douches galore

Me: what's the difference between douche and asshole?
Opt: oh... douches are a little more limp-wristed
Opt: assholes are more aggresssive
Me: haha, oh
Me: I'd been using the word indiscriminately
Opt: renegade and I were having this discussion the other day. He called himself a douche and I told him that he was more of an asshole
Opt: it's just my lexicon. you can use it however you want
Me: Which would you rather be?
Opt: beardboy = douche
Opt: renegade = asshole
Opt: I would totally rather be an asshole, but I think I'm just a jerk
Me: what's the difference between a jerk and an asshole?
Opt: jerk = milder asshole
Me: what am I?
Opt: oh, wait... maybe I'm a cunt
Opt: depends on what mood I'm in
Me: no you're not a cunt
Me: if boss-boss's a cunt
Me: you are totally not one
Opt: no, boss-boss is a cunt
Opt: maybe I'm just a bitch
Me: what's the difference between the two again?
Opt: you... are Phoexx0r
Me: wow that was so enlightening
Me: well... I think dork is really the strongest word I can come up with for you
Me: does that mean I'm actually nice?
Me: I don't think so though
Opt: you're not really a bitch, you're barely a jerk
Me: the other day JT was soaked from the rain
Me: and it had started all of a sudden
Opt: and if you are a jerk, you're probably joking
Me: and I told him, "See, even god hates people who buy justin timberlake"
Opt: or someone has justifiably pissed you off
Opt: see, that's funny though
Me: but really mean :P
Opt: but still funny
Me: so I'm a funny jerk?
Opt: and you did it for the laugh, didn't you?
Me: haha, yeah
Opt: you didn't really do it to be mean
Opt: you're only mean to Sexy, who is definitely a douche
Opt: and possibly a cunt
Me: yeah I was going to say
Me: if HTS's the epitome of douche
Opt: he's limp-wristed BUT aggressive
Me: Sexy needs to be something worse
Me: because I actually liked HTS in a way
Opt: that's it, he's a cunt
Opt: HTS is likeable
Me: haha we need a chart
"likeable douche"
"regular douche"
"asshole"
"bitch"
"jerk"
"cunt"
"insecure man-cunt"
"funny jerk"
Opt: we'll make a flowchart, and send it to lore F-S
Me: speaking of Flowchart, what would you say about him? Patronizing retard?
Opt: who the fuck cares, he's gone. dude is dead to me