two thumbs

Me: whereas bearded guy looks like his whole personality depends on his beard
Me: and if you took it off he'd have to have a personality
Me: and it would be funny to watch him be all, "aww, man. I have no more beard, what will I do now that I have to find non beard related hobbies?"
Opt: he has a personality... it's FAG
Opt: he's the type of homo who defines himself by it and it drives me nucking futz
Me: lame
Me: I should tell him about my love of the buttsex
Me: and we could bond
Me: but then I'd be like, "no not really what has two thumbs and hates gay people?"*
Opt: ha!
Me: that joke works for everything
Opt: indeed
Me: "do you know what has two thumbs and hates bearded guys?"
Me: maybe I should just say, "what has two thumbs and hates you?"
Me: and then just say "everything that has two thumbs"
Me: maybe add that I'm probably leaving out a few people who have had carpentry accidents
Opt: thhhbt
Opt: you're making me try not to lol in the public library
Me: haha, sorry