suibrom: haha

I will tron all over

me: haha wow I've never heard tron as a euphemism for come before

suibrom: haha I figured that was the next logical step

me: do you have to yell tron as you come?

suibrom: Yes, or that I am "tronning"

me: man I have deja vu... I think I told people you have to yell tron when you come when I said I was from tron when I met your friends at the cabin

suibrom: haha you did tell that to people at the cabin

me: Should I be happy or sad that apparently sayingn tron when you come is something I must think of a lot rather than something that can only come up once a lifetime as random chance?

suibrom: it is awesome, so you should be happy

it means you're tronning a lot

me: I have to work soon :/
damn this need I have to keep myself in the style to which I have become accustomed
suibrom: what style is that?
me: cristale every night, a high class call girl on each arm and a 1994 Toyota Camry
to be seen in about town
duuuuuh
suibrom: haha
you are a classy lady
me: I know, right?
me: did I even spell cristale right?
suibrom: close enough

me: I think I used to use Shovelfist as my work password
suibrom: haha awesome
that's a good password, especially if you throw some numbers in there
and maybe an exclamation point on the end
Me: but I undo all their work by telling people my passwords
my current one is , if you'd like to hack into there later
suibrom: haha
i'm all over it
me: it can't be too hard to take down a fortune 50 company
with just the password for the lowest possible access
I can see what our HR policy is oooooooh
suibrom: it's already done, man.. you don't have a job abymore
me: aaaaaah
haha dick
that's what you'd use it for?
I repeat: dick
suibrom: If I take down the company, you probably couldn't work for them
me: oh I thought you meant you'd hack in just to send an email to the
CEO that's like, "Hi, my name is Ryan. My friend, Amy,
who works here, should be fired. She gave me her password and told me
to "take down the company." Respectfully yours, Ryan. P.S.
Got any good jobs in Vermont or wherever the hell it is my wife is
from?"
uibrom: haha
me: and yes I know it's NH
but I thought it'd be funnier if I put Vermont. Those two states
spoon each other anyway, it's almost the same
suibrom: 69'in states!
me: oh yeah it is more of a 69 than a spoon
my bad
it's hard to read state body languages sometimes, esp. if they are
frigid new england states

me: bleeeh
tell her math isn't applicable in the real world, sweep the study book off the table, and then have sex on it
suibrom: haha
i like the way you think
me: you're welcome!
or else you can say, "you don't need math to please me, baby" and then do the whole table sex thing
suibrom: "I know some math we can do TOGETHER"
me: haha "one plus one equals you and me, baby"
suibrom: word
me: now all I can think of is cheesy math related come ons
suibrom: hahah
me: let me show you MY square root
suibrom: that's all you really need isn't it?
me: true just teach her these
it'll fluster the test giver so much she can cheat and get away with it
suibrom: "Convert into complex fractions" "I'll show YOU a complex fraction"
haha by cheat you mean on the exam, not on her husband right?
me: haha the exam is what I meant
but if you were my husband I'd cheat on you too
suibrom: i know
probably with brooke



suibrom: haha probably not
maybe you can txt eachother the answers
me: haha I'm not allowed to utilize or bring any electronic communicating device, including but not limited to cell phones, mp3 players, and pagers
those bastards
Rush helps me add
Queen helps me spell
suibrom: hahah
word
me: with out Tom Sawyer I think two plus two is fifteen
without fat bottom girls I think tree is spelled Taskdjfa
suibrom: oh crap! It's not?
me: I know, right
classic rock, I need you now!
suibrom: rock out!
Sent at 10:35 AM on Friday
me: bohemian rhapsody is how I know how to spell bohemian.
and rhapsody
suibrom: haha
okay that may be valid
me:
me: modern music just isn't as educational
suibrom: how am I supposed to know how to spell when poker face is on?
I can't think about anything except stabbing lady gaga
me: hahaha

Jeremy: I finally finished my book today
need to decide on a new one now
me: hmmm
What about Nights in Rodanthe?
True... I like your HP fandom in that it makes me trust you
Jeremy: I think I should just burn Nights in Rodanthe
no one should be subjected to that crap
me: yay I like fire
Jeremy: yeah sadly Ben said he wants it as he sells books on-line
me: haha aww
Jeremy: so some other poor sap will get the tripe
me: you'll be sad when it turns out to be the next oprah book club book
sad that you gave it away, I mean
it's obviously a masterpiece
Jeremy: if Oprah likes it of course
I'll just have to buy another copy or 10
I love everything by the big O after all and follow her religiously
me: but of course
Jeremy: "must do what Oprah tell me"
"must eat brainzzzzz"
me: (she could be monitoring this discussion; we don't want her to think we are insolent)
I LOVE GOD EMPEROR OPRAH!
Jeremy: ALL HAIL EMPEROR OPRAH, RULER OF MULTIVERSE
me: HOORAY!
Jeremy: that is until I get close enough to kill her and become new ruler
me: shhhh
ixnay on the illingkay
Jeremy: oh right....
wait there's someone at my door
me: SHIT
RUN, JEREMY
RUN
Jeremy: too late
We have taken Jeremy
me: THE OPRAH IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE
noooo...
I'm really going to miss making out with that guy
Jeremy: He will be sent to Oprah re-education camp and will come back better then ever
in fact you'll be there with him so don't worry
knock, knock
me: OH GOD
Mission complete, fellow Oprah drone 774
Jeremy: Hello Oprah drone 774, I am #666
me: Have a pleasant day, Oprah drone 666. I trust the weather is clement?
Jeremy: very clement indeed
though I think some more fire would be nice
me: Yes. Yes. Cleansing fire.
Jeremy: indeed, must burn the unbelievers
me: You are correct, Oprah drone 666
Jeremy: yes sweet, sweet fire
me: Delicious.
Jeremy: my precciousss......
me: hahaha
Oprah drone 666, you are quoting Lord of the Rings. That is not an appropriate Oprah club book title.
Jeremy: now it is my little one
me: But that book has imagination. And no black women. How on earth does it qualify?
Jeremy: a little devil told me so
said Oprah bows to him
me: hunh
I will take your word
Jeremy: hmmmm, I appear to be malfunctioning, oh well

GOWALLSGO (1:51:31 PM): going good, got our Scion back
phoemeister (1:51:36 PM): that's good
GOWALLSGO (1:51:55 PM): indeed, they cleaned the interior which it needed BADLY
phoemeister (1:52:03 PM): haha that's good
GOWALLSGO (1:52:37 PM): yeah, A's good at not mentioning the filth that builds up in the box
phoemeister (1:53:20 PM): ...but enough about your sex life

phoemeister (2:49:21 PM): I have a sneaking suspicion I'm going to get to make out on Saturday though
Suibrom (2:49:33 PM): awesome
Suibrom (2:49:36 PM): let me know how it goes
phoemeister (2:49:51 PM): haha "he did this thing, with his tongue, it's amazing, let me describe it for you"
Suibrom (2:49:58 PM): haha
Suibrom (2:50:09 PM): "Now pictue that in your vagina"
phoemeister (2:50:12 PM): HAHA
phoemeister (2:50:30 PM): but I'm going to his house and he's cooking for me. That has make out written all over it.
phoemeister (2:50:58 PM): I plan to throw all the food he worked so hard to make for me onto the floor, and then have my way with him on the kitchen table
Suibrom (2:51:11 PM): haha
Suibrom (2:51:13 PM): awesome
phoemeister (2:51:29 PM): haha just kidding I like good food more than making out
phoemeister (2:51:36 PM): haha just kidding again
Suibrom (2:51:43 PM): haha
Suibrom (2:51:46 PM): you can combine the two
Suibrom (2:51:58 PM): get naked, cover eachother in marinara, make out
phoemeister (2:53:48 PM): You know.... like, I have the jerkiest ideas of things to do, even though I don't do them. For example, he seems to resent his brother and I was like, "Man if we ever have sex I want to scream out his brother's name during." So now I just am thinking of like, going to his house with marinara, pouring it on him, and then attacking him (sexually). Just because it'd be hilarious.
Suibrom (2:54:08 PM): haha
phoemeister (2:54:17 PM): "What? Get out of my house"
phoemeister (2:54:35 PM): Hopefully I would be able to overpower him
Suibrom (2:54:59 PM): hit him in the head with the jar of sauce first
Suibrom (2:55:00 PM): then you win
phoemeister (2:55:51 PM): now I'm half tempted to send him this conversation, but I don't want to sound too confident about the make out possibilites if he wasn't wanting to

Me: My uterus hurts
Me: I should've never had that sex change
Ryan: For the third time: You just need to make up your mind. Or stick to both parts.
Ryan: Then I can tell you to go f yourself and it can be a funny inside joke.
Me: Or I could tell YOU to F yourself and it would be a cool insult.
Ryan: True, because my wang is so long it reaches to my butt.
Me: Maybe you just have a freakishly short taint
Ryan: Haha how would that even work?
Me: You tell me, Tiny Taint
Ryan: God bless us, everyone.
Ryan: That was the real reason for the crutch. Hard to walk with a tiny taint.
Me: hahah you do not even want to know why scrooge has to wear the big hat
Ryan: haha no, I do not.
Me: Neither did I :(
Ryan: Show me on the doll where the scary old man touched you. Also, I may be the doll.
Me: Where is your vag?
Ryan: It's in my butt.
Me: The old man punched me in the ovaries, too
Ryan: Haha crap. This is going to suck for me. How's aunt flo doing these days?
Me: She's actually visiting today :(
Ryan: I figured as much.

So.... on OKCupid, under "What I do on a Friday Night" I have:

Counting the pile of dead babies in my garage. It's actually quite time consuming, because I'll stop to masturbate and lose count. Plus I don't count very well anyway, so its this whole big frustrating thing.


And this guy instant messaged me:

so is everything in ur profile true....even the what i do on friday nights? :P

hahah man I feel like I'll disappoint you
but no, the state took away my dead babies
now I just use dolls with the eyes goughed out
gouged, even

i was concentrating more on the masturbating thing lol
no dead babies is good

nah, I can't get hard anymore now that they're not real babies


......and then he stopped replying. I wonder why.