what would poo do?

I really am starting to worry that I talk about rape (and crack whores and babies) too much! Also, I never in my life thought I would come up with the phrase "but what if you had a hairy rapist?"

(err.... and I'm sorry if this is confusing, but it's in Gmail chat, Phoe from Elsewhere is Phoe and I am me).

Phoe: ah but it's the sugar that jacks me up. caffeine just turns me into a shaking, migrainey mess
this is never making it to your blog, it's not even about babies or crack whores or ANYTHING.
me: ROFLMAO
maybe now it will
"you know that crack whore I raped the other day?"
"the one with the asian pimp for her baby daddy?"
Phoe: lol. for a can of coke? or a cookie.
me: what is for a can of coke or a cookie?
Phoe: the crack whore raping.
me: haha
Phoe: unless it was for crack and then i think you've got your chain backwards. rape the PIMP for the crack. he's got the goods.
me: if it's rape I don't think the whore gets anything but a slap on the face!
Oh..... you're like, "I'll rape you if you don't give me crack?"
I've never heard of using rape as a bargaining tactic before
I think they should start using that in the UN
Phoe: yeah but you say crack and i see butt crack and that's just offputting this early
me: ahaha
I love how all the raping and crack whores don't phase you
but you're like, "eww, buttcrack!"
Phoe: they're usually hairy. ick.
me: yeah, but what if you had a hairy rapist?

I don't feel at all guilty, however, about how much I talk about poo:

me: Have you ever seen Unbreakable?
Phoe: nope
me: well it kind of starts out with these facts about people with comic books, how much the average fan spends on them, how much of their life they spend reading them and it's insanely large
and ever since I saw that movie I've been obsessively thinking and estimating how much time I will have spent on the toilet by the end of my life
it's going to be like 8 years or something
Phoe: you can always take books in and when you die, you can say "poo taught me chinese!" or whatever.
me: ROFLMAO
man, I would do that just for the excuse to tell someone that poo taught me chinese
Phoe: well you're in college for half that. chinese could be managed and it would all be thanks to poo.
me: haha, "it's all thanks to poo!" makes me think of how people talk about Jesus like he's their buddy they hang out with? "Jesus is my wingman!"
"poo is my wingman!"
Phoe: ah, but now we need a acronym to illustrate that
wwpd?
frop?
me: LOL
what's frop?
Phoe: fully relying on poo
me: LOL
I want a band named Fully Relying on Poo
Phoe: because frog = fully relying on god
me: hunh, I'd never heard that one