couch date rape

Ryan: Hm I wonder what I should get you for christmas
Ryan: a picture of me dressed as Dr. Rockso
Me: HAHA YES
Me: Oh I also need a picture of you doing your OH face at one point, because I am planning to do the "people who've humped my couch" gallery soon
Ryan: haha nice
Me: I plan on looking passed out, with cushions heaped on me, like the couch caught me unawares and humped me
Ryan: haha I agree with this
Ryan: It's too bad I don't have one in reverse
Me: eh?
Ryan: like.. somehow make the couch seem unaware
Ryan: and me humping it from behind
Me: oh my god
Me: that would be hilarious
Me: I could try and take some plain pictures of my couch if you think you could photoshop yourself date raping it
Ryan: haha
Ryan: with my hand on it all consoling.. and my finger up to my mouth all.. "Shhh"
Ryan: I wish we could make your couch look like it's crying
Me: awww, you seem so experienced at this
Me: I could sort of tape blue tear drops to it somewhere
Ryan: haha
Ryan: make the cushions all up like eyebrows
Me: haha aww
Me: if it looks too human It'll be sad
Ryan: I can picture in my head making the cushions looking like a bent over person
Me: haha.... I'll see what I can do
Me: but I mean the couch is already at crotch height for humping pleasure
Ryan: True

Me: so now your plans for my couch are up on my blog
Ryan: Crap
Me: crap?
Ryan: that would totally ruin my plans
Me: I don't think my couch can read
Ryan: Are you sure though?
Me: yes
Me: one day I gave it poison and not poison
Me: and it picked the poisoned one
Me: and then I had to take it to the hospital
Me: but it was clearly labeled poison
Ryan: haha
Ryan: maybe it's just suicidal from all the unwanted humping