoemeister: slapping her in the face with his mcnuggets
GOWALLSGO: strange timing... http://dlisted.com/node/19327
GOWALLSGO: that must be Ronald when he goes on vacation to latin america
phoemeister: hahahah
phoemeister: you should submit this conver under the caption contest
GOWALLSGO: what, and have my weirdass conversations out there? naw
phoemeister: hahah too late